We’ve talked on this blog before about the impact that our attachment style can have on us physically, and we explored the effect that our attachment style can have on our stress levels and cortisol responses during conflict, which you can read about here: https://helpmeimlovesick.blogspot.com/2019/09/stress-levels-during-conflict.html. But, did you know that insecure attachment styles can impact our physical health in other ways, such as increasing our risk of coronary artery disease, and demonstrating a statistically significant shortening of our telomeres (the structures at the end of our chromosomes that impact aging)? All of which can result in a decreased lifespan for those of us that are insecurely attached.
This is the point in the post where I would like to remind you all not to be afraid. We are not inherently doomed. When we are insecurely attached in childhood and it extends to our adult attachment style, or when we have negative experiences early on in our dating lives, it might feel like we were set up to fail, and the wide-ranging influence of adult attachment on our lives and our wellbeing can feel overwhelming.
If I just described how you’re feeling, then please know that you do not need to be afraid. These are general trends and do not necessarily extend to everyone, and the impacts of an insecure attachment style also depends on the attachment style of one’s partner.1 Our attachment security can also fluctuate between relationships, so we might be securely attached to our parents, for instance, but insecurely attached to our romantic partner, which influences the health effects.1 We also have the ability to earn secure attachment and transform our lives, and the more aware we are of our attachment style, and the more we make cognizant efforts to develop healthy patterns, the more likely we are to actually earn secure attachment.1 If you’re intrigued by this and want to learn more, stay tuned for next week’s post where we’ll explore the topic of earning secure attachment at length.
As we have touched on before, supportive and high-quality relationships have been consistently linked to better health.2 Our attachment style is closely tied to how we regulate our emotions and our affect, particularly relating to the emotions we experience when we feel threatened. Our strategies for affect regulation significantly impact our emotional health, which is linked to our perceptions of and behavior in close relationships, as well as our ability to regulate our emotions and engage in either health-protective or health-damaging behaviors.2
This makes our attachment style particularly relevant for our physical health, because being insecurely attached predisposes you to be more likely to engage in health-damaging behaviors such as increased drug and alcohol use—as you can read about on the blog here: https://helpmeimlovesick.blogspot.com/2019/10/drinking-habits.htmland here: https://helpmeimlovesick.blogspot.com/2019/11/marijuana-use.html riskier sexual behavior, poorer eating habits, and less exercise.2 Avoidant attachment is also linked with less seatbelt use, and less frequent use of healthcare services.2 Insecure attachment styles are also correlated with increased cardiovascular reactivity to changes in emotion from one’s partner and decreased immune function.2 These factors can all add up to decrease the lifespan of insecurely attached individuals, negatively impacting our health.
Those of us who are lucky enough to be securely attached do not experience the same health risks, and actually experience health benefits from having healthy, supportive, and close relationships.2 It is something that we can all strive for, and trusting in one’s partner can significantly impact almost every area of our health and wellbeing.2
Individuals with earned secure attachment experience the same health benefits, and I spoke to one friend who managed to overcome his anxious attachment and earn secure attachment with his fiancée, and he described the following changes in his health behaviors:
“Before I was in my current relationship, I did not have any concept of self-care, and without a positive reinforcement in my life, things like wearing my seat belt and maintaining a healthy lifestyle (diet, exercise, etc.) were not priorities to me in any sense. Once I found myself in a healthy relationship with my partner, I did a complete 180. Having somebody teach me self-love and constantly reinforce to me how valued I was shifted my perspective, and made me realize that I owed it not only to myself to remain healthy, but to my partner as well. Since then, I’ve made quite a few changes. I’ve stopped smoking, begun routines of exercise and healthy diet, and have become a much safer driver. All it took was a relationship which made me feel valued and secure.”
At this point, I would like to reiterate that these are merely correlations and will not be true for everyone. Our partners’ attachment style plays a role in the health effects and the way we process our own emotions, and these correlations are not necessarily true for everyone. But, most of all, we have the power to change our attachment style and transform our lives, as we will talk about in the next and final post, so stay tuned because you won’t want to miss it.
1Dansby Olufowote, R. A., Fife, S. T., Schleiden, C., & Whiting, J. B. (2019). How can I become more secure?: A grounded theory of earning secure attachment. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1111/jmft.12409
2Pietromonaco, P., & Beck, L. (2019). Adult attachment and physical health. Current Opinion in Psychology, 25, 115–120. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.04.004
Briana, this is all super interesting! Also, I literally just went through all of your blog posts, and it is cool to see all of the things that are impacted by relationships and things like attraction. I'm glad that I am not inherently doomed, especially because I know that I have an anxious-attachment style. In addition to this, I tend to be stressed, a lot, haha. I really resonated with what your friend said about how their insecure attachment turned into an earned secure attachment with his partner. Before I was in my relationship, I never really ate real meals, just hot cheetos and other unhealthy snacks, haha. I also dealt with emotions on my own, thinking that I could handle it all on my own. However, now that I am in my relationship, my partner encourages me to eat meals, which I regularly do now, by the way! Haha, and I also have gotten a bit better with processing my emotions by reaching out to others, rather than keeping everything to myself. This isn't to say that I'm not stressed at all and that I'm super fit, but rather, that I have figured how to process my feelings and how I take care of myself. I am curious to see the further I get into my relationships (even though it has only been 9 months), if the more secure my attachment will get and if my physical health will improve even more? But at the end of the day, it is also a personal decision and something I need to motivate myself to do.
