Is
it just me, or has being in a pandemic totally tricked our brains about love
and connection? After spending almost a year with only a fraction of my usual
personal interactions, it seems that coming back into a new normal is not
seamless. On the one hand, I feel more independent and content with myself than
ever. On the other, I am desperate for human connection. I was curious how
attachment style may influence our experience of relationships in unprecedented
situations, and decided to ask a friend of mine, Tanya, about her recent
interactions. Based on the characteristics explained in lecture by Dr. Harvey
(2021), Tanya identified herself as leaning more toward an avoidant attachment
style, unlike myself as I tend to be more anxious. Yet, she shared with me that
she relates to my experience of feeling polarized, saying,
“It’s
like I fall in love a little bit every day. I will see a cute guy in my
apartment building, and for the next 24 hours, I will be sure that he’s the
one. I’ve got our wedding planned; our children’s names picked out. But if he
were to actually come up and talk to me or, god forbid, ask me out? I wouldn’t
know what to do. I’m not really the type to go on dates with complete
strangers, because I am typically happy on my own.”
When
I asked her if this was new behavior for her, she said yes, explaining that she
didn’t feel these obsessive crushes before.
“Someone
usually has to really impress me to get my attention, but now, it’s like anyone
is up for grabs. I guess I was fine being alone when it seemed like there was
always the option available. Since quarantine, though, I realized I need people
more than I thought.”
Tanya
may be experiencing the influence of the Halo Effect, a phenomenon in which one
perceives more attractive faces to also be more trustworthy. Research has
generally shown that securely attached people exhibit the Halo Effect more
strongly because they are less wary of others. Results from a recent study by
Gabrieli, Lim, and Esposito (2021), complicate this, though. In their study, participants
were randomly assigned to watch one of three videos depicting either couples
hugging, a news clip on the importance of social distancing, or a short nature
video, and were then asked to rate the attractiveness and trustworthiness of human
faces. Researchers found that people who were shown the video of hugging or of
social distancing made stronger judgements on the faces and, regardless of the
individuals attachment style, showed more of the Halo Effect. The authors
hypothesized that this was because when people are exposed to either the idea
of being near others or the threat of being away from others, they are more
invested in making quick decisions about strangers who may offer them comfort
and connection (Gabrieli, Lim, & Esposity, 2021). This could explain why
Tanya, who has lacked time to socialize and connect, is drawn to strangers she
finds attractive much more strongly than she was previously.
Although
this was an ambitious study that will need far more research to fully
understand, it certainly points us in an interesting direction as we continue
to explore how attachment style and experience of isolation may impact each
other. This also adds to the debate around whether attachment styles are states
or traits (Harvey, 2021) because it shows that our attachment style may not be
an inherent quality, but instead fluctuates based on the situation. I, too,
have personally felt shifts in my attachment style over the pandemic. Unlike
Tanya, I have become less invested with strangers because I have somewhat
adjusted to being more isolated. Yet, the relationships I do form have become highly
important to me, and I demand more from the people I interact with.
So,
I am curious: have you become more or less preoccupied with relationships since
the pandemic? Do you feel any of your attachment behaviors have changed, or
maybe your entire attachment style? Let me know in the comments!
Gabrieli,
G., Lim, Y. Y., & Esposito, G. (2021). Influences of Social Distancing and
attachment
styles
on the strength of the Halo Effect. PLoS ONE, 16(8), 1–16.
https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1371/journal.pone.0256364
Harvey,
A. (2021). Couples and attachment [PowerPoint Slides]. Retrieved from
Colorado State
University
Canvas site for HDFS 402. https://colostate.instructure.com/
courses/133036/pages/module-9-overview?module_item_id=4055555.
Wow! I found this blog post extremely interesting. There are many unknown implications from the COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine that are slowly being discovered. While the effects mentioned here may not be 100% true for everyone, after reading this blog post, I can see how I may have been similarly affected by the pandemic. I recently have found more interest in people than I ever had before. I find the conversation I have to be more interesting and a broader range of people to be attractive. I chopped this up to being something to do with my age and/or hormones. However now that you mention it, I may just have a new priority for human connection after being starved of it for months.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was so fascinating! With every new paragraph I found something to relate to! I related to you when you felt more okay with being alone since the pandemic and I am the same way. I used to hate being alone and now I crave alone time and cannot spend days with people like I used to. However, I also related to Tanya's statement about being attracted to more strangers. Personally for me I think an added reason is because there is the mystery of whether or not they are actually cute under their mask. I think another reason is that because we had to cut down our socialization and we were a lot more bored, we had a lot more free time to think about that attractive stranger we saw. I found your point about attachment styles fluctuating to be a really good point that I had not thought about!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this blog post! It made me really think about my time during the pandemic. I have been in a committed and loving relationship since 2017 with my partner. We have talked about how grateful we are to be in a relationship in general, but especially during the pandemic. However, this has not stopped me from feeling similar feelings to both you and your friend Tanya. I will see an attractive person in the grocery store and think about what it would be like to be with them. Not as serious as marriage or children but more what it would be like to date them. I think about what kind of music they listen to or if they like to be outdoors or not. It is never anything serious and the thoughts about these people leave as soon as they came. I think this has a lot to do with the pandemic and even though I have become so close with my small circle of friends it still feels isolated and lonely sometimes. On the other hand, my partner and I have discussed how grateful we are to be in a relationship because of all of the struggles we don't have to encounter in the "dating world". We experience our own struggles but we are comfortable with each other and confident in our relationship. I think the pandemic has made me even more grateful to have him in my life. We have grown so much together and learned so much about each other during the pandemic. I think your feelings are totally valid and I think everyone experiences similar feelings, even if they are in a relationship. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your thoughts! Very interesting and I'm so glad I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was super interesting to me. I had not realized that my attachment style has in fact changed since the pandemic started until reading this and reflecting on myself. I have always been comfortable on my own because I knew if I wanted social interaction that I could just go out and interact with others. However, being cooped up inside and not allowed to interact with others like I had previously had, definitely made me change how I view my relationships. Specifically, with guys, I feel like I resonate with your friend because the limited interactions made me realize that I did not want to end up alone forever. Thank you for sharing your research!
