Though the term ‘gaslighting’ has only been around for a few years now, psychological aggression and abuse have been around for much longer. Gaslighting is when someone is manipulated using psychological abuse/aggression causing them to question their sanity. This type of psychological aggression often coincides with emotional abuse as well. Most often, especially on college campuses, gaslighting can be seen as a predominant issue in relationships. I remember learning all about what gaslighting is, and how to detect it during my freshman-year orientation.
People often look at individuals who gaslight others are these terrible individuals, who just want to manipulate and ruin relationships on purpose. But, over the course of my college education and after taking a variety of classes that talk about relationships and attachment, there may be more to the story. I was curious to see if there was a correlation between those who gaslight individuals and their attachment styles. So I asked my friends about their experiences with gaslighting and did some research on the topic as well.
The first thing I noticed was that the term “gaslighting” is hard to find in research journals, so instead, I substituted “gaslighting” for “psychological aggression and/or abuse”. With that, I found loads of journals that talked about how there was indeed a relationship between gaslighting and attachment styles, especially when it comes to insecure attachment. A study done by Cheche-Hoover & Jackson (2021) found that individuals with insecure attachment styles are more prone to behave aggressively with partners due to maladaptive behaviors that come from their attachment style. With all of that in mind, I talked with one of my sister's friends who had just gone through a breakup. I started by asking her if she knew what her attachment style is and if she knew what gaslighting was.
“If I remember anything from my classes, I think I have an anxious attachment style. I also vaguely know what gaslighting is but I couldn't give you an exact definition of it. I would say it when someone like says things to you to try and screw with you like they are playing mind games on you.”
I followed by asking her about her breakup and if she thought that gaslighting maybe played a role in the relationship dissolving.
“I do think there was some gaslighting involved in our relationship. We were both guilty of it. Although I wasn't purposely trying to gaslight him [her boyfriend], I do think I did so a little bit because I was trying to pry some kind of emotion out of him, as he just “shut off” there at the end. He definitely gaslighted me into thinking that I was just paranoid and being over-reactive about the whole thing, making me feel like I was losing my mind over nothing, despite there very clearly being a problem.”
Talking about the different types of insecure attachment, individuals who have anxious attachment or avoidant attachment might turn to gaslighting if they feel threatened in their relationships, as they might not know how to properly handle their feelings (Gewirtz-Meydan & Finzi-Dottan, 2021). With that said, the correlation between gaslighting and anxious attachment or avoidant attachment is much lower than the correlation between gaslighting and disorganized attachment. This might be due to the way those with disorganized attachments use psychological aggression to regulate their negative emotions and get responses from their partners (Cheche-Hoover & Jackson, 2021).
“I think between my anxious attachment and his insecure attachment, the manipulation we put each other through was just more gas on the fire [she smirks at me], get it… gaslighting, gas on the fire. I’m hilarious.”
And while she can laugh about her experience with gaslighting, this isn't common for everyone. Gaslighting is a serious issue in relationships and can do a lot of harm if it's not dealt with. CSU has a lot of resources available for students who are struggling with issues like this and I encourage everyone to use them if they feel like they are struggling. I’ll attach some links to some resources that are here to help us through those hard times!
CSU Resources:
- https://wgac.colostate.edu/
- https://wgac.colostate.edu/involvement/victim-assistance-team-volunteers/
- https://health.colostate.edu/about-counseling-services/
- https://health.colostate.edu/
- https://www.chhs.colostate.edu/cfct/
- https://supportandsafety.colostate.edu/resources/
Great blog post. As a correction, the term has been around for for a half-century. It derives from the 1944 thriller "Gaslight." It reemerged as a popular term in the 2010s.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Madi! To me gaslighting is a person's worst enemy to others and themselves. Gaslighting has ruined many relationships that I valued so much and it caused a heartbreaking intesenses. The only person that gaslights me the most is myself. For instance, I had had friends that I thought I trusted so much and valued and there were some instances where I pretended like that did not happen or maybe they did not mean it. I would gaslight or manipulate myself into thinking there is nothing wrong about that until I reached a point where I could not keep defending them. This caused me to realize that this whole time I’m being harmed and mentally unhealthy mindset. For years this made me have an anxious attachment style where I could not trust and feel a secure relationship with anyone that I met. It took me a long time for my eyes to widen and understand that I need to find a healthier way to understand the healthy way of being in a relationship. I now do not let gaslighting and manipulation get in my way and others.
