“We’re high school sweethearts.” “We were in the same orientation group freshman year.” “We lived in the same dorm.” “We met in my biology 101 class, but there was a lot more chemistry going on *wink wink*.” Frequent outings with my friends bring up these topics of “aww, how’d you meet your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner.” And while everyone gets all gushy and sentimental, my roommate and I find ourselves mimicking all their little “oos and aws” as we internally want to vomit at the sound of everyone's sappy love stories.
Oftentimes, being single can feel like we have a giant hole in the person we are meant to be. “He’s my other half”, “I’ll never be whole without them”, “He’s the reason I am who I am today”. All these are things we hear over and over from people who are in committed relationships, and while it might be true for them, I’m here to not let you be discouraged by singleness.
Being single is a great time for people to truly get to know themselves. We get to figure out what we want in life and we have more freedom to explore ourselves. Periods of singleness are a great way to readjust to life, especially during big life transitions like college (Nguyen, 2019). Being single is a time to reflect on our previous relationships as well. We can take time to better understand our attachment styles and their effects on our relationships with family, friends, and partners. It is a great way to try and build up a secure attachment.
Curious about how others viewed singleness, I asked my roommate, one of the few single people in my life, what she thought about her current relationship status.
“I'm like 98% sure that when Cupid was shooting his little heart arrows at me, he missed and shot my brother twice instead. My brother is so in love with his girlfriend, it's like everybody else doesn't exist. If I’ve learned anything from watching him, it's that I should be thanking my lucky stars that I am single right now. Obviously, I do not want to be single forever, but with my current life position, I couldn't imagine having a significant other. It seems bad but I just don't have time, sh*t I barely have time to eat dinner some nights. I’m lucky Cupid was stupid enough to miss me.”
Although very sarcastic, there is a lot of truth to her response. Relationships are not only hard work but also time-consuming. They can be demanding in all facets of life, so having the privilege (as I like to think of it) of being single can be very rewarding. It allows us time to gain emotional regulation and identity formation (Nguyen, 2019). This can be super rewarding during our college years as there is so much going on that it might be nice to not have to stress about a relationship, as my roommate echos:
“I think I might swear off men for the remainder of my college career, mainly so that I can actually get all my school work done but also that I can really get to know who I am as a person before I have to get to know a whole nother person too. And if that makes me an antisocial loser so be it, because I’m happy with my life”
I think my roommate has it figured out. Singleness is not something to be feared or to be embarrassed about, but instead the opposite. We need to embrace it. It's a time to get to know ourselves before we pour our hearts into someone else. There are a lot of good things that come from embracing singleness, and there are other posts on this blog that address this topic as well, so I recommend giving them a quick read too!
Reference
Nguyen, T., Werner, K. M., Soenens, B. (2019). Embracing me-time: Motivation for solitude during transition to college. Motivation and Emotion, 43(4), 571–591. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-019-09759-9
No, I agree entirely. I constantly hear about people being so deeply in love with somebody they've known from high school or middle school, or they were on the same sports team or lived in the same dorm Hall. Hearing stuff like that also makes me lonely because I feel like I am waiting on something. Am I supposed to be the one that's going to go out there and go get it? I feel as though I'm a complex person because I feel as though I need to love something to continue like I feel as though I'm empty without anything to love. For example, I will develop a crush on somebody just because everybody has a crush that would happen in high school in middle school, and I know it wasn't really love. It was like everybody else was doing it, so why not try to fit in. Being single helps you develop your own person, and I remember someone telling me that you won't find love unless you know who you are. You won't find love unless you love yourself. That's what's holding me back.
ReplyDeleteThe overall message encourages readers to embrace singleness as a positive and empowering phase. SO often, young people are in much of rush to be in a long term committed relationship and never get to know themselves as individuals. For example, many of my teammates are in long distance relationships with the same people they were with in high school. Many of them are constantly on their phones talking with their girlfriends instead of getting to know their teammates and college. being around them has made me consider how freeing it is to be happily single at this stage in our lives.