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post to be very interesting, in a sense that I didn’t really think about this during quarantine and the pandemic. It is interesting how one’s attachment style can change by just simply removing the day-to-day connections that someone has with other individuals. I have personally found myself longing for that connection with another person. It has led me to redownloading dating apps just to get some sense of response and attention from another individual. On the other hand now almost two years into COVID life, I for the first time have found myself not wanting that connection anymore. In a sense, I can relate to Tanya and I am less invested in these random strangers on the dating apps.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved this blog post! You have successfully combined two things that are of peak interest to me as of late: attachment style, and how messed up our social behaviors have become after experiencing a global pandemic. It was mind blowing to me to read about the "halo effect," and how the threat of being separated from others and our surroundings can dictate how rational we are when determining the trustworthiness of another person. I can relate to you in the sense that I am much more of an anxious attachment type, and have become comfortable with the seclusion the pandemic has provided. If anything I have become more like "Pre-Pandemic Tanya" in the sense that someone really needs to impress me in order to strike my interest. It is so fascinating to consider how much your environment can influence what relationships/people you seek out. Thank you so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have had a boyfriend throughout the whole pandemic, I still understand how social distancing can affect attachment style. I am still in my current relationship, but I do feel like when another guy is giving me attention that I tend to entertain more than I would have before the pandemic. I feel like since we were all shut off from meeting new people and having human interactions, I personally seem to get more attached an AM much more open to talking to strangers. For example, I was at a bar a few weeks ago having drinks for my friend's 21st birthday and I guy came up to me and we started having just a casual conversation and I loved the attention that I got from him although it's not like I'm not getting any attention from my significant other. Therefore, when he asked me for my Snapchat, I gave it to him without even thinking twice although if this would have been before the pandemic, I don't think I would have shared that information with him or even talked to him for time that we talked. Also, since him and I talked I felt like I wanted to get out of my current relationship which I feel like definitely would not have happened if it wasn't for being so isolated and not being able to have these experiences for the last year and a half. I felt like that one experience was very eye opening considering I didn't think that I would act like that but in the moment that is how I responded so it was interesting to look back at how I was feeling during that situation and how my significant other makes me feel.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post is so relatable, I loved reading it! It's great to know that I am not alone when it comes to a difference in attachment style since COVID. I am similar to Tanya and have been getting attached to almost every attractive guy I see until a new one pops up. This is a very new experience for me. I am usually not the type of person to get attached to anyone, I have only had one serious relationship in my life and it only lasted 2 months. I have always been perfectly happy and never went seeking relationships or guys in general. Now I find myself attached to a new guy every day and wanting to be in a relationship. It's very interesting to find that there may be a reason behind these feelings, and they may be common amongst other women.
ReplyDeleteThis is very relatable! I had never thought about it this way, but I did have a similar experience being in a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, like many, I did have to separate myself from my partner for about two weeks near the beginning of the pandemic. During this time, I have realized how much I needed to be around my partner. Before the pandemic, I felt okay and comfortable with having some time for myself, this however, seemed to change after I was separated from my partner for more time than I'm used to. It was harder being separated for this long than I thought it would be.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your blog! I would say I lean more towards the anxious attachment style, but I definitely related to Tanya’s experience of having a shift in attraction. That being said, I think that over the course of the pandemic I have shifted from having a more avoidant attachment style to having an anxious one. I noticed it at the beginning of this semester, and it has been a very interesting change. I also have noticed that this shift in attraction is stronger when I am wildly busy which would make sense with the Halo effect. I hope that there is research that will come out about attachment styles shifting throughout this pandemic.
It was very interesting to read about how the different attachment affect the way people look at others after the pandemic. I think we can all agree that the pandemic has changed our perspectives on relationships. I thought it was so interesting to hear how Tanya's attachment style led her to notice that she was being more open in her head about people but if it came down to acting on it, that was a different story. I feel as though for myself after the pandemic first started I enjoyed being able to take the time for myself. Now that there are more interactions with people I do not care as much for trying to find a relationship. I am more happy with spending time with my friends and family and not trying to find a relationship.
ReplyDeleteHi Maddie!-- Wow, I really enjoyed this blog post, and as many have also shared, I found so much you wrote very relatable. I absolutely resonated with feeling a shift in attachment style during the pandemic, as I found myself identifying or leaning towards more towards an anxious attachment style at the end of the pandemic. Previously, I felt that I had a secure attachment but during the pandemic my boyfriend and I began living together because the stress and anxiety of being apart was too much for us. It added additional stressors to our relationship that we had to work through, and we both realized how much more we supported each other than we had previously thought (or maybe realized). With my social interactions being reduced as a result of the pandemic, I felt hyper-focused on thee relationships I was able to maintain in-person.