ReplyDeleteGaslighting has become a much more popular buzz term in the past couple of years but it was probably used earlier under a different title. It can be funny to joke around with, but it can be quite detrimental if used in a serious relationship setting. I have heard stories about friends of friends who have experienced their boyfriends or girlfriends devolving into gaslighting their problems onto their other half. It can take a toll on the victim and be a difficult hole for oneself to dig out of. It has been made apparent that those who are being “gaslit” often have trouble realizing that the act is happening and this only contributes to the issue. As previously mentioned, gaslighting can be used in a comedic setting but when it is used maliciously, the damage can be significant.
ReplyDeleteGaslighting seems like the type of thing that while everyone knows what it is, like you said it is hard to find solid evidence of what it is. I think that in some capacity, everyone has experienced it. It could come from a parent, mentor, partner, or even a friend. In my own life, I have seen extensive gaslighting from one of my roommates when she is trying to get something she wants. She will change her story to make it seem like the rest of us are crazy, or will even try to convince us that something never even happened. Gaslighting is generally done to manipulate someone in some capacity, so it makes sense that it would be difficult to measure in a study, since participants would likely not act authentically. If my roommate were to go into a lab and was asked to reenact her gaslighting us, I can guarantee she would not do so. Instead, data is collected mostly from the recipients!
ReplyDeleteHey Madi, you did a great job shedding light on the pervasive issue of gaslighting, particularly on college campuses. Your exploration of the correlation between gaslighting and attachment styles, drawing from personal experiences and academic research, adds depth to the discussion. The example of your friend's breakup illustrates the shaded nature of gaslighting, showing that individuals may engage in such behavior unknowingly, driven by their attachment styles. I have also been a culprit of unintentional gaslighting myself and wish I could go back in time and change my behavior. I would often build myself up and put others down to make myself feel more confident and hide my insecurity. I know this was the wrong thing to do and moving forward thanks to your blog I will be a lot more mindful when talking to people I am interested in.
ReplyDeleteMadi! Your blog was an in capturing and informative take on the relationship between attachment styles and gaslighting within relationships. The real-life example you provided of your sister and her boyfriend's break-up made the ideas you studied very comprehendible within a short read; it was also a very relatable story. When I was going through the whole breaking up and moving out process alongside my ex there was constant bickering and head clashing, which in hindsight was unintentional gaslighting. Something I’ve recognized is that I have a disorganized attachment style; thanks to your blog I can now be more aware of the emotional damage I could be causing someone close to me.
ReplyDeleteYour piece on gaslighting illustrates its mysterious character and prevalence in numerous relationships, as illustrated by your roommate's deceptive actions. Your insights regarding the difficulties of investigating gaslighting objectively and the reliance on recipients' experiences highlight the multifaceted impact. The succeeding comment's meditation on unintended gaslighting adds depth, demonstrating a dedication to self-awareness and personal progress. Your participation raises awareness and supports better communication dynamics.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post is very informational and breaks down gaslighting in a way that can be understood thoroughly and with a more scientific background. I think it is very interesting that you were able to find a correlation between attachment styles and how that may impact their use of gaslighting. I also thought it was interesting that gaslighting had less coverage in scientific articles but once you associated it with mental abuse or neglect lots popped up. I can relate to the impact of gaslighting because I have seen friends and family close to me with this sort of mental game being played and gaslighting is a prominent factor for issues in those relationships.
ReplyDeleteYour writing on gaslighting is very informational and I feel is a very prevalent issue in modern dating. I enjoyed how you brought together a real world experience and tied into scientific fact. I relate that the impact of gaslighting is severe in relationships and a lot of the time you do not even realize its truly happening to you. I do think that attachment styles do play a big part in how it effects. In my personal relationships, I have seen a multitude of people gaslight others who tend to fit more into one attachment style and others fall victim to gaslighting fit into another attachment style.
