To explore this topic further I interviewed my roommate Rose about her relationship with her fiancé Aaron. Rose reported that with her parents she believes that she has an insecure attachment but with Aaron she experiences a very secure attachment.
"My relationship with Aaron is very secure. I have no doubts about him. He feels like family, I can go to him in any moment of need and tell him any struggles that I have.
I don’t have this same level of security with my parents, I have spent so much time trying to appease my mother. My mom is pretty overbearing especially when I was a teenager. She is very opinionated, critical, and controlling."
Researchers have found that we do prefer partners that are secure in their attachment style when we are dating1. This idea is referred to as the attachment security hypothesis. These researchers completed an experiment that I found to be interesting. College-aged students were told to read imaginary relationship scenarios that represented one of the four attachment types: secure, anxious, avoidant or disorganized. They were then asked to rank the imaginary scenarios based on their initial reaction and emotions felt. I found it interesting that the scenarios with a secure attachment style represented were always ranked first and rated more positively regardless of the participant’s own attachment style. It is crazy that with insecure attachment styles, “like does not typically attract like.” This is even true in relationships between two individuals with insecure attachments! It is more likely that one couple will have an anxious attachment style and the other partner will have an avoidant attachment style. It is less that in long-term dating relationships two people with the same attachment styles are together, and the only exception is two securely attached individuals1. Rose believes that in her relationship with Aaron, different attachment styles and personalities definitely attracted and brought them together.
"My relationship with Aaron has just been something I never thought I would have experienced. He is perfect and patient in so many ways. For example, when we have conflict, he knows how I deal with conflict, and that I have a lot of trouble thinking through the issue and what I want to say. He is very patient and silent as he waits for me to talk. He knows that it will take a couple minutes for me to figure it out. He just is so perfect and the opposite of what I experienced in childhood with my parents."
Even if you never dreamed of prince charming coming to your rescue, relationships with securely attached individuals can have the same effects as Prince Charming, by increasing the security in our attachment experiences. These relationships can be with both romantic partners and friends. Rose’s relationship with Aaron shows how powerful human connection is and the growth we can experience within a healthy and secure relationship. I have learned that maybe it is worth pursuing a romantic partner that is different than what I would have expected. After all, opposites may attract.
1Chappell, K. D., & Davies, K. E. (1998). Attachment, partner choice, and perception of romantic partners: An experimental test of the attachment‐security hypothesis. Personal Relationships,5, 327-342. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.1998.tb00175.x
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ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! I also dreamed of my own prince charming when I was a kid (and let's face it, well into my teenage years too). It's nice to know that I can have a relationship that has the same effects as a "real" prince charming would! It's also super duper nice to know that you can have different attachments to different people in your life and that having a poor attachment to your parents doesn't mean you're doomed to have bad relationships for all eternity haha. Thank you so much for sharing about Rose and Aaron and their awesome attachment!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very well done blog post! I too, dreamed of my own prince charming when I was a kid. My cousins and I would have sleep overs and only watch the Disney princess movies. While watching, the only thing I could think about was who my prince charming would be. I would say that I have found my prince charming, but that does not mean he has dramatically changed my life. Don't get me wrong, he has changed my life, but now how the prince charming changes the lives of the princesses in the movies. It is also nice to know that in a relationship, it is okay of the two people have different attachment styles. I also like that you interviewed your roommate about her relationship. I think that really added to this blog post. Thank you again!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post it was very interesting to reflect on how you took a piece of your childhood ( Disney Princesses) and connected it to you and your friend's own romantic and parental relationships in life. Understanding attachment styles in romantic relationships is very important when it comes to developing a healthy and supportive relationship. Attachment styles are often overlooked or disregarded today and people often do not take into consideration the attachment styles that they are forming with their friends, family, and romantic partners. I believe that many young adults should be educated on the different types of healthy and unhealthy attachment styles, so that they are more aware of how to form secure attachments and avoid anxious or avoidant attachment styles in the future. Your post was very eye opening and informative. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHello Ashlee,I love this princess and prince example! I also feel as if I have an insecure attachment to my parents, but a secure one with my significant other! But in reality, I have come to find out that attachment to my parents and my partner are more similar than different. I recently took a quiz for one of my HDFS classes to understand your attachment to friends and family. I found that I had a fearful attachment to my mother, an avoidant attachment to my father, and an anxious attachment to my significant other. Talking about this with my partner has definitely helped our relationship grow stronger, though I still have anxious thoughts every once and a while. I have learned that I can change my thought process and learn to grow to be securely attached in my relationship, even with a bad past with my parents.
