To get a perspective on this topic I interviewed my roommate Jen about her attachment with her mother and her relationship with God through her religion. Jen has determined that she has an insecure-anxious attachment with her mother and so God fills the gap:
“God has served as a secure attachment figure in my life. That is where I go when I struggle with anything, over friends and family. I can run straight to God. I know that for my personal relationship with God, he is the center of my life. I start every day with asking him to be present in my life while I make decisions. I have always grown up in the church and it was in third grade that I became personal with God. While most young children had imaginary friends, I had God serving to provide me comfort and stability when I was stressed or worried since neither of my parents were very involved in my daily life.”
For Jen, her relationship with God has provided a way to gain a secure attachment that she could not from her mother. Researchers have found that individuals with a secure attachment to God was reported to decreased depressive symptoms and increased life satisfaction 1. I find it fascinating that even though no “human” interaction has occurred, individuals who have a relationship with God can be transformed in their attachment experience. Relatedly, religious individuals are shown to have an increase in self-compassion 1. They become more confident and more likely to show compassion to themselves instead of focusing on their insecurities or failures 1. Jen described this increase in self compassion through a story of a kid breaking a bowl. Jen can receive the forgiveness and support from God that she cannot receive from her mom.
“An example that I use is when a kid breaks a bowl. They go to their parents to ask for help and to receive support. I have never had that with my mom. But with God it is written in scripture that he does love automatically. It’s indescribable. I know there is a love that I’ve never felt and a caring attitude. I can mess up so much in my life but all I have to do it talk to God and I feel safety.”
Jen shows that her belief system has had a major impact on her sense of attachment security. From looking into the research and talking to Jen, my take- away is that people can use divine figures at attachment figures- not just other humans. Given that we do not get to choose out earliest caregivers and family members, this gives us other options for attachment security.
1 Homan, K. J. (2014). A mediation model linking attachment to God, self-compassion, and mental health. Mental Health, Religion & Culture, 17(10), 977-989. doi: 10.1080/13674676.2014.984163
2 Rotner, J. (2019). HDFS 334: Theory of Parent-Child Relationships [PowerPoint slides]. Retrieved from Colorado State University Canvas site for HDFS 334: https://ramct.colostate.edu/
I really enjoyed this post and found the research quite interesting, Ashlee. I too, have a personal relationship with God. The key part about attachment is having a secure base to explore from. Religiosity and the truth that I find from my faith definitely help me with this. The Scriptures paint the reality that God has a plan for me. That God cares for me and that I have access to real freedom in Jesus. This brings relief from stress and anxiety when I can pause for a moment and sink into what is most true. I had never considered my personal relationship with Christ through the attachment lens and very much enjoyed exploring this reality. I think that my attachment with God has definitely served as a protective factor and a help in nurturing socio-emotional skills and evaluating the world as safe. Interesting! Thanks so much for your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThis post really stood out to me due to its connections with religion. I identify as being Christian, although I have been branching out more into my spirituality. I loved how the author was able to be vulnerable with speaking about the details of her relationship with her mom, and what lacked within it, in comparison to her relationship with God and her understanding of how he can be present for us when we feel as if those we are physically closer to, are not. I can most definitely relate to the note about turning to spirituality or religion in times of stress. Recently I have been looking into ways on how to strengthen my connections to my African and Indigenous ancestors, not only in times of adversity.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your blog! I think it is fascinating how Jen was able to find that secure attachment relationship with God to fulfil her life on earth. I am religious and believe in God giving you peace, love, guidance and more to feel that void in your spirit. I think it is also amazing how God and Jen have not had a face to face interaction but God is still able to give her that attachment that has made her happy. There are times in my own personal life that I will turn to God and pray and I instantly feel better or at peace about a situation that has bothered me. This is why I know for a fact the redemptive attachment is very real and can happen to anyone.
Hi Ashlee, I really liked this post. I think it was very different from other posts on the website. I agree that at some point in life, we all question things that we believed in, religion or not. I had never heard about redemptive attachment before until I had read your post, so I liked being able to learn something new. As a Catholic, I have felt close to God many times in my life, and other times further apart, much like any other relationship. A time that I remember feeling close to God was when I was in Fort Knox. I was not allowed to have my phone, so I could not communicate with my parents or anyone else that I would have turned to for support. During this time I was able to go to mass 2x a week. I forged string bonds to the Chaplins, the other members of the church, and to God. It helped me realize that even when I am feeling alone, I am not alone because God can reach me wherever I am and He supports me always.
ReplyDeleteAloha! I love your application of attachment theory to faith-based relationships. It’s really interesting that a secure attachment with a spiritual entity, by whichever name given, can supplement insecure attachments with corporeal entities, and buffer some of the anxiety that can come from not having a secure attachment with a caregiver or parent. I imagine knowing that you are loved unconditionally, by God especially when not by your mother, brings a lot of comfort and security. It’s really interesting that your friend is able to speak to multiple forms of attachment simultaneously, and though I refer to God with different words and names, your article is wonderful food for personal thought about my attachment relationships with the living and the divine permeating my life.
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