ReplyDeleteThere was good points pointed out in this that helps bring attention to many people about the impacts and issues with gaslighting. Dealing with this situation can bring a lot of impact to a person mental health, which in past relationships I have experienced. There are times when both the persons attachment styles come to play. My ex had an insecure and avoidant attachment style and I had anxious attachment, which had created multiple problems within our relationship and me trying to get information out of him, but it would be like talking to a wall. And if I was bothered by something, it would turn to me being the problem. Gaslighting can really affect a person mindspace and I agree that it is very important to bring awareness to the affects gaslighting has on people.
ReplyDeleteGaslighting is such a concerning and prevalent issue in todays relationship culture. Some fall fault to gaslighting because it is easier than accepting the fact they are in the wrong, others do it deliberately to, as the article said, “screw with you”. Attachment styles can also influence gaslighting. As mentioned in the blog, different combinations of attachment styles can make relationships more vulnerable to gaslighting. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style may be more prone to gaslighting because they are more willing to take the blame for problems. I too have friends with this attachment style who have experienced similar relationship dynamics which helps in understanding the true impact of gaslighting.
ReplyDeleteThis was an excellent method to define "gaslighting" and teach others how to spot emotional abuse and manipulation in others. Although gaslighting was probably first used under a different name, it has become a far more common buzz term in recent years and is used frequently. Joking about it can be entertaining. My friends and I have a tendency to use the word misleadingly when we witness someone attempting to exert control or manipulation on others. This helps us comprehend the true meanings before utilizing them, which is especially helpful in situations where things may not be as terrible as they seem.
ReplyDelete^^^^Michelle B
ReplyDeleteHi, I loved reading your post. I love the way that gaslighting was broken down into a very informational way to understand what it means. Learning about the different attachment styles associated with gaslighting was interesting and made a lot of sense to me. I have a friend who has more of an anxious attachment style, and she is more likely to be gaslit because she just takes the blame for everything, even when it is not her fault. Learning more about this topic and seeing my friend go through this first thing helps me understand the true impacts of it.
ReplyDeleteAllie M
Thank you for posting this one! This reminds me that people can have different attachment styles at different points in life. While I would say I am mostly an anxious attacher, I have been the avoidant as well. In this case, my marriage, my husband being the insecure-gaslighting attacher. He would tell me I was crazy, spin everything I said into a web of his perceptions and lies, make me feel bad that maybe it was me. Something extremely interesting that I want to thank you for posting about is that sort of attachment may actually be more of a disorganized attachment style. This has lead me to more research!
ReplyDelete-Lacey
Thank you for this post I have never truly thought about the analytical explanation of what gas lighting is and now that you have brought this to life I truly understand. Psychological gaslighting is so hard especially with people who are in college trying to balance so many different things and I like how you exemplified that in your post.
ReplyDeleteHi madi! Your blog provides a really thoughtful look at how different attachment styles can affect how people handle breakups. It’s interesting to see how secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles each lead to different coping strategies. I can personally relate to this. After my recent breakup, I found myself struggling with a lot of the same emotions you described for anxious attachment styles. I was initially overwhelmed, but I eventually realized that, like your old roommate, the experience pushed me to grow and improve myself. I have an anxious attachment style, learning this and researching it has overall improved my platonic and romantic relationships. Understanding my attachment style helped me avoid falling into unhealthy habits and instead focus on healthier ways to cope, like leaning on friends and engaging in self-care. Your advice to recognize and understand our attachment styles as a way to find better coping strategies really resonates with me and feels like a great approach to dealing with the pain of a breakup. I also really appreciated your break-down of gaslighting and how this plays out in a romantic relationship, I think the term was coined as a somewhat “rage bait” internet term recently but it is very real and very harmful. Thank you so much for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteEmotional manipulation often involves emotional exploitation to fill a person's void for a specific period, especially among young people, as the goal of relationships has not matured for them. At the beginning of my university studies, I saw students jumping from one relationship to another without caring about what this caused each of them, and the other part compensated for their separation from their emotional relationships by entering temporary relationships. At that time, I was dealing with the separation of one of my friends from his girlfriend, who used to text him when she felt emotionally empty and then left him again, which made him psychologically unstable. I tried to explain to him that she was using him to fill her emotional void. However, he continued to allow her to do so, thinking that she still loved him, until she entered another serious relationship and left him permanently. We see this type of relationship a lot today, which makes many people vulnerable to depression or fear of entering any emotional relationship permanently.
