There are many different factors that affect attachment, but I found age to be one of the more fascinating of these. Age impacts attachment in many different ways. The experiences we hold shape who we are and those experiences then impact our attachment styles, personality, the way we respond to certain stimuli, and more. Personally, I am shaped by so many experiences and those experiences influence my decisions daily. Due to this, I found an interest in how experience and age influence attachment styles.
Adolescence is a time of identity creation. Teens are constantly trying to figure out what career path they want to follow, why that is important to them, where they want to go to college, and many more permanent identity factors, including who they may want to spend the rest of their lives with. About 70% of adolescents have a romantic relationship before they graduate (Jorgensen-Wells, et al., 2020), and oftentimes, this relationship is very meaningful and can greatly impact the future of that adolescent’s attachment (Jorgensen-Wells, et al., 2020).
As previously mentioned, adolescence is a time of identity creation and transformation. Adolescents want freedom during this time, especially freedom from their parents. While dating allows this freedom from their parents, it also connects them to someone else; therefore, limiting their freedom again. Two key processes for having a secure attachment are emotional disclosure and physical affection (Jorgensen-Wells, et al., 2020). This is crucial to keep in mind when learning about adolescent attachment and how age progresses throughout attachment. When asked how often they turn to their partner in times of need, an adolescent responded,
I turn to him when needed, but I also find myself with a lot of other resources around me that I can use as well. I don’t want that to be my only resource and I don’t want to become a burden.
A lot of changes happen during adolescence, so having a strong social network is crucial in this period of life. This adolescent is a dear friend of mine and shows great maturity by indicating that they don’t want their partner to be their only resource. This shows that they want to have strong relationships elsewhere in life, and this will positively impact their attachment by not depending on each other too much.
Emerging adulthood is a relatively new stage of development that serves as a transitional period between adolescence and young adulthood, typically between the ages of 18-25. During this stage, people are often focusing more on their education instead of their love life.
It was found that the younger the adult was in age, the more attachment anxiety that adult had (Chopik and Edelstein, 2014). Therefore, the older the adult, the more secure their attachment style. This is likely due to the fact that adults, including emerging adults, have more of a capacity to be emotionally and physically attached to their partners. There are also less unknowns about relationships and dating in adulthood versus in the adolescent or early adulthood stages of life. As outlined throughout this post, there is a difference between age and attachment style based on one's maturity, experience, and how well one is able to balance emotional disclosure and physical affection in a relationship.
References
Chopik, W. J. and Edelstein, R. S. (2014). Age differences in romantic attachment around the world. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(8), 893-900. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550614538460
Jorgensen-Wells, M. A., James, S. L., & Holmes, E. K. (2020). Attachment development in adolescent romantic relationships: A conceptual model. Journal of Family Theory and Review 13(1), 1-142. https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12409open_in_new
The connection between age, experience, and attachment in this post really resonated with me, especially the idea that adolescents often rely heavily on their partners while still trying to develop independence. I’ve seen this pattern in someone close to me. In high school, my cousin dated someone she cared about deeply, but she depended on him for emotional support almost entirely. When they broke up, she felt lost because she hadn’t built other strong relationships or coping strategies. Now that she’s in college and a few years older, her attachment style looks completely different, she maintains a healthy balance between closeness and independence. Watching her grow made me realize how much maturity and experience shape our ability to form secure attachments. Your post does a great job showing how these changes happen over time and why age really does matter in developing healthier romantic relationships.
ReplyDeleteI found this article to be very interesting. I found it interesting that the older we get, the more secure we become, and that is something that I agree with. I have seen this pattern with a close friend of mine. During High School and Middle School, she had multiple relationships over the years. The relationships were driven more by the label than a genuine emotional connection. Now that we are in college, she is in a more serious relationship where they have developed a secure connection. I believe that comes from maturity.
ReplyDeleteContinued: As they both matured, they were able to develop a better understanding of who they both are as people, helping strengthen their connection. In High School, Relationships are usually driven by other factors. At that age, people are still forming their identities, so the relationship was more for validation.
