I believe that a big part of the college experience is college athletics. Do I play college sports? Nope. But having a school to root for and games to go to have made my time at college a lot more fun. Of course, none of that would be possible if it weren't for the student-athletes that have spent their whole lives competing and working hard to get to the collegiate level. That said, I have always wondered if being a student-athlete has any effects on their relationships. Is it harder to manage them? Is it easier to find potential partners? Do their attachment styles have any special effects on their behaviors?
It turns out that although similar to the average college student, student-athletes tend to have heightened reactions associated with their attachment style (Felton & Jowett, 2017). For example, athletes who have anxious or avoidant attachment styles, are more likely to have reduced well-being and substantially increased ill-being. In addition, these athletes report a higher potential for negative interpersonal behaviors, such as a lack of support from coaches or teammates. This can cause strain on their attachment style and ultimately affect all of their relationships, even those outside of the sports teams (Felton & Jowett, 2017).
One of my closest friends plays club soccer for CSU. She has played all four years so far of her college career and will play her fifth and final season this upcoming fall. Overall. she reports loving her time playing for CSU and the friends she had made:
“I love my team more than I can even tell you. It is like a family away from my family. I feel a sense of belonging when I am with them like I can be myself. I know that they have my back and I have theirs. I would trust those people with my life.”
It is very clear that my friend feels at home with her soccer team. But despite all of these positive feelings, some negative ones still manage to find their way into her life as a student-athlete.
“There is this overwhelming pressure to perform at one of the highest levels. I don’t want to let my team down, I don’t want to let my coaches down. I think that my stress is definitely amplified in my soccer world vs my ‘normal’ world. It's like there is this extra pressure to not only do my best but to also meet everyone's expectations of me. And when things don't go well, everyone in my life suffers, not just my team, as I shut myself out of all relationships.”
What my friend is experiencing, according to Felton’s study, is not at all rare, and is in fact common in student-athletes. It is normal for these individuals to feel amplified feelings of stress in relation to their sport-specific outcomes, like their ability to meet their performance self-expectations (Felton & Jowett, 2017). These feelings of stress are present in all types of attachment styles in student-athletes but are seen in higher levels of those specifically with avoidant attachment. These individuals with avoidant attachment feel a greater need for affirmation from coaches, parents, and teammates to feel satisfaction.
“I just want to make everyone happy. I want my team to be proud of me as a player and to be happy that I am on the team. Soccer stress is definitely bigger than my other stress but when things go right, my “soccer satisfaction” is also more rewarding than others.”
So, kudos to all of you student-athletes out there. I can only imagine how crazy it is to balance not only school stress but sports stress and just overall life stress too. I hope learning a little bit about how different attachment styles can amplify stressors in sports can bring an understanding of what might be going on behind the scenes. Best of luck in any and all of your games, meets, or matches! Go Rams!
Throughout middle and high school, I experienced the same emotions and feelings that your friend had. The stress that comes from being a student-athlete is not very understood. Like your friend I also played soccer. It first starts at school, with the pressure of doing good in classes as well as making different people proud, for instance my parents, who were a large impact on my drive for school. Many coaches, leagues, and teams won’t allow their players to play unless they maintain a certain GPA or grades. After experiencing that pressure from school like most students, the second wave comes with the team. It also becomes stressful trying to maintain or improve skills and ability as a student athlete. This high level of stress comes with coping mechanisms for teens, which unfortunately comes in forms of eating or substance use, which is usually against a sports team's ideals. Especially for a soccer player, it is highly important to maintain a physique that allows you to perform at your highest level, and it becomes difficult when dealing with the stress of being a teen, young adult, and student. In highschool, I played for two soccer teams, I realized I did not really know how to cope with stress from being a student-athlete, that would allow me to be successful in both the classroom and the field. I noticed that I had to develop healthier ways to cope with stress, and I found that listening to music and relaxing was an easy way for me to gain my focus and peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteCollege sports and attending them have given me enjoyment and made the college experience more exciting. The student-athletes experience tremendous amounts of stress not just because of the balance of school and sports but because of the team aspect and the stress and wanting to keep achieving and impressing coaches or teammates, as you noted. I have a different and closer perspective of this while not being a student-athlete myself, but my older sister is a student-athlete and is on the women's golf team at her college and has been for four years. From what I have seen and heard from her perspective, your analysis of student-athletes and their relationships is very accurate. My sister began developing anxiety because of being a student-athlete and wanting to gain acceptance and appreciation from her coaches and teammates because of her hard work and achievements in golf. Furthermore, my sister had a strained relationship with her golf coaches at the beginning of her college golf career because not just herself but her other teammates were not appreciated enough by their coaches and were overworked. This caused my sister's relationships to become strained as well, specifically with myself, my parents, and some of her other teammates. So, similar to what you said about your student-athlete friend, my sister's stress intensified because of her sport and needing to meet her performance self-expectations.