ReplyDeleteGaslighting is such an interesting term that has moved its way into our generation's everyday vocabulary. It's interesting to me because I feel like when I first starting hearing the term "gaslighting" was around the time I first experienced it with people or started recognizing it more from my romantic partners, friends, my family members, and hearing about my friends experiencing it too. But this post made me realize that the action of gaslighting (psychological aggression/abuse) has been around much longer than the terminology itself. Like I said, I've experienced gas lighting from partnerships, friends, and family but I think it's really interesting to take a step back and think about how much gas lighting we do ourselves. Especially now with the power of the internet, we have a lot more access to information that people are unaware we know about so it's a lot easier to unintentionally and subconsciously use that information to encourage the outcome that we desire through psychological manipulation.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea to educate college freshman on gaslighting! I remember learning about gaslighting during my earlier college years as well and whenever it occurred in a relationship I would think, “Ha! I know what you’re doing!” But of course, telling someone they’re gaslighting you doesn’t seem to go over very well. I think educating everyone on gaslighting is important and I think offering safe ways to handle gaslighting in the moment should also be part of the education in regard to everyone’s safety and well-being. Interesting take on how attachment styles could potentially be correlate with gaslighting. I hope there will be more research on the topic as it may provide an opportunity for self-awareness regarding one’s own tendency to gaslight.
ReplyDeleteThank you for creating a post that has examples explaining gaslighting, your sisters’ friends that you interviewed gave a good insight to a relationship on why couples might do this. Gaslighting has been talked about more and more in social media. Some individuals might not know the severity of this, and it is a form phycological abuse. A lot of people might not know the signs of gaslighting and other forms of psychological abuse. It can be beneficial for couples to learn about health attachment styles and relationships. This can be effective for someone to know that the way they are being treated or treating others is wrong.
ReplyDeleteThis is genuinely such an interesting topic. I think it's so important to teach people about this so it's something they're aware of going into relationships, and correlating it with attachment styles is also a really good way to make people aware of it. I have experience with this, I dated someone in high school who relentlessly gaslit me anytime there was any sort of conflict in our relationship. It was like he could do no wrong, and no matter what the situation, I was always at fault, it was exhausting. But correlating this with attachment style helped it make a lot of sense, as he was definitely very insecure while we were dating, always getting mad at me for what I wore or what I posted, even though it wasn't even remotely seductive, or who I hung out with, especially if there were other guys around. Even if it was a boyfriend of one of my friends. It makes more sense why he was the way that he was when I look at it through this lens, and I think it's an important thing to teach to people.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi! I really related to what you were saying about people who gaslight or use other forms of emotional manipulation having a reputation, and it being a kind of hard pill to swallow that they might not be doing it on purpose. I recently found out that a lot of the times when people love bomb it stems from having an insecure attachment style, and feeling scared of your partner leaving; which is really understandable. Still I found myself not really liking that fact when I first learned it because I have always thought of love bombers and gaslighters in a very negative and abuser-like way.
ReplyDeleteGaslighting is a profound issue that can deeply affect ones mental state. A personal experience that illustrates this is my friend Kira’s relationship with her ex-boyfriend. Initially, Kira described her partner as caring, but over time, he began undermining her feelings. For example, when she explained her discomfort about certain behaviors, he would say, “You’re just being too sensitive” and “that didn’t happen,” which caused her to doubt her reality. This behavior is closely related to what I have learned about gaslighting in my psychology classes. Kira later recognized that her anxious attachment style played a significant role in her relationship. Her desire to be validated made her more vulnerable to being manipulated. The realization that both individuals had issues with insecure attachment finally helped Kira understand their toxic cycle. Today, Kira is more aware of healthy relationship boundaries and her experience shows the importance of discussions around attachment styles and mental health on college campuses.
