There are many different factors that affect attachment, but I found age to be one of the more fascinating of these. Age impacts attachment in many different ways. The experiences we hold shape who we are and those experiences then impact our attachment styles, personality, the way we respond to certain stimuli, and more. Personally, I am shaped by so many experiences and those experiences influence my decisions daily. Due to this, I found an interest in how experience and age influence attachment styles.
Adolescence is a time of identity creation. Teens are constantly trying to figure out what career path they want to follow, why that is important to them, where they want to go to college, and many more permanent identity factors, including who they may want to spend the rest of their lives with. About 70% of adolescents have a romantic relationship before they graduate (Jorgensen-Wells, et al., 2020), and oftentimes, this relationship is very meaningful and can greatly impact the future of that adolescent’s attachment (Jorgensen-Wells, et al., 2020).
As previously mentioned, adolescence is a time of identity creation and transformation. Adolescents want freedom during this time, especially freedom from their parents. While dating allows this freedom from their parents, it also connects them to someone else; therefore, limiting their freedom again. Two key processes for having a secure attachment are emotional disclosure and physical affection (Jorgensen-Wells, et al., 2020). This is crucial to keep in mind when learning about adolescent attachment and how age progresses throughout attachment. When asked how often they turn to their partner in times of need, an adolescent responded,
I turn to him when needed, but I also find myself with a lot of other resources around me that I can use as well. I don’t want that to be my only resource and I don’t want to become a burden.
A lot of changes happen during adolescence, so having a strong social network is crucial in this period of life. This adolescent is a dear friend of mine and shows great maturity by indicating that they don’t want their partner to be their only resource. This shows that they want to have strong relationships elsewhere in life, and this will positively impact their attachment by not depending on each other too much.
Emerging adulthood is a relatively new stage of development that serves as a transitional period between adolescence and young adulthood, typically between the ages of 18-25. During this stage, people are often focusing more on their education instead of their love life.
It was found that the younger the adult was in age, the more attachment anxiety that adult had (Chopik and Edelstein, 2014). Therefore, the older the adult, the more secure their attachment style. This is likely due to the fact that adults, including emerging adults, have more of a capacity to be emotionally and physically attached to their partners. There are also less unknowns about relationships and dating in adulthood versus in the adolescent or early adulthood stages of life. As outlined throughout this post, there is a difference between age and attachment style based on one's maturity, experience, and how well one is able to balance emotional disclosure and physical affection in a relationship.
References
Chopik, W. J. and Edelstein, R. S. (2014). Age differences in romantic attachment around the world. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(8), 893-900. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550614538460
Jorgensen-Wells, M. A., James, S. L., & Holmes, E. K. (2020). Attachment development in adolescent romantic relationships: A conceptual model. Journal of Family Theory and Review 13(1), 1-142. https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12409open_in_new
The connection between age, experience, and attachment in this post really resonated with me, especially the idea that adolescents often rely heavily on their partners while still trying to develop independence. I’ve seen this pattern in someone close to me. In high school, my cousin dated someone she cared about deeply, but she depended on him for emotional support almost entirely. When they broke up, she felt lost because she hadn’t built other strong relationships or coping strategies. Now that she’s in college and a few years older, her attachment style looks completely different, she maintains a healthy balance between closeness and independence. Watching her grow made me realize how much maturity and experience shape our ability to form secure attachments. Your post does a great job showing how these changes happen over time and why age really does matter in developing healthier romantic relationships.
ReplyDeleteI found this article to be very interesting. I found it interesting that the older we get, the more secure we become, and that is something that I agree with. I have seen this pattern with a close friend of mine. During High School and Middle School, she had multiple relationships over the years. The relationships were driven more by the label than a genuine emotional connection. Now that we are in college, she is in a more serious relationship where they have developed a secure connection. I believe that comes from maturity.
ReplyDeleteContinued: As they both matured, they were able to develop a better understanding of who they both are as people, helping strengthen their connection. In High School, Relationships are usually driven by other factors. At that age, people are still forming their identities, so the relationship was more for validation.