ReplyDeleteAshlee,
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was one of my favorite things I have ever read. Your example of the princesses and princes connected with me on a personal level of what I thought my relationship would be like when I got older. I have come to realize that is not necessarily true but can be in certain ways. I also started thinking about my attachment types with my parents and with my significant other. I am securely attached to my significant other but not my parents. Unlike your roommate, I grew up with a father who was not involved or even interested in family at all. I can say I have learned from that and how have a secure relationship with my significant other. I ended up showing this post to my significant other and he said something similar but more similar to your roommate and her mother. Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts and research.
-Maddie
I loved your blog post! I related to your disney princess a little too much haha. I am in a relationship right now and realized that our attachment styles are the same after reading this. Also, I love the addition of your roommates story. Hearing her experience has allowed me to reflect on my parents and I versus my partner and I. Thank you for sharing these ideas and sharing this helpful information!
ReplyDeleteWarmly,
Alli
Hi Ashlee!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog post. As abnormal as it is, I never grew up watching princess movies as most girls did. Growing up with a brother, we were always watching train movies, animal movies, and movies that he found funny like cheaper by the dozen haha. However, I can entirely relate to how you discussed how we as humans are drawn to a secure attachment in our relationships. Although I fortunately always had one with my mom, my attachment with my dad was very unique.. it was secure but different because of how his relationship with his parents had impacted him. As I've grown older and been in relationships, my desire for a secure attachment with my boyfriend has grown since I never quite had that with my dad.
Thanks for sharing!
Madeline
I really enjoyed reading your post I though you had some great information and regarding attachment it was well covered. I think your question about if individuals base off of our own attachment histories, we are drawn to securely attached individuals. I think your connection with Disney princesses and their prince charming being the main theme many can experience certain individuals to be drawn based on the attachment. I enjoyed finding out what you thought about secure relationships and what maybe needed to change or increase its role. With the response of opposites attract I think that helps gives individuals the idea to expand and change their attachment style.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, thanks for sharing.
This is such a relatable experience for me! Growing up I always thought I was a Disney princess who would one day meet her Prince Charming! Now as an adult, I am currently in a relationship with the person I met in middle school! It is very fascinating to see how my secure attachment towards others have stayed with me during all of my childhood stages, and to this day has been the successful attachment in my relationship. I am glad I got to learn that my relationship has functioned, because both of us express secure attachment. Thank you for sharing this memory I had forgotten about, and thank you for sharing relatable experiences!
ReplyDeleteI feel as though I can relate to this post in a couple different ways. In one way I feel as though I have been the prince charming that swooped my wife off her feet and was able to provide the security she has been looking for. Before me she had a very insecure attachment with people she had dated, I think this came from a couple of abusive relationships and having a hard time trusting people. Furthermore, she did not have the best relationship with her parents growing up and is still doing some patchwork there. But I think now that we are married and are older, we both feel a sense of a secure relationship. We are able to do a great job in complementing each other.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great post I felt very drawn to the topic since I too have always had this idea of a perfect partner coming in and making me feel secure. I also believe that in the case of attachment styles we are usually drawn to attachment styles different from our not only because it gives us a sense of. security but because it pushes us to think of things outside our own perspective. In your example between Rose and Aaron it was clear that they both have benefited for being with someone that thinks differently and has different insecurities. At the end of the day I believe a good relationship bring balance between two people.
ReplyDeleteI loved this post very much, due to being able to compare my own relationship with the different types of attachment. I felt very secure looking at how my partner and I communicate, and that even though I am young I am learning from him how I would like to develop having a long term partner in my life. And both of us being secure within each other is a very important factor to me.