ReplyDeleteI definitely relate to your mom and sister with their love of romcoms! I appreciate them for a feel-good escape, but similarly I am skeptical about their portrayal of romance. Hefner’s four themes capture what makes romcoms appealing yet unrealistic, especially the “soul mate” and “love conquers all” tropes. Real relationships, as your friend pointed out, require much more than love at first sight or an idealized image of a partner. It’s really interesting that partnered individuals reported higher life satisfaction after watching romcoms, while single individuals didn't respond as positively. This aligns with how romcoms might reinforce what we think we’re “supposed” to feel in relationships, which could feel validating or discouraging depending on the person's relationship status. As for me, I can appreciate a good romcom but I do think they can have some unrealistic themes that can be discouraging for some people.
ReplyDeleteoops posted this on the wrong post lol
DeleteGaslighting is a touchy subject for many people. Whether you’re quick to bring up an argument from the past where you were accused of gaslighting someone or the opposite, you were the one being gaslit, it’s a touchy subject. Further, saying that some attachment styles are more likely to use gaslighting as a tactic to get what they want or win an argument is just as touchy. I think that there are reasons why we could see individuals with certain attachment styles using gaslighting more frequently than others. One of the biggest reasons is what they learned growing up. It’s a common theme in the media where children (now grown up) make videos with captions like “When you confront your mom about something that was her fault and she gets angry at you” and the comments normally look like “Why would you remember me like that?” “well geez, I guess I’m such a terrible mother!” “That’s not what happened.” All of this is to say that we know how attachment styles are formed and if they are insecure and in combination with the aforementioned gaslighting treatment during confrontation, I could see someone being more likely to exhibit similar behaviors.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi, thank you for speaking on the topic of gaslighting. I agree with you, that it does not seem to be talked about or researched enough. I will say, that in the past few years, I have noticed a strange growth in people using the term gaslighting. In many cases, I see it used incorrectly. I wonder if this stems from there not being enough talk and research on the topic. While it is a very important topic to educate ourselves on, it is also important to be careful. Gaslighting is a very tricky road to drive on, and stepping out of line or feeling like you do not know enough can often cause greater issues, rather than solving pre-existing issues.
ReplyDelete- I really enjoyed reading this article and it caught my attention from the name of the article. Gaslighting is an interesting word, and I have only recently become aware of this word and the definition as of the last few years. Most time when I hear this word, it is in a joking context and used when talking about something funny. Although when thinking about it, this word does have a deep meaning and this concept of gaslighting as been around much longer than people realize. After reading this post, it came to my attention that using this word can be hurtful in certain cases and it is important to be socially aware.
ReplyDeleteIn a previous relationship, I experienced immense gaslighting. My ex often dismissed my concerns, making me feel as if I was being overly sensitive and imagining problems. His avoidant attachment style played a role, causing him to shut down emotionally when conflicts arose, and I with my tendency towards anxious attachment, would try harder to engage, sometimes using forms of guilt to provoke a response. Eventually, we got into a toxic cycle and had to end it. By seeking support outside of the relationship, I was able to recognize the patterns and regain confidence in my relationships. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and abuse and has gained much more attention in previous years. Often the term gaslighting is used very vaguely and loosely when in reality it is a very serious deal. Gaslighting is commonly associated with malicious intent, but it can system form insecure attachment styles. Research has suggested that individuals with anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachments resort to gaslighting due to maladaptive behaviors and struggles with managing emotions in relationships.