DeleteI really connected with this post because it lines up so much with what I've seen in real life. Age and experience really do shape how we attach to people, especially during adolescence when so much is changing at once. I thought the point about teens wanting freedom but also wanting closeness was really accurate. It reminded me of a friend of mine who said she turns to her partner when she needs support, but she also doesn't want to rely on him too much or become a burden. To me, that shows a lot of maturity and highlights how important it is to have multiple sources of support during adolescence. As people get older and gain more experience, like in emerging adulthood, they usually become more secure, because relationships feel less confusing and they understand themselves better. This really supports the idea that age and life experience play a huge role in the attachment styles we develop.
ReplyDeleteI agree that maturity plays a big role in attachment, but I also think most people aren’t rushing into serious relationships during adolescence. Many teens and young adults are more focused on having fun, building friendships, or thinking about school and future careers. Of course, this varies based on personal experiences, but from what I’ve seen, relationships often depend on the people we surround ourselves with. During this stage of life, we’re highly influenced by peers. If we’re around people who prioritize exploring and staying noncommittal, it can be harder to form secure attachments because of that push-pull effect. On the other hand, being surrounded by peers who are in stable relationships can make it easier to build a more secure attachment without that extra pressure.
ReplyDeleteThis post discussed the connection between age and attachment/security, which I really enjoyed because it is an important correlation that is not often talked about. This was present in me growing up as well. When I was in adolescence, I had anxious attachments with everyone I knew. I never felt at peace and was always worrying people did not like me, even my own family. This tendency did bleed into my high school experience as well with boyfriends and friends, but when I finally got to college, I learned a lot more about myself, my wants, and how to have a healthy attachment. Growing up though, it was pertinent that I had my mom, because she is the most understanding person and she really helped me with my anxious attachments and working through them. Overall, I agree with the post and it was interesting to see how age influences an adolescent's attachment.
ReplyDeleteThis post rings true in a lot of different ways, I've experienced this in a lot of ways as well. In high school I had a bunch of different crushes that never really worked out, which was definitely for the best, but I think a part of why they didn't work out, is because both me and whatever person I liked at the time were both young and stupid and we didn't really know exactly what we wanted and what our attachment styles might look like. I think I had a pretty big anxious attachment style back then and so I would constantly be thinking they didn't like me and I was doing something wrong and I therefore put more pressure on them which could push them away. But finally, before the end of junior year, I got a girlfriend and I finally realized what I needed was just to trust her and not put too much pressure on her to like me back and even though I felt anxious at some points that I was doing something wrong, I just had faith that it would be ok, and it was! I wouldn't have gotten to that point if I was younger and had no experience in that, so you're definitely right that a more secure attachment comes with age and experience.
ReplyDeleteYour discussion on the patterns of age and attachment in especially adolescence to later patterns was really interesting. Honestly, this happened to me, while you covered what felt like the more positives dating seriously as a freshmen in highschool I shaped negative habits in relationships. As I've gotten older, it's blossomed into an anxious attachment style and wanting communication that even sometimes I think is a bit much. It's also important that you covered multiple support systems and how that is a key factor in developing healthy attachment that can allow teens who had questionable experiences to maintain some positive influence in connections.
ReplyDeleteThis post had a well informed and interesting take on how age and experience can have such a significant impact on romantic attachments. How you explained identity formation being a part of adolescence made so much sense. I like how you connected it to how teens sometimes rely on romantic partners even though they want independence. I have personally experienced my boyfriend, and I started dating when we were 16 and struggled with an anxious attachment style until we were much older, and connected that we didn't know ourselves at all, as well as not having a strong support network outside of our relationship. We had to be really intentional as we grew up about changing that; it did, however, get easier with emotional disclosure, like you said, after we got a few years into adulthood. Thank you for your post. It helped me better understand why attachment is more secure as we age and understand the pitfalls of adolescent dating.
ReplyDeleteThis post is fantastic, it makes so much sense! I just learned a lot about attachment styles, something I have never learned much about before. The idea that age makes you more securely attached relates to me in many ways because the more you learn about your attachment style and the more experience with dating you have, the more securely attached you become. This all naturally happens with age, which I think makes the correlation so significant. My friends have talked about this with me as well and have shared that they feel more securely attached to people compared to past relationships. Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteHello! I really like how you connected age to attachment! I am in a lot of emerging adolescent classes at CSU and this relates a lot to what I have learned over the years. Specifically how adolescence is a time of identity formation and exploration. This is due to the amount of brain plasticity that adolescents hold which in turn can impact their later years of life in many ways. Therefore having more life experience and reducing anxiety in relationships. Overall, i agree that maturity isn't all about age and more about experiences and learning to balance security and healthy behaviors.
