Romcoms. Some people love them, some people hate them. These movies depict idealistic scenarios about love and passion for us movie watchers to sit and spend 90 minutes either dreaming of or gagging about. I personally would rather not watch romcoms, however, my mom and sisters could spend all weekend binging them. They see a genuine love story, where I see nothing but a falsified wishful thinking plotline.
A study done by Veronica Hefner (2019) looked at romantic comedy content and there are 4 common themes in romcoms 1) the idealization of others (perfect partner) 2) soul mate/one and only 3) love at first sight and 4) love conquers all. Curious about what the people in my life, other than my romcom crazed sisters, thought about romcoms, I asked a friend their thoughts on romcoms.
They aren't my go to choice of movies, but I also don't mind watching them. I think that they are cute and “feel-goody”. I’ve watched them before as a pick-me-up. I do think they can get sappy, but it doesn't hurt to disappear in that kind of fantasy world for a little bit either.
I then told her about the 4 common themes that Hefner found and asked her whether or not she thinks those themes are applicable to real life.
Ummm, let's see. I definitely don't think love at first sight is a real thing. I just don't think you can truly love someone just by looking at them, you need to know them. I would say that soul mates do exist, but I again don't think we find them on the first try. I do agree with the idealization of others in the terms that some people are truly perfect for one another and make each other better. And I don't think love conquers all, like at all. I think it is hard work and dedication to a relationship that makes it seem like they can conquer anything, but the love itself isn't enough.
So my friend went about 50/50 on whether or not Hefner's common themes are actually true in real life.
Are they realistic? No, not really. But are they fun to watch and daydream about those types of situations? Yes, yes they are.
Hefner also talked about how watching these moves could shift one's life satisfaction, as they can make individuals happy and excited for future romance, or bummed and gloomy about them too. The study did not seem to find any significant differences in the effect that romcoms had on individuals with different attachment styles. They found that only the variables of gender, relationship status, and the type of romcom had an effect on the endorsement of life satisfaction (Hefner, 2019). To my surprise, males and partnered individuals reported higher life satisfaction after watching romcoms than females and single individuals. I was expecting it to be women that had higher satisfaction, and men to not feed into it quite as much.
So, what do you think about romcoms? Do you think that Hefner's 4 themes of romcoms are true in real life? Does watching them make you feel warm and fuzzy, or sick to the stomach? Let me know in the comments what you think about these movies and maybe drop your go to romcom!
Reference
Hefner, V. (2019). Does Love conquer all? an experiment testing the association between types of romantic comedy content and reports of romantic beliefs and life satisfaction. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 8(4), 376–384. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000201
Hey Madi! Great post, I also have a lot of friends who love to watch rom coms and I was often the odd one out who hadn't seen most of the movies they would reference. I also think that rom coms may heighten people's expectations of love and relationships with the crazy plot lines that are shown. However, with that said, most of my friends who are very into rom coms are a bit cynical when it comes to love and slightly skeptical. Surely, they know that these movies aren't realistic, but I think that it might be a break from the actual trials and tribulations of the regular college dating culture and brings some kind of hope towards the future.
ReplyDeleteI do not think that Hefner's four themes of romcoms are true in real life for many reasons. As stated in the article love at first sight is only an action shown in movies and is not true in real life. A person has to meet a person and understand the type of person they are and what they value to truly love them. I do not think love conquers all because if love did conquer all there would be no divorce in the real world. People who get divorced may still love each other but have differences that they may not be able to conquer. I do think their may be soulmates in the real world just because there are so many people on this planet. A person is bound to find someone. I do think people idealize people such as their crushes in which they can not do wrong. Rom coms apply to my family because my mom loves watching romcoms. She enjoys the false sense of love they show in the movies. We know the purpose of the movie is to show opposites attract and them to work out in the end. Because of this people are drawn to romcoms. They love to see love stories. I do not have any feeling towards romcoms. I think there great to get a person to feel happy.
ReplyDeleteI also do enjoy watching romcoms just for the fun of it and how entertaining it is, however, personally I don’t believe that the Hefner’s four themes are entirely true since there are many factors that play into actually getting into a relationship and not just based on love at first sight, or truly being the one and only. The reality is that now a days we tend to romanticize every single detail about love and in a sense, we become blinded by the idea of it and don't look at the situation with clarity or any logical sense. In order to actually find a partner, it is important to get to know the person in-depth such as their values and personality, which most romcoms don’t really put out there, giving the viewers the false perception and idea of what finding love is having a happy ever after, however, the truth is that there are ups and downs in a relationship and although you love that person sometimes love isn’t enough because there are other needs and responsibilities that maybe both parties can’t fulfill.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I thought that this idea was very intriguing. Personally, rom coms are my go to genre of movie on a rainy day. I thought it was really interesting how you incorporated Hefner's four themes into this topic. I agree that love at first sight is not realistic, but being attracted to someone is. Most romcoms use this idea of two people seeing each other and immediately hitting it off, but in reality I think its more about getting to know the person and how compatible they are with your own lifestyle and personality. I think that maybe the transitions in this post could've been a bit smoother, but overall a very interesting read!!
ReplyDeleteRomcoms are the one type of tv genre that I would not go out of my way to watch because Hefner and his four themes of romcoms are false. Love at first sight is far from real, I'd say lust or infatuation can happen at first sight but love is a connection that takes hard work to have. Soulmates are possibly true, if there is someone in the world who you are bound to fall in love with because they are "the one," then it's because of shared interests, and other factors. They weren't born as "the one," but the things they've gone through and the things you've gone through make them the perfect match. That leads me to say that the idealization of others is semi-true because at first, someone could seem perfect for you but as you get to know them you notice that not everybody is perfect and there are things they have that you don't like and things you have that they don't like. So a perfect partner is not true. Love conquers all is false. Love alone cannot solve all your problems, and love itself could be the problem. So no, love doesn't conquer all but the efforts of hard work and dedication could help. My friend has gone through multiple breakups and she loves romcoms for that reason. Her failed relationships have had her searching for a fantasy that she could apply her own life into. She probably disagrees with Hefner's four themes as well but still enjoys romcoms because it's something she couldn't experience but wishes she did. Personally, I don't care for romcoms.
ReplyDeleteWhile I love watching rom-coms and wish that these themes were real, in reality, I know that Hefner's four themes do not exist in real life. I believe that it is silly to "fall in love" with someone at first sight; that's just not the way of life. It is hard to do so without learning about the other person's life or personality to test each other's compatibility. While that idea is very unrealistic, I do believe that there are some aspects to some of the themes that are true and applicable to real life, such as soulmates. It doesn't always have to be romantic, but there are people who feel as though they are your soulmates and who completely understand and care for you. As for love conquers all, I'm not sure I think context is important, but in some situations, love can conquer. Overall, I enjoy watching rom-coms. They make me feel warm and fuzzy; it's nice to think about these romantic events applying to your own life or even another person's life. I think the "possibility" is what gives rom-coms the thrill of watching.
ReplyDeleteRom-coms play a image on how a perfect relationship should be, but the outcome only has people wishing they could find that type of love in the real world. In my point of view their were multiple Rom-coms where i would sit down and watch it then after i would dream of having a relationship like the ones in the Rom-coms. I still wish to find some kind of love like those ones in the rom-coms but as i grow older i know that any relationship i have is not going to be as perfect as the ones showed in the rom-coms film.