ReplyDeleteI have been an professional student athlete for my entire life and one thing I can say is that it is a different world then what others are used to. Waking up at 6am for morning workouts, going straight to class, after class you go home and get ready for practice again. On top of travel games, home games, extra evetns and being a full time student. Being stressed and overwhelmed is normal for a typical college student athlete. People often wondering how you do not burn our your flame but Its a routine. Because of this extremly busy schdule relationships can be hard to keep. Being in a relationship feels like a full time job and making time for people can be stressful. I can relate to this very heavily because I live this life everyday. I try to conquor my battles but the peole around you helps you get through the hard times.
ReplyDeleteI was a student athlete for almost my whole life. I actually was able to play in college my freshman year until it took a huge toll on my body and I quit and transferred to CSU. There are so many good and not so good things about being a student athlete. There are so many high expectations that come with playing a sport in college including maintaining a good GPA, community service hours, and staying healthy and fit throughout the year. Yes, I do miss playing volleyball and being able to be a college athlete but I am also so thankful I am not anymore at the same time. Going to games at CSU really does make me miss playing the sport and getting to be the one in the spotlight, but being able to watch the players, actually makes me look up to them in a way. I know how difficult it is and the strain it puts on you, so for them to keep pushing and still playing through all of the bad things is so incredible. I know many people who play sports in college and are also in a relationship. I have seen the struggles they go through trying to play the sport that takes up most of their lives while also trying to keep a relationship. They are both like a full time job and is something that a lot of my friends deal with and are getting through it. It also helps to have people around to comfort them when needed.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how you made this topic relevant to all students whether or no they play sports. I am currently on the CSU girls lax team and I have found many relatable aspects to your own story. Being on the lacrosse team has pushed me to make new friends and forced me to go outside a couple times a week and keep exercising. The main reason I joined the team was because I did not have many girl friends. I believe joining the team was extremely beneficial for my mental and physical health because it forced me to do some sort of workout with dozens of other people who share the same interest.
ReplyDeleteI myself am a student athlete and I feel a similar way that the aforementioned friend who plays club soccer feels. I was not sure if it was normal to feel so stressed because of my sport and how it affected my relationships. I feel the need to impress my parents, teammates, and coaches as well as my professors and peers. I love cheering for CSU and I would not give it up for anything but it does take its toll. My mental health stays good because of my sports, I find I need it to go to a positive place, to have an outlet so to speak. With that it also helps with my time management and has allowed me to become more of an adult and have more responsibilities. I do find I do not have as much time or energy for romantic relationships but I believe that will come with the right person who compliments my committments rather than seeing them as a waste of time.
ReplyDeleteCollege sports have enhanced my campus experience by bringing personal satisfaction. Your insightful perspective of the stress experienced by student-athletes while balancing academics, sports, and team chemistry resonates strongly. Reflecting on my older sister's four-year journey on her college's women's golf team, your observations ring true. Her desire for approval caused anxiety and strained relationships, similar to your friend's. Furthermore, an anonymous professional student-athlete's open report underlines the tough routine, putting light on relationship issues despite a hectic schedule. These personal experiences highlight shared hardships and resilience within the specific realm of student-athletes, demonstrating the tenacity required to negotiate such a rigorous lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteI play rugby for the CSU women's team and definitely see parallels between the student athlete you interviewed and myself. What first comes to mind when I think of student athletes is time management. Having a job, taking 18 credit hours, and playing rugby has left me with very little down time. However, I did not really think about the attachment style differences when it comes to student athletes. I found that part of the blog really interesting for that reason. I would say that for myself, the biggest pressure I have is that that I put on myself. My coaches and teammates have worked really hard and intentionally to create an environment that is competitive while also focusing on growth rather than perfection.