ReplyDeleteThis blog was interesting. When I was reading it, it truly made me question my relationship with friends, family, and potentially significant others. When I reflect on my past and present relationships, I see that there has been a change. When I was away from my friends before the pandemic, was I ok with taking time away from them, and not seeing them every day. Now that I look at my relationships with my friends now, as the pandemic continues, I want to spend more time with them, and it became more difficult the longer I was away from them. In another sense, I see that now I am more eager for attention from men. Whereas, before the pandemic, I was seemed more content and was ok with being single. Your blog allowed me to realize how the environment can change your relationships with people. I enjoyed reading your blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and research.
ReplyDeleteThis blog was interesting and enjoyable to read. When I was reading it, it truly made me question my relationship with friends, family, and potentially significant others. When I reflect on my past and present relationships, I see that there has been a change. When I was away from my friends before the pandemic, was I ok with taking time away from them, and not seeing them every day. Now that I look at my relationships with my friends now, as the pandemic continues, I want to spend more time with them, and it became more difficult the longer I was away from them. In another sense, I see that now I am more eager for attention from men. Whereas, before the pandemic, I was seemed more content and was ok with being single. Your blog allowed me to realize how the environment can change your relationships with people. I enjoyed reading your blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and research.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting post and I related to Tanya a lot! I consider myself a confident woman and yet I have really been searching for a relationship since the pandemic. Only recently I have been drawn to folks I barely know but have really lacked the confidence to act on any of my feelings. Since the pandemic I have also been very intentional with the friendships I already have and have been valuing them more strongly because I felt super lonely and unconnected during the beginning of covid. Regarding the Halo effect I often feel that people that I am attracted to, are often not conventionally attractive in society and I wonder how that changes the impact of the halo effect?
ReplyDeleteThis blog was very interesting to read! I enjoyed learning more about this topic. Regarding your questions, for me, I started this pandemic in a relationship. When it ended I became much less preoccupied with relationships in general. However, now that the pandemic has been going on longer, I have begun feeling more preoccupied with relationships now. I think this pandemic has led me to feel more lonely and disconnected from others due to being so isolated and staying in my "bubble". Now that a relationship seems like less of an option, I seem to be more preoccupied with thinking about it likely due to feeling more disconnected from everyone. Overall, I am still content with being single, but having a companion during the pandemic seems like it would make it less disconnecting.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Madie thank you so much for sharing this! I have found it hard for me to put words to my feelings and all the gumble that goes through my mind daily, however this research you did summed up exactly how I was feeling over the past year and a half with COVID. A guy with pretty eyes will come by my coffee shop once and I think I am destined to be with him based off his order of a simple late and his eyes even though I know nothing about him and never even saw the bottom of his face. Attraction is so interesting, and I think that my attachment behaviors have defiantly changed since the start of the pandemic and are continuously changing throughout my everyday life. Thank you so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was super interesting to read, because I have noticed the ways my feelings and thoughts have changed about my connections with people since the pandemic. It is also interesting to see the comparison between you and your friend- how she has obsessive crushes and you feel like you want to be more distant to others. I think it is a very common idea that since COVID happened, people crave more human connection and feel more alone, so I understand. I feel as though human connection is almost scarier and you feel a lot more vulnerable nowadays after being so used to being alone for so long. It is a very interesting concept, and I am so happy you shared!
ReplyDeleteMadie I absolutely loved reading your blog post! It described everything that I am feeling after quarantine and COVID. During quarantine I thought that I didn’t need any human interactions because I had social media and I wouldn’t miss out on people’s life updates. But, it wasn’t until I got back to the real world and back to college when I realized that I needed people more than I thought. I have been feeling more attached to my friends and family than I have ever been! This truly shows an example of why we need human interactions. I also experienced the Halo Effect because I find everyone friendly and want to be their friends but on the other hand some people don’t care about me being their friend.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie, thank you for your contribution. This post is very relatable and interesting to read because I think my attachment style is very similar to Tanya’s when it comes to personal interactions during the COVID pandemic. I did not have a boyfriend throughout the pandemic; more specifically, I’ve been single for almost two years (my ex-boyfriend and I broke up at the beginning of the pandemic). It was painful because I took the relationship seriously. On the other hand, I wasn’t able to hang out with my friends to release stress because of the pandemic. But I remember one day, I saw a guy in the apartment lobby when I was picking up my delivery food, and he was waiting for his food at well. He looks cute, totally my type. I knew that I had a crush on him. I was thinking about him the whole day. I met him again the second day and the third day because we always ordered food at a similar time. He noticed me too, and he asked for my phone number on the third day. I was excited, but I hesitated when he texted me and asked me if I wanted to eat at a restaurant together, and I said no after consideration. So I would identify myself as having an avoidant attachment style. Thank you again for sharing the story!
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog topic very relatable. I also have noticed from personal experience and talking to my friend that after COVID the way we felt attracted to others has changed. For me, I noticed that I became comfortable with myself to a point that I don’t really obsess over being in a relationship. Compared to my friends, where they are still adapting themselves back into the dating pool and being a bit more selective in who they are attracted to. Now taking a look at attachment, I didn’t put much thought into how this might be impacted by social distancing, but I see that this has major implications in how relationships are developed.
I agree that the covid experience has had an impact not only on my attachment but my romantic life as well. I agree with the commentary highlighted in this blog post. I also have witnessed in myself the tendency to have much quicker attachment. Finding that someone I see in passing, sticks in my head longer than they ever would have before. This was an interesting implementation of attachment theory that I had never considered before. I look forward to seeing how these changes in attachment behavior and style will play out over time.