ReplyDeleteThis article is about the benefits of being single and finding yourself. I disagree with this statement, though. I have been in a relationship for two years, and one of the best ways to grow is with someone that is always there for you, support you and wants you to succeed. Being in a relationship is different from friendships because friends can move away, and that bond you had won't be the same. relationships shouldn't be for granted and young adults should not be afraid to open up for love. The author suggests young people lose themselves in relationships, but there is also potential loss in not going after the "right one" because you think you're too young.
ReplyDeleteThis directly relates to me because I am currently in a two year relationship and I never would have believed you if you were to tell me I was in this relationship two years ago. For meeting my junior and senior year, we have built such a remarkable relationship. The biggest thing I have noticed throughout our relationship is that we are each others best friends. He lives 14 hours away from me and we continue you be each others biggest support system. These traits are what really show you if you are meant to be with this person the rest of your life. All though I am only 19 and have only been dating him for 2 years, I am very pleased with my relationship and could see it being around for a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteAfter being in a relationship for two years, I resonate with this article very highly. Committing to another human takes not only dedication but it takes great amounts of effort. While being in a relationship has many benefits including an extra support system and fun new experiences, it can also takeaway time for yourself. Being involved in a romantic relationship requires effort from both parties, meaning you might have to sacrifice some things you are used to doing for yourself in order for the relationship to thrive. I highly appreciate the emphasis the author puts on not fearing a relationship or falling in love due to fear of loosing yourself. Although being in a relationship has its ups and downs, ultimately with the right person you will feel nothing but endless love and support, making you become the best version of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated this article for its refreshing perspective on singleness, especially during the transformative college years. It was enlightening and empowering to read about how you and your roommate have turned what many might view as a lack into a positive opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Your humorous take on Cupid's aim and the insightful reflection on the time and emotional investment required in relationships offer a balanced and relatable view. This post isn't just a good read; it's a much-needed conversation starter about the value of enjoying one's own company and focusing on personal development. It serves as a reminder that being single is not just a phase to hurry through, but a meaningful stage of life to embrace and learn from.
ReplyDeleteThis article shines an amazing light on being singling. Being single can be a time to find yourself and focus on finding your meaning in life, but I believe that that can be done in a relationship too. I have been in a relationship for a little over two years. We have never been the ooey gooey type to say things in front of others or on social media about how head over heels we are for each other, even though we are. The key to being okay with being single or being in a relationship, in my opinion, is to see both as a good thing. You can grow on your own or with another person by your side. By looking at one or the other as being a bad thing, it takes away from being able to respect other happiness. All in all, I think the key is to respect others happiness, whether that be found on their own, with a significant other, with friends, with family, or anything else and to be okay with your happiness coming from different places than others.
ReplyDeleteReading this article was a breath of fresh air and really gave me a new perspective on being single. Since making the transition from high school to college its been a wakeup call that I have so much more to discover about myself and who I am as a person. I know that if I want to do this it would be in my best interest to stay single, however with couples all around me it can be discouraging. All 3 of my roommates are in relationships which often times could make me feel bad about myself or that I'm doing something wrong and this diminished my self confidence.This article helped show me that everyone is in different stages of life and just because I'm single, doesn't make me less of a person than anyone else. I am going to embrace being single instead of being embarrassed of it because I am happy where I am right now and I know that I will get into a relationship when the time is right for me.