ReplyDeleteRom-Coms are great, but they give a sense of false hope. You watch romcoms, and without releasing them, you compare yourself to their situations. In reality, there is a difference between acting and what may occur in real life. A relationship is not perfect, and it shouldn't be because you should learn and grow and make each other better. In romcoms, like said in this blog, paint a picture of a perfect couple, and life is not like that. In Rom-cons, too, they also paint an unrealistic picture of what a couple's journey is. Yes, romcoms are supposed to be fun to watch, and they shouldn't take us through what they actually go through because that would be a SUPER long movie. It is about how rom-coms are received, but younger generations might build the expectation of love being like what they see in movies and shows. Therefore that is up to parents to teach them what a relationship might look like. I know that it would be really nice to have my love life as a rom-com, but I also want to learn and grow, and you do that with your partner by getting through tuff things together.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger rom-coms were all I watched. Not becuase I wanted a relatioship like those found in the movies or becuase I thought they were realistic, but becuase I was easily entertained by them and wanted anykind of relationship. With the social isolation of Covid-19 I found myself watching them to simply see people interacting and enjoying eachother company when I myself could only interact with my freinds through a phone screen. During the social isolation I began to realize that wtching rom-coms was unhealthy and negatively impacting my mental health and life satisfaction becuase instead of filling the social gap it made me feel more isolated. This shift in the tyopes of movies negatively impacting my life satisfaction caused me to almost entirely stop watching them to combat the negative health impacts. Just recently I watched a rom-com and instead of being unhappy with my life after it, I was able to point out how completely ridiculous the plot was and criticize it for it albeit cute flaws. My relationship with this kind of movie has changed as I have aged and matured, and also as I have been reable to fully be in social environements and not the isolation of a pandemic.
ReplyDeleteI personally do agree that romcoms can have those 4 themes within the movies, and I also think that those themes are relatively unrealistic. I think that in relationships it is important to understand that both people aren't perfect and accept those flaws. I also think that relationships take work and that is not realistically depicted in romcoms. Despite this, I do still really enjoy watching these movies because I think they can be lighthearted and allow us to forget about the difficulty that comes with the reality of life, and also help us to see that it can make life better when someone we love gets to share that with us. I thought it was interesting that men and people in relationships reported higher life satisfaction after watching these movies and that women felt less satisfied. I think that woman can struggle in partnerships because they often end up doing a lot of the emotional labor required, and so I think these movies can be discouraging as they don't depict that reality.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this article, I have to agree with the writer's friend. I believe that many of what Hefner said isn't fairly relatable with real life scenarios. Although in romcoms, it's portrayed as cute and it is fun to live in that fantasy world sometimes, it doesn't apply to our relationships. Having a good partner can help you become a better person, but I don't think there is a "perfect partner." Sure, you may look happier with someone, but I think that comes through dedication and hard work, not just simply dating them. Thinking of soulmates is beyond cute! Personally, I like to believe that soulmates do exist but that might just be my romcom personality shining through! As for love at first sight, I don't think that's really a thing. You might find someone extremely attractive, but I don't believe you'd fall in love with someone simply by looking at them. Lastly, love does NOT conquer all. Love can hurt, it can be mean, and it can make you never want to feel it again. At the same time, it can be the best feeling in the world. I believe that dedication/ commitment and teamwork is what creates a strong love and a strong relationship. Watching romcoms makes me feel nice and cozy, I love feeling like there is pure love (how movies portray it) out in the world. My favorite romcoms have to include, "John Tucker Must Die." "She's the man." "La La Land."
ReplyDeleteHi Madi! I loved your post and definitely got a different point of view. I myself am a big romcom lover, I like to fully invest myself in the show and sometimes lose sight of reality. Although I wish some of these ideas from romcoms could be true I agree that real love like that doesn't exist in the real world. I really like how you added that piece from Hefner how love isn't possible at first sight. I feel like it's easy for couples to say later in the relationship that they fell in love with each other from first sight but I just don't think that's possible; in order to fall in love with someone you have to truly get to know that person.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this post, “Romcoms vs. Reality,” for a variety of reasons, but mainly because there are so many ways to interpret the idea of romcoms and the unique messages within each of them. I personally love romcoms and mostly agree with what the friend said as love at first sight and love conquering all are difficult concepts to get behind and I do believe that soulmates exist. The one thing about this post that I find interesting but hard to believe is the fact that males were found to enjoy romcoms more than females. This is because I have personally never met a guy who is willing to watch a romcom. Although there was one guy that gave in to watching “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” with me and he didn’t enjoy the movie as he considered it to be unrealistic, cheesy, and the reason why expectations in people for their partner are too high and unattainable. Overall, I believe romcoms provide hope for a more passionate and unique type of love for people all around the world.
ReplyDeleteHey Madi! I really loved your post and loved hearing about Hefner's four themes of romcoms. I, personally, do really enjoy romcoms and I do think they are an often very good pick me up. When it comes to Hefner's four themes, I agree very similarly to your friend in the post. I do think that everyone has a soulmate waiting for them, but it takes time to find them. I also do not think love at first sight is possible. You may be able to "fall in love" with someone's appearance but that does not mean you love the person they are on the inside because you do not know anything about them. I do think there is a high idealization for others in real life but I do not think that love conquers all. When looking specifically at the idea of "love at first sight", I have an example that proves how very wrong this idea can be. For example, when my parents first met, my mom had zero desire to get to know my dad. She, of course, thought he was nice and sweet but she did not care to get to know him and was honestly very confused on why he was so invested in trying to meet her. In other words, my mom had more "confusion and annoyance" at first sight if that could even be considered a thing. However, after awhile, my parents went on dates and grew to truly love each other and now have been married for 20 years and are still going strong. With that being said, I do not think love at first sight exists, but I do think that everyone still has a soulmate out there and that is who my parents are to each other. Overall, I do not think that the "perfection" idealized in romcoms are anything like reality, but I do think these movies are still a great way to sit down, relax, and feel some warm fuzzies.
ReplyDeleteHey Madi! I have a lot of mixed feelings about this topic. Romantic comedies, or romcoms, divide audiences with their indifferent opinions and ideal ideas of love. Veronica Hefner's study identified common themes like idealization, soul mates, love at first sight, and the belief in love conquering all. While some people rather act more realistically, others like instantaneous love or love solving all problems might not universally hold. This perspective mirrored this, expressing skepticism about love at first sight while acknowledging the existence of soul mates and the importance of hard work in relationships. Romcoms, though not always realistic, serve as a form of escapism and can evoke varied responses, as seen in Hefner's study where males and partnered individuals reported higher satisfaction after watching them. These movies, while not always portraying real life, provide moments of warmth and joy, allowing viewers to indulge in feel-good scenarios.
ReplyDeleteHey Madi!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this and I'm glad someone wrote about it! I have been watching Romcoms since I was a child, and i've always thought love was very messy, toxic, and full of drama. Romcoms take this to a whole new level and misinterpret love as a whole. They should be more realistic, so they don't spread these false lies about love and relationships. I do believe that the 4 themes of romcoms relate to real life relationships. I do think we all have a soulmate in the world, and that love conquers all, and it doesn't just have to be in relationships, it can be with any person you love.
I always loved watching romcoms, they were one of my favorite movie genres. I just loved the fantasy and pure happiness people felt from the love in movies as well as shows. Korean dramas were my favorite of all time. They were the most unrealistic type of romance drama that I loved. I could tell you all the shows and movies I watched but that would be so much to even list. I agree that it isn’t all true, that's the point of rom coms in movies and shows. I didn’t realize how unrealistic it was till I tried to love myself. I learned that it takes so much patience and effort to put yourself into a healthy loving relationship. The importance for both individuals to actually want to choose this person to be loved by and with in order for a love to be healthy and alive in the relationship. As well as disagreements but also understanding how both people come from completely different lifestyles. Overall, I will still continue to watch romcoms till the day I die, because the fantasy and exaggeration of it all is what keeps my life going and entertained.