ReplyDeleteI play on the women's ice hockey team here at CSU and with all the traveling I do with the team, there is a lot of build up stress with academics. Being a first generation student, I do not have much guidance on how college works. Living off campus, I pay for rent and that puts a lot on my plate with how much I have to dedicate to school and hockey. I understand that feeling of wanting to take care of yourself but also do not want to miss team activities and let down my team either. I get overwhelmed really fast but when we travel we always try to find time to do homework. Hockey has always been a big part of my life and I have been able to do it in the past but in college, I have had some challenges with handling it and with all the added stress too.
ReplyDeleteI play on the CSU soccer team here at CSU, and have just recently began learning about the mental health and stress outcomes of playing at a competitive high level. A lot of things I thought were normal, turned out not to be. My performance on the field directly causes my mood off the field. After a bad game, I have had numerous fights and arguments over stuff that is not related, but my emotions were heightened by that "not good enough" feeling that carried over from my game or practice a day earlier. The way your friend articulated just wanting to perform for her teammates was really well done. I also like how you mentioned the attachment style between coach and player. We have done a lot of work this year with personality and behavior tests, and the reason I think we had our most successful year ever this past fall was because we learned how to communicate with one another in times of stress. I loved your post and can't wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteI played many sports growing up and even played for CSU's hockey team. I found that I had lots of stress because of playing sports while in college. I found that it made me more anxious on and off the ice. The sport I had loved became a job and made my overall experience of college worse. Especially taking a look back, now that I took time off I can feel everything from being physically healthier to mentally much healthier. I have fell in love with other sports that are just as physically demanding that I don't have the stress with , which makes a huge difference mentally.
ReplyDeleteOne of my closest friends swims at a Pac-12 college. Being a collegiate athlete, he takes full time classes and has double practices 6 days a week. For him it has been much easier dating other athletes as they tend to be much more relatable for him. He seems to have a secure attachment style that involves him being very open and trusting. This has been a complication at times because although he is very secure and honest, he doesn't necessarily have an abundance of time to spend with partners. Competing in swim and school has him living a relatively high stress lifestyle, and it has been common for him to struggle with finding long term partners that are able to understand and accommodate his lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends plays college football at the University of Arizona and is currently going through most of what you said. He constantly feels this pressure to perform as if thousands of people are watching him each and every day. He feels emotionally drained sometimes because his life is football and if he doesn't excel then he isn't satisfied with himself. His sister said that it actually takes a pretty big toll on their relationship as when he isn't performing athletically, he isn't very emotionally available and in the moment all the time he becomes mad at himself. I can relate to that myself at a lower level because in high school it was the same thing you would have weights in the mornings and practices in the afternoon, I was constantly thinking about the game, and it interfered with my ability to communicate to my friends and family in a major way as I constantly had this responsibility to be great.
ReplyDeleteHi, thank you for sharing your post! One of my friends plays baseball at Arizona State University and he has expressed going through a lot of what you have mentioned. Not only does he have to balance his athletics and performing in front of so many people but his schoolwork and his social work as well which causes him to just be so drained and worn out at the end of the day. He and his girlfriend have been having problems because it takes a toll on her as well because her boyfriend isn't available a lot of the time when she needs him. I can agree with this because I also have a boyfriend who is an athlete and it can make it hard sometimes but in the end it's important to know they're doing what they love.
ReplyDeleteAllie M
This post was awesome, I love how you took the emotion from an outsiders perspective but also payed very detailed attention to how the people you are righting about can really be effected. Balancing so many things is so difficult and it drains you just like any other spot will. I believe that college sports put so much of an extra stressor on the student though. They are definitely some tough people.
