As today’s world continues to move towards a more technological-based one, we find the internet being incorporated into pretty much every part of our lives. One area in specific that has been and continues to go more virtual is dating. Online dating apps, though around for quite some time now, have been gaining popularity over the last couple of years (Phan et al., 2021). While they can be helpful for finding romantic partners, or even just new friends, dating apps are beginning to pose a lot of threats to users.
Before I discuss the statistics, let's talk about one of my co-workers, we will call her Nicki for confidentiality purposes, and her experience with dating apps. After sitting down with her, I asked how her recent experiences with online dating had been going. “Ummm, not terrible, but also not good,” was the first thing out of her mouth. When I asked her to elaborate on what was not going well, the conversation opened up a great deal.
“Dating apps are hard because I feel like 90 percent of the time, people are just using them for quick hookups or to tear people down. The majority of people I match with, both male and female, make it clear from the get-go that they are just looking for sex, no strings attached. I don't have a problem with that but what tends to happen when I say no or let them know I’m looking for something serious, is I get harassed and bullied. They bring up my physical features and that I’m not even that “good looking” for them, blah blah blah. Or is just getting d**k pics with no context. It's stupid and it's super sucky too.”
Unfortunately, Nicki’s experience is not an isolated one. Many people use dating apps for quick hookups leading to users being twice as likely to engage in risky behaviors like unprotected sex, and if turned down, they often respond with mean derogatory words (Phan et al., 2021). In addition, dating apps are also common places of sexual objectification, which means that individuals are only thought of as a collection of sexual body parts and nothing else. This can be super detrimental as well as it takes away what makes each person unique and objectifies them in a negative and harmful way (Phan, 2021). Likewise, women are more likely to experience hostile interactions with males online through things like inappropriate pictures, offensive comments, and even threats.
“It's just really hard sometimes [using dating apps] because I have had good experiences, but as of late, those are becoming few and far between. I understand that dating apps are a fast way to find someone for a one-night stand, I just don't get why people have to be so mean when you tell them that's not something you are looking for. Like come on people, have some respect.”
What is interesting is that individuals with certain attachment types are also more likely to use dating apps. Secure and anxious attachments are more likely to use dating apps whereas avoidant and insecure are not (Chin et al., 2019). Thinking about the mean remarks made on the apps, since those with anxious attachments were more likely to have and use dating apps and these individuals are insecure about themselves, it might be a reason why they lash out at others when rejected.
Is this to say that all experiences with dating apps are bad? No, it is a good idea to understand the dangers that can come from the use of dating apps, but they can actually be really good for creating relationships, both romantic and platonic. In fact, I wrote another blog about a year ago about using dating apps to build connections with others. I recommend checking it out!
References
Chin, K., Edelstein, R. S., & Vernon, P. A. (2018). Attached to dating apps: Attachment orientations and preferences for dating apps. Mobile Media & Communication, 7(1), 41–59. https://doi.org/10.1177/2050157918770696
Phan, A., Seigfried-Spellar, K., & Choo, K.-K. R. (2021). Threaten me softly: A review of potential dating App Risks. Computers in Human Behavior Reports, 3, 100055. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chbr.2021.100055
Hi Madi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog post. I relate to the story you told about your coworker Nicki. I have had very little good experiences with using dating apps, as I am a person who would use them to actually date, and not hook-up. A lot of people did not respond well to the fact that I was not interested in just meeting up for that reason. There were plenty of nasty things said to me and I wondered why I would even let myself be in the position to undergo those things. There was maybe one decent experience that I had with dating apps, but the good definitely did not outweigh the bad. Needless to say, I have not been on dating apps in quite a long time and do not plan on ever returning.
Hello Madi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog post as it spoke to me, as I have also tried using dating apps. Although I only used it for a little over a week, it felt like I experienced the same things you did like the hook-ups and just the blatant questions that caught me off guard. For these reasons I told myself that I will not use dating apps and will only use it as a last resort. I have a friend who used a dating app and experienced the same thing I did and what you wrote about as well so it is not an experience we have experienced but a lot of people have gone through this.
Hello Madi,
ReplyDeleteI have heard many negative things about dating apps and have always been surprised when my friends or people I know have spoken to me about positive experiences. Although my experience on such apps has not been awful or incredibly eventful, I always find myself suspicious and worried when I hear others speak of going on dates with people they met on certain apps. While some people are very good at concealing their true motives in real life, I believe it is generally easy to hide ulterior motives online.
