When you start
dating a new person, everything about them is unbelievably exciting. Everything is so new, and even the littlest
of moments can give you the biggest butterflies. You want to spend as much time as possible
with your new boo! While new relationships are super exhilarating, it can
become challenging to balance your new love with your old relationships. I can speak from personal experience when I
say that it is very thrilling to get involved in a new relationship and neglect
the other important people in your life.
You are not alone in your struggle! It can be so easy to get caught up
in new relationships, and we’re here to give you some advice to navigate the
highs and lows of new relationships!
There are a lot of aspects of new
relationships that are hard to manage.
How often should you spend time with that person? How much is ok to
share with them right off the bat? Is it ok to have sex super early in the
relationship? These are some seriously
important questions to ask, which is why I decided to interview some of my
friends who have had a lot of experience in the relationship department. Some of these friends have had some seriously
rough experiences with boys and have now found themselves in super secure, strong
relationships. Others have witnessed a
lot of their friends experience rocky relationships in the past and have
learned a lot from their experiences.
Overall, this advice stems from their personal experience and may not
apply to everyone, however, they provided me with a lot of insight into these
challenging questions and I would love to share their thoughts with you!
Regulating the Beginning of a
Relationship
Out of all the answers that my friends
gave me when asked, “What advice do you have about regulating the beginning of
a relationship?”, the most common answer was to make sure you distribute your time and energy amongst
all other relationships. Some other answers included:
o
-Setting
boundaries and letting intentions
known for both parties known at the start of the relationship
o
-Remember
to not get consumed with the relationship
too fast
o
-Don’t
lose focus on everything else in your life, this is the fast track to losing
your sense of self and identity
Oversharing vs. Under-sharing
It can sometimes be super difficult to
know how much is acceptable to share with your new partner. You can either feel like your sharing your
deepest darkest secrets with them or not being vulnerable enough. When I asked my friends “What is your advice
in regards to how much to share with your partner at the beginning of a
relationship?”, they had diverse responses, some of which included:
o
-It
is important to get values across
right away, that way there is no misunderstanding about where you stand at the
beginning of the relationship
o
-Guard
your heart and share things about your life and experiences that you would be
willing to share with an acquaintance
o
-Don’t
go super in depth about your most painful experiences, as this may lead to a
lot more complications and heartbreak if relationship ends.
o
-Make
sure vulnerability and sharing is equal,
otherwise one partner may become more attached than the other
Including Sex in the Beginning of a
Relationship
The physical aspect of a relationship is
without a doubt an important aspect of relationships, however there has been a
lot of question regarding how necessary it is to engage in intimate physical
activities early in a relationship. When
I asked my friends “What are your thoughts about including sex in the beginning
of your relationship?”, they all had similar answers:
o
-It's
up to everyone individually but honestly it kind of makes sex the center of your relationship from an
early stage, which doesn't leave a lot of room to grow in other ways
o
-Including
sex in the beginning of a relationship would bring the focus of the
relationship too much on the physical
aspect of the relationship, rather than building a strong relationship
based on emotional and spiritual
connections
o
-Psychology
statistics will tell you that it leads to shorter
relationships because it leads to relationship being built off a physical
connection first.
After reflecting on this advice, I
think it is important to evaluate your relationship, if you are in one, and see
where things can improve. If you are not
in a relationship, I think it can be super helpful for future relationships to
think about how you would address these topics.
Like I said, this advice stems only from my friends personal experience
and does by no means apply to everyone, however, I hope this advice equipped
you with some helpful tips to navigating the beginning of a relationship!
I would agree with the author, Miranda, on the points she bring up regarding a new relationship. I think these factors influence almost everyone’s new relationships and I think these factors are those that really make individuals question if they’re in the right relationship or if their ready for a certain commitment with a new partner. The topic of over- sharing vs. under-sharing is very interesting to me because that is something I never really put words to in my own experiences. I’m trying to reflect on my previous relationships and I feel like there probably were times that I overshared and maybe might have even scared the potential suitor away. In regards to that point though, I feel like a lot of people, now-a-days, don’t have interactions that allow them to fully share their personal details. Conversations now are through a medium of technology and it makes it more difficult to really get across your point. Lastly, the paragraph on sex at the begging of the relationship is very interesting to me. I have witnessed several friends who engage in intimate physical activities at the beginning and it seems to never work out. This might even be replacing important conversation that need to happen to even make the relationship work out.