ReplyDeleteHi Brianna! This is a super interesting and engaging read! Knowing that I mostly have anxious attachments, it is comforting to know that I am capable of reversing the negative effects my attachments can have on my physical health. I have always known that the anxiety that comes with many of my relationships can take a toll on my body, and I think that is mostly due to the stress from constantly worrying. I can relate with what your friend said about engaging in risky behavior because none of them really seemed like a priority. Whenever I am stressed about a relationship, nothing else really seems to matter. I can also say I made connections with many of the negative health effects, too, such as poor eating habits. It is kind of nice to be able to learn about possible roots to these problems, and I will have to read your “earning secure attachments” post to see if it helps me turn around some of these negative health effects!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this blog post and found it to benefit my ideas around attachment style. I grew up with anxious-avoidant attachment styles with both of my biological parents. My college experience has been full of learning about all of these attachment styles and their implications on health & wellness. It had instilled a small fear in the back of my mind knowing that I have a higher chance than others for cardiovascular issues, memory problems, ect. I am now in a secure relationship with my partner since high school, and am glad to see that this has a positive effect on my health. I definitely have noticed that having someone knowingly and vocally express that they value my existence wants me to make better choices for myself. Knowing that I have the ability to change the course I was put on is reassuring and consoling.
ReplyDeleteHi Brianna, overall I really enjoyed your post. I think this blog is such a great idea and your post has been very informative and interesting. When reading this blog post about the different attachment styles has really opened up my eyes. I never knew how much an attachment style can have on one's life. Or the fact that it can affect your health and cause issues in the future. However, I do not feel as if I fall under the insecure attachment style. My partner on the other hand does. I showed him this article and he was very interested and wanted to learn more. I never really knew how our attachment styles correlate with our physical and emotional health. Thank you so much for the knowledge. I will take this into consideration.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this blog post, as I find it to be very true in my current life. Throughout my life I have been in relationships that were not very fulfilling or uplifting. This led me to become wary about entering into future relationships. I did not realize at the time, but this altered the way I saw and treated myself. I began to care less about eating healthy and keeping in touch with friends. After taking a break from it all and choosing to work on myself, I have now found myself in a relationship that brings me joy through trust and love. This has improved my mood and mental health, in ways I would have never expected. I feel secure in my relationship, and the effects have been much larger than I expected.
ReplyDeleteI had common knowledge about insecure attachment styles and the negative effects they can have on your life. However, this post enforced the importance having a secure attachment is. Also, I loved how you explained that attachment styles can fluctuate between relationships. Just because you are securely attached to your mom does not mean you are securely attached to your boyfriend. Also, I agree that the insecure attachment to your boyfriend could ultimately affect the attachment with your mom and vise versa. Attachment styles can rub off on you. I have a personal example of this. I was insecurely attached to my high school boyfriend and was always anxious when around him. My physical health deteriorated because my mind was consumed with him and not my own well-being! During that time, I was securely attached to my mom. The secure attachment to my mom helped me navigate the anxiety I felt around my partner because she was a safe haven I could talk to her about boy problems with. The secure attachment led me to break off the insecure attachment I had with my boyfriend. Secure attachments are important especially when an insecure attachment has a negative effect on your physical health! Thank you for this informative and interesting post. :)
ReplyDeleteReading about how attachment style in a relationship affects a individual’s physical health really intrigued me because it brought me back to a time where I experienced this personally. When I was in an unhealthy relationship with insecure attachment years prior it had an impact on my appetite, schoolwork, motivation, self-care, and more. When I felt insecurely attached in my relationship it affected my friendships because I always dropped everything for my partner because I was constantly taking whatever time I could get. This eventually affected my friendships because I wasn’t giving them the time and attention that they also deserved. As I have moved on from that relationship and now am in a securely attached relationship, I am able to see how negatively that insecure attachment really did affect my physical health.
ReplyDeleteHi Brianna,
ReplyDeleteI have definitely found myself feeling most of these emotions while either being in a relationship or after a breakup. I am the type of person that takes time to warm up to a significant other and often do not even make it to the point of long term relationships because of this, but when I eventually do, I latch on and need a secure attachment to know that my relationship is safe. Often times the attachment that was once secure becomes insecure because I have been cheated on before and I need constant reassurance that most people cannot give. However, because I am aware of this trait, I have been more capable of toning it down to trust others. Not all men are bad, I have have to remind myself of this. Thank you for your relatable information that I was able to apply to my own relationships to further better them and myself!
