With technology use only increasing, and after a year and
half of social distancing, it is not surprising that online relationships,
whether on social media or dating sites, are taking over more of our time.
Although social media has many benefits, it does not come without risks,
especially if you are already in a committed relationship. Based on my own
experience and class lecture material (Harvey, 2021), it seems most people
agree that cheating on your partner is not simply limited to physical contact but
includes emotional connection and behaviors that can take place as easily
online as they can in real life. To find out more about infidelity in the
digital age, I started with the research.
McDaniel,
Drouin, and Cravens recently investigated the relationship between social media
use, attachment style, and relationship satisfaction. To understand
participants social media use, they asked questions about online behavior (such
as “I sometimes chat with past romantic partners,” or “I give people online personal,
emotional information instead of my partner”) and about perceptions of their
behavior (“I would feel uncomfortable if my partner read my online messages”).
Overall, few participants reported infidelity related (IR) behaviors or
perceptions; however, in those that did, researchers found that couples who reported higher IR engagement and also showed lower relationship satisfaction, a relationship
they interpret to be bi-directional. Additionally, despite both insecure
attachment styles predicting increased IR engagement, it was anxiously attached
participants that showed the most significant correlation to lower relationship
satisfaction.
I was
curious about how these results may be altered if the behavioral and perceptual
categorize had been distinguished. Lauren, a third-year student here at CSU,
considers herself generally securely attached to her long-term boyfriend but,
when distressed, leans toward avoidant. She provided some comments on this
topic, saying:
“I think
people write too many labels about what is or is not ‘really’ cheating; a 3
second hug is fine, but a 6 second hug would basically be an affair. I don’t
want to be like that, though, especially when it comes to online. I never want
to ask him [her boyfriend] about how many girls he follows on Instagram, or how
often he likes their pictures. He knows in his heart if he is doing something
wrong and, eventually, whether he wants to tell me or not, the effects of that
will be seen in our relationship. ‘Really cheating’ is not the only justifiable
reason to end things.”
This
statement was very interesting to me in the context of the study, since several
participants were concerned about their partner seeing their messages but did
not report actually doing anything they or their partner would consider wrong. Based
on Lauren’s experience, it could be true that internet usage becomes a problem
only when the couple thinks it is a problem, regardless of their real
online behavior. However, this is likely not true in all cases. For example, if
one partner has been unfaithful online by sending clearly flirtatious message,
let’s say, then the other partner might have heightened awareness of their actions
in the future. This would be an example of how behavior, not just their
thoughts, impact the relationship and change patterns. If you have never
experienced infidelity and have a happy relationship, I can imagine that you
would have different opinions on trust than if you had been in negative or unfaithful
relationships, especially if you are already prone to attachment anxiety.
What are
your thoughts and experiences related to online infidelity? Do you think infidelity related behavior is the cause of relationship problems, or simply a manifestation of
them? Do you think your own history and attachment style influence the limits
you set for your partner? I would love to hear from you!
Harvey, A.
(2021). Infidelity and Affairs [PowerPoint Slides]. Retrieved from
Colorado State
University Canvas
site for HDFS 402.
https://colostate.instructure.com/courses/133036/pages/module-11-
overview?module_item_id=4055561.
McDaniel, B. T., Drouin, M.,
& Cravens, J. D. (2017). Do you have anything to hide? Infidelity-related
behaviors on
social media sites and marital satisfaction. Computers in Human
Behavior, 66, 88–
95. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1016/j.chb.2016.09.031
Hi Madie, I really enjoyed reading your post, it brought a very good argument to the table. I think that internet usage can be detrimental to a relationship. In my own personal experience I have worried about a partners phone usage and whether or not there was communication going on behind my back, which would have ultimately ended our relationship! I agree with your statement about online usage affecting further actions, you made a great point! Again, Great job! Very interesting post!