ReplyDeleteThis article really hit home. I spent most of my junior and senior year in high school with the same person. Once I settled in to college and made alot of friends I started to realize that I had not spent enough time with my friends to finish high school. While I enjoyed my boyfriend in High school I was in the relationship just to be in a relationship and I missed out on hanging out with more people I didn't know in high school and I fell I missed out. I have made it a point since then that I don't need to be in a relationship to define me. Being single has opened more doors to more experiences in my first couple of years in college. I've learned alot more about myself spending time on my own and not having to be around someone all the time. I feel more empowered to figure out me first before my next relationship.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this article because of how much I relate to it. I'm a freshman in college and have never been in a relationship. I've grown up around friends who have each been in multiple relationships. I've always been labeled as weird or judged for never having a relationship, and I try not to let it affect me but sometimes it does. I will say though, that being single my entire life has allowed me to get to know myself and my identity, like this article says. I still can't help but feel lonely, wonder if something is wrong with me, or long for that romantic connection. I never thought of being single as a big deal, like my friends made it seem. This article made me further realize that there is nothing wrong with being single and I should embrace it because I don't need a relationship to define me or be happy. I'm happier to be confident and happy with the person I am. It's better to know and trust yourself well, instead of being someone you're not/unsure of for someone else.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this article made me reflect a lot about myself. I am currently a second year in college that's been dating someone for 3 years. From the talking stage to now I've been committed to someone since I was a junior in high school. As awesome as my partner is and we enjoy each others consistent presence, I do think about how my time of finding my individualism has been affected. I never seek to end my relationship for the sake of freedom but I do think about how I can benefit myself and my relationship in attempting to do my own thing more frequently. Based on my attachment style I think my partner has an easier time doing this for himself than I do. I find it hard to not cling to him and choose him first over everything else. But as I see my friends enjoying their freedom, I remember I am simply in a different state than them but that doesn't mean I can't discover my individualism through my relationship. I can still pledge my loyalty and love for someone while doing the same for myself, preferably putting myself first. That is the first spot I'd have to start on, choosing me.
ReplyDeleteI think I can see where both people are coming from. I think that for some people, being single can be a really difficult time, where you feel like you're missing out on something that everyone else seems to be enjoying. Or maybe you even feel like something's wrong with you, that you can't find someone because it's your fault, even though that's not the case. But also, like your other roommate said, being single can be really important for figuring out who you are and focusing on yourself. I think I had experience with both, after my first long-term relationship it felt like I couldn't find anyone and nobody was right for me, and then after my second long-term relationship, I used the time to focus on myself and grow into parts of myself that I had ignored while being in a relationship. It's really all about the state of mind you're in, I guess. My now boyfriend and I have a really solid relationship, and I think it's because of the time I spent single between my last relationship and him, because I matured so much in so many ways during that time.
ReplyDeleteI like this perspective on singleness. Often we always hear the soapy sob stories of the hopeless romantic who just can't seem to find her match. I believe there is a lot of truth within this story that more college individuals need to hear. Although I don’t relate to this story currently, I had a similar perspective in my single days during my senior year of high school. I was a hopeless romantic, but instead of letting my singleness define me, I chose to make the best of it. I felt more free to go out with friends, work longer hours, have more time for studying, and even got to enjoy some one one-on-one time with myself. Not that I don’t get to act on any of those now, and I love my current partner, but having the opportunity to be single definitely opens up your free time as well as your mind to new experiences and opportunities.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great article and a wonderful approach to the idea of singleness. I can personally relate to this in multiple ways. I always used to think being single was the end of the world and I couldn't be who I wanted to be without a partner. Eventually I accepted the fact that it is okay to not find your person right away. In doing that and allowing myself to be happy and single I took emphasis on finding the right person and eventually she found me. I cant agree more in the fact that we should embrace when were single in order to contribute to ourselves, really great work!
ReplyDeleteI genuinely enjoyed and loved every moment reading your post. It provides such a refreshing and uniquely empowering perspective on the often misunderstood state of singleness. I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments that being single can indeed be a wonderful opportunity for significant self-discovery and profound personal growth. During this period, one can focus intently on their own dreams, aspirations, and interests, free to explore these without the need to make compromises or consider the needs and wants of another person. This freedom can be incredibly liberating, allowing a person to fully immerse themselves in their own journey of self-exploration. Singleness offers a valuable time to cultivate a robust foundation of self-love and self-sufficiency. These qualities, once fully developed, can have a transformative effect on future relationships. They can help to ensure that relationships are entered into not out of a sense of neediness but rather from a place of completeness.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this short article, because I myself can relate to it. In the past few years I've chosen to stay single and truly focus on myself. As of today, I have no regrets and find that being single helps me understand what I truly would want in a relationship along the way. I think most people see being single as not a good thing, but that really isn't the case. I have experienced so many happy moments while being single and still do to this day. I am glad this was talked about in this short article, because I feel that isn't as talked about as much as it should be.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this article! Although it was short, it was jam packed with a lot of really good information! My mom has always told me to skip on the relationships in college, and focus on myself and my goals. She always knew that if I did not, I would get my heart broken by some college guy, which unfortunately happened on multiple occasions. Seeing someone else say that you do not need to focus on relationships is so refreshing. During this period in life, you have to focus on growing and learning new things. If you are distracted by a relationship, you will not be able to learn and grow.