ReplyDeleteThis blog really caught my eye because me and one of my friends have been having an ongoing debate about if gaslighting is real. I always argued that it was definitely a real issue, and they always said the opposite. I can see how gaslighting can absolutely be a product of certain attachment styles and it is really interesting. Gaslighting was an issue I had previously had in one of my relationships, and it caused me to resent my now ex-boyfriend quite a bit. He had a really hard time communicating with me and would blame me for a lot, but I knew it was a deeper issue within him.
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point when you mention that gaslighting isn't always an intentional act of manipulation. Your friend's experience is a good example of how people with certain attachment styles might engage in manipulative behaviors subconsciously, they're driven by deep-rooted insecurities or emotional vulnerabilities. Gaslighting might be their misguided way of managing any fear of abandonment, rejection, or emotional disconnection they have. This helps explain why gaslighting can be so common in relationships where one or both partners have insecure attachment styles. Looking back on past relationships, I can say I've definitely gaslit a romantic partner once or twice. Never on purpose of course and it was mutual but it always happened when I was confronted about something that was my fault or that I'd done wrong and couldn’t accept responsibility for. In my case it could’ve been my avoidant attachment style or my ego at the time.
ReplyDeleteGaslighting has always been a concept that my freinds and I joke about constantly, but it is very real. I enjoyed the way this post highlighted the complexities of gaslighting, and specifically how it is connected to insecure attachment. This reminds me specifically of one of my best friend's experiences. She was in a relationship where both partners exhibited behaviors of gaslighting. For example, every time she had a concern, her boyfriend would dismiss it by calling her sensitive and dramatic. In which case, she started to believe that she was. In turn, this would also make situations much more exaggerated and emotional. Reflecting on this dynamic, she realized that although there wasn’t malicious intent, the unresolved insecurities drove their interactions. Addressing her own attachment style would be helpful in this situation.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi
ReplyDeleteWow your post brought up a great discussion, gaslighting I have found is only really discussed in younger generations. I have found many parents gaslight their college children who are starting to come home less. I have heard countless stories from my college peers including myself where a parent has said something along the lines of "Well you never visit me" or "I bet the second you graduate you will never speak to me again. I will be curious to see if this tendency improves overall, as this terminology is becoming increasingly more popular. In addition, if this becomes more of a topic discussed in therapy for individuals who have anxious or avoidant attachment styles.
Your exploration of gaslighting and its connection to attachment styles hit close to home. Like your sister’s friend, I wasn’t always aware of certain behaviors until reflecting later; my own anxious attachment style sometimes led me to accept and perpetuate manipulation, despite eventually noticing as my patterns behavior worsened. Similarly, my ex’s avoidant and aggressive tendencies often left me doubting my feelings and perspective, exacerbating the cycle. Your discussion of disorganized attachment adds depth to understanding how deeply rooted these patterns can be. It’s empowering to see resources to escape this pattern highlighted, as they’re vital to addressing such harmful dynamics to foster healthy relationships moving forward. Because we should all be allowed to move forward.
ReplyDeleteThis blog really made me think about how attachment styles influence behaviors like gaslighting in relationships. Before learning about attachment theory, I would’ve assumed gaslighting was purely intentional manipulation, but now I can see how it often stems from deeper insecurities tied to attachment. I appreciate the inclusion of the link between disorganized attachment and psychological aggression it makes sense that those with unresolved trauma or inconsistent relationship patterns might struggle to regulate their emotions and resort to harmful behaviors.
ReplyDeleteReflecting on past relationships, I can see how subtle forms of gaslighting happened, even if it wasn’t intentional. For instance, during arguments, I remember moments where emotions ran high, and either I or my partner tried to deflect blame or make the other feel like they were overreacting. While it wasn’t meant to be manipulative, it showed how insecurity and poor communication can fuel these toxic dynamics. This blog is a great reminder of the importance of understanding our attachment styles and learning healthier ways to address conflict.