ReplyDeleteI personally can relate to this post very much. I also loved princess movies as a child. This caused me to fall in love with the idea of some kind of prince charming coming to the rescue. I was in a relationship that lasted about two years. I thought he was the prince charming coming to change my life around. Looking back at it, it is interesting to see that we had too similar of attachment styles for it not to work out. This explanation was really nice to hear about. I think that it is also very nice to hear I am not the only one who has dreamed this. Knowing that others look for someone to change their life and make them feel secure is reassuring that we've all been there at one point or another.
ReplyDeleteWow this is extremely relatable. Growing up I was also obsessed with princess movies and that "fantasy" that you describe. Now, I am in an amazing relationship and he has a very secure attachment and I am the complete opposite. I never thought about that dynamic but he has honestly helped me so much and is very reassuring. But I still have my doubts and it is definitely because of my attachment issues. I think that with continuous communication and support we can create an amazing relationship security for the both of us.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you as I believe (also) that many opposites do attract so that they can balance one another. My brother grew up with an avoidant attachment style but created a positive secure relationship with his wife. The relationship between my brother and parents is very different than the one with his wife, because she brought him stability. I think that once his wife walked into his life, he created a new bond with my parents, and it benefitted him. This could totally tie into Disney princess movies, although in this case, it is the princess saving the prince. I enjoy watching princess movies, even now, and now I can actually relate (in a way) to the outcomes of each movie.
ReplyDeleteI found it interesting to find out that we are scientifically shown to be attracted to securely attached individuals. Reading about how securely attached individuals can provide us with that feeling that we have found our “prince charming” was a nice thing to hear. In my personal experience, my first college relationship was anything but securely attached. It was chaotic, there was little to no trust, and ultimately it left me feeling like I was not enough and showed me what I did not want nor deserve in a romantic relationship. My second relationship in college showed me a more positive relationship experience, he was much more securely attached than the one before and it showed. Though it ended and hurt I still feel thankful that it in a way showed me that there are people more suited for healthy relationships than others. This blog post gave me hope in a way that I will find someone who is going to be securely attached and one day be my “prince charming”.
ReplyDeleteAshlee, thanks for sharing--and I definitely can relate. Far more than I would like to admit, “prince charming” or “happily ever after” occupy my personal head space & dreams. It was very interesting to hear that regardless of your attachment style, we are prefer those with secure attachment styles. Although I can lean to the anxious-insecure style in romantic relationships, my attachment style based on my parents is secure. I have been very equipped throughout my life (and am continuing to grow) in conflict resolution skills. And particularly in this season, I am growing in emotional engagement and expression. These skills help my partner and I navigate conflict when it eventually does arise in our relationship. I liked how Rose noted her partner, Aaron’s patience. I am learning to grow in my patience with my partner. I am very aggressive in leadership and communication styles, whereas he is quite modest, slow, and meek. I am learning that although it makes me feel empowered, my ways are not always right. I am learning to honor his slowness and note that just because he doesn’t want to talk about conflict all right away, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. I am growing in patience and learning to do relationship with further compromise (literally) every day.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this blog post and related to the idea of finding a prince charming. As I got older, I realized that every relationship I have had has taught me more about what qualities I would want in a romantic partner. I found this article to be interesting because although people are seen to be more attracted to secure attachment styles, this has not been true for my previous relationships. I am now curious what type of attachment style compliments mine and how this can positively impact future relationships. This gave me a new perspective on attachment styles and how they influence the strength of a romantic relationship.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashlee, I absolutely loved reading this blog post of yours. I like how you started out discussing how prince charming is shown to be secure for the princess who is not secure. Once you said this, it brought back all the memories for disney movies from when I was a child and I thought that made so much sense. Your post reminds me of when I was ready to get back into the dating scene I said to my friends, “The next person I date better have everything together! I’m tired of dating people who emotionally drag me down”. Now I realise that I was wanting someone who is secure to be my prince charming and fix my insecurities. I hope I can have a relationship like your friend Rose’s one day!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThe attachment security hypothesis is interesting to me because of how much I can relate to it. I liked how you included your roommate’s experience with her relationship, and I could relate to her insecure attachment to her parents but feels a secure attachment to her fiancé. As you have mentioned that researchers have found that we prefer partners that are secure in their attachment style, I believe this to be true. I find myself looking for a secure attachment through my romantic relationships because I do not have that same attachment through my relationship with my mom. It does increase our security in our attachment experiences. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on secure attachment and the example of your roommate.