ReplyDeleteThis post really resonated with me because this last year was my first year single since I had been dating my now ex-boyfriend for five years. Being single really is a great time and I think everyone needs time in their life to be independent and alone. You learn so much being on your own and if you are constantly depending on someone else for happiness or satisfaction, you will never have the opportunity to understand how to enjoy yourself. Being single does not mean that you will be alone forever, so I think people should enjoy it in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteHi, thanks so much for sharing your post! I loved how empowering it was. I feel as if so many individuals are focused on being in a relationship because that's what they sometimes see around them and they want to either fit in or feel like they need to have another person to make them complete. Being single is such an important part of your life to not only focus on who you are as a person but also think about what you want in a partner and not just anything. It is so important to learn and grow throughout your life without having a romantic partner. When the time is right it will be right. I know a friend who always has to be in a relationship, and she finally realized that she realized she wanted to focus on herself and see how she could grow throughout her life.
ReplyDeleteAllie M
This was a great blog post! Boy have I lived this life longer than I’d like to admit! It took see a very long time to learn that I am all I need. Yes, it would be nice to have a partner but I do not NEED one. Self-growth is so important, getting to do all the things you want to do is so important. To focus on oneself is to only be a better partner later when the time does come along! Live in the single hood and love it, cupid will find you when it’s time!
ReplyDelete-Lacey
This post was great, I feel like single people arent always given a chance to speak when the focus is shifted onto people in a relationship because that is what society expects in a sense, I really like how you brought up the fact that no one needs a partner it was a very empowering post.
ReplyDeleteAloha! Your post was an absolute joy to read. I found myself relating so hard to so many parts of your piece. It often bothers me when people say things like “they complete me,” and I have to fight the urge to sit the person down and deliver a ranting lecture about the dangers of perceiving yourself as less-than whole, and thinking a significant other will be your other half. It takes a whole person to be a healthy participant in a whole relationship, no matter the number of people in the relationship. I love that you emphasize the importance of taking time to get to know yourself and being okay with being single as a way to practice self-care as you handle other life business, all of which can definitely lead up to preparing you for a happy, healthy, and functional committed relationship.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi! I love the themes in this post. Sometimes I struggle with being single, I enjoy having a romantic partner as an outlet for multiple reasons. But being single CAN be a time for growth and self-improvement. I also think periods of being single have made me feel more ready to be in a healthy relationship now. I also think that the strain between academics and social life can be a strain, relationships take a lot of time, energy, and effort. I think that being single I have learned how to put my needs first which can be something I am not strong at, I am studying to be helping professional after all. Thank you for your post.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great blog post! I love that it reframes how to look at being single especially in our college years. So many of my friends are in a stage of not wanting to be single and to find a partner in life and I feel kind of the opposite right now. I just got out of an almost three year long relationships that ended about a month ago. I feel like a giant weight is off my shoulders and now I have the space and time to figure out who I want to be for me. As much as I like being in a relationship and having a partner to do life things with, and for how lonely I often feel, I know that this time of "singleness" is what I need to truly explore who I am, what I want and what I need from not only a partnership, but myself as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Madi for this post! It can totally feel discouraging when it seems like everyone around you is finding love or being shot by Cupid as you would say but you. I agree there are a lot of benefits to being single and in the past, I have felt sad about never being in a relationship but now like your roommate, I embrace it! Relationships are so time-consuming like you said and as a senior in college on the path to graduate school I have no time for the attention and effort a relationship requires. I am happy being single and this post was very validating.
ReplyDeleteWhenever my friends talk about how they met their partners, I sometimes catch myself rolling my eyes at their sappy stories. Since I went through a hard and hurtful breakup, being single can sometimes feel like something's missing, especially when you hear things like "they're my other half" or "I'll never be whole without them." Over the past year, being single has been a great opportunity to get to know yourself and figure out what you want in life.
ReplyDeleteI found that being single can allow you to focus on yourself, manage your emotions, and discover who you are. This is especially helpful to me during busy times, like the school year, when I'm preoccupied with school, work, and friends. I found that being single isn't something to be ashamed of. It's a valuable time to get to know yourself before committing to someone else. I say embrace it and enjoy the journey of self-discovery.