ReplyDeleteI feel like since the pandemic I have been more preoccupied with emotional and physical relationships. I mean I got married and decided to have a child all in the span of 2 years. I used to question if it was because I was lonely or because I wanted attention or what it was. As I got further into my relationship I realized how much my attachment has changed. I went from a very insecure attachment style to a secure attachment style. I feel like this wasn't from the pandemic though, yes we had to talk more because we were always together and couldn't do anything else but talk but I feel like it was also my partner. My partner truly brought out the best in me and when I wanted to fight argue and run he made me face it and talk about it, it just so happened that I didn't have anywhere else to run to because everything was closed. So even if I wanted to run away from our problems I had no where to run. The pandemic assisted in the building of my relationship but my partner and I were the ones that made it work.
ReplyDeleteThis post is extremely relevant to me as a college student with a developing love life. I feel as though quarantine has both encouraged me to become more comfortable with being by myself and more independent, but also strengthened my urge to seek human connection in new ways. For example, prior to quarantine I spent a lot of time on my phone, talking to my friends and boyfriend through technology. Nowadays, after having been forced to rely on technology as my primary means of human interaction, I find myself using technology primarily to make plans to see people in person, rather than using it as a primary means of communication.
ReplyDeleteI really like this discussion regarding the 'Halo Effect' as this is something I have always heard but I was entirely unaware that it was an actual psychological process that can have a constant effect on our perception of people and how we view everyone around us. I think this topic is relevant in my life because I have always felt like people find my friends who are more attractive as 'better people', it is sort of a relief to know that this is not people just skipping over me, but rather a deep rooted scientific process where people will automatically assume the more attractive people around me are their go-to choice for things.
ReplyDeleteThis topic is very relatable to my life and many others! I feel like I notice everyone craving human interaction now more than ever. People will do what it takes to be noticed in a new way. On the flip side, I began a relationship at the start of covid and we found ourselves to be in the "honeymoon phase" for longer than the normal amount of time. We think this is because it took us a long time to experience living in the real world together. Once I had the human interaction of a new relationship, things seemed to go smoothly for longer than usual because of the lack of human interaction beforehand.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie! I thought your topic was very thought provoking and I found myself stopping to relate or ponder my reactions. I think it brings a popular subject of finding relationships after quarantine and sheds light on the commonalities during this unprecedented time of indifference. A time where people are connecting in new ways not always out of interest, but perhaps familiarity, catching a glimpse of an attractive person at the store or in your neighborhood and continuing to think about them. Personally, since the pandemic I have found that I adapted to spending time alone. After I had to stay at home and learn to live with the pandemic going out was different and hard at first. Meeting new people was a task that I had to get back into the rhythm of, and regain social skills in situations where I met someone I was attracted to. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic!
ReplyDeleteCovid has really put a damper on my love life personally because I didn’t have the opportunity to go out and meet new people and make new connections! I related to Tanya when she expressed her level of attachment during COVID, as I too, expressed feelings of intense desire when I saw someone who was cute just because of the lack of affection and attention I was receiving during the pandemic. Relating to Tanya, I also experienced a new behavior of obsessive crushes which was new to me. I think at the beginning of the pandemic I was really invested in my alone time and becoming more independent, but as it continued to drone out, I really wanted to make more of a connection with people. Because I didn't have the opportunity to, I would begin to fantasize about random strangers just because I could. I Really enjoyed your post, it was very interesting to think about! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this blog! I would first like to say that your addition of the research on the Halo Effect was very interesting to read about and really gave me a clearer example that our attachment styles really might have changed throughout the pandemic where we have had less interaction with others than we normally do. I have experienced this in my own way when I was going through chemotherapy. I of course had to limit my interaction with anyone other than my family and my care team and while I was going through treatment I found myself convinced that my chemotherapy nurse was interested in me even though I was his patient. I think that the reason for this shift in my mindset and why I was so convinced of this was because I had limited interaction with people and I took the act of someone taking care of me for actual interest on a romantic level. I think it's very interesting how different levels of interaction can affect our attachment to people. Great blog!
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteWhile reading through this blog post, I found it incredibly interesting to read about the Halo Effect and how the pandemic has potentially impacted our attachment styles. I can say that while maintaining a serious romantic relationship throughout the pandemic, friendship wise I have seen a change in my daily interactions. As a person with a typically anxious attachment and introverted tendencies, prior to the pandemic, I would find myself avoiding social contact outside of my comfort zone and sticking to my usual friend group. However, after being isolated during both my freshman year of college and the pandemic, I have completely changed that attitude. I have been putting myself out there more and more and trying to talk to people that I pass in the hallway or on my way to class. Until I read this post, I didn’t really consider this difference in attachment but find it interesting and would love to read more about it! Great blog post!
Jessica Teddy
DeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteThis post really grabbed my attention. The idea that because of lockdown and COVID related social problems over the last two years, our social and romantic attachments have changed is incredibly interesting to me. I personally met my now boyfriend right before the pandemic erupted and have realized that the beginning of this relationship was WAY different than the beginning of any of my others. Since we couldn’t go out on dates and have planned things to do, we spent a lot of time hanging out at home, making dinner rather than going out, and doing more outside activities. I feel that this brought us a LOT closer together a lot faster than any other relationship I experienced which is both terrifying and interesting. I consider myself to be anxiously attached but, in this relationship, I was a little bit more secure than I had been in the past, I was living in the moment rather than planning a future right off the bat and worrying about what is going to happen. I was already too worried about what was happening in the world to really worry about a future with my boyfriend. This is the first time I have ever felt this way in a relationship, and this is my happiest and most successful relationship yet, whether that be because of who my partner is as a person or how we begun our relationship. This post definitely makes me wonder if COVID had anything to do with our success and my change in attachment though!
maddie
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed this blog, Madie! I felt it was accurate when it came to how many people are feeling in their every day interactions. I think I relate to Tanya a lot. I make quick reactions just based on if the person is attractive to me. In that brief moment of walking past them, I imagine their personality. Most of the time I do not think much about them afterward, but in the moment it is enjoyable. This is most likely because of the pandemic and wearing masks. I am more drawn now to people’s faces because I have not seen them in so long. I feel a stronger urge to look at people I pass now because of this.
