Pain in the Brain

You feel like you just got hit by a truck.  You feel like you are going to throw up.  You can’t get yourself to eat, and getting out of bed sounds like an impossible task. 

           

Unfortunately, these are the feelings that all too frequently accompany our break-ups.  When a romantic relationship ends, we are left to grieve the loss of this relationship, which can lead to a major depressive episode in some individuals¹.

As depression is a very serious topic and should not be taken lightly, it is important to differentiate between feeling sad, grieving, and being clinically depressed.  While the three emotional states may seem very similar, there are actually some differences in the way these emotions manifest.  The normal feeling of sadness is triggered by certain events, and is considered an emotional experience.  Grief is more prolonged than sadness, and typically generates depressive symptoms that can last for days to several months.  While grief is a major risk factor for clinical depression and there are similarities between the two, there are also differences¹.

Grief and clinical depression, which is called major depressive disorder have many symptoms in common.  Sadness, insomnia, poor appetite, and weight loss are all symptoms individuals experience while grieving, as well as during major depressive disorder.  One of the main differences is that grief tends to be trigger-related and feel more intense and unbearable at first, and then is more variable over time.  For example, a grieving individual may feel relatively better when they are surrounded by their supportive and loving friends and family.  However, they may feel more triggered on certain days or events, like their loved one’s birthday, which can bring back old feelings and memories.

On the other hand, major depressive disorder is generally much more pervasive than grief.  Individuals with clinically-diagnosed depression get less relief from their symptoms.  The criteria for being diagnosed with major depressive disorder includes experiencing a series of symptoms like worthlessness, loss of joy, and fatigue for most of all day, every day, for two weeks. 

So, what is going on in our bodies and brains when we are grieving and depressed following a break-up?  In a recent study, researchers found women in their twenties and thirties who recently experienced a romantic relationship break-up, ruminating (a fancy word for thinking really deeply about something) about the loss of their lover was associated with altered brain activity in the cerebrum, anterior temporal cortex, insula, and pre-frontal cortex¹. 

Break-ups seriously mess with our brains, my friends.  And when our brains aren’t functioning properly, you better believe our bodies aren’t going to either.  It’s no wonder we can experience such severe symptoms when grieving these losses! When I asked my friend how her body physically responded to her recent break up, she said she experienced some incredible physical symptoms that are common for those who are grieving.  

“My body feels like it has just been hit by a bus, my eyes have been so puffy from crying and I feel as if my body hurts.  I have lost weight this week just because I have been so stressed that I think everything is just shedding off, I do not think that is healthy.”

I know from my own personal experience that when my long-term relationship ended, I had a very similar experience.  Eating was something that I couldn’t get myself to do.  I couldn’t even eat pizza (I know, what is wrong with me?!).  I felt empty and my body physically ached.   

As romantic relationships end and we are left to grieve our partners, there is incredible potential to experience some depressive symptoms.  While this may not be clinical depression, it is still important to check in with your heart and evaluate how you are doing.  If your depressive symptoms are lasting all day, every day, for more than two weeks, I would recommend getting in touch with a mental health professional.  Our brains are altered when we grieve, and this has the potential to lead to serious depression.  There can be serious pain in our brains.