ReplyDeleteHi Madie, I found your post to be extremely interesting to read. I found it extremely relatable as I have been in a relationship for 4 years and I still worry about these little things related to technology. I think technology has made such an impact on the infidelity between couples due to the fact it takes such a huge roll it the way people communicate. I also think that there is a stigma on having to always be in contact with your partner which if in time you don't answer fast enough it could end in the other one being upset and worried.
ReplyDeleteMadie,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your thoughts and all of the information that you pulled into this discussion. I was hooked on reading this blog post based on the title. I think that it is important to look at different areas of life and especially when it comes to technology. I think that Lauren’s input was valuable and is something that is not normally discussed. I personally do not have any social media and my finance soon to be husband has social media but there have not been any instances or experiences related to online infidelity. We have discussed boundaries and I fully trust him and respect him. I think that my own history and attachment style influences the boundaries that my partner and I have set and vice versa. Thank you!
I really enjoyed this post because it is such a new and modern way to look at dating. The online world has created a whole new idea for dating. I know that I have had many conversations with people who consider a lot of things that have to do with social media cheating. This just has created a new definition for what cheating is. I think infidelity is hard to put into one clear definition especially with the rise of social media but I personally believe there is a way to cheat on social media. It is quite interesting to see how everything has evolved because of social media.
ReplyDeleteGosh! This post hits home because I have first-hand experience with it. I was in a long-distance relationship for 2 years. I was visiting him and was using his laptop because I was doing some homework. I had no thoughts in my head that he was cheating on me or would ever cheat on me in the future. I thought we were happy. Then, he gets a message that popped up on his laptop from a girl. Out of pure curiosity, because I did not know the name, I looked at the message. He had been cheating on me for months and I had no clue. This definitely changed my attachment style. I used to be a very securely attached person with a lot of trust in relationships. I approach new relationships very cautiously now and have a hard time committing to things. I have not been in a full-blown relationship since that breakup because I’m scared of that hurt again. The social media aspect contributes to this because that is how they met each other.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie, I found that I could relate to your blog post in many ways. I never really thought about how the concept of cheating has been redefined over the course of the years and how social media has influenced that. I have never really had a true case of online infidelity, but I do remember when I was with my ex-boyfriend and he would scroll through his Instagram and have hundreds of girls’ pictures pop up. This never was an issue until he started to accuse me of infidelity (which was not the case) and that’s when I started to believe he was trying to cover up his own tracks by putting the blame on me. This in the end caused really big issues within our relationship and I can not say confidently if it was a manifestation of it.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie!
ReplyDeleteI think that your statement about how most study participants were concerned for their significant other to see their phone texts/messages but didn't report to have done anything that signified cheating was very interesting. I feel like this may be the case because a lot of people might be afraid of doing something that may upset their partner, even if it isn't considered cheating. I am currently in a long distance relationship and have been for almost 10 months now. Now that I have experience with one, I can see why people become worried or nervous that their s/o would do something "unfavorable" online, even if it isn't considered cheating. For example, if my boyfriend were to post frequent comments on other girl's posts, I wouldn't be happy about it, but that isn't really considered cheating.
This post was so interesting to read because cheating is such a controversial topic because everyone's opinions on it differ so much. For example I believe that emotionally having a connection with another person should be considered cheating even if there was nothing physical that happened. I do agree with you when a lot of people can have negative thoughts about social media and bring that into the relationship and cause problems when it didn't need to be there. I think trust is the most important thing in a relationship and that includes trusting a partners actions on social media platforms.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great topic! I have recently done a debate PowerPoint project with an argument that technology does not bring couples together. Based on what I've learned, I can agree with the statement saying internet usage becomes a problem only when the couple thinks it is a problem. A person that I know has been in a long-term relationship for about 3 years, this person often has trust related issues because the person they dated in the past engaged in online infidelity, which effectively ended their relationship. Because of their experience with this, this person is still having trust issues with their current partner, who's very loyal. Thank you for your insights!