ReplyDeleteStemming from this conversation, something that might be interesting to research and write a blog post on is the newfound obligation and desire to have intimate relations over the phone – such as sexting. What does research have to say about that and how do those actions impact the relationship quality?
I loved reading your article because all of these issues are things I find myself trying to figure out in my own relationships, past and present. However, the thing that stuck out most in my mind is to not get too consumed in it too fast and to not lose sight of everything else in your life. I am the type of person that gets completely engrossed in a new relationship, which may just be due to the excitement or may be a part of my anxious attachment style, but it sometimes causes me to lose sight of what’s important to me personally, besides this new relationship. The best advice I’ve gotten on this is from my mom, and I can still hear her telling me “if you have to change your lifestyle or values to make a person fit into your life, then it isn’t the right person.” It’s ok to be super excited and spend a lot of time with this new person, but don’t lose sight of what you like to do as an individual too. Make time for your friends, hobbies and other commitments in life because this new relationship should fit around those things, not replace them. Reading advice from your friends was super interesting and helpful, and I found myself relating to a lot of it. Thanks Miranda!
ReplyDeleteWow this blog is great and I can definitely relate. After ending my long-term relationship almost a year ago, it took a while to let myself feel OK with seeing other people. I knew I wanted to have more relationship experience to understand what I really want, but little did I know how awkward, painful, exciting, and confusing this new approach became. In this quest, I've experimented with boundaries, revealing personal information, and the physical/sexual aspect of relationships. I would agree that establishing boundaries early in a relationship is paramount, although easier said than done. If you don't know why you're wanting a relationship, then this it is hard to be clear on what's acceptable and what your intentions are. I also completely agree that one of the most difficult parts about new relationships is not losing yourself and identity. I've been there, I know friends who even after a year still struggle to maintain relationships with their friends. It's OK to be giddy and love-struck, but it's also important to remember who you are and what your priorities are. A bittersweet realization I've come to understand is that everything ends (whether intentional, accident, or natural), and to keep in mind that not every person you are romantically involved in is going to be "the one" - and that's OK. So, this helps me stay level-headed when I meet someone new and allow myself see where it goes without having any expectations. As for the physical/sexual aspect, this is a tricky one because, like your friends said, it depends on the person. I would agree that it is difficult to forge an emotional bond if the relationship has been physically centered. Great blog, I think this accurately represents the excitement and frustration that comes with new relationships.
ReplyDeleteMiranda this is awesome! Both you and your friends have wonderful advice for each of these difficult questions, and I think each of these questions should be given attention when evaluating or establishing a relationship. Personally, I have always struggled with regulating the beginning of a relationship. It seems to be this constant battle with myself. One part of me wants to spend all of my time with this person because they are special to me. The other part of me though, is trying to resist this urge because I don’t want to get involved too quickly, and I also don’t want to neglect the other relationships that I have in my life. It is such a hard balance to find, and I think it takes some trial-and-error to discover. For as long as I can remember, my parents have told me that if I get into a relationship, that the two of us should have a life together but also a life apart. For instance, you can have mutual friends, and activities that you do together, but you should also have your own separate friend group/support system and things to do when you are apart. They’ve always told me that the strongest relationships are those in which the individuals involved can be secure, confident, and happy together, but also apart. I always try to keep this in mind if a potential relationship begins to appear on the horizon for me. Thanks so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMiranda, I thought this post was very insightful and your friends had very helpful advice! Setting boundaries and spending time among friends and your significant other is important because I think many people lose sight of this when first navigating a relationship. I definitely struggle with this whenever I start something new with someone because I just want to spend all of my time with my significant other. I think having a weekly goal of how much time you’d like to spend with your friends outside of your relationship may be helpful because then sticking to this would encourage one to take a step back and re-shift focus. I also really liked the advice regarding over-sharing and under-sharing. I believe that it is important for partners to be able to confide in one another, so it is important to go off of the dynamic of the individual relationship when deciding how much information to share and in what type of context. A healthy relationship with a secure attachment will have a balance of each partner sharing personal information and both feeling supported. I like the idea of having equal vulnerabilities because both partners should feel that they are putting themselves out there in an equal manner. Thanks for the post, Miranda!