ReplyDeleteI personally love romcoms. They present as an escape from reality and the reality of hard love is to actually find. I understand how unrealistic they are but they are a sense of comfort for me. I agree with Hefner's ideas. I think that love is something that requires a lot of dedication and passion and that it cannot simply beat everything. I have seen on multiple occasions where love can not conquer all. The idea of love at first sight does not sit right with me. I agree that you really need to know a person beyond just the looks. Initial attraction can be there but there is a lot more work that needs to be put behind it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, I love this topic. I am up watching rom-coms with my mom. She loves those cheesy movies like how you mentioned earlier, the "feel-good" movies. I don't mind watching them at all. Not all movies are supposed to be truthful and easily relatable. That's sort of the idea of most movies being falsified stories. However I see your point in why someone wouldn't enjoy them. When I was younger and watched the cheesy rom-com movies with my mom, I believed that every relationship I would have would be equivalent to what I've seen on TV. I was severely disappointed heading into high school when I entered my first relationship. Definitely nothing like the movies. This falsified thinking can be very disappointing to people who believe in love and are hopeless romantics, but that's how TV and movies are these days. That's why people are often saying "don't believe everything you hear on the television." I also do not believe in Hefner's ideas. Love at first sight is definitely not real because you can't fall in love with appearance, but on the other hand I know multiple couples who had "fallen in love" the first day they met and are still happily together. I think whatever you believe is true to you, because at the end of the day you have the opportunity to create your own reality.
ReplyDeleteThis post is so intriguing Madi!! Although I do believe in soulmates/one and only in Hefner’s 4 themes, when it comes to real life I can see why these themes don't exist mainly because it's focused on two people who can commit fully AND mutually love each other. When I was younger I'd watch more romance rom coms and I had this kind of fixed view of romance where I’d only think that relationships were perfect. Now, I like to watch them from time to time because of the “fuzzy” feelings It gives you although now I know relationships in rom-coms are practically a fantasy. As stated in the article the author believes that awesome people are perfect for each other, I can't say I agree as I've never seen two partners like that in my daily life, sure I’ve seen it on the Internet. But I think In reality couples aren't ideally perfect for each other, they have their differences which is what makes Hefner's four themes not work in real life. Like how that saying goes people aren't perfect, I think couples being imperfect is more true to reality.
ReplyDeleteThis blog really caught my eye as I am a college girl who loves romcoms and is a helpless romantic is real life. I love love; in reality and on the screen. I personally think that soulmates are real, and can even be platonic. I don't think I believe in love at first sight though, but I do think you can really tell if a person might hold a big impact on your life in the beginning of knowing them. I like to believe love conquers all, but I still haven't decided my full opinion on that yet.
ReplyDeleteI really loved this piece of writing. I have always thought about this topic a lot. I have asked friends about it and they were always on the same page as I was where it is warm and fuzzy and we love romcoms, but they do not usually show how hard it actually is to have a relationship. This kind of stuff also relates to one of my friends that thinks that romcoms are so lovey and they show so much of what can happen. Sure, they do show some of the hard things that happen in a relationship, but the girl always gets the guy and sadly it usually does not work like that in the real world. This blog helped me realize a lot of things from romcoms and the real world.
ReplyDeleteI found your analysis of the impact of romantic comedies to be very interesting and insightful. You presented both sides of the argument in a fair and balanced manner, which allowed me to form my own opinion on the topic. I particularly enjoyed reading about the study by Veronica Hefner, as it shed light on the common themes found in these movies and their effect on our overall life satisfaction.
ReplyDeleteYour passion for the topic is evident in your writing, and it made me feel more engaged in the discussion. I appreciate the effort you put into researching the topic and presenting your findings in a clear and concise manner. It is clear that you have a deep understanding of the genre and its impact on society.
Overall, I believe that your blog post is a valuable contribution to the ongoing discussion about romantic comedies and their role in our lives. Your analysis is both informative and entertaining, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Maybe it's the light-hearted comical nature of romcoms, the kind of true love depicted in the films that is so desirable, or even just because I'm a hopeless romantic that makes me enjoy romcoms so much, one reason or another, romcoms offer a nice escape from reality. They can make people feel good and inspired with hope for love. Rather than setting difficultly high standards, feel the movie genre actually can inspire one's own love. As someone who grew up, not seeing what healthy love should look like, these films always seemed like a good escape. Something I could look forward to, while it felt like the world around me was falling apart and not depicting the life or love I wanted to see or experience. A lot of individuals may have a lot of various opinions whether they find the films to be unrealistic or too cheesy, similar to how you felt about them and similar to how my sisters feel about the films. While others may think they are nice and a lovely escape similar to how you feel, and how your sisters, and family may have felt about them. It is dependent on personal taste but I found it to be very interesting that it is individuals in relationships enjoy these types of films more. Same with how attachment style has little to do with what people think about the films but also with being able to relate to them. As someone with an anxious attachment style and someone who greatly enjoys these films, and is not in a relationship, I would have believed it to be the opposite and believed though similar to me would have a reaction like I did to the genre but also thinking of life and love as its own idea. Though they may seem to be predictable or create unrealistic expectations for others, everyone has their own taste, and everyone loves differently based on how they were raised and that's okay. The movies do not need to for se represent and reflect real life, but rather to entertain and and allow for the simple pleasures of life to be enjoyed. Relationships are unique just as the films can be unique in what they have to offer and what people can enjoy in both matters. I thoroughly enjoyed the post and learning of the four themes Hefner proposes about romcoms. In response, three of my favorite romcoms include, “What to Expect When You Are Expecting”, “Crazy, Stupid, Love” and “You Again”
ReplyDeleteI tend to enjoy romcoms, especially as a guilty pleasure. I don't like watching them with other people though, I feel like I have to condition my responses so that I am not seen as "lame", mostly because I would watch them with my boyfriend who falls asleep immediately. When I get bored of whatever TV show I am binge-watching at the time, I like to flip to a romcom or two to lighten up the mood. I do agree that some are really bad, but that usually only means that I will not watch that movie again. I think that romcoms tend to need to be taken as a false version of reality, something to get lost in but to understand that those things do not happen in the real world. Some older romcoms have problematic elements to them, some newer romcoms don't have the "meet-cute magic". Personally, I don't think that love at first sight is a thing in real life, same with the one-and-only. People fall out of love all the time, other's one-true-love dies or ghosts them but they tend to recover. It is a nice concept to think about abstractly but likely unreasonable in the real world.
ReplyDeleteI think romcoms are a fun genre to watch. I always grew up watching them with my older sisters, mom and even sometimes my dad would watch them with us. I don't think they are realistic though, as much as we want them to be they just aren't. I don't think all 4 of Hefner's themes of romcoms are true to real relationships. Love at first sight can't be a thing, you can maybe get butterflies when you first look at someone but there's no way to know you love someone by just simply laying eyes on them. While it is a nice thought to think that "love conquers all" it just simply isn't true. it isn't true because there are so many other factors that go into a relationship than just love, there is trust, vulnerability, and much more. Now, I do think there are such things as a soulmate/ one and only, and very rarely do people find it on the first try. it's the idea that you have to kiss a lot of toads to find your prince charming. The idealization of others (perfect partner) can be a realistic idea to an extent because while you may have an idea of what exactly you want to see with a partner, you also have to allow them to be their own person. To answer the question "Does watching them make you feel warm and fuzzy, or sick to the stomach?" I think it depends on the movie. If it is something really cheesy and unrealist then I feel eh about the movie. But if it is one of the classics then I feel all warm and fuzzy.