ReplyDeleteThis blog is a topic that I am very passionate about. Technology can be detrimental to relationships because of the enormous risk of cheating. Unfortunately, I was cheated on by my significant other not too long ago. While they were also in a long-distance relationship, I could constantly ask who this person is and why they are talking to them repeatedly. I felt that my asking this resulted from my anxious attachment style, but my gut was right. This person was not just their friend. This experience will make it difficult to trust my significant other in my future relationships. Social media and technology do make it easier to have infidelity and affairs. Overall, thank you for your research and making such an excellent and informative point.
ReplyDeleteOnline infidelity is a topic I have started to become very interested in lately. Technology creates so many new possibilities for distrust in a relationship. I have met so many people who have been restricted with who they can follow or who they want their partner following on social media. Personally, I have experienced this distrust in a past relationship. My partner was overly jealous which led to restrictions when it came to following men at all let alone texting any. While this is not infidelity, some people still discuss feeling uncomfortable with it. While social media can definitely lead to more distrust and an easier access to infidelity opportunities, I also think technology makes it much easier to discover if your partner is cheating.
ReplyDeleteMadie,
ReplyDeleteThis post is very relatable to me, and I'm sure it is to many others as well. I think ideas about social media use while being in a relationship varies from person to person, but personally I see both sides of the argument. I myself do think that sometimes it can be scary to trust what your partner is doing online, but if that is the case, I think your past history with relationships and you and your partner's attachment style has a heavy influence on how you feel. I think specifically with the way some people use social media, and posting or sending photos that are more explicit it can become more scary.
Hi! After reading your blog it reminded me a lot about my best friend. About one month ago she found out that her boyfriend has been cheating on with her with a girl from Mexico. She was devastated and was confused on why he could do such a thing to her knowing that they have been in a relationship for 2 years. In this example I can clearly see why internet usage is a bad thing. There are a lot more ways to talk to people around the world and if someone isn’t careful they might be leading someone else on while breaking another person’s heart.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteI found your topic very interesting. From personal experience I have seen how technology can separate couples by creating doubt with what their partner does while they are online. Since COVID has a huge impact on everyone I can see how technology became the main source of communication impacting everything. With more people using technology the line between what, when be made public and what is kept private has blurred. Sometimes, like in example, couples don’t want to be too pushy in asking their partner how they are following and their conversations, but when you know that in the past, your partner has not been faithful it can be difficult to reframe your thinking that they might “cheat” again.
I have thought a lot about how the digital age has impacted romantic relationships, platonic relationships, attachment, and more. I had yet to think about the digital age in regard to infidelity and how social media and digital communication. Technology makes it far easier to participate in infidelity and a lot easier to become anxious about your partners online presence. It is complicated to determine the lines to draw regarding social media presence. I personally experienced having to negotiate the boundaries of social media when I had a long-distance boyfriend. Technology made our lives so much easier and aided in our relationship, however, it made a lot of additional anxieties amplified.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie, the topic of online infidelity is very interesting, but everyone seems to have a different opinion. I think a person can cheat in many ways using technology. I do not think every like or follow on social media is cheating, but if it can feel disrespectful when it seems to be only girls, or if it is constant. In my opinion a partner messaging their ex or entertaining anyone else is cheating. In high school I caught my ex messaging two of his previous partners, but I listened to his excuses and continued to be with him. My history does change the way I am with my current boyfriend in relation to social media.
ReplyDeleteHi Maddie!
ReplyDeleteI liked your blog discussing infidelity in college age couples in the wake of covid and nearly everything being online as most personal interactions are much less accessible as they were before covid. I personally relate to this post because I have found that since covid, my insecurity about social media has only grown significantly and I perceive minor things through social media as much bigger of a deal than they would have been before we had to rely on nearly everything being over social media. I like Lauren's take on this topic however because she makes me feel better that things are fairly blown out of proportion when it comes to what is deemed infidelity and what is not. Thank you for this!