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how this specific blog post gave advice for when entering a new relationship. Though every relationship is unique, I feel like the guidelines provided are pretty universal. I especially agree that it is increasingly important to not let yourself be consumed by your new relationship. From experience, I have found it hard to balance a new relationship with other important aspects in my life. I tend to dedicate a large majority of my time to the new person I am dating and have realized that this is something I need to really work on in my next relationship. In order for a relationship to work well, there needs to be a sense of balance between all aspects in one’s life.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this post on navigating new relationships it made me reflect on my own relationship and how we started everything. I remember having a huge crush on my current boyfriend since freshman year of high school and of course we were just friends until senior year but I think that’s what helped our relationship grow into what it is today. Having a friend become your best friend and boyfriend in one is the best of both worlds. Because we started out as friends before dating it was beneficial for both of us because it allowed us to get to know each other and hangout without the pressures of first meeting someone and trying to date right away. At first it was a little awkward because we weren’t sure how to act now that we were dating but we got the hang of it quick and everything seemed easier. I had a harder time distributing my time between my old relationships and my new boyfriend. However I found that the friends who were truly interested in being friends with me even after having boyfriend were the friends I kept by my side and those who didn’t put effort into our relationship anymore weren’t really my friends to begin with. I really like this blog because it allows us to explore our relationships and see that we are not alone in the different struggles of new relationships. I think that social media is a constant reminder of this because we are always comparing our relationships to others when in reality no relationship is perfect. Over all I really enjoyed reading this blog because it is very easy to relate to!
ReplyDeleteMiranda, what a profound explication of some practical suggestions and boundaries for a new or already established relationship! I agree with most of what your friends shared. An inescapable factor, for me, at the beginning of a romantic relationship is the amount of yourself you share with your prospective partner. I love that your friends mentioned the necessity for equal vulnerability-- as in, one person should not be divulging the deepest parts of their soul when the other partner is disengaged and remaining shallow. This can only lead to heartache. And I completely resonate with the setting of physical boundaries right off the bat; in the few pseudo-relationships I've entered into, their demise has almost always been a difference in levels of comfortability with physical components of our interactions. I'm glad we had those conversations before one of us was put in a situation we had no desire to be in. All in all, the three categories you proposed are essential topics of discussion between two people beginning or maintaining a romantic bond! Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteI thought this article was extremely helpful and accurate especially in today’s world. The three main points covered are issues that I have dealt with in previous relationships and are currently dealing with in my new relationship. I got out of a serious relationship about a year ago and I can totally relate to the advice to make sure to distribute your time and energy amongst all other relationships. I was so infatuated with him I totally disregarded my other relationships as well as my own personal health, it was a big wakeup call and definitely something I learned from for my next relationship, and a great point talked about in the article. I am entering a brand new relationship that is very exciting and I do wonder how much I should share to him right away or if I should keep things more light right now. The author gave some amazing advice on this topic that I am definitely going use in navigating my way through my new relationship. This blog is amazing, keep the posts coming!!
ReplyDeleteI think this article is very interesting and helpful. Getting into a new relationship is something that can make you very vulnerable and unsure about the future. Reading an article such as this assures us that everyone goes through these hard times and there is some great advice in here as to how to deal with these questions. Personally, I just got out of a long term relationship about two months ago and I am currently in the process of considering new relationships. For now, I am focusing on my friendships and being cautious as to not rush into a new relationship right away. Overall I really enjoyed reading this article and I like that it is giving real life examples of girls my age that are going through similar situations.
ReplyDeleteGreat article! So helpful for college girls!!