ReplyDeleteI personally love the genera of romcoms and have always grown up watching them as my comfort movie. However, I don't necessarily think they are completely realistic or something to expect to happen to a person in real life. Most of the rom coms that I have seen tend to make the characters and plot very exaggerated, especially regarding the romantic relationships in the movie. The comment about the individual expressing their view about soul mates stuck out to me and was something that I related to. They expressed that they don't believe that there is such a thing as love at first sight and that you need to actually know someone to really love them. This is something that I can completely agree with and is why I say that romcoms seems unrealistic in my opinion since they movies make it seem like the opposite.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great blog post. Growing up, I lived in a house with two brothers so I was the only girl. Every time we had a family movie night, the majority would vote for action, thriller, comedy movies rather than a romantic comedy. My mom also grew up with two brothers so she never watched romantic comedies growing up as well. She believes that they are very unrealistic and cheesy so she wanted to steer me away from those movies. Now as I get older, many of my friends love romantic comedies and are completely blown away with how many I haven't seen, they sometimes don't even believe me! I have now watched a lot more and it is nice to watch them from an older perspective. I can see the realistic vs the unrealistic parts of the film rather than watching it when I was around 15 16 where I would have thought all of it was real.
ReplyDeleteI think rom coms are a great way to escape into a world that is not real and allows people to romanticize their life for the movie. They are often unrealistic but that feels like the point to me, it's not a bad thing, just something that you should know before you watch them. Hefner’s 4 themes fit well in this genre, and I think that there are interactions of all of them in the real world, but romcoms make it much more black and white than it truly is. There is an exaggerated element to every rom com but that is what I think makes it fun and I enjoy them most of the time.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredibly interesting to me because I have found in the past that when I watch a rom-com, I expect to feel joyful and happy at the end, but sometimes I am left feeling bitter or sad. I think you are correct that the reason for this reaction is the fairly unrealistic expectations that are normalized by romantic comedies. It makes anyone who hasn't fallen in love at first sight or been swept off their feet feel as though they are missing out on something that everyone else has. In my opinion, the romantic movies that are successful in making anyone single or in a relationship feel joyful afterward are the ones that make the romance seem beautiful but still believable for the audience.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't mind romcoms. Sometimes they get a little sappy and I prefer not to watch them, and other times they bring a sense of security and happiness. Although, I always keep in mind how unrealistic they are, no matter how much I wish I was living in that fantasy world. I think I resonate with the fact that they are entertaining, but I know they aren't the most accurate but regardless they bring a smile to my face. Living in a fantasy world while watching movies is harmless and is enjoyable! My favorite romcom is 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore!
ReplyDeleteI always feel in the middle when someone asks me if I like rom-com movies. The truth is that I've been watching them for so long because many members of my family enjoy them and find them entertaining, but I never felt the same, because of many reasons.
ReplyDeleteFinding representation since I was little was hard and watching straight couples in every rom-com movie made me feel lonely. And although sometimes there was representation, queer people were never the main characters, but the best friends or gal pals of those pretty blond perfect girls and their perfect crush. Growing up with this, I felt that there was no space for me or my romantic interest in the real world. This is why I wish I grew up with more characters that will depict the reality of being queer in this world, and the difficulties, challenges, and beauty of loving differently.
I personally have found that I enjoy romcoms. However, it might have something to do with the fact that romcoms have been a sort of tradition for the women in my family to watch them together and romanticize love. For the most part it felt realistic to me as a child as my mother and aunts would compare their own relationships to the movies which gave me a sense that love like that exists in real life. Yet, it wasn't until I went through my own experiences of dating that I realized how many aspects of rom coms can be very damaging to one's relationship expectations. The love at first sight trope in specific was very damaging to my initial expectations about relationships in the sense that i found myself wondering if every single person i passed on the street could end up being my one true love. It was an unhealthy mindset for a young girl and eventually led to me developing an anxious attachment style. While romcoms can be very enjoyable and provide a hopeful wonder when it comes it love, it can be dangerous for young girls who might not be able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality.
ReplyDeleteI love Romcoms. I found this post very interesting and can totally see how some people don't like romcoms for the unrealistic ideas and standards that come from it. I can completely relate to this now because I am in a relationship and every time my girlfriend and I watch a romcom she goes, "you never do that for me" or something along those lines. I recognize that they set a double standard in what a relationship should look like. It usually goes like this: the man does something wrong or is being immature and makes a grand gesture and everything is all roses and lollipops and then the get married. This is typically unrealistic and creates a double standard on what relationships should look like. As an avid romcom lover it is hard for me to admit that these movies are really not realistic but are still a fun watch.
ReplyDeleteI personally love Romcoms, but it has to depend on my mood. Like many people I like to watch them as pick-me ups, or if I'm just in the mood for something fun and light. However I do think most of Hefner's themes are not fully applicable to real-life. Like love at first sight, I do think you can be deeply attracted to someone at first glance, but you can not truly love someone until you know them. While some themes are not quite relatable, I do find the idealization of others to be used more frequently in relationships around me. Many people believe that they found the perfect person for them, someone that competes them. While that can be true for some, it can be not so true for others. For example, many people in my life, including my parents and best friend believed they found the perfect person for them, and even justified it with many examples. In reality, no one is truly perfect and everyone has faults, therefore to truly love someone you must love them with their faults and understand they are to perfect.
ReplyDeleteI personally can not stand watching a romcom. The ideas that are portrayed in rom coms just do not align with reality to me. On the contrary, I have a friend who loves to watch romcoms and is convinced that love truly does conquer all. I think that this perspective on life can be a bit disappointing, while others' lives are driven to find their “one and only”. I believe our lives are all unique and should not compare them to romcoms because it can give us a false sense of reality when it comes to romantic relationships. I wish I could get into rom coms for the sake of my friends, but I think I will stick to comedies.
ReplyDeleteHi, great post! I personally love watching rom-coms but I feel as if they tend to make us have unrealistic expectations of couples and relationships. I know a friend who used to watch them a lot and she would talk about how after she watched them she became sad. This is because she would think that her relationship was nothing like the one in the rom-com, so therefore it is not good enough. As it can sometimes be difficult to understand that this is a rom-com and not reality. Thanks for sharing, I loved your thoughts.
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ReplyDeleteI think this is a well-written and accurate depiction of how I also feel about romcoms. I don’t particularly care to watch them, however I have found myself doing so on a sad “ I need a pick-me-up” night. The reality of it is, that stuff just dent happen in real life, at least not to me or anyone I know. I am a realist so I understand the fairytale aspect of it, but others may not. I could see how these movies could warp ones perception of romance and intimacy.