As a feminine-presenting person, one of my greatest concerns for myself and my other feminine-presenting friends is sexual assault. No matter how well you get to know someone you're going on a date with, the possibility is always in the air and at the back of our minds. It's become common among my friends and me to tell others where we're going and who we're going with; we turn on all our location settings and constantly give updates, no matter how well the date may be going.
Although this is not the experience for every single user of dating apps, as a feminine-presenting person who has faced certain experiences, I do worry for myself and my friends who are on such apps.
There are many horror stories when it comes to dating apps as it’s not uncommon to be catfished and get yourself stuck in a dangerous situation. I have people I am friends with as well as hearing stories from a third party who have told me all kinds of stories. Some good and some bad but thankfully none have gotten into an even worse situation. Many people I know that use dating apps and the experience they had was very one sided. Many times when they meet someone they only want to hookup or they try to manipulate them into doing something that they do not feel comfortable in. They feel that the purpose of dating apps has changed and it's hard to find someone who wants something genuine and long term. They have then tried different dating apps such as hinge and hily as they feel more comfortable as catfishing is harder as they make you verify a photo. They have also started being more cautious with these apps and making their intentions and what they want more clear and not making any exceptions for anyone.
ReplyDeleteHello Madi,
ReplyDeleteIn parallel to Nicki's dating app challenges, my own experiences align with the observations from romantic attachment theory. Like Nicki, I've encountered individuals primarily seeking casual connections on these platforms. The topic becomes relevant here, where those with anxious attachments, seeking reassurance and closeness, are more likely to use dating apps. This attachment style, marked by insecurity, may contribute to negative reactions when faced with rejection. My own experiences mirror the struggles Nicki voiced navigating through a landscape where meaningful connections are overshadowed by a prevalence of individuals emphasizing quick encounters. This highlights the need for understanding attachment dynamics to enhance online dating experiences and foster healthier connections. Reflecting on my recent foray into dating apps, the journey has been a rollercoaster of disappointments and unsettling encounters. Let's call it a reality check. Just like Nicki, who opened up about her experiences, I've found myself swimming in a sea of superficial connections and disappointingly brief interactions. It's disheartening how a significant chunk of users seems to be fixated on fleeting encounters. Saying "no" to casual hookups often transforms the virtual space into a breeding ground for harassment and unwarranted criticism of physical appearance. It's as if expressing a desire for something genuine triggers a defensive response, complete with offensive comments and, unsurprisingly, unsolicited explicit images. I can't help but resonate with the statistics Nicki mentioned, an increased likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors and the prevalence of hostile interactions. It's a reality check that the virtual quest for connections often turns into a minefield of disrespectful encounters. The whole experience leaves me questioning the point of it all and longing for a digital space where genuine connections take precedence over superficial desires.
Hey there! I thought this was a great post. I really sympathise with your coworker. Dating apps are certainly not for the faint of heart, especially when some people decide to act so rudely. I think this is because people feel more secure in themselves while hiding behind a screen. Without "real life" consequences people are more likely to say and do heinous things, especially when the person on the other side of the line isn't suiting their fancy per-se. Thankfully I have been on the brighter side of dating apps and come across some kind individuals. I met my longterm boyfriend on Hinge. When we matched he was super sweet and respectful and asked me on a date instead of just a hookup or one night stand. The good ones are out there!
ReplyDeleteHey! I really resonated with your post as I have also experienced harsh responses from people when I tell them I want something different. I texted a guy for maybe a week and after chatting for a bit he wanted to meet up, but at that point, I didn't because I knew he just wanted a hook-up. I sent him a nice little paragraph saying I didn't think we should continue talking because I wanted something more serious. He lashed out at me and started arguing with me over text. It was really disheartening because I tried to be kind in telling him I didn't want to talk anymore, but I received some mean words and he proceeded to message me on every social media he could find. While this is an extreme case, I did give dating apps one more shot and I met my now-boyfriend who I am very happy with. It is crazy how some experiences can be a flip of a coin!