ReplyDeleteThis post was really interesting and enlightening for me. I am not a student athlete and never really have been even in high school. I'm also not close friends with any student athletes at least not at CSU so I'm not around them much besides in some classes. I guess I never really thought about how much pressure they're under. I think my perspective was always that student-athletes did sports in college to do the sport they love but they also have to make their families, coaches, teammates, and entire college proud. It must be a lot of pressure to have to perform well in order for the school to receive certain funding. There's a lot more on the line there than just a win or loss of a game. I feel like I can relate to the friend in this post in one way though: when I let people down or don't perform well, I tend to shut other people out sometimes due to an avoidant attachment style which makes the people around me suffer. So, while student athletes have a very different experience than I do in college, there are definitely still ways we can relate.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is a student athlete, he plays D1 football, so it definitely can impact our relationship here and there. We also go to different schools, so there's distance on top of all of that, but we definitely make it work! With regards to attachment styles, we both have secure attachments to each other, and to other people in our lives, such as our parents. I think that this foundation of secure attachments definitely helps us to keep an open and respectful line of communication between each other, which makes it really easy to talk about our needs. He has a really busy life, and there are some months where we only see each other 3 or 4 times, and it can get really difficult, but it's all about making time for one another amidst all of the chaos of life. When he gets done with practice, or I get off work, we always call each other, and when we do see each other, we're sure to schedule adequate time with one another, and during this time, we're sure to plan fun activities or pick out movies to watch, really anything to make the time special and fun. As a student-athlete, he has so much going on in his life, and is so busy, but he's so caring and loving, and always makes me feel loved and taken care of.
ReplyDeleteCollege athletics are a popular aspect of the collegiate experience. They display school spirit and foster the community. While I have not participated in sports at that level, I have seen the profound impact of athletics on my friend, Jennifer, who played on the university’s volleyball team. Jennifer appreciated the camaraderie and support of her teammates. However, she also faced significant pressure from feeling the weight of expectations by coaches and herself to perform well. This pressure led to anxiety and strained some of her relationships outside of volleyball. The contrasting feelings of belonging and stress that she experienced shows how attachment styles and stress can intertwine in a student-athlete’s life. It’s a reminder of the complex balance student athletes navigate, which underscores their flexibility among the challenges that they face.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow avid sports fan, I find the topic of your post really interesting. The college transition is extremely difficult: navigating a new place, meeting new people, financial stress, learning the structure of college, being away from home, and being independent for the first time are all challenges that first year students may encounter. When I worked as an Orientation Leader, I would talk about all of these things with my students and advise them on how to have a successful transition. However, when I would talk to the student athletes, I often found myself at a loss. Managing all the different facets of this transition is hard enough as it is, and then these students have the added stress of early-morning workouts, daily practices, and traveling across the country for games or matches? Not to mention the pressure of every Ram fan watching them and rooting for their success? I can't even imagine the pressure. However, one of my friends from high school who just completed his first semester at Duke on a full-ride track scholarship gave me some insights into the student-athlete transition. He told me that the athletics department provides so many resources (like fast-pass dining halls, tutoring, excused class absences, and private exam times) that he was able to transition smoothly, even with the added pressure of athletics. I'm assuming that CSU offers similar resources to help incoming student athletes be successful in both their academic and athletic ventures.
ReplyDeleteFor many, college athletics are a big part of the college experience and can often add stress in both personal life and relationships. Research has shown that attachment styles influence how student-athletes cope with stress. In this blog post, Madi Boekes, a club soccer player at CSU shared that while she loves her team and considers them a “family away from family”, the intense pressure to perform often spills into her personal life, causing her to withdraw from relationships when things go poorly. Athletes with avoidant attachment styles are especially prone to seeking external validation from coaches and teammates to feel satisfaction. While I don't personally play a college sport, I did play many sports in high school. It was often hard to juggle all of my school work with the addition of intense practices and games almost every weekend. It was very fulfilling and rewarding, and it helped me figure out how to maintain a good schedule.
ReplyDeleteI think the stress from playing sports at such a competitive level would have some negative effects on anyone but especially individuals with disorganized attachment styles. Before college I played club and then academy soccer from the time I was eight to 17 years old. I worked myself to death five days a week even driving to Los Angeles on the weekends to practice with different coaches and teammates. All because I wanted a scholarship to play soccer in college. The pressure of outperforming other girls in my position for more playing time, doing my best at tournaments in front of scouts, and just maintaining my teammates’ respect and faith in me as a player was all I could think about. I got to the point where every criticism from a coach or teammate, no matter whether it was constructive or not, drove me crazy. I needed validation that I was a good player from them and didn’t trust my own judgment of myself and skills anymore. I think my attachment style definitely made this pressure even more intense and personal.