ReplyDeleteI thought your post was really interesting, especially how you connected age with experience and attachment. It makes a lot of sense that as people get older, they become more secure because they’ve had more time to learn from relationships and understand themselves better. I also liked how you pointed out that adolescence is such a confusing time—trying to figure out independence while also being in a relationship can definitely feel like a push and pull.
ReplyDeleteI could really relate to your point about not wanting a partner to be your only source of support. In my current relationship we are at school together 24/7 and my family is out of state which is where the majority of my support system is, I tend to come to my boyfriend about the majority of my problems since he is the closest to me. This made me learn how important it was to have other people to lean on too. Otherwise, it can feel overwhelming for both people. That balance you mentioned, between emotional closeness and still having independence is really important.
I think you did a great job showing how attachment isn’t fixed and can actually grow and become more secure over time as people gain experience.
I really enjoyed this post. I too have a heavy belief that all experiences impact us in one way or another, so I think viewing attachment through this lense of experience and age was super interesting. When I was a tennager in highschool, my first boyfriend I ever had really heavily relied on me in times of need, but I was more on the same mindset of the adolescent example in the blog. I had a ton of friends and resources to turn to in times of need, but he did not and I turned into his main source of happiness which obviously did not end well. I felt overwhelmed and this eventually drove us apart, but it affected my attachment to make me more avoidant while in highschool because I was afraid of that happening again. Thank you for sharing this post I found it fantastic!
ReplyDeleteThis post does great with connecting age, experiences and attachment with one another. I definitely agree that adolescence is a time for young adults to find out who they are, and that a lot of transformation happens during this time. I have seen this within my own personal experiences in high school. In my high school relationships I was pretty good at being dependent on the person I was with but also independent as well. I played sports throughout high school and had a great support system that I could go to as well as going to the person I was dating. Now as I am in college, I am focused more on school than relationships and I thought that was an interesting finding in this post as well because it relates to my experiences as well.
ReplyDeleteHi there! I really enjoyed the connection you made in this article about experience, attachments, and maturity when involved in romantic relationships. I believe these things to hold true and young love is such an overwhelming feeling when there is so much unknown about the future and still undeveloped emotional maturity. The balance between self and a loved one is something that varies between each person, but it is such an important distinction to make in order to create a healthy relationship. I relate to this post as I have been in both a tumultuous high school relationship and a steady, loving college relationship. I believe the contrast to my values and self esteem now have a dramatic impact on how I view relationships and support systems around me allow me to divulge more into myself rather than keeping someone else happy.
ReplyDeleteThis post really does hit close to home for me. As I have matured and entered emerging adulthood, I have noticed distinct changes in my relationships with significant others (alongside my relationship with myself). During adolescence, I often experienced an insecure and anxious attachment style. However, in emerging adulthood, I have observed a shift toward a more secure attachment style. I also found it insightful when you discussed the importance of balancing emotional disclosure and physical affection in maintaining a healthy relationship. I have never read about this concept before but it provides a lot of clarity about attachment style and relationships. Overall, this was a thoughtful and meaningful post that prompted me to reflect on my own experiences and the development of my attachment style over time.
ReplyDeleteHey! I thought this post did a really good job explaining how attachment isn’t something that just “stays the same,” but actually shifts as people grow and gain more life experience. The connection between adolescence and identity development makes a lot of sense, especially since so many teens are figuring out who they are while also navigating their first serious relationships.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that adolescents may rely heavily on their romantic partner but also try not to become “too dependent” really stood out to me. This made me think about the high school student that I mentor. A few of the girls are in relationships, and often heavily lean on their boyfriends for all emotional support. I try to encourage them that they need other support systems too. Over time, as they mature, I often see them realize that they need to invest in their friends and family as well. This helps so that they don’t feel as overwhelmed if something changes in the relationship. That kind of balance helps them feel more secure overall.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here!