ReplyDeleteDating apps more often than not are looked at as “hit or miss” and I feel that it’s important to accept that when joining one. As you brought up many individuals using such apps are only there for the hookups and personally, I find no fault in that, you do you. I myself have used dating apps and while I have met some great/fun people I have also encountered a couple of the more unruly users like your friend Nicki, but honestly, I find that is to be expected. That being said though I do agree that dating apps are definitely not the way to go for someone looking for a more committed relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to hear Nicki's experiences. I have been on dating apps as well as my friends and you can see the different attachment styles play out. As an avoidant/fearful attached person, I tend to never text anyone from the dating apps or forget I have them. Most of the people who I give my numbers I don't respond too or they never actually set anything up. There's also a good chance if we did set something up I would find a way out of it. Whereas my close friend with anxious attachment looks for those conversations and validation, and actively pursues people from dating apps. We have had a shared experience where a man was looking for a one night stand but told my friend (who did not want to hook up) that she looked like she slept with too many people so he would not want too anyway. Then he explained his perfect woman, a virgin Christian girl who agreed with everything he said. I got the chance to match with him and pretended to be the exact woman he described. He got mad that I was a "virgin" and called me a prude because he wanted to hook up. The culture is very strange.
ReplyDeleteHey! I fount this post super interesting to read, as I have also had my own troubles with dating apps. It is super common for people on these specific apps to only be searching for one thing, and turn rude or hurtful when you are not looking for the same thing as them. I think that part of this comes from the person feeling comfortable saying mean or inappropriate things behind a screen, and they are so much less likely to say things like that in person. That is another issue I find with dating apps because although there is instances where you could meet someone looking for the same goals as you, but a lot of the times it can become a problem when people can simply hide behind a screen.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to these experiences with dating apps. I have more of an anxious attachment style so I would use dating apps as a way for male validation. The way that many of these men would be rude if you were not looking to actually hook up was frequent. Another concern I have with dating apps is the risk of sexual assault/catfishing. It is very easy to catfish someone on the internet. Which can turn from an impulsive hookup into a dangerous situation. It's very hard to maintain internet safety on these apps as well. This puts feminine-presenting people/women at risk.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi!
ReplyDeleteI found this post very interesting. It made me think about how a lot of my friends currently use dating apps but rarely find anyone that want more than casual hookups. I found that this relates a lot to cyberbullying on other online platforms. It is a lot easier for people to be mean or leave hurtful comments behind a screen because nobody really knows who they are. Especially for dating apps I think it makes it so much easier to do because you most likely have never met this person face-to-face so what's the harm in responding to their rejection in a way that will most likely hurt their feelings. One of my friends has had similar experiences where once you reject someone sometimes that person on the other end can get very angry very quickly to the point where she has had to block them because they were being so hurtful.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI have had similar conversations with my friends too. Dating apps have become an easy way to objectify people. This is especially easy when people are swiping yes or no depending if they like the pictures on a profile. It’s more about the persons looks rather than the details of the persons personality. I have a friend that explained it as a game where she decides if its a yes or no depending on the persons look. I think it’s very easy for people to hide behind a screen while saying and doing things they would never do in person. There is no face to face interaction on dating apps, making it easier for people to be unkind. Dating apps have definitely added to this problem as you don’t truly know people’s intentions.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI agree with all the risks that were mentioned and connected to dating apps that you brought out in your post, especially your example of Nicki’s experiences. A close friend of mine experienced very similar problems with dating apps. She would always express her desire to only want to form a lasting relationship, but she kept running into people who were just looking for casual relationships. Everytime she expressed what her boundaries were, she was met with the constant pressure and hurtful comments from guys that didn’t respect her desires. This negatively impacted her confidence and self-worth when using online dating services but in general. Seeing how these kinds of bad encounters might impact those looking for real connections is depressing.
hi, i agree with a lot of what you have mentioned about dating apps. dating apps are all about looks and how your pictures are presenting you. my friends even sometimes say "lets swipe and play smash or pass" when they refer to going on tinder. now a days when you want a quick hu you go to the apps instead of going out to the bars or the club. even the good experiences on dating apps are short lived becuase people arent actually wanting a real relationship or connection.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree about the things that were mentioned about dating apps. I have friends who use them and they're experience's are exactly what was described. I even had one friend who was bullied very badly that she took down all the dating apps she had and never went back on them. They destroyed her self-confidence that she had. The other friends would make it a game and would also play "smash or pass". My friends even told me that I should get on them and that they are fun but I would be looking for something serious and would hate for my friends experience to happen to me as well, but now a days these apps are only used to hook up, which seems to be the new "normal" relationships in this generation.