ReplyDeleteHey Madie,
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing and interesting blog post! I totally agree that being in the COVID-19 pandemic made me think about love and connections. Right before the pandemic, I was in a relationship with this guy for 3 years, and I broke up with him in November. While I was going through the breakup I would talk to my best friend, Cam, and he help me feel better. Then the pandemic hit, and we got send back home, and we are from the same place. Cam and I would hangout all time during the pandemic. Soon before we knew, we fell hard for each other, and he gave me that connection and love I was looking for. During the pandemic, seeing Cam would take my mind off the pandemic, and it made me focus on our relationship. I loved your post, and I thought your post was easy to connect with.
When I was reading this blog, I kept thinking about how everything that was being said has happened to me in my own life. Dating during COVID myself has been very interesting and very draining also. At the start of COVID, I would say I had more of an anxious attachment style because of my previous relationship, but now I have more of a secure attachment style. I also thought I was fine with being by myself at first, but then I found myself always seeking someone else during the start of COVID. I have still been searching for someone in the later years of COVID, but it is not as important to me now. I think this is all because of the changes in my attachment style. I learned how much I relied on others at the start of COVID and I learned to change my thinking about this and that is why I am more of a secure attachment now.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie, I really liked your blog post. I thought it was the perfect mix of funny and relatable. I also have an avoidant attachment style, but I had a COVID crush anyways. At first I did not think that I was missing seeing other people, even ones that I did not know, but when I went to an ROTC camp over the summer, I felt this effect hard. He was not the type of person I would have been attracted to any other time, but after coming out of months of quarantine, I was way more into him than I probably would have been any other year. Thankfully, he felt the same. I liked your topic because it was very unique and enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your blog post! To start, I wanted to thank you for discussing such a relevant topic that I personally find incredibly interesting. This pandemic is such a multifaceted event that has truly impacted every aspect of our lives. Personally, I have experienced the same thing your friend Tanya has. I have also experienced the feeling of seeing one person and being absolutely set that they were going to be my future partner. Also, this obsessive crushing was new to me and it was such an odd transition for me personally to be overwhelmed with such feelings. To answer your question, I definitely feel more preoccupied in my relationships post-pandemic - how interesting! Thank you again for such a great post.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was very interesting to me and definitely relatable. To answer your question, I would say that since the pandemic started, I feel like I have become more pre-occupied with relationships. I think since we were all isolated from each other for so long it makes us miss that connection with people. I don't think that my attachment style has completely changed because I have always leaned on the more anxious side, but I think the isolation of the pandemic and my newer dependence on relationships has escalated my anxious behaviors in relationships. I definitely used to show my more independent side to the outside world, but since COVID I may seek out human connection more than I used to.
ReplyDeleteI thought this blog post was super interesting and informative. I had not heard of the Halo Effect phenomenon before, and I can relate to this phenomenon from personal experience. During the beginning of the pandemic, I became close with someone who I would have never thought I would have been attracted to without the pandemic. I agree that I experienced a shift in attachment style, but not for the same reason as becoming used to being alone. In fact, I think my attachment style has become more anxious becuase the pandemic has made me realize that relationships can change in an instant and I have an even larger fear of being alone.
ReplyDeleteHi, Madie!
ReplyDeleteAs difficult as it is to admit, you put into words what I often feel since the introduction of the COVID 19 pandemic and quarantine. It was certainly interesting to read about the Halo affect and its impact on individuals who have not been socialized since the pandemic had begun. I believe that though I have always held somewhat of an anxious attachment style, the COVID pandemic and lack of socialization has caused my anxiety to be in a relationship to become stronger. I certainly have become more comfortable with being alone or isolated, but still crave connection and intimacy, even if it is from strangers whom I find attractive. This post was super interesting to read!
This post was really intriguing to me to read because it introduced me to several new ideas I had not been aware of before. Recently I have noticed this manifest in my boyfriend’s behavior. I found a nude model on his phone recently that he had been looking at. After having a conversation with him about it, it wasn’t that he found me less interesting it was that she was a good-looking individual who he decided to look more at. I relate this to Tanya’s situation because she is seeing attractive people and becoming infatuated with them for a period of time, almost because of the pandemic. I think that this may apply to my boyfriend because the interactions during the pandemic may have led his attachment style to change. It is intriguing to me that the halo effect left Tanya infatuated with an individual for 24 hours because I think my boyfriend was experiencing something similar.
ReplyDeleteHi Maddi! I found this post really interesting and important to read and reflect on. I really agreed with your point about how being alone and away from people has made you feel a lot more independent and capable of wanting to do things on your own after the pandemic. Then on the other hand still really wanting that human connection and human contact. I found it really interesting then connecting this to attachment styles and how it affects and plays a role into the Halo effect of people and being more trusting towards people who they find attractive and just how different attachments styles have dealt with coming out of the pandemic and wanting to form relationships again. Thank you for sharing and I am curious to learn more about this!
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteI think this is such a fun topic. It really got me thinking, and I honestly think that because of the pandemic, I have become more isolated and introverted in some ways, and therefore became less preoccupied with relationships. However, now that things have (for the most part) gone back to normal, I definitely find myself thinking similarly to you, with having crushes! It’s been an interesting roller coaster effect of completely losing interest (because of the pandemic) but then I find that my attachment style has recently changed to less avoidant in some ways; like I’m definitely going out more now than I was during 2020.