Honestly, thank you so much for this blog post. This is exactly what I’ve been needing to hear. I went through a messy breakup this year and have sworn off dating as well. This is the first time, since I started dating, that I’m not interested in dating. I think of it as a huge opportunity to focus on myself and ensuring my own needs are met instead of using all of my energy to maintain a relationship. Since I’ve been single I’ve done better in school, I’ve been promoted twice at work, and I feel more present with my friends and family which feels really good. Happy looking couples are plastered all over my Instagram feed but being single isn’t so bad when I see how much happier I am.
ReplyDeleteThis is 100% right. Although I'm now in a committed relationship, I was single for awhile beforehand, and it was a little rough. I didn't start to enjoy it until I realized that it was a time for me to grow, to find what I enjoyed about myself, as well as what I didn't enjoy about myself, which I was then able to work on. I think there's this lie that you need another person to "complete" you, which is why being single can feel so empty, but you can complete yourself, too. Finding your person isn't about completion, it's more about them adding more to you that you didn't know you needed, and you really need to be self fulfilled before this happens.
ReplyDeleteIn a time where relationship milestones are celebrated, as mine are, I still often find something to be learned from stories of singleness. My friend Diedra's experience conveys this notion. In her mid 20's, she and her partner broke up, which led Diedra to find the benefits of being single. Instead of wallowing in pity, she went on solo adventures which included regular hiking, painting classes, and even traveled solo to new cities. Rather than feeling empty, she found her passions and interests independent from her former relationship. Diedra still tells me how freeing it was to shape her own identity, telling me that this time period allowed her to follow her own dreams without accommodating someone else's. This showed me that being single, rather than a void, can be a cool chapter of self exploration and growth, allowing one to build a solid base before stepping into love again.
ReplyDeleteFirst off - your roommate sounds absolutely hilarious, and I love her anecdote about cupid shooting her brother twice and missing her. Secondly - I couldn't agree more with her and your reflection on singleness. As somebody who was single for basically their entire life, I often felt like people pitied me for not having a significant other. Although at times it was difficult, I think that my long period of singleness gave me a leg up when I finally entered into a romantic relationship. Just like you mentioned in your post, I feel like I know myself as an individual, which has helped me in my current relationship. I know what I want out of my partner, how I want us to spend our time, and where I want our relationship to go in the future. Having these clear intentions and desires has empowered me to articulate when I feel like our relationship is not going the way I would like it too. If I could give younger me a word of advice, I would tell her to not see that period of singleness as a disappointment, but rather as an opportunity that would benefit her in every relationship she would have for the rest of her life.
ReplyDeleteThrough college, I have been in three different relationships, and have found that when I am not in one, I feel the most liberated. There is no need to compromise my time, and I can pour my energy into things I truly love. Putting myself first and protecting my peace has shown positive outcomes in my mental health, school work, social life, and much more. In the blog, Boekes shares how her roommate describes her single status as a blessing, citing her busy schedule and desire to focus on herself. All sarcasm aside, her approach highlights the importance of using singleness as a time to establish healthy emotional regulation while exploring personal identity.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed hearing your take on singleness. As someone who was never in a serious relationship until college, it’s something I’ve learned to love. I spent the first 18 years of my life single and so happy. That being said, for a long time I felt pressured to be in a relationship, constantly comparing myself to those around me and seemed to have their lies figured out. However, the feeling of being single and having the freedom to be your own individual is a very special feeling that I am glad I have gotten to experience. It's given me the time and space to really focus on myself, my hobbies and goals, and my overall well-being and maturity.I personally think it has made me fall in love with myself and enjoy my own company and alone time. It has also allowed me to form great friendships
ReplyDeletesierra Scalese
DeleteI love this post! I completely agree that being single as a young adult is how you get to know yourself and what you like. In high school I always had a boyfriend and never wanted to be single but when I got to college I realized I don’t want to be in a relationship again for a while. I look at people who haven’t been single since they were like 13 and wonder how they know anything about themselves when they’ve been so consumed by other people most of their life. Especially as a college student, school can be so time consuming along with having a social life or extracurriculars, when is there even time to nurture a romantic relationship the right way? I do think being single is a blessing and a curse in the sense that once you're single for long enough you realize you don’t want to go back. So it’s a curse in the best way, you have independence and no longer depend on romantic relationships for validation.