This post really brings an important issue to light, and I appreciate how you connect the topic of gaslighting to attachment styles. It’s eye-opening to learn that individuals with insecure attachment styles, like anxious or avoidant attachment, may be more prone to psychological aggression or gaslighting in relationships. It makes sense that these attachment dynamics could influence how people interact and react under stress or emotional tension. Your friend’s experience with gaslighting is especially telling, as it highlights how both parties can unintentionally fall into these patterns when they’re unsure how to communicate or handle emotional vulnerability. I also appreciate the resources you’ve included for students at CSU who may be dealing with similar issues. Gaslighting can have long-lasting effects on a person's mental health and self-esteem, so it's great to know that there are support systems in place for those who need help. This post serves as a valuable reminder that relationships whether romantic or otherwise can be complicated, and seeking help when needed is an important step.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting how gaslighting is a recently identified term for psychological aggression and has become popular when describing a toxic relationship. Gaslighting can leave individuals with trust issues and insecure attachments. When someone is trying to make a relationship work, it can be easy to ignore being gaslit because they truly believe they are in the wrong. I have seen gaslighting occur in my friend's relationship in which she tries to make a compromise and her partner gaslights her into thinking there is no need to compromise because she is just overthinking. It is hard to watch the people you care about experience this form of psychological aggression because their concerns and needs are continuously ignored.
ReplyDeleteThis was interesting to read! It makes sense how gaslighting behavior and attachment styles can be related. However, I feel like gaslighting can go deeper than "abuse or aggression". Some people are so good at manipulating, that a victim won't even realize that what is being said to them is emotional abuse. I feel like a lot of the time, people are unaware of the fact their partner could be gaslighting them. I wonder what the similarities of gaslighting and narcissism is.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you addressing the topic of gaslighting, providing some context and clarifying the definition. It's a term that is used often in our society, especially with younger generations, and I don't think it is always made clear that it is a form of psychological manipulation and aggression. I have a close friend whose significant other often used gaslighting as a way to control the narrative and manipulate her perception. It seemed like, initially, she was fully aware of this and recognized that they weren't being honest in these situations. Over time, though, this behavior began to impact her confidence and somewhat made her doubt her instincts. It was extremely damaging and she struggled with this long after they separated. I agree that occasionally this may not be intentional or intended to cause harm, but used as a protective mechanism. I am surprised that both anxious and avoidant are connected to this behavior because those with avoidant attachment styles are more likely to devalue their partner and be unclear about their intentions.
I thought it was interesting how you talked about the connection between gaslighting and physical aggression. Gaslighting can lead to so much more in a relationship that I've seen in my own friends' relationships. Their boyfriends make them believe that they are in the wrong about a situation that they clearly aren't which is frustrating to see from an outside perspective. Gaslighting can stumble into so much more such as lies and deception that can be so harmful to relationships and partners on both ends. I think this topic is so important to discuss and I'm so glad you brought it up in this context as people don't typically know what it quite means.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting post to read! The personal experience described here and the description of gaslighting really makes it easy to understand what gaslighting is and how to identify it. I have dealt with gaslighting in past relationships, and I honestly didn’t know gaslighting was happening until I opened up to my friends about it amd they told me what was going on. I remember always thinking my feelings weren’t valid, and that I was being too sensitive or dramatic. When I learned about the different attachments styles, it made sense why gaslighting was happening in the relationship. I relate to the girl when she said she thinks she gaslighted at the end of her relationship to get emotion out of her partner. I had an anxious attachment style, which meant reassurance was really needed for me. My partner had an avoidant attachment style, so our attachments styles clashed and gaslighting really occur.