ReplyDeleteThis blog really opened my eyes to the challenges student-athletes face behind the scenes. I hadn’t considered how attachment styles play into the stress of performing at such a high level. The part about avoidant attachment being linked to a need for affirmation from coaches, teammates, or parents was especially insightful. It makes sense how that could lead to amplified stress and impact relationships outside of sports as well. Your friend’s experience of shutting herself off from all relationships when things don’t go well was really relatable it shows how deeply interconnected sports and personal well-being can be.
ReplyDeleteI also loved the idea of “soccer satisfaction” being higher when things go right. It’s inspiring to hear how rewarding sports can be for student-athletes, even with the stress that comes along with it. Kudos to your friend for navigating that balance for so many years and staying committed to her team.
Comment: Hi Madi, thank you for sharing on this topic, and finding a person close to the source! I will say, going to a school where sports are big is fun, and is a big part of my school life. Even though I do not play sports, I feel personally affected by the wins and losses that my university faces. Because of this, I cannot imagine the emotional toll on the actual athletes. Not only are they playing a sport that they have most likely dedicated most of their life to, but they are carrying their school spirit on their backs. That is not a light load. I hope that as students we can see this, and continue to support our athletes through their wins and losses.
ReplyDeletePlaying a competitive sport can take a toll on anyone, especially student-athletes. A few of my close friends play a competitive sport while being a student. I can see the way that being a student-athlete affects their stress levels. There is also a huge responsibility on these athletes to program well, not only for themselves but for their teammates and coaches as well. Many student-athletes work hard to feel satisfied with their performance, but this can take a toll on many aspects of life. These aspects can include mental health, sleep habits, and socialization. It is important to balance, sports, school, and life equally to create a happy and healthy athlete.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this blog about sports in college I felt like I was able to relate a lot to myself as I also used to play sports while in school. It was very challenging for me to balance school and sports. I always felt like I had to succeed in both in order to make everyone around me proud. After a while I started to feel very overwhelmed as I felt like I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. This blog helped me realize that my attachment does play a role in the way I view sports. I always thought people expected this out of me but in reality I realized I was the one pushing myself instead which caused me to feel very overwhelmed and stressed.
ReplyDeletePlaying a competitive sport has its pros and cons, like everything in life. Sometimes there are things you have to sacrifice. Everyday, these athletes make a choice to continue playing a college level sport they worked so hard to achieve. I feel like being involved in any type of sport, club, group, organization, you name it, gives you the opportunity to seek and create connections within, or takes you away from other people you meet. But it's all about how you perceive it. If you're constant worrying you're missing out, or not meeting the right people, or whatever, you take away the many opportunities right in front of you. Anyway, I feel like being a part of team is finding those meaningful relationships. People you win with, and lose with. People you grow with, physically and mentally. People you cry with. Focusing on the connections you do have, and wanting to grow them is what matters.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading Madi Boeke’s blog post "Sports, Stress, Satisfaction," I totally agree that college athletics are a huge part of the college experience, and I look forward to games on the weekends. A good friend of mine plays intramural basketball at CSU, and he often talks about how the pressure to perform affects his stress levels and sometimes his relationships. Trying to meet expectations, both on the court and in his personal life, definitely adds to the stress. The study by Felton and Jowett mentioned in the blog shows that student-athletes, especially those with avoidant attachment styles, feel even more stress and dissatisfaction when they can't meet these high standards.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading "Sports, Stress, Satisfaction", I've developed a whole new perspective on the added stressors college athletes may face when it comes to personal relationships. I have a friend who plays soccer at UNC in Greeley, and she said that she could relate to this blog. She said that the part about not wanting to let down her team and her coaches and even her parents hit particularly hard, and that trying to juggle the pressure on top of the academic pressure makes it hard to focus on relationships. Overall, it's a really well written piece and I loved reading it and getting a new view on how romantic relationships may be extra challenging for college athletes!