DeleteI really connected with this post because it lines up so much with what I've seen in real life. Age and experience really do shape how we attach to people, especially during adolescence when so much is changing at once. I thought the point about teens wanting freedom but also wanting closeness was really accurate. It reminded me of a friend of mine who said she turns to her partner when she needs support, but she also doesn't want to rely on him too much or become a burden. To me, that shows a lot of maturity and highlights how important it is to have multiple sources of support during adolescence. As people get older and gain more experience, like in emerging adulthood, they usually become more secure, because relationships feel less confusing and they understand themselves better. This really supports the idea that age and life experience play a huge role in the attachment styles we develop.
ReplyDeleteI agree that maturity plays a big role in attachment, but I also think most people aren’t rushing into serious relationships during adolescence. Many teens and young adults are more focused on having fun, building friendships, or thinking about school and future careers. Of course, this varies based on personal experiences, but from what I’ve seen, relationships often depend on the people we surround ourselves with. During this stage of life, we’re highly influenced by peers. If we’re around people who prioritize exploring and staying noncommittal, it can be harder to form secure attachments because of that push-pull effect. On the other hand, being surrounded by peers who are in stable relationships can make it easier to build a more secure attachment without that extra pressure.
ReplyDeleteThis post discussed the connection between age and attachment/security, which I really enjoyed because it is an important correlation that is not often talked about. This was present in me growing up as well. When I was in adolescence, I had anxious attachments with everyone I knew. I never felt at peace and was always worrying people did not like me, even my own family. This tendency did bleed into my high school experience as well with boyfriends and friends, but when I finally got to college, I learned a lot more about myself, my wants, and how to have a healthy attachment. Growing up though, it was pertinent that I had my mom, because she is the most understanding person and she really helped me with my anxious attachments and working through them. Overall, I agree with the post and it was interesting to see how age influences an adolescent's attachment.
ReplyDeleteThis post rings true in a lot of different ways, I've experienced this in a lot of ways as well. In high school I had a bunch of different crushes that never really worked out, which was definitely for the best, but I think a part of why they didn't work out, is because both me and whatever person I liked at the time were both young and stupid and we didn't really know exactly what we wanted and what our attachment styles might look like. I think I had a pretty big anxious attachment style back then and so I would constantly be thinking they didn't like me and I was doing something wrong and I therefore put more pressure on them which could push them away. But finally, before the end of junior year, I got a girlfriend and I finally realized what I needed was just to trust her and not put too much pressure on her to like me back and even though I felt anxious at some points that I was doing something wrong, I just had faith that it would be ok, and it was! I wouldn't have gotten to that point if I was younger and had no experience in that, so you're definitely right that a more secure attachment comes with age and experience.
ReplyDeleteYour discussion on the patterns of age and attachment in especially adolescence to later patterns was really interesting. Honestly, this happened to me, while you covered what felt like the more positives dating seriously as a freshmen in highschool I shaped negative habits in relationships. As I've gotten older, it's blossomed into an anxious attachment style and wanting communication that even sometimes I think is a bit much. It's also important that you covered multiple support systems and how that is a key factor in developing healthy attachment that can allow teens who had questionable experiences to maintain some positive influence in connections.
ReplyDeleteThis post had a well informed and interesting take on how age and experience can have such a significant impact on romantic attachments. How you explained identity formation being a part of adolescence made so much sense. I like how you connected it to how teens sometimes rely on romantic partners even though they want independence. I have personally experienced my boyfriend, and I started dating when we were 16 and struggled with an anxious attachment style until we were much older, and connected that we didn't know ourselves at all, as well as not having a strong support network outside of our relationship. We had to be really intentional as we grew up about changing that; it did, however, get easier with emotional disclosure, like you said, after we got a few years into adulthood. Thank you for your post. It helped me better understand why attachment is more secure as we age and understand the pitfalls of adolescent dating.
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