Great post!
I agree a lot with the first few sentences the author stated. I think that being isolated created a sense of independence, but it was definitely hard being separated from social circles, especially if being around friends and family fills you up. This article was very interesting and it was interesting to see the Halo Effect applied to real-life circumstances. I think that after Covid, I have wanted more time with friends and more attention from them, but I also think that my social battery runs out a lot faster. I will have to think about how my attachment style has changed!
ReplyDeleteI definitely think that my attachment has not changed but has gotten way stronger than the usual. Before the pandemic I liked to hangout with people but also have some days where I stay home and just work on homework or watch TV. After the pandemic I realized that I needed people or beings around me so that I could feel safe or sane. It was hard to function or even think knowing I was the only one in my apartment, so much so I had to move back home. Mid pandemic, I reconnected with an old friend and we would have a video call almost every night. This was the first relationship I ever had where I did not have sex or have any physical touch before we became committed partners. We really fell in love with who we are as individuals, and I thank the pandemic for it.
ReplyDeleteMy attachment style has always been avoidant, and I feel like the pandemic has made my attachment behaviors even more pronounced than they were before. For instance, I feel like I have become more independent than I was before the pandemic, and that has made it difficult for me to form new relationships. I think the reason for this is that the pandemic has allowed me to become more comfortable with being alone, and now I do not feel the need to seek out new friendships or romantic relationships. Thank you for sharing this post! It has given me a lot to think about regarding how my attachment behaviors have been affected by the pandemic.
ReplyDeleteI believe that Covid and quarantine have greatly impacted the way people perceive others and dating life. Before Covid, it seemed people were more on guard and picky about who they dated. Now, most people have interacted through dating apps and find themselves being more infatuated with others. My friend, who has an avoidant attachment style, also notes how she finds herself quickly obsessing more over people now than she did before Covid. I think that the combination of dating apps and quarantine has isolated people more and made them believe that they have to accept what is around them.
ReplyDeleteHey Maddie,
ReplyDeleteI think that you bring up a very good point about covid crushing and how it may just be a trick we place on ourselves due to the ongoing pandemic. With so many people put under quarantine and being left alone for most of the time I can see how the lack of socializing may cause some people to have a halo effect for others where they seem more attractive than they normally would be.
I agree that since the start of the pandemic it got the world to isolate themselves. Being around people was not recommended and risky for the spread of covid 19. Covid 19 is here to stay and it is not going anywhere; it is part of our new normal. I found it very interesting when Tanaya was sharing her experience with the pandemic and having more options for a partner but now that everyone was in quarantine and isolating themselves there was that fear of not finding that right person. That it has made it easier for people to fall in love and see themselves with one person. I don't know how much I would agree with that. People no matter what manage a way to meet each other andhand out. And with this being the age of technology it makes it more accessible.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting topic! I have not thought about this until reading your post. I feel like I have preoccupied myself with my relationship since the pandemic started. It felt like the only thing I really could put effort into other than school. That being said, my attachment style has changed since quarantine. I was much more outgoing before. Once we were able to see peers again, I felt weird in social settings without my boyfriend since we were together for the entire lockdown. Thank you for the information you presented as well as the research you found. Great post!
This post was really interesting because I felt really lonely during the pandemic. Right before everything shut down, I had ended my six year relationship, and truthfully to be locked down and not be able to go out and distract myself was very hard. I definitely think the pandemic made me realize how precious people are and the times together spent, not necessarily my ex boyfriend but just in general, including friends as well. Even during the pandemic, I did turn to social media to meet people and interact since it was hard to see everyone in person, I did meet a few guys, cool on social media but super weird in person. I think since the pandemic i'm not preoccupied in relationships, it kind of gave me a perspective of life being short and there are many other things to enjoy.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a relatable post, especially with having experienced the pandemic and how it has changed the dating scene and our brains in terms of needing human connection more than ever because we were deprived from it for so long. I don't think the pandemic has changed my attachment style but I definitely think I've been more interested in getting out and about and being more social because everyone is more excited to be doing things. However, I've definitely fallen into the issue of the halo effect and crushing on people I don't know because I am desperate for connection.
ReplyDeleteIn Quarantine, Attraction, and Attachment: Are you COVID crushing? I found these blog posts to be really interesting! I remember during lockdown, it was hard to meet up with friends, so we hardly turned to communicating more through our phones. When it came to talking daily, there were some of my guy friends that I found myself talking to more and more. With talking to them more, I felt I was starting to form a deeper connection to them which had then turned into catching feelings. It was weird for me, as I had never had any romantic connection to them before!
ReplyDeleteI feel that after the pandemic hit people are more preoccupied with relationships because they had found themselves in this state where you are creating this random life scenarios with that individual you see in the distance. Though having that said we did learn a lot from the pandemic if you were in a relationship and working through problems that may have started through the attachment styles that were in each household. I can say that I have also worked through many things in my life during the pandemic with my attachment styles so that I would be a better life partner to someone.
ReplyDeleteAfter the pandemic, I too was craving human interaction. I have more of a secure attachment, and I didn't really experience the whole creating random scenarios with a stranger. But I think that it's so interesting because I have had friends who do this. I think it’s interesting to think of it being related to attachment style. I had never thought of it that way. Every time a friend of mind would have a new crush like this, I thought it was so weird. But in all reality, it's not weird. This pandemic was isolating. It's normal to picture human interaction that you are craving, but be too nervous to do anything about it.