Hi Grace, I really enjoyed reading this post and learning more about your perspective. I agree with you that maturity has a significant impact on attachment, but I also believe that most adolescents don't hurry into committed relationships. A lot of teenagers and young people are more concerned with having fun, making friends, or planning their education and future professions. Relationships frequently depend on the individuals we surround ourselves with, yet this differs depending on personal experiences. Peers have a big impact on us at this point of life. Because of this push-pull effect, it can be more difficult to develop stable bonds when we are with others who value exploring and remaining noncommittal. However, it can be simpler to develop a more secure attachment without additional pressure if one is surrounded by peers who are in committed relationships.
ReplyDeleteI agree that age and life experience can influence attachment styles. For example, the kind of person I was in a relationship years ago is very different to how I am now. Then, I was too nervous to bring up issues and didn’t know how to talk about difficult topics. Now that I’ve had more experience, I feel more secure in how to approach difficult conversations. It makes sense that younger individuals tend to have anxious attachment due to the lack of experience in relationships and not having many examples set for what a healthy relationship may look like. I definitely think partners should have multiple sources for support, so that an unhealthy dependency doesn’t form.
ReplyDeleteHi Grace, this post made me really reflect on my teen experience with relationships. It also made me think about some of the people I know who high school sweethearts are. The research you mentioned about social networks is important. Adolescence can be really isolating as friends change so it’s important to teach teens about healthy communication and healthy relationships. Teens need to be able to know and feel secure that they have friends other than their romantic partner so that they do not end up in a toxic relationship. Based of your research, I wonder how partners modeling healthy relationships is important for adolescents.
ReplyDeleteI thought this post was a really great read! It was a very interesting topic and hit points like age and maturity affecting attachment styles and behaviors you will display in relationships. This isn't something I have thought about before but now that I know this, I will be able to observe it myself and others. I do remember in high school, one of my friends got into a relationship with a girl and he became VERY dependent on her and needed constant validation and reassurance. I have not talked to them since graduation, but I can imagine now (and can hope) that they are not as reliant on future partners and have a more secure attachment style. Overall, I think that the article did a great job saying that attachments styles aren't fixed but can instead grow and change as people mature and attain new life experiences.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post I really liked how you connected your personal experience to the research. I found your point about adolescence being a time when people form their identity really interesting. At the same time, I think it’s important to also consider how culture shapes that process, because that piece feels mostly missing from the sources you used. For example, my own experience with attachment development was very different from what a lot of mainstream psychology research describes. In many immigrant or religious households, including Ethiopian and Muslim communities, dating during adolescence is usually discouraged or even not allowed. But the Jorgensen-Wells et al. (2020) study suggests that 70% of adolescents are in romantic relationships before graduating. That made me wonder where does that leave people like me? Does that mean we weren’t developing attachment at all? I don’t think so. What this shows is that attachment doesn’t depend on romantic relationships. The emotional closeness and trust that help build secure attachment can come from other places. That shaped my attachment just as meaningfully as any romantic relationship might have, and I think that is worth including in how we talk about this topic.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an important and interesting observation. I appreciate you being able to relate it back to your own life. Thank you for sharing about this, it is important to realize that not everyone develops the same and there could be other reasons to attach to someone in an unhealthy way. Personally, I feel that I can attach to people in an unhealthy way because of childhood insecurities. I can agree that being younger and dating might lead to more of these insecure attachment styles, having an underdeveloped brain and trying to make adult decisions do not create a great result in most scenarios. Especially when one can't fully grasp all situations that could happen.
ReplyDeleteI found it especially interesting how the author explained that language differences can sometimes make emotional expression more difficult, especially during stressful or vulnerable moments, yet those same challenges can also strengthen a relationship when both people are willing to learn from one another. I’ve seen something similar with a friend of mine who started dating someone from a different cultural background. At first, communication was frustrating because certain phrases or emotions did not always translate clearly, but over time they became more patient, asked more questions, and actually grew closer because of it. This post did a great job showing that love is not always about effortless communication, but often about the willingness to understand each other despite barriers.