Hi Madi! I think arguments over cheating vs. not cheating and what constitutes as actually committing an act of infidelity vs. being friendly vary across relationships and attachment styles. I think it is up to those in the relationship to decipher their boundaries and what they are uncomfortable with in regard to behavior with other people. In a time where technology also controls most young adults it is also hard to establish a relationship where there is complete trust over a partner’s media usage. I’ve been in situations and had friends that put trust into a romantic partner only to find out that they are talking to or planning on hanging out with another person on the same dating app they told you they deleted. It is hard because there shouldn’t be a precursory judgment on social media usage between a partner, but technology and access to pretty much anything makes the act of building trust difficult. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI think cheating Or not cheating has a lot to do with peoples attachment styles and with social media it is changing the way we are attached to people. Some people will get attached to someone social media page and think that they are completely different person then they might be off that social media page. I think social media entices people and allows for them to cheat or not cheat, depending on peoples ideas of it. Social media I think it’s still grey area when it comes to cheating relating back to attachment styles someone who might have an insecure attachment style might think commenting or following someone is a form of cheating but others who might have secure attachment will think nothing of it. I agree with you that Covid has changed the way we use social media and dating. It has allowed for us to stay connected with people we might not see all the time but there comes a scary sight of it with people pretending to be someone there not online. This can be very hard and you’re trying to get to know someone or when you’re dating. Long distance relationships have changed because of this. I have seen this personally with a friend who has been in a long-distance relationship for a long time. She will tend to monitor his social media and look at everything that he is doing. She will also start to assume many things just for one picture this will lead to her getting upset with him. Once he does this it will push him away and he won’t deal with it. This continues to make her more upset until they have a conversation about ittr
ReplyDeleteHey Madi,
ReplyDeleteI found this post very intriguing as online dating is a very common in today's society. I think that infidelity is a very controversial topic as many people have different definitions of what is considered cheating. I personally do not worry about online cheating with my partner because I trust him, and he has always been clear when telling me if someone tried to flirt with him or something. He is not the same because he has an anxious attachment style and bad past relationships where infidelity was present. I am not worried about what is on my phone, so I let him use it whenever which has really helped with his trust issues. Social media has definitely made cheating too easy, so I understand the concern and questioning in relationships, especially if one partner uses social media more than the other. Thanks for sharing.
So, I do play a decent amount of video games and I have had some online friends for multiple years. I have not met most of these online friends in person; however, I am very close with a few. I would go to this one friend, who was a female, with many of my relationship problems and just everyday problems. There were times when I would give this friend personal and emotional information and I would not even talk to my past significant other about it. I would mainly just need someone to vent to about my issues, and if my partner was busy, I would vent to my online friend. I just never knew if this was wrong to do or not. Given that, I was somewhat closer with this online friend because I have known them for such a long time than my past partner.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great topic to discuss! I often feel like there are not enough people talking about the raw and genuine effects that technology is having on our romantic relationships. I agree with your friend's experiences with the gray area between what is considered cheating and what is not considered cheating. Being online more can blur the lines of what is considered cheating and can be hard to distinguish especially if your partner has a different definition of cheating. In one of my past relationships, there was a cross of cultures and things that I did not find questionable, which my partner found to be unacceptable. I think that you pose such a relevant question at hand that is affecting our everyday interactions.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lauren’s experience and opinion on social media completely, however, it makes me feel hypocritical. I think that social media definitely has a correlation with relationship satisfaction and it has become such a toxic way of viewing an overall relationship. I personally notice when my boyfriend likes other girls’ pictures on Instagram, or harmlessly Snapchats another girl, and I get jealous and annoyed. However, I do the exact same thing with my friends of the opposite sex, and I would never expect him to be upset or annoyed with me, because everything I am doing is innocent and would never jeoprodize our relationship. I think the anxious attachment style I lean towards has made me notice even the smallest of things, such as liking an Instagram post, when in reality, it is nothing more than that.