ReplyDeleteAfter spending all of this time in quarantine, I definitely agree with feeling a sense of normal being alone, one that I never had prior to Covid, yet a longing to be with more new individuals and in situations that are new, like before covid. The biggest impact from covid has really been just feeling a sense of social awkwardness coming from interacting with humans, one I haven't felt since I was a young boy. To get past the social awkwardness, Ive tried to put myself in new situations and introduce/ talk to new individuals that I might not have before Covid.
ReplyDeleteThis post was so interesting and relatable to read. I haven't discussed this with others so it is nice to know that others feel this way too, like Tanya. My freshman year at CSU was in 2020, so it was very different than normal. I think that fact combined with meeting a ton of new people in general contributed to me immediately feeling a cush-like feeling on so many people I just met. Before the pandemic I still easily developed crushes on people, but it was typically one at a time. But after, it seemed like every attractive person I saw, I immediately liked them. It was an interesting phemonenon to feel so often.
ReplyDeleteHi Maddie,
ReplyDeleteI found this post so interesting! I have never thought of this before but I think my attachment behaviors did change as a result of being in quarantine during a highly social time in my life. I was a senior in high school when the pandemic started and then started my first year of college as well that year and it definitely affected me socially and completely changed the way I think about relationships in general. In regards to romantic relationships I was very avoidant before the pandemic and pushed people away very easily. However, during quarantine I realized how much I truly crave connection with people. So recently I have found myself more drawn toward to holding on to people and not taking their love for granted. This was a really interesting post and I appreciate this perspective on the pandemic!
Hello! I found this blog post super interesting as it allowed me to better understand the impact COVID had on attachment styles. Being alone for many months during the pandemic did allow me to gain a lot of independence, however I also felt extremely lonely and isolated. I can relate a lot to what Tanya stated about obsessive crushes. I also found myself to “fall in love” easily, but I too would not know what to do if the person actually confronted me. It’s interesting how quarantine has altered my need for human connection so drastically. I found the research on the Halo Effect very fascinating and the influence it has likely had on Tanya and myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
I feel like the isolation that came with COVID definitely affected everyone in one way or another. For me personally, I feel the opposite from the friend in the blog. I feel like during isolation I realized the importance of putting your own needs before others, so my standards were raised one hundred percent. I have found that after quarantine, I am not easily impressed and I expect more from people now than ever. But even though I do not experience the halo effect like others, I feel that quarantine definitely had a different effect on my attachment and crushing styles.
ReplyDeleteThe COVID-19 Pandemic is one that affected every individual across the entire globe, especially in terms of making or maintaining connections. I can attest to this, because after the original lock down it was very difficult to get myself out of the house to meet new people or see friends. It was hard to be alone, but it was even harder to try to get to a place socially where I felt like I was surrounded by meaningful connections. I think that it is interesting to see that attachment behaviors have changed because of COVID, and I feel like my entire attachment style has differed because of it. Before, I was very independent and liked having time for myself, but after the pandemic I found myself entertaining connections just because I was receiving attention from it.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the COVID19 pandemic made me more independent than ever before, although that could be a combination of the pandemic as well as my entering into adulthood. I personally think my attachment style has remained consistent throughout the pandemic but I do think I became more preoccupied with my relationships since the pandemic. I feel like maybe I am more thankful for the relationships I have because of the way I was kept from those I care about as well as kept from the potential of forming new relationships. I agree that there needs to be more research on this topic over the time as we grow further from the pandemic.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie! I found it interesting to hear about how your views post-pandemic differed from that of Tanya's. After hearing the reasoning for why you each feel those ways, I feel that I could be somewhere in the middle of you both. Coming out of the pandemic, I found that I really enjoy my time alone and at times, crave it. However, spending that long without human connection aside from my family's, I found that I started searching for that in places I normally wouldn't. Making connections in classes, work, etc. was somewhat unusual for me, but necessary at this point in time. I really enjoyed learning about the Halo Effect because it made me understand why I may be drawn to these social connections now more than ever.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteI am super interested in what you are saying. COVID crushing, the halo effect, and even the attachment style you have had before the pandemic vs after. It is all super interesting and new information to me. I think that it is totally understandable that the halo effect has such a play as people who are secure in their attachment and self shine a bit brighter allowing others to be more attracted to them, just crazy how it happens but so understandable. The COVID crushing is very silly, but understandable too. You just lack connection and are now reaching to feel a little from someone. I do think my attachment has changed from pre-pandemic. I think I had a very anxious attachment style pre-covid yet now I would say I am more secure and leaning a little anxious.
I think the social toll COVID took on society is very interesting. As stated in the blog post, someone who is often seen as avoidant attachment was needing or experiencing stronger and different feelings with strangers. For me, someone who is very social, covid took a big toll on my ability to socialize and interact with people but it was also interesting because I started a relationship a month before lockdown happened. It made my relationship move maybe a bit quicker than it would have if covid hadn’t happened. All of a sudden, we were some of the only people we saw and become very close very quickly. I think post lockdown, I felt the need to talk to strangers more due to my lack of socialization for so long. Even just the people in my class were someone I wanted to talk to all the time. I don’t think covid has changed my attachment style at all, but maybe sped up my relationships with the people I meet nowadays.
ReplyDeleteDuring the duration of COVID I was in a relationship so my experience was very different. My friends who were single during the pandemic did experience this though, they would say that they see the same girls at the gym and thought about if they were to go on a date. This was interesting since they had a mutual hobby of the gym, but this was heightened during COVID. This was a different version of the Halo effect where they perceive someone to be great and what you are looking for without actually knowing the person. I believe that COVID changed most people's attachment styles since it was such a drastic change in a short time span.