Hey Madi!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree there are a lot of risks with using dating apps! There are real issues with dating online as you mentioned like with unsolicited pictures or angry outbursts and I think thats because it can feel less personal than talking to someone in person so people feel a sort of protection to be mean, overly sexual, or weird. However, I do know a lot of people which it has worked out for so I think there are definitely both pros and cons to using them. For me personally whenever I had used them in the past I tried to be very straightforward with what I was looking for and would not respond to people who were not looking for that. And though that worked for my current relationship I can imagine a lot of people would have opposite experiences and end up hating online dating. I think its good to talk about the negative sides of this type of dating has in order to make people more aware of it before choosing this option and make people with the same experiences not feel alone!
Hey Madi!
ReplyDeleteYour blog post really hit home for me, especially Nicki’s experience with dating apps. It’s unfortunate but not surprising to hear about the negative interactions she faced—those stories are sadly too common. It’s frustrating how dating apps can sometimes become a space for quick hookups and disrespectful behavior.
I’ve had mixed experiences with dating apps myself. While I’ve met some great people, I’ve also encountered those who don’t respect boundaries or are just looking for something casual. It’s disappointing when genuine connections are overshadowed by negativity.
I agree with your point about understanding the risks of dating apps while also acknowledging their potential for creating meaningful relationships. It’s a balance of being cautious and open-minded. Your insights about attachment styles and their influence on app usage and reactions are interesting too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and shedding light on this topic. It’s important to talk about both the positives and negatives of online dating.
I was personally against dating apps for a very long time until I started to try them out last year. I would agree that not all experiences with dating apps are bad, but as a college student it is rare to hear about any great experiences. From my perspective it seems that college aged individuals mainly use the apps for the “quick hookups” and rarely leads to anything more. It is also common that I hear that they are more so used as “confidence boosters”, because people get fulfillment out of receiving a "like” or a “match”. I personally would much rather meet someone face to face than through messages on an app, but for certain people this may be a preferred way of meeting.
ReplyDeleteHi, I agree with so much about what you mentioned about dating apps. I feel as if in our generation people are on dating apps just for looks and don’t even want to get to know the person for who they are and even their personality. I feel like people just go on these dating apps for hookups and not wanting anything serious just more casual. I disagree with this because I feel like the whole point of dating apps is to date the person. I had a complete opposite experience with dating apps and I'm still with my boyfriend of two years and that is how we met, so I guess it just depends on the person that you are and what you want in general.
ReplyDeleteAllie M
Thank you for taking the time to write about this! As someone who is a bit older (30’s) I find dating apps to be a waste of time. I agree that majority of the people using them are not looking for serious relationships. Hook-ups seem to bee the common theme even among dating apps that are meant for serious relationships. Something that really bothers me is feeling like I am “shopping” for a mate, scanning through the ads and throwing away the ones I don’t like. It just seems so impersonal. Not to mention, dating apps can be scary, you don’t know the person and are hoping they are who they say they are.
ReplyDelete-Lacey
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI really liked reading your blog as it caught my eye. I have had no experience with dating apps as I am already afraid of the dangers of online dating and harassment that happens. As I am a mixture of anxious and avoidant attachment, I already have struggles in balancing friendships, much less romantic ones, considering I push people away but also when I notice the same amount of distance, I will become anxious. Not to mention, I am not the proper age to even be on the dating apps nor do I want to be on one just to find "true love" when it is just casual hookups. I believe that if I do find myself on the app it is because I could not find any connections in real life but would seriously put some thought on the risks of online dating, where if you do not want hookups, you would get bullied or sent unsolicited pictures without your consent. The amount of horror stories that I have heard on the internet dis-encourages me to be on there. The objection of females is all around but is more persistent on dating apps especially nowadays because people feel comfortable and confident to say inappropriate comments online hiding behind a screen. I am sure that you can find love on dating apps, you would just have to be more aware and cautious about giving your information to a person you are barely meeting.
I love how you brought up the topic of dating apps, I watch all of my friends use these apps and after hearing about horror stories on line it genuinely scares me that something is going to happen to them. In this sense how people feel as though they are only on them for the sense of the hookup culture I completely agree with you.