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I like how this article succeeds in explaining the two main perspectives of romcoms. I have to say that I enjoy watching romcoms. I like seeing and feeling the process of different ways to love and what that can look like. I resonated very much with what your friend had to say about romcoms. When I am feeling down or need a little break from the real world, I turn to romcoms as they comfort me. Although romcoms can occasionally come off as cringy and often it's hard to see through the bad acting, I would say that they are movies that in certain ways can portray the feelings of what being in love is like. I very much enjoyed your article and found it very interesting!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how this article spoke about how its such an idealistic scenario for some people and that made me think thats probably why some people hate them is because rom coms portray something that some people may never experience. I also really liked how you brought in the aspect of how you and your friend went 50/50 on the topic of love at first sight and I completely agree with that.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi! This post really resonated with me through a different type of media, though I personally do not enjoy rom-coms, I very much enjoy romance and fantasy books. I think romance books have many of the same themes as rom-coms when it comes to sappy, unrealistic themes of love and relationships. I think this is an escapism for me, it is so obviously fiction but sometimes when analyzing it, it is sad to think that some of the themes are so heavily categorized as “unrealistic expectation” when it comes to showering your partner with praise, gifts, and love. I do not think that life satisfaction would go up or down either way from a work that is obviously fiction. I do think the idea of a “perfect partner” is very dangerous in some scenarios, especially for those who have an anxious attachment style and already idealize and obsess over their partner. Thank you for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with your friend’s perspective on romcoms in that they aren’t a go to option but they’re a good, light-hearted option. I think what makes them so fun to watch is that they tell the narratives that all of us only imagine to be a hypothetical reality for ourselves but we get to watch it being played out on screen. Sometimes, it can be hard to watch though, if the outcome of our lives doesn’t reflect what happens in the movies. For example, I remember soon after my parents told us they were getting a divorce, my mother came to visit me in Colorado and we watched Meryl Streep's romcom, It’s Complicated about a couple that gets divorced but stays friends and years later the ex-wife becomes the “other women” for the remarried ex-husband. Because my parents’ divorce was so fresh for me, it was a tough movie to sit through
ReplyDeleteI could honestly go on and on about this topic. While I think romcoms are a lot of fun to watch, as they can be sweet and light-hearted, I also think that they can be somewhat unrealistic. I think that having standards and being with someone that treats you with respect is important, but I also think that having realistic standards is equally as important. For example, I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He does plenty of really nice things for me, such as planning dates for us, getting me dinner, helping me when I'm having a bad day, that sort of thing. However, he is not at 100% every single day, and neither am I. While romcoms are so fun to watch, I feel like they portray relationships as perfect all the time, which is nowhere near the case, and you and your partner will both have days where you can't give 100% to the other person, and overcoming this as a team is so important.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do love a good romcom, I agree with your point that it is important to separate movie romance from reality. For the most part, I do think that Hefner’s four themes are a bit abstract and unrealistic—at least from my experience. I have yet to experience a “love at first sight” relationship, nor have I heard of one working out. My roommate Jessie had more of a “infatuation” at first sight when she romantically met her current partner on the beach in Hawaii. Now that they have gotten to know each other, they are more than in love. But how could you ever truly love someone by “sight” without knowing who they are? I think that love does conquer all, at least for the most part, but love can be complex. Love means different things for different people, and while many people find their “soulmates”, could there be enough people in the world that you could really have more than one?
ReplyDeleteRomcoms vs. Reality
ReplyDeleteRomantic comedies typically present an unlikely view of love that many of us crave to experience. The grand differences between romcoms and reality was apparent when my best friend, Sarah, whose dating life was a combination of romantic ideals and harsh truths. Sarah adored romcoms, saying that they filled her with "hope and inspiration." However, her real life dating experiences were far from the fairy tales that she watched on screen. She often came across "love at first sight" scenarios that quickly fizzled, showing that attraction alone doesn’t guarantee a lasting relationship.
Yet, when Sarah eventually fell for someone over time, and discovered a deep connection based on shared interests and values. She recognized that, unlike in movies, real love requires patience, effort, and compromise. Therefore, Romcoms may be entertaining, but they can also be a source of unrealistic expectations, which makes it important to find the difference between fantasy and the complexities of genuine relationships.
Reading this had me thinking about my own sister who is currently really into reading fantasy novels. She tells me often that reading these books has reduced both her life and relationship satisfaction. Further, she looked into it and found that she wasn’t alone. Plenty of people report feeling dissatisfied with their lives after consuming content that glorifies relationships or the world we know. I had never thought about this before her because the books I gravitate to are very sad so I never wished my life to be any different. It’s very fascinating how everyone is impacted by the media they consume differently.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I agree with your friend's assessment that the application of Hefner's four themes in real-life relationships is not always healthy or realistic. In my opinion, the most harmful of these four themes is the idea that "Love Conquers All." I had this perspective a few years ago when I entered into one of my first dating relationships. I felt like I truly loved this person, and the idea that a lot of love equated to a healthy relationship caused me to excuse a lot of unhealthy behaviors that should have signaled that the relationship should end. Now, I know that relationships require more than just love - there needs to be shared interests, aligned intentions, communication skills, and patience in order for a relationship to be successful. (And, for the record, my favorite romcom is 10 things I hate about you. Heath Ledger is DREAMY!)
ReplyDeleteI definitely relate to your mom and sister with their love of romcoms! I appreciate them for a feel-good escape, but similarly I am skeptical about their portrayal of romance. Hefner’s four themes capture what makes romcoms appealing yet unrealistic, especially the “soul mate” and “love conquers all” tropes. Real relationships, as your friend pointed out, require much more than love at first sight or an idealized image of a partner. It’s really interesting that partnered individuals reported higher life satisfaction after watching romcoms, while single individuals didn't respond as positively. This aligns with how romcoms might reinforce what we think we’re “supposed” to feel in relationships, which could feel validating or discouraging depending on the person's relationship status. As for me, I can appreciate a good romcom but I do think they can have some unrealistic themes that can be discouraging for some people.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi, thank you for sharing this post about romcoms. I can admit I am a fan of watching romcoms, they do make me feel good! I enjoy seeing people "fall in love", whether it be at first sight or not. Yet, I will say when watching I realize there are many aspects that do not fit into our reality. Additionally, my mother, someone I love so dearly and who is so similar to me, HATES romcoms! She feels they are overdone and completely unrealistic, and does not enjoy them. While both my mother and I are aware rom-coms are not real, we view them so differently.
ReplyDeleteAs a twenty-year-old female in college, I love rom-coms. Rom-coms can make realistic situations come to life in movie format. However, they can also create unrealistic love interests that contradict modern-day relationships. After a long day, all I want is to watch a rom-com. The almost magical feeling is reassuring and relates to my real-life experiences. The fascination with romantic comedies and their impact on viewers' beliefs about relationships highlights significant areas in human development. The media can influence our expectations and understanding of love and partnerships while idealizing romance with themes such as “perfect partners", soul mates”, and the notion that “love conquers all”(Hefner, 2019). When Hefner discussed these themes with a friend, there were mixed reviews. While these themes can appear superficial, there are also highlights in the concept of realistic relationship expectations and how they influence relationship satisfaction. The study can reinforce the importance of educating individuals about media literacy and relationship expectations. Rom Coms are enjoyable but can contribute to these unrealistic views of romance. In turn, this can create unrealistic expectations in relationships.
ReplyDeleteI feel like of the four common themes Veronica Hefner identifies in Romcoms, 1) the idealization of others (perfect partner) 2) soul mate/one and only 3) love at first sight and 4) love conquers all, only one is realistic. The idealization of others or the “perfect partner” is realistic, I interpret this as people overemphasizing the qualities or characteristics of a potential or current partner. I think this is very common in real life. As for the others, I don’t think soulmates are real in the sense that there are not two people destined by fate to be with one another, love at first sight is not real because love requires knowing more about a person than how they look, and love itself does not conquer all, people have to show determination and discipline in relationships that make it work. That’s what makes relationships so valuable, the work you put into them. I love a classic romcom, but the genre and its common themes are definitely not based in reality, it’s the unrealistic fantasy of it all that makes it entertaining to watch.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post I reflected on my feelings towards rom-coms throughout the years. Hefner brings up the point that love does not conquer all and real relationships take work. As I have matured and had a variety of relationships my feelings towards Hefner's quote have changed. When I was younger I believed once I was in a serious relationship then it would be smooth sailing and our bond would always win over any arguments. As I have grown I have come to terms with if I want a relationship to last a longer period then I need to put in the work to have a strong relationship despite how strong my feelings are for the other person.
ReplyDeleteThe 4 common themes Hefner identifies, especially the ideas of a "soulmate" and "love conquers all", remind me of the unrealistic expectations I carried in my previous relationship. My experience transitioning out of a high school romance taught me that love isn’t about fate or grand gestures but about understanding, trust, and effort. While romcoms can be fun escapism, they seamlessly over-glorify love’s simplicity. Like your friend, I find the "love at first sight" trope particularly implausible- even if I want to believe it. Still, I agree they can evoke a feel-good warmth, even if they don’t reflect my reality. And if anything that is the point of film! To take us to a less realistic place- where true love is not only the expectation, but the reality.