ReplyDeleteI heavily agree that being single is crucial for people to learn about themselves. After my last relationship ended (lasted over a year), I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. But it gave me a lot of time to reflect on who I became in the relationship and what I do and definitely do NOT want from a relationship.
ReplyDeleteAs an incredibly busy person, with school and two jobs, it’s hard to even find time for friendships, let alone a romantic relationship. Now that I’m in a relationship, I’m finding it hard to balance everything. On one hand, I want to commit every second I have to this boy because of the love I have for him, but on the other hand, I barely have time to cook a meal, do homework, or sleep enough. While I know I’m ready for the hard work of a relationship, I’m still learning how to set boundaries within it.
Thank you for posting this. I am also someone who is single in college. I enjoyed reading the section about the woman’s brother being in love and having a long-term girlfriend. I can relate to that because my brother also has a long-term girlfriend and I have yet to have a boyfriend and a few years. I also enjoy being single and having time for myself to grow and blossom into a person. I do believe in divine timing and everything happens for reason and at a certain time. Being single in college is a gift and it gives you time to an individual and have unique college experiences that are personal to you. I know I will have a boyfriend and husband day. And until that day, I’m going to grow and blossom into the best person I can be and continue to grow once I have a boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteLike your roommate, I sometimes view singleness as a blessing amid the chaos of college life. It has given me time to rediscover who I am and what I value in a partner. Embracing singleness has been instrumental in understanding my attachment style and building healthier connections. While I occasionally miss the comfort of a relationship, I have found comfort in realizing that this 'single' season- is just that, a season. A short period all about growth and self-discovery. And like seasons, it will change, and you will eventually miss it. Your perspective beautifully captures the empowerment that comes from this mindset!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the refreshing perspective on singleness in this blog. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a close friend who, like the roommate mentioned, chose to stay single during her college years. She used that time to explore her passions, travel, and focus on personal growth. By the end of college, she felt more confident and grounded in her identity, which later contributed to healthier relationships. Singleness isn’t a void; it’s an opportunity to prioritize self-discovery and growth.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this perspective on being single it’s refreshing and empowering. It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure to find a partner, especially when everyone around you seems to have a "perfect love story." Your roommate's view on singleness as a time for self-reflection and growth really resonated with me. College is such a transformative period, and it's important to prioritize self-discovery and emotional regulation before jumping into a relationship. I also love the idea of singleness as an opportunity to build a secure attachment to yourself, as Nguyen et al. (2019) highlight. Learning to be comfortable on your own can indeed be incredibly rewarding and grounding, especially when life feels chaotic. Your roommate's sarcastic take on "thankfully missing Cupid's arrow" is hilarious, but there's a lot of truth in it sometimes being single is exactly what we need to focus on our own goals and well-being.
ReplyDeleteI could really relate to this blog post. Being single, I have also experienced pressure to find a relationship, particularly because my sister found her current boyfriend in high school and my parents met in college. I feel like I'm falling behind, and it can be overwhelming at times. But I absolutely believe that being single can be a fantastic opportunity for personal development. Without the extra complications of a relationship, I've been concentrating on my personal goals and determining what I want out of life lately. Thinking of this stage as an opportunity to develop my identity and get ready for the future is comforting in a sense.
ReplyDeleteThis post is a very important read, as many people in college are scared of being single. Being single is such an important time for self growth and to improve you confidence. Society can out so much pressure on being in a relationship over being single. After getting out of a long term relationship, I grew so much more than I did when in the relationship. You can find out more about yourself. I think it’s very important to note that you can’t love someone opuntia you love yourself, and that being single can help you get there. When you have time to work on yourself, your future relationship ships will be positive and healthy. I like that your roommate said she was going to swear off men for the rest of college, and I think it makes sense for a lot of people, when aI was in a relationship I didn’t do as well in school.