ReplyDeleteAs a college student juggling relationships and stress, I can relate to this essay even if I'm not an athlete. I can relate to the notion that performance expectations cause student-athletes to feel more stressed in a different situation. I also experience pressure as a student to perform well academically and live up to peers' and professors' expectations. Like the athletes in the piece, I occasionally feel overburdened, and poor stress management can harm my relationships. After considering attachment types and their effects on wellbeing, I've come to the conclusion that everyone, athlete or not, requires the understanding and support of others. The secret to keeping balance in college life is learning how to handle stress and preserving wholesome connections.
ReplyDeleteMy comment: As a college student who has to juggle relationships and stress, I can relate to this essay even if I'm not an collegiate athlete. I can relate to the fact that performance expectations cause student-athletes to feel more stressed in a different situations and put more weight on their shoulders. I also experience pressure as a student to perform well academically, constantly comparing myself to my peers and likewise. Like the athletes in the piece, I occasionally feel overburdened, and poor stress management can harm my relationships. After considering attachment types and their effects on wellbeing, I've come to the conclusion that everyone, athlete or not, requires the understanding and support of others. The secret to keeping balance in college life is learning how to handle stress and preserving wholesome connections.
ReplyDeleteI found your exploration of attachment styles and their influence on student-athletes particularly insightful. As someone who isn't an athlete but has many friends involved in sports, I've seen firsthand how the pressures they face can impact their personal relationships. For example, my roommate, who plays tennis, often feels stressed when matches don’t go well. She mentioned that even her relationships outside of tennis feel strained during these periods. This aligns with Felton and Jowett's findings about how attachment styles can amplify stressors. It’s fascinating to see how attachment styles impact not only sports performance but also the personal lives of these athletes. Thank you for shedding light on this important topic! It’s a reminder of the unique challenges that student-athletes face and the importance of support networks both on and off the field.
ReplyDeleteI agree with how you said college athletics are a great part of college, even if someone is not an athlete. They can still enjoy it. My friend said that balancing a sport and his relationship is very tough and time consuming. He said that he is stressed out during his classes over upcoming sports. It is important to realize that these people deal with challenges that not everyone deals with, and they balance a lot of things. The fact that attachment styles change stress and anxiety is very interesting to me. I also admire any student athlete that is balancing both school and athletics!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your insight on this topic regarding "Sports, Stress, and Satisfaction." I have never truly thought about the relationship between the three, but have certainly experienced this relationship/correlation. While I do not play a sport, I coach cheerleading to young kids and it is a lot to handle in general. With my relationship, I realized that if we ever argued before I went to practice, I tend to lose my patience a lot quicker. As for my boyfriend, I know he experiences the same. He plays club soccer for CSU and after a particularly rough argument, he played a game and essentially got ejected from the game for being too rough. Knowing this, I think it is important to maintain these connections and stress, and to try not to mix sports stress and relationships.
ReplyDeleteThis post perfectly encapsulates what it’s like to be a student athlete! I have never thought about anxious or avoidant attachment styles being a factor in the pressure athletes feel. This reminds me of exactly how I felt when entering college and preparing to enter a whole new world of athletics and academics. Trying to juggle a more competitive environment, harder classes, and a new social scene was completely unmanageable. I definitely agree that student-athletes can often tie their athletic performance to their mental well-being, which can cause them to stress out or lash out at those they care about.
ReplyDeleteI really resonate with this post. It truly reflects the experience of a student athlete, and I like that you shared your perspective and insight as a non- athlete. Being a student athlete myself I had never before considered how I could experience an anxious of avoidant attachment style through the pressures I've felt. It is difficult to leave your problems outside of your sport and practices when you're having a rough time, but you understand it's important to be there and be present as your best self for your other teammates.
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DeleteI really resonate with this post. It truly reflects the experience of a student athlete, and I like that you shared your perspective and insight as a non- athlete. Being a student athlete myself I had never before considered how I could experience an anxious or avoidant attachment style through the pressures I've felt. It is difficult to leave your problems outside of your sport and practices when you're having a rough time, but you understand it's important to be there and be present as your best self for your other teammates. Sometimes putting your best foot forward feels more important than actually taking care of yourself and mental health.