ReplyDeleteI had never considered this until reading your blog. Its quiet funny actually sometimes I will meet men and will make up a whole scenario about our life together and what our wedding would be like. However, if those men ever try to approach me or get to know me I am no longer interested. Could be because of my avoidant attachment style and fear to want to start something new with someone else. So until then I will continue to be in love with the idea of someone and romanticize every simple encounter I have with random men. I do believe this has progressed throughout these past years with the development of COVID-19 it pushed me to want human interaction more than ever.
ReplyDeleteI think that the pandemic had major impacts on relationships. For me, I was in a 2 year relationship during the initial lockdowns and ended up staying in this relationship throughout most of the pandemic. I really isolated myself from my friends not just physically but also just didn't keep in much contact with them over text and the phone at all. I spent so much time just focusing on this one person and soon realized after the height of Covid that I had no close relationships outside from my partner. We ultimately ended up breaking up soon after and I realized I had become so codependent on this one person. It is interesting to hear almost that opposites side as well too because I could see how people would almost crave more connection during a time of being so isolated.
ReplyDeleteAloha! I love the topic of your post. I feel like there’s a lot to unpack in this topic, and in the situation your friend described. Human contact and socialization are two very important things for general as well as super specific aspects of well-being. We’re half a decade away from the onset of COVID-19, but we’re just starting to think about how to ask the questions that will point us looking in the right direction for answers about the impacts this pandemic has and is having on social and developmental progression, expression, and understanding. I feel like I did a lot of this type of intense crushing while not wanting actual personal contact with people when I was younger, as a way to work through issues related to insecure attachment and trauma. Crushing on people from a distance can be a safe way to feel socially engaged and internally preoccupied without risking safety or rejection. The Gabrieli study was really interesting to read about!
ReplyDeleteI found this post incredibly interesting, attachment and connection during a pandemic. The experience you shared about feeling both more independent and yet craving connection I think a lot of people can relate to this. I noticed a similar shift in the behaviors of a number of people close to me. Before the pandemic, they had very secure attachment styles. They were comfortable with both independence and closeness, but the isolation that we all faced during the pandemic made them more anxious about relationships. Which I think we all experience to a certain extent. I feel like the pandemic forces us all into a mindset where we would idealize brief interactions with strangers unlike before. The pandemic seemed to push everyone into a heightened sense of urgency for connection that underscored the impact of isolation on our attachment styles. I think it would be interesting to have a discussion on how others experienced changes in their attachment styles during the pandemic.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie! I found this post fascinating. I have totally fallen victim to the halo effect. I often find myself on dating applications as well swiping on individuals who look trustworthy in hopes that I am correct. During the pandemic I was very infatuated by this one boy and we were on facetime 24/7. I am not kidding we would sleep on facetime, so it was astonishing to me when I discovered that he was sleeping with a plethora of other women and was a pathological liar who did not share my same interests at all. He was just pretending to manipulate and gaslight me. This definitely scarred me for years and left me with an anxious and disorganized attachment style as well as a chronic fear of commitment (which could also be an avoidant attachment style).
ReplyDeleteHi Madie, this was such a cool read! COVID was such an unexpected part of all of our lives, and it ended up having such a huge impact. I feel like a lot of this impact has not been discovered yet, and we will slowly start to uncover it as the years go on. It is an interesting prospect to think that COVID could have altered how we view attraction, and how we feel attracted to other people. I will say that the lack of human connection during COVID was challenging, and it would not surprise me if this bled into human attraction. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting topic and definitely some thing that I can see a lot of people doing. With COVID-19 there was not that much interaction between people and dating. If someone has given a little bit of interaction and flirting, they may take it as more of a sign than they did before. Also people get bored and quarantine and, not having that much human interaction. Also, they may not be used to flirting and seeing a lot of boys around so this may cause someone to obsess or focus on that person for a while. COVID-19 crushing I imagine is definitely real for a few people. I’m aware that when I was going through COVID-19 in high school when I did have those interactions with people, they were more important because there was not as many interactions throughout the day.
ReplyDeleteI never considered how the pandemic may affect attachment styles and attraction, but it makes so much sense now that I am reading this! It's surprising to me that there hasn't been more research on this because I think it could definitely be backed by some statistics. I can see how being separated from society and interactions for so long may cause people to want connection and possibly influence how they perceive others romantically and socially. Personally, I came out of the epidemic feeling more confident, which may have influenced how I deal with others. I'm less self-conscious now compared to before, which has undoubtedly changed how I approach relationships and social situations.
ReplyDeleteNow that I think back about the pandemic, I can definitely see my attachment style change a little bit. I feel like I have a more avoidant attachment style, I was acting differently than I would normally. It could be because I was in high school and puberty had its way of things. However, I can see how my actions leaned more into anxious and crave social connections from my partner especially. I remember that I would be super sensitive to even my friends hanging out if I couldn't because of work responsibilities, yet I was craving that human connection. Now when my friends are hanging out and I can not make it because of work, I react differently than I did before.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this post! I think it makes sense that you felt a more intense need for connection during isolation, because as humans, we innately need others. I like that you are aware of your attachment style and you take this into consideration. I also have an avoidant attachment style and relate to you in the sense that I like thinking about connection, but when I get close to having one in real life, I get overwhelmed and tend to back away. I like imagining what I’d do in an interaction, but I know in the moment, I get really nervous and freeze up! I also like the information on the Halo Effect and resonate with this as well. I find that when I think someone is attractive, I want to tell them more than I would if I did not find them attractive.
ReplyDelete