The Attachment Security Hypothesis is something I’ve never heard of before but was fascinated to read and learn about. It makes sense that we prefer partners who have secure attachment style, and I love how you connected this to the Disney princess movies. In high school, my friends and I did a similar movie marathon type thing, and I think that although we enjoy the movies themselves, we all were thinking about our own futures and our own “prince charming”. Another thing I thought was interesting was that the same is true in our friendships. Overall, I agree that our interaction and connection with significant others and friends is extremely important and it is interesting to see how these can vary depending on our attachment style and theirs!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post because I also was obsessed with Disney princesses and thought when I grew up, my prince charming would come sweep me off my feet. I did find the study you talked about in your post about people being attracted to those with secure attachments interesting. It makes me want to work on my own attachment style! I think the healthiest relationships are composed of two securely attached individuals with great communication skills. I also think this comes with age and experience. We cannot be old and wise if we aren’t young and dumb first. I enjoyed reading your post and your insight on attachment. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to watching Disney Princess movies as a child and wanting that type of love and Passion that the Prince Charming tends to bring to their life. I always kind of thought someone would sweep me off my feet or I would meet someone that would be just absolutely amazing, and I would just know instantly and of course that has not been the case and I feel like most of the time it's not the case. I tend to overthink especially when it comes to relationships therefore the whole Prince Charming just wasn't in my life plan. for a while I actually thought that I wouldn't get married and now that I have the current person that I'm with I don't believe that. One thing that definitely happens in Disney movies is Prince Charming sweeps in when the Princess least expects it and that is definitely something that happened in my relationship. I met my significant other at random event and we have been best friends ever since.
ReplyDeleteI think many of us can relate to Disney movies in some way. Your observation of the theme in Disney movies makes total sense when relating it to attachment style. While I don't think of myself as "Prince Charming for the rescue", I identify myself as having a secure attachment style, and have been in a healthy relationship for about 4 years since senior year of high school (now senior in college). I never knew that people are more drawn to individuals with a secure attachment, I think that's fascinating. It makes sense how having a secure attachment may contribute to growing the relationship in a healthy way. Thank you for your insights!
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was very well constructed, especially the connection with princesses and princes. I never really have thought about my partner’s attachment style and how that might affect my own attachment. I would have to agree with what your roommate had to provide about her own attachment. I can relate to her in how she has a more secure attachment with her significant other than she does with her parents. I think this is due to the fact that it can be difficult to discuss certain things with parents, but it is easier to converse with a partner. In previous partners, I personally have also found that sense of security and safe haven. On the other hand, I think that it can ve very important for one to have some knowledge of attachment styles because that can determine one’s relationship.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was so interesting on how you tied attachment style back to disney movies and how the princesses are waiting for their prince charmings to help fulfill their lives. I thought it was a great connection to relate that back to how we can look for more of that secure attachment because we grew up watching those movies where the male is shown to be stronger and helps the princess with her problems. I believe that I look for someone who has a more secure attachment, or when I do have a relationship with someone with a different attachment it can be harder to communicate.