Thank you for placing a lot of interest, energy, and thought into this blog post! I liked how you maintained an informal, yet direct tone throughout the entirety of your post. You made some very interesting points, and I thought your topic of discussion was super intriguing. I think oftentimes, many people in relationships attribute cheating to physical, but I believe that emotional cheating is becoming to surface more regularly. Each couple will have their boundaries surrounding cheating, but as you mentioned in your blog post, every individual knows deep down if they are crossing the line are not. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Madie, I really enjoyed reading your post and found that I related a lot of your blog into my own personal life. I am in a relationship currently and tend to overthink or worry about how technology or social media could be used. I have also heard a lot of stories from others that make me focus on the “what ifs” in my current relationship. I definitely agree that behaviors on social media can influence outcomes that result in infidelity. What can be seen or done on social media can be a threat to many when in a relationship. I think there are levels to what is infidelity and what is not on social media, where trust can only go so far. Thank you so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Maddie! I found this topic really interesting to read your thoughts and research on. The topic of social media use is something that has come up a lot recently in relationships. It was really interesting for me to think about how social media use does make it more easy to stay in contact with past relationships and was something I never thought of. I also found it interesting to think about it does make it more easy to hide things and keep things from who we are talking to and what we are saying to other people when we are in a different relationship. I also really liked your point about how things like this are only a problem if the other partner think that it is a problem. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don’t really have any experience with online infidelity personally, I do think it is up to those in the relationship to lay some ground rules (if that’s what feels right to them). I had a friend who was in a relationship, and her boyfriend had this other friend who would sometimes need his advice/ ask for some sort of comfort. This relationship made my friend a little uncomfortable, in both cases when they would interact online and in person. I think that as long as there is open communication with your partner about what makes you uncomfortable and what doesn’t, that is what matters the most. Being transparent about your needs and thoughts is so important!
Nice work! Very interesting perspective.
This blog post was very interesting. I agreed a lot with the statement that Lauren gave and liked hoe she said that if a partner shows signs of unfaithfulness, it would show up in a relationship. Although I agree with this, sometimes I feel like someone could be hiding something so well that you have to ask questions if you are an anxious attachment type. For example, one of my ex boyfriends seemed weirdly close to a girl. Every time I asked him about her, he would say the typical “its nothing” or “she’s just a really good friend.” Although that may have been true, it bothered me and it definitely did affect my relationship with him and my confidence in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteHey Madie,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that social media is giving people the ability to talk other people who they wouldn’t normally talk to. One time during class with Dr. Harvey, we were talking about forms of cheating, and I have never really thought about cheating because I have never been cheated on. During the class discussion, I was talking to my friend about her definition of cheating, and she explained that if her boyfriend was kissing, having sex, or going on dates that would be cheating in her book. Then, I thought about my current relationship, and I said that if he was talking to another girl about things that he should be talking to me about it would be cheating. I feel like if you can’t talk to your partner about everything, why would you be with them? I think everyone has their own personal definition of cheating, but I think when two people are in a committed relationship, they need to be clear about each of their definitions of cheating. Great post!
I used to think social media was not healthy for relationships but I think that was because my past relationship I had issues with my partner and social media. My last partner would often message other women and flirt with them without my knowing. When I found out, it was very frustrating to know it was happening the entire time and social media made it so easy to hide. Then I realized that it is all up to the person and not social media on what happens. My current partner is very respectful and will scroll through social media with me and show me all of his favorite memes. Sometimes when I am charging my phone or left it somewhere he will let me scroll through his Tik Tok while I am bored.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie!
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was such an interesting post to read through. It is a tough topic to dissect because people have so many different opinions and experiences. When it comes to having a social media account, you may receive unsolicited direct messages from strangers who might not be aware of your relationship status. It could be as simple as someone asking for another form of social media like Snapchat. With some of my friends, I have seen this first hand. Even though they weren't the ones to innate the conversation or message, it came off as secretive to their partners. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your post!
