As college
students, we experience incredible amounts of stress. If you hang around any campus long enough,
you are guaranteed to hear students chatting and complaining about how stressed
and busy they are. Between school work,
extracurricular activities, having a job, and attempting to have a social life
on top of it all, it’s no wonder that so many college students feel like their
time is spread thin!
Since a
lot of us already feel great stress, break-ups certainly don’t help us feel any
less stressed. Romantic relationships
and the potential impacts of the ending of these relationships pose a unique
struggle for us college kids, especially when life feels so uncertain as it is2. Going through a romantic relationship
break-up in college can feel like an additional weight has been added to your
already heavy load. While this may be
the case for many, the research shows that there are multiple factors that make
us feel even more distressed when going through a break-up1, such
as:
·
Being
the one broken up with (sorry dumpees L)
·
Stress
in other areas of one's life (problems at a job, conflict between friends,
etc.)
·
Negative
beliefs about oneself (i.e. blaming yourself for the break-up)
There are
other elements that leads some to feel greater stress about their break-up than
others. Individuals who felt rejected or betrayed, experienced their break-up recently, and had a difficult time finding a new relationship experience higher levels of distress when grieving
their romantic relationship1.
The suddenness
of a break-up can make us freak out even more.
Along with other types of losses in our lives, when we lose someone we
love very suddenly, we tend to feel in shock, leaving us feeling empty, numb,
and as if we are living in a daze. The
world seems more surreal, and because of this, it takes us a while to adjust to
the new norm. My friend noted that, when
her and her boyfriend suddenly broke-up, it was hard for her to process what
happened.
“The break-up was so sudden
and there had been a lot of arguing following up to the break-up”
Suddenness
can lead to follow-up arguments, which can lead to more distress. This escalation of distress can drag the
break-up longer and leave us in an ambiguous limbo zone. And then we feel even more distressed. And then we argue more. It’s a vicious cycle!
If you are
feeling paranoid or anxious about how you will handle the stress of breaking up
with a lover, never fear, researchers have found some protective factors that help to buffer the impacts of
break-ups. While a majority of this
research is focused around protective factors for grieving the death of a loved
one, I believe they apply really well to our romantic relationship break-ups as
well.
One of the
greatest protective factors seen to soften the impacts of grieving a loved one
is social support. Researchers have found that positive social
support is critical to recovering from a loss3. Mourning the loss of a loved one while being
surrounded by positive peers may be essential and invaluable to making sense of
life after a loss3. This
social support undoubtedly has a positive impact on one’s prolonged grief and
depression3.
My friend
said it best when discussing how to handle the stress of her break-up;
“It was so important for me to
remain positive about the situation. Surrounding myself with positive relationships, I believe, was the most helpful part of
moving on from my break-up”
If you
read through that list of risk factors above and are thinking to yourself “Holy
crap. If/when my partner and I break-up,
I’m completely screwed”, or if you are feeling like you relate a little too
well to this distress, know that you are not alone. These feelings are common for so, so many
college students. Know that it gets easier.
The research even says so! We experience the greatest distress right
after a break-up, and with time, our hearts heal1.
When it
feels like your world is falling apart, and you cannot physically handle more
stress, try to remain positive.
Surround yourself with people that
help you to refocus on the things in life that bring you joy and help you to
find meaning in the madness.
Focus on the relationships that
fill you up, rather than the ones that bring you down.
Think about how much stronger
of a person you will be on the other side of this challenge. Rest in the fact that it will get easier
because I promise you, it will.
This was very well written. I have a friend that's in a relationship and you can see the emotional stress she experiences. On top of the stress of classes, when they fight it takes a huge toll on her. Its weird how you don’t realize how detrimental your relationship can be until you analyze the changing levels of stress. I think it would be cool to run an experiment that finds the correlations between having a relationship in college and not. I think it would be a good way to see the healthy vs non-healthy relationships. Many college students stress the fact that this is the time to find your ‘soul-mate’ and I wonder if this is affecting their school achievement as well.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog well written and very relatable to my life. When I was a freshman in College I experienced the stress and trouble of balancing a long distance relationship, finding myself in College, and trying to keep up my good grades. This had a big impact on me at the time and was very stressful on my life. I think this blog could be improved with asking different students to express their feelings and emotions dealing with a break-up. When are positive ways to cope with the stress of a break-up and the negative ways to avoid coping the break up.
ReplyDeleteThis post can be so relatable for many college students, especially for college women. One of my best friends has been going through a difficult time with her long term boyfriend. She is a naturally high-strung and stressed out person, however, I've noticed that her stress had transitioned onto just him. She stopped stressing about school and other factors because it was hard for her to think about anything but her boyfriend. They finally ended thing for good recently and she appears to be numb to it. I think that, as the research shows, it is important to feel yourself up with support from close friends and family, however, it is also important to acknowledge what has happened. Dwelling on the relationship is obviously not healthy at all, but considering a break from going out or keeping constantly busy to reflect and then starting to get back into the routine of a busy life may be more beneficial in the long run. I think it is so helpful to post things like this to suggest positive coping strategies, especially for those who may not have the most social support and need the help!
ReplyDeleteThis was a super interesting and relatable article. I have definitely felt extra stressed when going through a break-up because of some of those factors listed. I think that I relate a lot to the feelings of emptiness and like I have lived in a daze when going through a break up. I have also experienced a lot of loss in my life, and the similarities between going through a break up and dealing with the loss of someone are very similar. I definitely agree that social support is the number one thing that is helpful in times of loss whether that’s from a relationship or the actual death of a person. I think it definitely is important to think about how much stronger you could be after your grieving process has settled.
ReplyDeleteWow, was this article relatable. I am currently going through my first break up at the moment (more like "taking a break", but still) and reading through this definitely helped to validate my own experiences a bit. The break up was rather sudden and I felt a strange new cycle of emotions within me, such as shock, grief, sadness, betrayal, and weirdly even a small feeling of happiness. I am definitely trying to practice in some extra self-care and have found social support to be a great way to let my feelings out. Friends and family have offered words of encouragement, reminding me that no matter what happens in the relationship I will be fine in the end, even if it hurts at the moment. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very well written post, I think relationships can bring a lot of ups but a lot of downs too. When I went through a breakup my freshman year of college, it took me almost a year to not feel sad over it. I felt like my whole world was going to end and I cried so much! But I think the biggest reason for this was because I lost a lot of friends during this time since I had become a part of his friend group. All of a sudden my group was no longer a safe place for me because he was there. I think this sudden lack of social support definitely had a negative impact on me. But now that I have my own friend group, I know that if I were to go through a break up again like that, they would all support me and I don’t think I would be as upset.
ReplyDelete