ReplyDeleteAshlee thank you so much for this post! Ever since I can remember I have been dreaming of my own “prince charming”, however the characteristics of this man have changed drastically from my first to where I am now. I love that it is common to have different attachment styles with different people in your life, as I am very secure in my relationship with my siblings but have an insecure relationship with romantic partners in my life. I think it is important for people outside of HDFS to learn these different attachment styles so they can learn how to better help themselves in different situations and relationships. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteAshlee, I enjoyed reading this blog post so much and found it so interesting. I don't have much experience in long-term romantic relationships, but I have always dreamed of having a secure and comforting relationship like the ones you have described. However, I do see this in my friendships quite often. I am a huge introvert so my best friendships are ones that make me feel safe and secure, especially in big social settings. Those are the friends that I keep for years and I know will always be there for me. I guess, in a way, those friends are my prince charming.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashlee, I like how you use the prince charming example to relate to what we look for in our partners attachment style. I also loved the Disney princess movies and always hoped to find my one true love who will “save” and always protect me. I absolutely think people are more attracted to people with secure attachment styles because they can bring the sense of safety and security. I think it is safe to say that everybody wants to feel protected. Someone who is confident and collected will radiate that energy and I think it is noticeable, even if you do not think about it.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashlee,
ReplyDeleteThe introduction to this blog post immediately drew me in because when I was younger, I completely related to that fantasy and even now in my adult life when I watch cheesy romance movies. I felt similar when first meeting with my romantic partner currently. While we’ve grown up together, beginning a relationship with him felt like magic. While I have a typically anxious attachment, he has a solid secure attachment. He uses his secure attachment and helps me through many of the negative qualities associated with my anxious attachment. I found it very interesting to read through your example of the study where college students read the different scenarios and ranked secure attachments first. While only learning about attachment in college, I was really surprised to discover that my partner and I had different attachments but now this makes much more sense. Great blog post!
Hi Ashlee!
ReplyDeleteI can say that I too felt that one day I would meet my prince charming, and we would fall madly in love, and everything would change and be instantly “perfect”. I have been through my fair share of heartache and heart break; I have done the heart breaking a time or two and have been in euphoric relationships (only for a small amount of time). Being a hopeless romantic I always grew up looking for the love that I saw between my parents and grandparents which looked a lot different as I got older. Not that their love was any less lovely and romantic when I got older, but I realized how real it was compared to this idea of the fairytale love. My parents and grandparents have some of the most securely attached relationships that I know, which means that it isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. I have been and still am at times someone who is anxiously attached, wondering if I am good enough, or worth it because I had to beg for the bare minimum from previous relationships regardless of the examples of love that I grew up observing. In my current relationship it almost felt like a fairy tale or too good to be true in the start. Then we started to get more serious, and we got more secure, and it wasn’t like a fairy tale because it wasn’t perfect or incredibly romantic all the time, but it was everything that I’ve ever dreamed of. That’s when I realized how the real love that I grew up seeing showed me that love is hard even when you are secure with your partner. You must work hard and communicate, loving my boyfriend is effortless, but despite that our constant work to choose each other every day is something we have to remember to do. Loving my partner isn’t work but living with someone and getting into a routine makes it hard to keep the “spark” alive. Like Rose I too experience different attachment styles than my boyfriend and its really what brings us together, we complement the good in one another and help to make sure that we are improving and working on our downfalls with the help of the other. Thanks so much for the post!
Hi Ashlee, I have also dreamed of finding my prince charming thanks to Disney movies. I am still waiting for my prince charming to swoop me off my feet and live happily ever after. When reading about how college students tend to choose the more secure attachment style in a romantic fantasy, I found that a bit interesting. When reading the quotes made by your friend, I agree with her about how different types of attachment and distinct personality is what makes a couple strong and brings them together. Personally, my attachment to my parents was also insecure, but I tend to feel more secure with my boyfriend right now. My boyfriend has a more secure attachment style, so he knows how my mind reacts to certain situations or conflicts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this blog post.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was very well done! I really liked how you related attachment towards disney princesses and having a prince charming. After reading and learning that we tend to lean towards a more secure attachment style, I immediately resonated this with my own life. I think it is so interesting to consider my own security in this sense because I often feel that I am not as secure as my current partner. This post made me realize that I look for security in other people which can grow into a secure relationship over time. I overall found this post very insightful, thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHello Ashlee
ReplyDeleteI found it very interesting that you drew a connection between attachment style and Disney movies because I used to watch Disney movies a lot and most of all I liked how you connected it with the princesses waiting for their prince charming who will help fulfill their dreams. The way the male is shown to be stronger and helps the princess with her problems made sense to me as I related that back to secure attachments.I I believe secure attachments and good communication skills are the keys to a healthy relationship. As we grow older and experience more, these skills become more prominent. You provided some insightful information on attachment in your post that I enjoyed reading. Thank you!