ReplyDeleteI think this was a super interesting topic, and how maturity can matter based on the emotional development of that person. In my years, I have always been told that I am a very emotionally mature person, which is super important to me because I believe that maturity and emotional development are. Communication can go a long way and really save many relationships. I have experienced and witnessed this with my mom and dad, who did have a language barrier when they first met. This shows the importance of how they have grown so much from this barrier.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I found very interesting in this article was the idea that attachment styles can become more secure as people grow older and gain more experience. I agree that maturity and life experiences can shape the way people handle relationships. The example about adolescents wanting independence while also forming close relationships felt very realistic because many teenagers are still learning how to balance friendships, family, school, and dating all at once.
ReplyDeleteIt is important to have a strong support system instead of relying completely on one person. I have seen this in my own life with friends who became very dependent on their relationships and struggled when those relationships ended. On the other hand, the people who kept strong friendships and family connections seemed more emotionally balanced and confident. Overall, this post did a good job of explaining how attachment changes over time and how age and experience can influence relationship behavior.
This reading stood out to me because it explains how attachment changes as people get older and go through different experiences. I especially connected with the idea that teenagers often rely on both their romantic partners and others for support, rather than just one person. For example, I have two friends who started dating in high school (and are still together today) but still made sure to spend time with their friends and family, play sports, and keep up with school. Even though their relationship mattered to them, they still leaned on others when things got stressful. This helped them stay independent and not rely too much on their partner. I have also seen the opposite. When I was in high school, my friend started dating this guy, and even though their relationship wasn't very defined, they became dependent on each other. It didn't happen right away, but slowly they started getting more distant from everything in their life. After reading this and applying it to my own life, I realized that as people mature and gain more experience, they can become more secure in their relationships and handle emotions better.
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting to me because you mentioned that as one gets older, their attachment style becomes less anxious. I relate to this because both I and close friends of mine have shown growth in dating from adolescence to emerging adulthood. When someone is dating during adolescence, they are not yet accustomed to what love and attachment feel like, so the experience can be extremely overwhelming. However, as people experience more relationships, they begin to better understand how they treat themselves and their partners, which can develop into a more secure attachment style. One of my best friends was very anxious in his first relationship when he was 15, but now he seems much more comfortable with his new girlfriend, partly because he is seven years older.
ReplyDeleteThis post does a great job connecting long-distance relationships to Bowlby's attachment concepts, especially the safe haven and secure base. The idea that simply knowing your partner is available creates security even without constant contact really captures what secure attachment looks like in practice. It is easy to imagine how two college students in the same long-distance relationship could experience it very differently based on their attachment styles. Someone with an anxious attachment style might overthink unanswered texts and feel unsettled during silence, while someone with a secure attachment style would trust that their partner is simply busy. Same situation, very different emotional responses all driven by attachment. Your point about consistent communication strategies like regular calls and planned visits acting as a substitute for physical closeness is really insightful. Predictability and reliability seem to go a long way in maintaining security across distance. This was a great reminder that attachment is less about proximity and more about the quality and consistency of emotional connection.
ReplyDeleteThis post does an amazing job of explaining how age might be connected to one's attachment style, but it does leave me wondering if there is possibly a bell curve because, in my own experience, being born to parents more towards the middle of life (40-50), I feel I may have not noticed the attachment styles becoming less secure. For example, as my father grew older, he became less trusting and more reliant on others and chose to isolate more often, while my mother spent more time at work than with family as she got older. This experience leads me to wonder: if age determines attachment style, at what age is the style most secure?
ReplyDeleteOverall, this post is amazing and suggests a very interesting course of study.
This post provides a very thoughtful explanation of how age and experience influence attachment styles. I especially liked how you connected adolescence to identity formation and explained the importance of emotional disclosure and physical affection in relationships. The quote from your friend showed emotional maturity because it highlighted the importance of maintaining multiple support systems instead of only relying on one partner. I also found the discussion about emerging adulthood interesting because many college students are balancing relationships, education, and future goals at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI have seen many peers enter college and struggle with attachment anxiety while moving away from home for the first time. Some become overly dependent on romantic partners or friendships because they are adjusting to new environments and responsibilities. Its important to be able to grow more confident and emotionally secure. Your post clearly explains how maturity and life experiences can strengthen attachment security over time.