Good job,
Annie
Online infidelity is a tricky subject. The idea of chatting is very subjective to the people involved. Someone’s past experiences or preconceived notions could influence their idea of what is and is not cheating. It is important in the beginning for couples to discuss what they believe to be cheating in a relationship. Even though it could seem obvious to one person, their partner may not initially think the same way. If someone has been cheated on previously by their partner messaging other people, this person may be highly cautious and anxious of this going into a new relationship. Someone’s attachment styles could also affect how they view their relationship.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the statement that there are too many definitions and rules about what ‘cheating’ really is these days. In my experience, I have never asked to look through my partner's phone or messages because I know that if my partner did not want to be with me, he would simply break up with me rather than cheat. That’s how I think relationships should work, and I make that a clear expectation for both me and my partner before committing to a serious relationship. I think that social media itself has created a lot of discourse surrounding the topic of cheating specifically.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that with social media and this age of technology it does make it easier to cheat on your partner by chatting with over male or females. I do believe this is an issue because it is something so new and it is difficult to ask our parents advisor about it since they did not go through this. It definitely leaves room for for insecurity about liking other peoples pictures post ect. But honestly it all has to do with trust and communication. There is a saying in the Mexican culture that says “El que nada debe nada teme”. Basically saying if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to fear.
ReplyDeleteI really agree with this post and everything it says. Truthfully though, if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat!! This also varies, either way if they want to they will, in-person or through social media. Besides that, not only infidelity but social media at some points make me insecure, there are obviously women who are more attractive than myself out there and sometimes want to think if they are temptations for my boyfriend. At times things like liking a picture on instagram can make me insecure, they are liking these posts because they like what they see right? I think this might be a part of my anxious attachment style, it kind of keeps me on edge and sometimes doubts myself of whether I believe to be good enough or not.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting topic! It's definitely something that needs to be discussed as it is such a prominent issue of dating because social media is everywhere. I totally agree with he fact that social media usage is harming relationships because it creates insecurity within people and then they may externalize that by turning back around to their relationship and expressing their insecurities in a way that is harmful to the connection.
ReplyDeleteIn Chat rooms and Attachment: Is social media ruining or revealing your relationship? I liked the reasoning behind this one! One way I feel that social media can ruin a relationship is due to the way in which they communicate. When communicating through electronics, it is easy for things/information to get misinterpreted. One example of this could be two or more people making plans to go on a summer vacation. With a large group, it is easy for everyone's ideas and opinions to get misunderstood, misinterpreted, and taken the wrong way. When communicating through social media, you never really can tell what tone of voice people are speaking in which can cause a lot of confusion when trying to make plans.
ReplyDeletei. I think that social media is a very bad thing for relationships these days. Everyone can still follow their ex’s or even tinder and former hinge dates. This leads to problems once the person goes into a relationship. Those people from the past may sneak up and mess things up for people if they see that they are happy, wondering and bringing up the potential “ifs”. You’re much more prone to seeing beautiful women and men pop up on social media that you follow from your past and have fantasies or even pay attention more towards your phone than your actual partner. I feel the more that a couple stays connected and has to check their phone ever minute of the day will not have a prosperous relationship in the long run.
ReplyDeleteI thought this shed a lot of interesting information about how relationships have changed since the first start of Covid and the decimation of in person relationships. I think, partially, without social media human interactions would've been completely gone with Covid. on the flip side, I think too much cellular interactions can be bad in getting past the awkward "get to know you" phase of getting to know someone. Some things just much be done in person and that won't ever change, yet more and more will slowly be placed online. Even after Covid has died down, I've noticed the continuation of online interactions.