Hey Ashlee,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that I always was romantic movies, and I used to dream that one day I was going to find someone to fall in love with. When I first started to date people, I had this expectation that this guy is going to be like the guy from the movies, and it was hard let down for sure. I finally came to the relationship that prince charming isn’t out there, but the closest thing to be prince charming is being with someone that helps create a secure attachment. I have date this one guy that was very different from me, and we both had different views about life. Our relationship worked for a while, but we were just too different. Then on the other hand best friend met her boyfriend. They are completely different in every way, but they have a real strong connection. Great post!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI used to think that I was absolutely destined to live happily ever after regardless of the choices that I made. Now, I realize that I really have to dedicate my time to making the right decisions and surround myself with people who are supportive. I used to set my expectations so high for people that I didn't even know. Since then I have learned that I need to focus on bettering myself by making sure I am around others that truly care for me. I am glad that I realized that my happily ever after isn't just going to happen if I sit back and watch my life unfold. I really enjoyed reading your post, thank you!
After a really bad heartbreak a few years later I met my boyfriend and I absolutely believe in secure attachments and even prince charming. Sometimes you meet people and think why destiny didn't bring you together sooner, but I am a strong believer of everything happening for a reason. Not only does he make me feel secure but also great about myself, and that adds to the positive attachment I have with him. Also, a lot of people think negatives attract but I don't really believe that. I think its cool that we like a lot of similar things and we enjoy these things together, this also adds into the secure attachment we have.
ReplyDeleteI love the design of the research you mentioned in this blog post. What a great way to see which attachment styles college students preferred. I am not surprised that secure attachment styles are more desirable. I personally was attracted to my boyfriend because I felt very secure in our relationship. I agree that princess movies have always depicted the prince swooping in and giving the princess an increased sense of security. I can remember sitting in my room as a little girl thinking about what my “prince charming” looked like. I now realize that love isn’t as magical as movies make it seem! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashlee, I have definitely dreamed of a prince sweeping me off my feet ever since I was little! Those movies reminded me of an attachment that I have been dreaming about forever. However, as you mentioned, I have seen so many relationships work great when with two different types of people! Opposites can attract! It is revitalizing to know that relationships may look different and that is okay. Even in my own relationship, we have different personalities and ideas, but we both experience secure attachment. We are trusting of each other, calm, and patient. Great work!
ReplyDeleteLike you, I always dreamed of finding my prince charming. However, I never thought that my partners' attachment style could play a huge role in why it was not working. Before my current partner, my relationships were with individuals with similar attachment styles to mine, and it never felt right. But my current partner and I have different attachment styles, and it is entirely different. I think if more people knew about the different attachment styles, there would be more successful relationships. For example, someone with a more anxious attachment might be able to see that and communicate with their partner what they might need from them.
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to this idea of wanting to be with someone who has a secure attachment and fearing relationships without that. There is this idea of safety in knowing that your partner is secure and that your relationship will be one that is healthy and brings joy. I grew up watching Disney princess movies religiously, and so I understand this idea of having this ideal person in your mind and searching for that. However, this article explains it well that even the person that you always envision for yourself may not be the person you end up with. Sometimes you need that balance and someone who isn’t exactly like you.