ReplyDeleteThis blog made me think about how romcoms have shaped my view of relationships. Growing up, I loved the idea of “soul mates” and “love conquers all” because it seemed so magical. But now, being in a real relationship, I know it’s about so much more than just fate or grand gestures it’s about effort, trust, and communication. While romcoms can be unrealistic, I still enjoy watching them for the feel-good vibes. My favorite is Just Go with It it’s funny, lighthearted, and has just the right amount of romance without being overly sappy.
ReplyDeleteHefner’s findings about life satisfaction were surprising! I wouldn’t have guessed partnered individuals report more satisfaction after watching romcoms than single individuals. But thinking about it, it makes sense when you’re in a happy relationship, these movies might amplify that feeling. On the other hand, I can see how they could create unrealistic expectations for single people, leaving them feeling down. For me, romcoms are fun escapism, but I always keep in mind that real love is far messier and takes a lot of work.
Hi Madi, I can totally relate to your perspective on romcoms! I think they're fun to watch every once in a while, but like you, I find them more idealistic than realistic. Hefner's (2019) study on the common themes in romcoms is interesting because, as you mentioned, the whole "love at first sight" concept just doesn't seem practical to me. True love definitely takes time and effort. I agree with your friend that soul mates might exist, but they’re not found instantly. The idea that love "conquers all" feels too simplistic, as maintaining a relationship requires hard work, communication, and compromise. As for the impact of romcoms on life satisfaction, it's intriguing that men and partnered individuals reported higher satisfaction after watching them. I guess it makes sense since romcoms often portray relationships in a way that reaffirms the joy of companionship. Personally, I find them comforting in small doses, but I do tend to feel a bit cynical if I watch too many in a row!
ReplyDeleteAlthough they are entertaining to watch, I think that romcoms may create unreasonable expectations about relationships. Hefner's themes that you referenced, including "idealization of others" and "soul mate," seem relevant, especially when thinking about how people see love in films as opposed to real life. For instance, my sister loves rom-coms and looks up to the main characters like they are perfect, but I've found that she occasionally gets let down when real relationships fall short of her expectations. Even though these films can be a happy escape and a source of comfort, it's crucial to find a balance between fantasy and realistic viewpoints on love and relationships. Overall I personally think that though they are not totally realistic, they are entertaining.
ReplyDeleteReading this blog post made me think about my own personal feelings towards romcoms. When I was younger I was never drawn to the idea of watching romcoms. Now I find them entertaining to watch, but to me, the storylines never seem very realistic. Hefner's four themes of romcoms tend to be very accurate when it comes to this genre of movie. The most recent romcom that I watched was highly unrealistic due to the plot as well as the storyline. Even though romcoms are very entertaining they could be aimed to be a bit more realistic and relatable, which could broaden the audience.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a teen I was really into watching romcoms, I felt like I was able to have a perfect partner with my celebrity crushes. While reading this blog I felt like I was able to relate a lot to you sister! I would always catch myself wanting to look for good movies online, they were always my go to! But as I got older I just didn’t find them as entertaining anymore. I felt like it made my expectations too high. I also felt like it made things hard for me when liking a person as I would somehow feel very obsessive over them especially the first few days.
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun read. I also wouldn't necessarily choose to watch a rom com, but if I'm struggling to find something to watch, it never hurts to partake in a little fun fantasy of what love "looks like". I think each person experiences being in love differently, and perhaps the similar idea that all romcoms portray about love, may build false perceptions. However, I do think soul mates are real.. but not only in terms of significant others. A soul mate can be a sibling, a soul mate can be a platonic relationship, or it can be a romantic partner. Everyone connects in different ways, which makes love beautiful. I believe love conquers all.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this blog post and thought your findings were really interesting. I was shocked to learn that men's satisfaction is higher than women's on average. I certainly recognized the four common themes to be the basis of most rom-coms. Since I read this post while watching a rom-com, I should probably start off by saying that I am a fan. Of the four themes, I would say that all besides the first one could be true to a degree. I thought your friend's opinion was interesting concerning the "love conquers all" theme. They mentioned dedication as being the true thing that conquers all. This is absolutely true, but it is also where our opinions somewhat differ. I would say that dedication is a part of love, its action. This is why I would consider love to conquer all, at least to an extent. I truly think the beauty of rom-coms for me is the idealism in them. Sometimes all we need is an escape. I loved reading your post and hearing your thoughts on rom-coms!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this reading. In my opinion, I really do enjoy romcoms as they are very entertaining and can be fun to watch. But sometimes, romcoms do have unrealistic expectations and can hurt people watching them. Someone watching the romcom may feel upset about their relationships since it isn’t like the movies, or some may have too high of expectations for their relationship. I do completely agree that love does te disgusting at first sight, and that to love someone you really have to know them which takes communication and time. For my favorit rom com, I like the movie Clueless.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this blog post. I love watching rom-com movies. My mom and I watch these types of movies all the time, and they become very entertaining and fun to watch. Even though the plot might be unrealistic, I love how the endings of these movies make everyone watching feel so happy.Depending on your attitude coming in, I do believe that romcoms can change your mood. They could make you yearn for something idealized or provide an enjoyable escape. I was also surprised to see that coupled males felt more content after watching! One popular romantic comedy is Crazy Rich Asians. It combines humor, cultural issues, and romance to make it less about ideal fairy tales and more relatable.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog post. Personally I love watching romcoms, it's something that the girls in my family and I love to go together. I find them so fun and easy to watch. I believe that sometimes they have unrealistic plots though. With that said I think there is a special ability from romcoms and how they can change your mood. They sometimes put me in a dreamy mood about love, where it's simplified and seems so magical.
ReplyDeleteI find this blog very interesting. I have always loved watching rom coms and grew up surrounded by other friends and family that do as well, so I forget that a lot of people don't love them as much. For me, it is an escape from reality. I never watched them thinking they embodied a "perfect" relationship, but it was always a fun cheesy movie to watch that could put my brain into autopilot for a few hours. I like the interview included in the blog because it showed another opinion other than your own and gave some insight. It highlighted the fact that there are so may reasons as to why people watch rom coms and what they are looking to gain from it. My mom and I watched rom coms a lot growing up, like how to lose a guy in 10 days. We loved to get cuddled up and eat junk food while immersing ourselves into the characters. Like I said before, it was never about idolizing them, but simply letting them take you into their world.
ReplyDeleteThis was very well written, and it was interesting to see how others view romcoms and the real-life impact they have on some people. As someone who loves movies and romcoms, I relate to the feeling of wanting a romcom love, but at the same time, I do think that Hefner and you make a good point that sometimes it can affect a person's life satisfaction. Like mine, sometimes I watch romcoms and think it's so cute how in love they are, but other times I get jealous of what the characters have, and that applies to even my favorite romcom (10 things I hate about you). I love watching rom-coms with my friends for many reasons I just think it's so fun to watch a fun and cute movie with the people you are close to. A lot of times, we talk about how much we want what the main couple has but are happy for them and are normally glad about the outcome of the movie.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who loves watching romcoms this was very interesting to me. Yes I love watching them but they I catch myself craving that kind of "love." In reality relationships don't usually happen like that. I know that but I also catching myself in real life looking for that kind of thing. I feel like I am in the middle and my mind sometimes deceives me because I know that Hefners four common themes aren't usually what happens in real life but sometimes I have the expectation that it will happen to me. I think romcoms are great movies but people need to understand they are made to make you feel for them and crave that in real life.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love watching rom-coms. They are a great pick-me-up activity and especially fun to watch. I believe Hefner's themes of rom-coms do not apply to real life in every aspect. That being said, I think some are true, such as "love at first sight," but in a different way. I believe a person can automatically be attracted to another person and quickly catch feelings, but I don't believe it can be considered automatic love. I believe the idealization of the perfect partner can also exist in real life. For example, one of my friends has never dated because she is searching for the "perfect person." Overall, I love rom-coms, even if they set some unrealistic expectations, the thrill of watching them is the best part.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very intriguing blog post. I love rom coms, but I have never taken the time to think deeper about their effect and correlation to reality. They are often movies that I would watch with my mom to experience that "feel good" feeling. I do think that sometimes I experience an expectation of these out of the ordinary rom com things to happen to me, but in reality I don't think that this is very plausible. I do think that the point from Hefners four points that it can effect a persons life satisfaction could hold a strong argument. I think often when we have the expectation of the rom com love we can get in our own heads and get disappointed that we have not achieved that. I do love rom coms and think I always will, but I think it is important to have a realistic view of life.