ReplyDeleteI don’t really relate to this perspective but I get where you’re coming from. I’ve always thought relationships brought balance. I agree that they can be time-consuming but they can also be supportive and grounding. My roommate has been in a relationship for years and seeing how they have grown together makes me think relationships don’t have to hold you back. I think it all comes down to the person you're with and how your attachment style works with theirs. That said, I do see the value in taking time to focus on yourself, especially during big life transitions like college. Everyone’s experience is so different!
ReplyDeleteI currently live in an apartment with five girls including me and I watched all of them besides me start relationships with their current boyfriends over the time that we have lived together. I see the pluses of being single like you mentioned such as getting to know myself, better understand my attachment styles, and practice some independence. However I don’t think I necessarily see a relationship as time consuming or a burden. I feel like I view relationships more as an addition to my life. I love where I am right now in my life but if I were to start a relationship it would be an additional bonus and help make my life fuller than it already is.
ReplyDeleteI agree that being single is completely okay. I like how you said it is a good time to get to know oneself. It reminds me of the time when I was able to save all my energy for completing my school and taking extra time to explore potential jobs. Not having the freedom to do exactly what you want is a difficult situation that is not ideal. I think this is a great time to have some extra time on my hands, because I have a lot of big assignments coming up and I need all the time I can get. This will be a stressful month.
ReplyDeleteI agree that being single is okay, and sometimes even better than being in a relationship, depending where you are in your life. I remember when I was single and had started my first year of college. I took the time to get to know myself and really explore and enjoy my freedom. Despite being in a current relationship, being single can be very fun and enjoyable if you get to know yourself because I agree, being in a relationship is very time-consuming and it demands a lot from you, but knowing yourself can help you navigate being in a relationship when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the topic of your blog post and relate to it in many ways. I have been single my whole life and it can be so hard when it seems like everybody around me is dating someone. While it can be difficult, I liked how you mentioned that there can be good things about being single and that it is important to embrace it. I definitely think it can be a time in my life for me to better understand myself to prepare myself for when I do eventually date someone. Especially in college, I feel like it can be embarrassing to tell people I've never dated someone, but it helps knowing that other people are in my shoes.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was a very relevant and relatable post on singleness and how it impacts college students. I have been single for most of my college career and while I am sometimes sad or feel like I am missing out, I never feel like I am being punished by being single. I like my independence and feeling like I can do whatever I want. But I also feel as though the right relationship doesn’t feel exhausting or demanding and it helps you grow a lot too and I think it is important to acknowledge that there is always growth in every stage of life. I also think being single means I can really put time into my platonic relationships/friendships which is super rewarding.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very thoughtful discussion on singleness and how the view of being single differs for people. Relationships can be very time consuming at any age especially while in college when you are just navigating life for the first time on your own and really just finding yourself/who you are at your core. Last year I was in a relationship and after breaking up I felt a similar way where it was like oh thank god I’m single now and I can focus just on schoolwork and such. I think it is really important to figure yourself out first and who you are before getting to know another person as your roommate mentioned because I feel like you can’t know what you are looking for in a partner until you know who you are and what is important to you and such. Overall great discussion on the positives of being single!
ReplyDeleteHi Madie! I loved this post because it brings up a topic that truly everyone struggles with at some point in their life. Humans are innately always searching for some form of intimacy or someone they can share a connection with. People crave these connections and think that they can only get it from outside people. I truly have to disagree. Even though I am in a committed relationship, we are long-distance with very busy schedules which makes it hard to feel super connected all the time. One thing I will always live by is to date yourself first. There is nothing wrong with being your own best friend or having a strong connection with yourself. I think that the healthiest thing someone can do is grow and be themselves and the right person will stumble into their lives. Being single can be so fun when you learn to treat yourself right.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone should feel optimistic about singleness! Being single can be such a critical time for someone to grow and figure out who they are. So many of my close friends had a boyfriend from high school who they ended up breaking up with halfway through college, and now they’re scrambling to figure out who they are on their own. Being an adolescent/emerging adult is difficult enough, so throwing in the pressures of dating can make it so much harder for a young individual to develop their personality and values without direct influence from their partner. While compromise is often a tool in a relationship, altering or minimizing yourself to avoid being single is not beneficial!
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