ReplyDeleteWise wisdom!!! From being in a commited, two year relationship this is very good and real. I think it is so important to be patient and let a relationship grow naturally and not forced. This does mean that vulnerability and romance and trust will take time. Snaps Miranda!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the amazing advice! This is all so relevant, especially for college age people who are seeking relationships. Great thoughts and ideas Miranda!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this blog post and found it to be very helpful to reduce the chance of getting too involved in a relationship too quickly. I think it is difficult to balance time with your new partner which is why all the tips in this post are important for every couple to consider. One of my friends recently got in a relationship and I have noticed that she is very dependent on her boyfriend which has caused some challenges in our friendship. I think it can be hard to distance yourself when starting a new relationship however, I think it is extremely important to maintain other relationships outside of your significant other. In terms of over and under-sharing, I think it depends on the individuals who are in the relationship. I have seen couples that were very open about painful experiences right away and they have a healthy relationship where other couples oversharing created challenges in their relationship. This illustrates the importance of communicating with your significant other about what they are comfortable sharing. I think navigating a new relationship is a learning process that will require both individuals to communicate about their goals for the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI loved this reading. Navigating a new relationship is something that is very rarely discussed. This is a difficult time and a huge change in an individual's pace of life. I have personally gone through this scenario before and wish that I have read this reading prior to give me this knowledge. The best advice from this post that resonated with me most, was “Regulating the beginning of the Relationship,” because it is so important. This is the time where you should be the most upfront about what you want from the relationship as well as your standards and boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI really related to this blog post because it gave great insight to starting a new relationships that can be extremely helpful through the advice that was given. I agree that starting a new relationship is truly exciting, but I agree that balancing the new relationship in comparison from the old can be challenging cause it can affect how you love especially with a specific attachment style. The advice that was given really gave me a better perspective of things that I can try in a relationship. The advice of distributing your time and energy among others things is truly remarkable because I have been fed up in wanting to see my significant other a lot of time when I decided to get in a relationship, but also the communication aspect is important because starting out you want to share everything but things should wait in the long haul, but the aspect of the physical in the relationships is truly up to the person and the significant other. The idea of improving in a relationships is important because you should always improve throughout the days, months, or years with the person because people are constantly growing and changing.
ReplyDeleteThis blog was so helpful to me. I recently got out of a relationship where we were very toxic to each other. I really like how there is a paragraph about regulating the beginning of a relationship. It is very important to begin a relationship with boundaries because I never set up boundaries with my ex and I was constantly hurt and felt used. In addition, I was consumed by the relationship way too fast and moved in with them within 3 months of our relationship. Now, I can see how to set boundaries and learn to respect myself and not get too consumed by a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI love this blog post! In my own life, my first relationship ended because it was too much for the both of us. We didn’t set boundaries at the beginning and as a result it became a one-sided relationship. Additionally, not having an equal amount of vulnerability and sharing between the two of us was the reason why we broke up. Besides myself, I love these tips you have given. I feel like it is the most important thing to both set boundaries with your partner but also be clear in your values of what you want from the relationship. Once your values are set in stone and clear, you have a good understanding of your partner and the misunderstandings can be cleared up if they arise. Also, I think the discussion of the relationship not controlling your entire life is super important. In my own life, I became neglectful of my previous relationships and friendships because of dating. I think learning how to not let a new relationship overcome everything is great advice and I really enjoyed reading your post!
ReplyDeleteThis blog has helped me for looking into new relationships, especially considering the boundaries. It's so interesting to learn about how you as two different people can bond and allow yourself to be together as one through exploring each others identities in a safe and mindful way. Another large thing from this blog that could and probably will help me is the construct of how to build a new relationship and begin to make it strong and meaningful especially in younger age such as college students. I personally have been in a relationship that did not follow these guidelines of building structure, support, and boundaries and it absolutely fell apart weeks into this relationship because there's a lack of individuality in the relationship. So, learning new tactics to uphold a relationship and tie that individuality really helps!
ReplyDeleteI thought everything included in this post was super helpful advice. I think for me the most important thing was regulating the beginning of a new relationship. One of my roommates got a boyfriend recently and I honestly probably see her one day a week if that because she spends all her time with her boyfriend. I think being able to distribute your time and energy throughout all your relationships is a very important skill in order to ensure your relationship and your friendships are all able to thrive. I do get that, that is something that’s hard to be aware of when you are in it because everything is exciting. As a perspective from a friend who has been tossed aside because someone has a new relationship it’s definitely an important skill to have.
ReplyDeleteNavigating New Relationships- Comment 2
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this thoughtful blog post! I agree that entering a new relationship can be somewhat consuming because it’s so new and exciting. I have had friends who get into relationships who have not exactly ‘cut me off,’ but hanging out weekly becomes hanging out every four months. When I got into my first relationship, I am proud to say I was good at managing my time between all my other relationships, but being in a relationship means sacrificing time to be with your significant other, rather than doing something else you may want to do more. I thought your friends’ responses in the oversharing section were interesting, and I completely agreed with all of them.