ReplyDeleteThis concept of different attachment styles combining is very intriguing to me. I feel that my fiancé and I have similar attachment styles and grew up in very securely attached families. I am grateful to feel that I have secure attachment styles with people but this blog interested me with what her friend said about her own experiences. I really relate to the idea that my fiancé makes me feel safer than I have ever felt before, that I can go to him with anything and he will know how to help me through it. I think it is interesting that even with myself being securely attached, he can give me these feelings to a level I never though possible. The blog mentions that two people with secure attachment are often seen to be the only couples that share the attachment styles I think for us both to share this attachment style, it brings a new level of trust and understanding.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this post. This was a very interesting thing for me to read. I too had always thought and dreamed of a fairytale relationship like I saw in the movies. I also relate to the person that you interviewed, specifically to the part about her feeling comfortable around her fiancé but not as comfortable around her parents. I also thought it was interesting that each person in the romantic relationship may have a different attachment style. This might be one of the reasons why relationships take a lot of work. I really enjoyed reading this, so thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAshlee, what and interesting take in attachment theory and relationships. I believe that when were young many of us had a very different idea of what a true prince charming meant. As you mentioned, Disney movies almost fed us an ideal partner that could only be found in fairytales. As we get older, we gain the understanding that what truly matters is the capability to find somebody that allows us to form strong, healthy, and secure attachments. When I take a look at previous relationships (before marrying my husband), I can definitely see a pattern of anxiety, frustration, doubt, insecurity, etc. These relationships never lasted long, and honestly left me feeling worse and full of self-doubt. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I was able to understand what having a prince charming in your life meant. It was never perfect, but he made all of those negative emotions subside.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really great post and the name stuck out to me, I agree that people are waiting for the perfect person to come into their lives and everything will be changed or that they will be saved in a sense. The example of Rose and Aaron was really interesting and made it clear that someone who is patient and has a secure attachment style can really help a romantic partner with an anxious attachment style. I thought it was interesting that Rose thought that she and Aaronn’s attachment styles brought them together. I really enjoyed reading your post and made me think about aspects of attachment styles that I had not thought about before.
ReplyDeleteI never thought Disney characters and their romantic patterns as good examples for attachment styles until after reading this post. It is regarded to want security if the princesses have an insecure attachment style and to be reassured they are all taken care of. My partner is very secure and has an easier time communicating and bringing things up to me that I find to want to be passive instead. He has a secure relationship with both of his parents so it’s interesting for me to know there are those who have secure attachment qualities and are raised to be the same way. I find myself thinking of open future possibilities because he is always discussing future plans and I do see comparing myself to those disney princesses.
ReplyDeleteAshlee,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading about the connection you established between dreaming of the perfect partner, someone like Prince Charming, and attachment styles. Your incorporation of the perspective of someone in a securely attached relationship helped me understand your ideas and connect it to my own life. For example, I have identified myself with more of the anxious attachment style and my boyfriend provides a more secure foundation that eases my worries and relieves my distress. I am working towards gaining a secure attachment so that both of us can benefit and we can strengthen the relationship, but still, I catch myself acting out at times where I feel like I am not good enough and relying on him to comfort me. In the midst of this, I feel shameful and selfish and even reject his support for a bit before I give in and allow him to make me feel better. I am grateful that I have found someone with a secure attachment style that supports me and my anxious attachment style as I try to improve my self-sabotaging behaviors and become more secure in myself and my attachment to others.
The way you started your blog off my talking about dreaming of a prince charming as a little girl is something that myself, and many other girls experienced growing up. As a child, I had this idealized image of a prince that would fall in love with me and treat me like a princess, who would come find me and make everything better. As I've grown up, I have come to realize how unrealistic this is and that instead I should be idealizing a secure relationship rather than an unrealistic fairytale one. For me, finding a partner who provides me a sense of serenity and that I know I can always rely on is my top priority. Of course I want to be able to laugh and go on adventures with them as well, but security is the most important. In the relationship I am in now, I have truly felt like I have found my “Prince Charming” . He always goes out of his way to make my day brighter and I have never felt so loved and secure in a relationship before. I’ve noticed that being with someone who has a secure attachment style helps me feel safe, and understood, especially when my own anxious attachment styles come out.
ReplyDeleteI definitely relate to your blog post and am guilty of having these fantasies myself. I always believed that I would find the perfect guy and that he would drastically change my life. I also thought that the first person I date would be the perfect person, and I would be with them forever. I do believe this is because of the common stories shown throughout Disney movies, and it makes people believe that those narratives are common. I thought that the research you found about being attracted to people with secure attachments was also interesting and it explains a lot as to why I am attracted to certain people.
ReplyDeleteI think about rose and Aron and I liked how you talked about your own experiences and connection with Disney couples. I consider myself a romantic and as a child, I would often Romanticize what my future relationship will be like. Now I feel as if I have found my prince. Although I believe that there was trial and error in my previous relationships. In addition, my partner and I have both worked to reach secure attachment. Although we both have an avoidant attachment style, we also both have the same temperament and are peacemakers. I think our personalities are very compatible to each other where we can both reach secure attachment.
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