ReplyDeleteRomcoms show love stories that seem perfect but aren't real. Some of my family loves them, but I'm not a big fan. I had a conversation with one of my friends and what she thinks about the common themes in romcoms, like love at first sight or soulmates. She doesn't think love at first sight is real but thinks soulmates exist. She also agrees that love takes work, not just magic. Romcoms might not show real life, but they're fun to watch for a break from reality.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this take on romcoms. No one seems to talk about the false reality of it all. Mostly the take away people have is how they want that to be their life. I have to admit, I do enjoy watching romcoms. They give me this sense of hope for love and hope that people are not all bad. I understand that it's a false reality and not how the real world actually works. My mother believes in the "love at first sight" and "one true love". She is a romcom lover. I would have to disagree. I don't believe we only have one true love. I believe we can have multiple, it depends on what stage of your life you are in. Love does not conquer all. It matters if you are willing to fight for that love, as well get through the hard times.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I like watching rom-coms! I go into it with the expectation of it being incredibly sappy and unrealistic, but that is what makes it fun. I like the escape into the perfect world these people are in. The four common themes Hefner found are not completely true in real life. I don't think you can feel love for someone just by looking at them, I think you need to make a genuine connection with them. However, I do believe something like a soulmate exists, but I don't think there is only one true love for everyone. I also don't believe that there is a perfect partner for someone, everyone has flaws in and out of relationships.
ReplyDeleteI have a love hate relationship with rom-coms. I think they are fun to watch but often taken too serious. For most relationships, a rom-com is not the most realistic thing for them. For my personal relationship, after watching them I often feel bad about my relationship because of the high standards rom-coms can create. They also can cause me to feel like something is wrong due to the difference in their story versus mine. But in reality love isn't perfect and I believe you can love multiple people and also fall in and out of love. Overall, I think they're a fun watch but not something you should compare real life relationships to.
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DeleteI thoroughly enjoy watching rom-coms. They are super entertaining and always put me in a better mood. With that being said, I don't see them as realistic at all. The concept of "love at first sight" might make for a compelling on-screen romance, but love takes time and trust in real life. The idea of a "soulmate" or "the one" feels fake. Relationships aren’t about finding someone who is magically perfect for you, I think that it is about growing together and understanding imperfections. Rom-coms are perfect for getting lost in a delusional love story for a couple hours, but real love isn’t that simple. Overall I don’t see rom-coms as realistic love stories but I definitely could sit and watch them for hours.
ReplyDeleteRom Coms often depict idealized love scenarios that, while entertaining, can sometimes feel unrealistic. The four themes identified by Hefner idealizing others, the notion of soul mates, love at first sight, and the idea that love conquers all reflect a fantasy version of romance. While these themes can be fun to watch, they don’t always align with the complexity of real relationships. I agree that true love isn’t just about finding the perfect partner or experiencing love at first sight, it requires effort, communication, and mutual growth. Romcoms can be fun and uplifting, but they should be taken with a grain of salt!
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ReplyDeleteI’ve always thought that romantic comedies, while entertaining, present an overly idealized version of love. Themes like "love at first sight," "soulmates," and "love conquers all" are charming on screen, but in real life, I’ve come to realize that love is far more complex. From my personal experience, I believe successful relationships are built on time, effort, and open communication, rather than on some magical connection that happens in the blink of an eye.
For instance, when I was younger, I used to believe in the idea of "love at first sight," thinking that if I met the right person, everything would fall into place. But as I’ve grown, I’ve learned that real emotional connections take time to develop. It’s not enough to just have chemistry with someone – building trust, having honest conversations, and supporting each other through challenges are the true foundations of a strong relationship. I’ve seen this firsthand with friends who initially believed in the fairy-tale version of love, only to realize that it’s the day-to-day effort that truly matters in making a relationship work.
While romantic comedies can be fun to watch and offer a temporary escape, I think it’s important not to confuse the fantasy with reality. These movies tend to overlook the hard work, compromise, and patience that are required to make relationships last. It’s not about waiting for the perfect moment or grand gesture, but about continuously working together and communicating openly. When problems arise, it’s not love alone that solves them, but the willingness to face them together and make things better as a team.
In conclusion, while I enjoy romantic comedies for their feel-good moments, I don’t think they should be seen as an accurate reflection of what real relationships look like. True love, in my opinion, is about effort, understanding, and mutual growth – things that go far beyond what you see in the movies.
This was a great post with such good insight, I really enjoyed reading it. I think especially with recent generations Romcoms are used in idealizing romantic relationships a lot and this can sometimes work in their favor or against people. I honestly am one to fall for and quite enjoy a good Romcom, however there are also times when I have those moments of disbelief and become a bit uninterested. When it comes to Hefner's common themes can have some true to them, with exceptions of course. I also think the way we view these four themes can be altered by our own life experiences and our definitions and views of the topics. For example, love at first sight is not something I think can occur, I do believe interest at first sight can occur, not love, love for me is a very strong and deep feeling that needs dedicated time. However, maybe for others feeling in love and saying “I love you” can come to them relatively quickly, which can have an influence on the four themes.
ReplyDeleteI do not watch romcoms, but I agree with how it said love at first sight is not a real thing. Who the person is is much more important than their looks. I do believe that romcoms are unrealistic and bad.
ReplyDeleteI am personally someone who loves to watch a rom com and honestly I have watched my fair share of them. Although I am a fan I don’t personally think that Hefner’s four themes or rom coms are true in real life. I think love and relationships take a lot of work and it isn’t something you just necessarily get by looking at some stranger. I do however think that there can be instances of coincidences that feel magical or feel like fate. For example, one of my friends met her current boyfriend at a coffee shop where they ordered the same and both went to grab it at the pickup counter. Which feels like something you would see on a rom com but it’s just a happy coincidence that led them together.