ReplyDeleteI believe that gaslighting is a great topic to spread awareness on, especially in college settings. I feel like many students are entering a vulnerable stage in their lives and may not be able to detect when gaslighting is happening to them or if they are doing it to others. I also enjoyed reading about how attachment styles can be tied to people's levels of gaslighting. Your blog got me thinking about myself, my romantic relationship, as well as my relationships with everyone else. I was trying to evaluate and connect people's attachment styles and their gaslighting, and I believe it highly relates to the research you found.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your post, Madi! I liked the way you mentioned “Psychological aggression and abuse” as another word for “gaslighting.” It makes it much easier to explain to older adults who might not have used that word before. I have never been a victim of gaslight, but my mother has. Before she divorced my dad, he would gaslight her all the time. He lived his life check by check, and my mom was afraid that they would never have savings or have a better life. My father claimed she was overreacting. He said it was her Mexican side that believed in the American Dream. He gaslit her into thinking she would never get far with that mindset.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting post on gaslighting and the ways attachment styles can influence this behavior. I was surprised to read that those with an anxious or avoidant attachment style might possibly turn to using gaslighting when in a relationship because I would think that those with an anxious attachment style wouldn’t resort to gaslighting in fear of upsetting their partner or in fear of speaking up since that is at least what I would do with my anxious attachment style. It is equally interesting to read that those with a disorganized attachment resort more to gaslighting in order to get a response from their partner because again I would think that those with this attachment style would shut down opposed to using psychology aggression. I also like that you included resources CSU has to offer in case anyone is experience distress from gaslighting. Overall this was a very thoughtful and insightful post on the expanding topic of gaslighting!
ReplyDeleteThis post really hit home for me. I never thought about how much attachment styles could affect how people behave in relationships, especially when things start to go wrong. I can totally relate to the whole anxious attachment thing, sometimes I can’t help but overthink everything when I’m not getting the emotional reassurance I need. And, wow, the way you connected gaslighting to attachment styles made me realize how complex things can get. It's easy to see how someone might not even realize they’re doing it, especially when emotions are all over the place.
ReplyDeleteI also really appreciate you mentioning the resources at CSU. It’s comforting to know there’s support for students who might be struggling with something like this. Gaslighting can be tough to deal with, and it’s great to know that help is available when needed. Thanks for sharing all of this, it really made me think!
This was such a real and important post, thank you for sharing it. I appreciated how you didn’t just define gaslighting, but actually dug deeper into the why behind the behavior. I hear this term being thrown around everyday day so it was refreshing to learn something real about it and why people gaslight. I think a lot of us tend to view gaslighters as villains, but your post helped me see that insecure or disorganized attachment styles can sometimes play a big role. Your interview quotes made it all feel so relatable and honest, especially when your sister’s friend talked about unintentionally gaslighting as a way to get a response. It’s a reminder that emotional harm can happen without someone intending it. I also really appreciated your encouragement to seek out campus resources, such a great way to end a heavy but necessary conversation.
ReplyDeleteI found this post to be very insightful and informative on what gaslighting is and what fn look out for. In my own experiences with being gaslit, the people who were doing the gaslighting had avoidant attachment styles, like how you had mentioned. Your post helped layout the definition of gaslighting and providing experiences which are necessary to know about, so that people can look out for the signs when pursuing future romantic connections or are in one now that may be emotionally abusive.
ReplyDeleteIt also helps that you have an explanation as to why some people with disorganized attachment styles use gaslighting within there romantic relationships.
DeleteI found this post incredibly insightful. It reminded me how often we misread intensity as passion in relationships, when in fact, it’s often just poor communication wrapped in emotion. I dated someone in my first year of college where every disagreement felt like a battle. Looking back, I realize we both added “gas to the fire” by responding too quickly, too loudly, and without really listening. Your point about how arguing can feel validating—but is usually destructive—hit home. The reminder to step back, take a breath, and check your own emotional temperature is advice I wish I had sooner. I also appreciated the link you made between early attachment experiences and later communication habits. It’s powerful to think that learning to pause and approach conflict with curiosity, not just criticism, could be a game changer in future relationships. This post helped me feel more equipped to recognize red flags and de-escalate tension in healthier ways. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis post stuck with me. The connection between gaslighting and attachment styles was interesting to read about. A close friend of mine recently went through a relationship where she constantly questioned her own reactions and feelings in the relationship. She was very stressed out. After learning about attachment theory in HDFS, I realized that she had an anxious attachment style. This made her a lot more prone to emotional manipulation such as gaslighting. Her partner didn't really take her feelings into consideration and made her feel crazy for having valid emotions. Not only in my friend, but I have seen this a lot in relationships. It wasn't until they broke up when they both realized the damage that had been done. Understanding this can help them to make healthy decisions for the relationship.
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