ReplyDeleteHi Madie,
ReplyDeleteThis post was interesting to read! I actually agree with Lauren's point of view on this topic. There are so many differing opinions on what is or is not considered "cheating" that the area is so gray. I think this may cause people to always be a bit on their toes. Even if they truly don't believe they are doing anything wrong, they may be nervous their partner could think they are (hence people not wanting their partner to see messages but not feeling like they are doing anyting wrong). I do also think that my opinion is influenced by my experiences because, like Lauren, I am generally secure but sometimes turn to avoidant attachment and have a long-term boyfriend. If I had different experiences it seems likely I would have a different opinion.
Hi Madie, I sadly have lots of experience with online infidelity. My ex-boyfriend of a couple of years was cheating on me through Snapchat. However, because of my anxious attachment style, I had a feeling he was cheating on me before I knew anything. Because of this, I went through his phone, which is when I found out he was cheating. I can see how the characteristics associated with anxious attachment can lead someone to want to look through their significant other’s phone. After their suspicions are confirmed, they might think all of their partners are cheating creating an unhealthy cylce in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI think this blog post was really interesting and sheds a light on the ease of cheating in the modern world. Personally, I have known people who have been cheated on through social media apps such as Snapchat; especially since this app is intended to be ultra-private (deleting chats/pictures immediately after), infidelity is easier than ever before. Not only this, but having a significant other follow or like other girls’ instagram bikini pictures can be seriously hurtful and embarassing. Even if this is not technically cheating, social media is a breeding ground for relationship problems and jealousy, and makes dating substantially more difficult than before its creation.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is interesting because it puts a spotlight on how easy it can be to cheat through social media. Nowadays, you can literally delete everything before your partner sees anything, and they truly won't find out unless you get caught. I think social media can definitely be unhealthy, especially if you have an insecure attachment style, i've struggled with this sort of attachment before and I feel like it used to be always in the back of my head. I used to think you never really never know how committed someone is to you and what they do behind your back. I have somewhat overcame this, but now social media plays a big role in most of our lives that it is hard to drift away from that idea.
ReplyDeleteThe concept of your blog brought many thoughts to my mind. For instance, the importance of how we perceive situations and the influences we have in our relationships. As you mentioned it is only a problem when you believe it will be. Interestingly enough labels have such huge importance in most relationships whether they be partnerships, friendships, and so forth. Honestly, I would be lying if I said I did not believe online infidelity is a problem. Personally, I would feel so betrayed if my partner had an emotional relationship with someone else. The intimacy would feel like a stab in the back even if it was through messages. I could see both sides and the problems it could all cause through our perspectives and personal experiences.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading you blog, I interpreted a lot of things in different ways. For example, you talk about how different people's experiences reflect on how they see things. If one person has had a rough or dishonest relationship, they are going to be more on edge about things in that relationship compared to someone who is in a whole hearted faithful relationship. I'm sure the way social media is seen between these two lenses is completely different as well. I also feel as if boundaries vary so much, like what the CSU student was saying. Realistically, how can you define a 3 second hug vs. a 6 second hug. You can't. It's about the heart and intentions of the person.
ReplyDeleteI think that social media can absolutely impact your relationship. For example, social media already tends to be a highlight reel of people's lives that you compare yourself to, and this also applies to relationships. People will post ways that their partners surprised them with flowers or with dinners, but won't post about the fights or disagreements they've had, which makes their relationship seem way more perfect than it is. This can cause individuals in relationships to compare their partners to this unrealistic standard, and feel like their relationship is inferior, and this can be a really toxic way to view your relationship. I feel like personally, this is something I've struggled with. It's so easy to compare your relationship to this perfect standard online, but you really do have to remind yourself that it's a highlight reel, and that your partner is human. If you're feeling unfulfilled too, you can always have a conversation with your partner about how they can love you better.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who didn't find out their significant other had cheated at them beginning of a year long relationship in a chat room, until 8 months after it had happened, reading this validated my experience. I wish I had seen it sooner. At the time I found out I was crushed, I felt like I had wasted an entire year of my life- after reading this, and having A LOT of time to heal, I realize that it saved me so much time. It saved me years! Revealing how he truly thought of me made me feel so much better.
ReplyDelete