ReplyDeleteI thought that your blog was super interesting and insightful. I enjoyed reading about Hefner's (2019) four themes for romcoms and think that some of the themes can be related to real life. I believe that everyone has a soul mate/the one, whether it be romantic or platonic. But, I, like your friend, do not believe that love at first sight is real. I think there could be a passionate, physical attraction, but there is no way that intimacy and compassionate love can form in such a short amount of time. As for my opinion on romcoms, I really enjoy watching them, but I think that they set an unrealistic standard for many people. I think they are great, but people should not depend on these on what they believe their love life should look or be like.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I do enjoy rom-coms or really any romantic story in the media, not because I believe in Hefner's four themes but because it's fun to watch love that is portrayed in such an idealized manner. I think that sometimes it can set up unrealistic expectations for love, for example when I was younger all I wanted was to have a high school relationship like in my favorite movie 10 Things I Hate About You. While I did have relationships, it was nothing like that movie and even though I was disappointed I don't think it wavered my love for rom-coms or the idea of a soulmate.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post! It was interesting to read. I have never really liked romcoms. I think this comes from how unrealistic I think they can be. They make false idealizations about love that is nothing compared to real life. My mom on the other hand can watch as many of them and not get bored or complain about them. I will still watch them, however I need to watch them with someone else in order for me to sit through them and even then I will complain or scoff in certain scenes. Maybe I also do not like them because I know that I will never experience the kind of love that is shown on the movies. Ive always had bad luck in relationships and sometimes watching romcoms bums me out. While there is nothing wrong with romcoms, they are just not for me.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me laugh because I’ve had very similar debates with my friends and roommates over rom-coms. She sometimes calls them her mental comfort food, while I find them sometimes unrealistic. I remember watching The Notebook and rolling my eyes while she was crying by the end. I agree with your friend that love at first sight was a stretch. Because real relationships take compromise, time, and understanding, and aren’t just an airport reunion. I also understand how romcom can be an appeal to some people by the fantasy of perfect love that people want to believe in. I didn’t expect that partner. Individuals would be more satisfied after watching them, but it makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI really loved this post! As an avid romance movie watcher, it can really paint a different reality of what a relationship should look like or what a partner should be doing. When I was feeling sad or bored, it was so easy to turn on a movie like Notting Hill (my favorite) and tune out the world. For years I was watching movies like this and when I got into a relationship, I was lost to why my relationship wasn't full of adventures everyday or the sweep you off your feet love. Not that my relationship isn't full of love, but I saw it as less than compared to these movies, even though it was perfect. I still think that romcoms are fantastic, but sometimes they do twist your perspective into something that isn't real.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great post on romcoms and how they differ from the real world! I think romcoms are great and I find a lot of joy watching them, but not all romcoms. There are some romcoms especially nowadays that don’t give off the same feeling as early romcoms do, specifically the late 90s and early 2000s where it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Hefner’s 4 themes, however, can and cannot be true in real life because I think romcoms do cause you to believe that there is this perfect partner for you, but I’m not sure if love conquers all, all the time. I can see both sides of this though where romcoms can or cannot bring satisfaction into one’s life and it was interesting that men had higher satisfaction than women after watching romcoms. Overall, very thoughtful discussion!
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun and interesting take on romcoms! I also agree that I don’t agree with the idea of love at first sight or finding your soulmate first try. That idea has always seemed outlandish and something you would only see in romcoms. I do watch romcoms when I am sad and need a boost because they are cheesy and help provide hope when love or relationships feel so far away. What resonated with me the most was the fact that partnered individuals reported to have higher life satisfaction after watching romcoms. That is something I would have never guessed but found really interesting.
ReplyDeleteI love romcoms they’re actually my favorite kind of movies! I agree with you that they offer a fun fantasy world to escape to, even though the scenarios can be a bit unrealistic. I do think the idea of a "perfect match" resonates with me more than the concept of love at first sight. While that idea feels far-fetched, I do believe in the idea that love requires work and dedication, not just the perfect fairy tale moments. Watching romcoms definitely gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling, and even though they're not always realistic, they still make me hopeful about love! Although growing older I drew the fine line of not getting so consumed with them and truly just watching 2 partners fall in love with each other.
ReplyDeleteThis post was super relatable and fun to read! I liked that you broke down the four main romcom themes that Hefner cites and then compared those to what your friend himself had said — it made the topic feel more alive and concrete. Let me say, love at first sight doesn’t hold up in real life, and I liked your friend’s response that love isn’t enough alone, relationships take real work. I was surprised by the discovery that it’s actually men and people in relationships who feel that their life satisfaction significantly increases after watching romcoms. I would've assumed the other way around as well! I don’t love a romcom personally, but sometimes it’s a fun escape. I will When I Get to It: 10 Things I Hate About You is my favorite!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely adore Romcoms. I like the way it makes me hopeful to believe that one’s soulmate does exist. I will say that the early 2000s movies are more my type than the ones made nowadays. I enjoy the idea of meeting others through friends, work, class, club, and other social places. The movies made now the main characters meet through some type of social media. I will say, though, that not all four of Hefner’s themes are not always true in real life. I mean, how often do you look at someone and just automatically know they’re going to be the love of your life? I think it’s possible to look at someone for the first time and have an immense attraction towards them. I also think it’s possible to get to know someone first and later find them attractive. My all-time favorite movie is “10 Things I Hate About You.”
ReplyDeleteThis was such a thoughtful and engaging post. I do not usually gravitate toward romantic comedies, but I have found myself watching them occasionally when I need a mental break. I agree with your friend’s perspective that while the movies are entertaining, the themes like love at first sight or love conquering all are not realistic. After watching my sister go through a long and complicated breakup, I have seen how much work real relationships require. The idea of a soulmate sounds romantic, but it takes mutual effort and compatibility to make something last. One of my favorite romcoms is Crazy Rich Asians because it still gives that fairytale feeling while also showing some real emotional conflict and family dynamics.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I hate romcoms. I think they're boring and cliche and always have the same stories. I think Veronica Hefner's study is super interesting though. I had to look more into what her "idealization of others" meant, and I would say that it is probably true in real life. I think that idea is comparible to the saying "rose-tinted glasses" meaning that people do not see their relationship from a logical point of view or an outside perspective, they only see what they want to see in their partner, idealizing them and making them seem perfect. As for soulmates, my spiritual side wants to agree with this, saying who we end up with is who we are meant to end up with, but I know that this is not true in the real world. With enough hardwork and dedication I think a person can make anyone seem like a soulmate as long as that is what they both want. Love at first sight is such a silly phrase to me because how shallow of an idea is that? First sight implies that the connection is purely based off looks and you can never determine someone's character, goals, and values based off of that. Lastly, "love conquers all." This one is tricky because from an outside perspective it may seem like it is true, but as someone who has put in the work to rekindle a relationship I say that it is the dedication, communication, AND love that conquers all; not just the love. Anyways, thanks for such an informative post, it was so great to read!
ReplyDeleteGreat job on this post! Personally, I think romcoms show a wishful thinking that isn't a reality. I think rom coms would be better if they had some more realistic parts of a relationship such as working through difficult times and most of all communicating with each other about the relationship. In my experience with these movies they usually have one short scene where they use basic methods to explain a vague understanding about what is going on with themselves and all else is perfect which isn't really how relationships work in the real world. That being said they are made for entertainment and are not documentaries. I didn't know there were official studies on rom coms either which was cool to learn about!
ReplyDeleteThis was super interesting to read! My dad, sisters, and grandma really like romcoms as well, but I do not really like watching them. I relate because I also think that the storylines are very wishful and are not common. I often find myself thinking of attachment theory while watching them because there seems to be a lot of stories where one partner becomes the pursuer and the other withdraws and then when one changes the pattern, the other switches roles as well! I found the research you incorporated to be surprising as well. I would not expect males to report higher levels of satisfaction after watching romcoms, but this makes a lot of sense because my dad really seems to enjoy those stories while my step mom and I seem to not take them as seriously. I definitely would have guessed it to be the other way around, that women would report feeling more satisfaction after watching a romcom than males.
ReplyDeleteI think the comparison of Romcoms to reality is not only interesting because of the staying of how reality connects to art but what makes it more intriguing is how we doing look at media as a form of high expectations when taking about the dating scene. Yes, when taking about the present world we can look to social media and dating apps as why our modern dating world is hell. But we often don’t look at traditional media like romcoms as a reason why it might lead to our hellish dating world. How romcoms make a dream world of love where you keep fighting for love even when everything is against you even your own partner. Because love gives you that crazy feeling. I think when watching romcoms like 13 going on 30 and comparing that movie to our modern world dating scene or even my own romance life, the parallel are hard to escape. This need to hold on, similar to how a year ago I couldn’t let go of my feelings for guy even if he wouldn’t talk to me is parallel within romcoms. As within romcoms logic it would tell me to hold on or how social media would tell me to let go knowing that the generation growing up thrive for false relationships. This dream romcoms creates don’t only live in this form of media but thought-out society as it’s a tool to uphold it. So, it doesn’t mater if a dating coach tells you something different, it doesn’t matter because society thought traditional and non media tells you otherwise.
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