Hi Briana! This topic is super interesting. I always knew that physical health was tied to relationships, however I underestimated the power that relationship attachment has on an individual’s health. While reading this, I found myself evaluating my parent’s relationship prior to their divorce. They were both extremely unhappy and insecurely attached creating many health problems for both of them. Stress and extreme exhaustion seemed to be a result of their interactions with each other. I really liked how you explained that people should not be afraid if they do resonate with any of the topics that you addressed, and then included a real scenario where someone was able to become securely attached which changed their life. This helped me realize that it is okay to have challenges with attachment, and that they can be resolved.
ReplyDeleteHi Brianna! I find your article/topic really interesting as it is a topic that is not commonly spoken about or acknowledged. While constructing your given points about attachment styles and relationships, I myself have been inconsiderate of the given behaviors. To consider certain relationships and deconstruct your daily behaviors is something that most people should consider within their daily lives. When compared to my life, the attachment style that I have with my parents (insecure attachment) I can relate to certain unhealthy attitudes towards some of my given relationships. Such behaviors consist of unhealthy eating habits, personal care, not working out, etc. However, after consideration, certain friendships have helped uncluttered those bad habits by reassuring behaviors towards me.
ReplyDeleteBriana,
ReplyDeleteI was really helpful and interesting learning more about how our attachment affects our physical health in a variety of ways. It was powerful to read the individual testimonials from those who have overcome their anxious attachment and earn secure attachment with their significant others and the overall health benefits in doing so. There is a shift when attachment as far as earning a secure attachment shifts and changes. This topic allowed me to reflect and also think about the people in my life like my cousin who “earned” a secure attachment and has also changed habits in her life in doing so which has only added to her life and healthy lifestyle overall.
Hi Briana, I thought it was incredibly important that you mentioned attachment can be a part of any relationship in our lives, not just romantic ones. I have learned so much by reading your blog post. I did not know that so much of our health and well-being came from how secure we are in our relationships. This is something that I will look for in my own life. Now that I think of it, my sister experienced an insecure attachment with one of her boyfriends. She became sick all of the time, depressed, and lost a lot of weight. It was hard to watch what was happening. Your blog post also reminded me that is very important to make self-care a priority! Great post!
ReplyDeleteAttachment style can have a huge impact on not only mental health, but also physical health. An example of this was when my best friend dated this guy who was really bad for her. Cheated on her, lied to her, and even abused her. One summer, she got really physically sick and went on many hospital trips. However, after running so many tests, they told her nothing was physically wrong with her. Fast forward a year later, and I asked her what was going on with her physical health? After she broke up with her boyfriend, all her physical symptoms went away. She fully believes that her insecure attachment style because of her boyfriend created physical symptoms.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post does a good job discussing the physical effects of insecure attachment as well as secure attachment. I also appreciate the author clarifying that there is no reason to be afraid because their suggestions are merely correlations. I think that the quote they mentioned about how being in a relationship can help someone to do things in relation to self care. For example, in a relationship, you might be more inclined to clean your room or your car, if someone you care about is going to be sharing that space with you. I think I have seem some examples of this idea in my relationships as well.
ReplyDeleteThis post stuck out to me since health and fitness has always been very important to me and my health. I have learned about health impacts a person daily, but I had not thought about different attachment styles impacting health. Studies like this are very needed since there are a lot of people with insecure or anxious attachment styles and with health being not the best in America, the outcomes on both sides could be very beneficial and help a lot of people. I liked the story about how an individual's life changed after having a secure relationship and that was able to teach self love and how to have a healthy relationship with exercise and diet.
ReplyDeleteThis post is really good about the importance of people taking care of their physical health, and this blog makes me remember my habit of walking every day. I think it is very healthy to start your day with something that benefits your health and makes your brain and stress a good status. Moreover, I will share with you why physical health relates to me. One day of my studying, I felt stressed, and I could not do well on my quizzes, exams, and homework because I was fearful about some of my courses which I think it is difficult to manage them. Then, I talked with a doctor, He asked me when did you take care of your physical health? I told him three months ago, so I felt remiss, and I felt aware of taking care of my physical health. I really appreciate your post!
ReplyDeleteAs a college student and going through a lot of health changes my first year of college I remember everyone telling me about the "Freshman 15" witch is something I wanted to stay away from. This Blog reached out to me because as a Health and Exercise science major I wanted to stay away from the "freshman 15" and as I went to college I wanted to be in the best shape possible. This Blog related to be because a lot of what is says is what Ive told myself weather that was my own physical and mental health or having an attachment style and how that all effects your physical health either if thats a certain thing or a person effecting that.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to when you skopje about the connection between attachment styles and physical health. In the past when I have been in fridships that were not beneficial for me I knotised that I began to neglect my physicla health and it showed. In past reltionships that have had felt insecure or anxious in have led me to be stress and use unhealthy coping mechanisms. This had lead to stress acne and hair loss as well as issues eating and getting the proper amount of sleep. However, now, as someone in a bunch of supportive and secure friendships as well as a secure relationship with a romantic partner, I have experienced a positive shift. I am beginning to prioritize my health. This is by exercising more and taking a better approach to stress managment.
ReplyDelete