ReplyDeleteIt is crazy to think about how relevant dating apps are today when, like 10 years ago, people would have thought the concept was crazy and weird. That being said, although dating apps are everywhere, they are still a terrifying thing, as mentioned in the title of this post. The potential for harassment and negative experiences cannot be overlooked, making it essential for users, especially women, to be very aware and cautious on these platforms. I have heard stories about men using dating apps to get women alone in their houses, in cars you name it. I once heard a story from a friend of a friend about how she was going to go on a date with this super cute guy who she found on a dating app and lived in her hometown. A few hours later she told her friend about the guy and showed one of them his picture. That is when one of her friends informed her that she also went on a date with that guy and was not a 22-year-old in college like he said he was a creepy middle-aged man who was catfishing young girls on this dating app. But what I find to be scary is the fact that it is harmless compared to the more terrifying things that can and have happened.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this experience. My experiences with online dating have not been great, I often am very anxious and scared meeting new people especially men from online. I have an anxious attachment style and I find that the dating pool is often saturated with people who have an avoidant attachment style because of how often they are looking for something new. I have recently learned how to identify when someone has an avoidant attachment style and to recognize when we aren't compatible. I think it can be very difficult to cultivate real relationships online or know someone's true intentions with online interactions.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi! Thank you for sharing. I have had a similar experience to Nicki on dating applications. I know so many people who have met their long-term partner on dating applications so I am constantly being discouraged having been on dating applications for years with no relationship prospects. Constantly on dating applications I run into the same problem as Nicki where all the potential partners just want sex and when I say I am uninterested in that kind of relationship up front the potential partners try to coerce me into changing my mind. It is very frustrating and discouraging dating in 2024.
ReplyDeleteInteresting take on how attachment styles relate to not only usage of dating apps but also how those with certain attachment styles react to rejection. I used to be all about dating apps when I was a few years younger until I just had enough of the bad experiences I was going through. Now I avoid using dating apps and actually avoid dating in general. Oddly enough, when studying attachment styles I noticed that anxious attachment traits really described my younger self but when I think of who I am today, I would guess I’m more on the avoidant end of attachment.
ReplyDeleteI personally do not have any experience using dating apps, but a lot of my friends have used them in the past and still do. A few of them have had good experiences but also bad ones too. They all know that dating apps can be dangerous but what is most scary is that people can perceive themselves as a nice person and instantly change. They do not meet the person for hookups, they meet in public locations. Meeting in public locations can create safety for both parties but it is also good to take the extra precaution and have someone you know in the same facility for when you go to leave. Dating apps absolutely can be just as psychologically dangerous as physical. Thank you for sharing about this!
ReplyDeleteHi Madi! I think that dating apps are so weird because even though you can set intentions and make it very clear what you are looking for, people will still find a way to take offense to it. Especially when it could just be a quick heads up that I’m looking for something serious and then we move on, but it’s like theres no other fish in the sea for them. I currently am on Hinge and am having trouble with this too, I often hear that Hinge isn’t for finding relationships but in my mind, Tinder is for hookups and Hinge is serious.
ReplyDeleteI am a hater of dating apps until the day I die. Before I met my boyfriend, I had about a year of being on dating apps, and it's pretty much exactly what your friend said it's like. I personally have zero interest in hooking up with anyone, no judgement to anyone who does, I just am more of a relationships person, and was never on dating apps to look for that. It really is, for the most part, a bunch of guys looking for hookups, who lead off with super sexual comments on the first message, or send unprompted d!ck pics, and it's really discouraging when you're just looking for companionship and connection. I do know people who have met their partners on dating apps, and it can happen, but in my experience, you're better off trying to meet someone in person.
ReplyDeleteThe growth of online dating has changed how society pursues relationships. The lines can easily be blurred between a true search for companionship and pure objectification. I have a friend, Ranise, who went on a journey through various dating apps. At first, she found the experience exciting, however, it soon turned poorly. One evening, after a promising match, Ranise told the guy that she wanted to have a serious relationship, only to be responded to with rude comments and unsolicited explicit images. She felt not just objectified, but also discouraged from pursuing a meaningful connection. Despite this, Ranise remained hopeful after shifting her approach, and now focuses on platforms that emphasize shared interests and values rather than just appearances. This now coincides with her desire to foster genuine connections rather than fleeting encounters.
ReplyDeleteOnline dating has always scared me and seemed like a huge risk. There are many stories of unpleasant experiences that have come from dating apps or even more serious stories that involve harassment. It’s discouraging that rejecting someone’s advances can lead to rude or even threatening messages. This issue is especially challenging for users with anxious attachment styles, who may respond more negatively to rejection due to underlying insecurities. Despite the countless stories of the risks, it’s also true that dating apps can foster genuine connections. Being aware of these potential downsides, like harassment or objectification, can help people stay cautious and seek respectful interactions. Thanks for highlighting both the positives and the negatives of online dating in this post!
ReplyDeleteI have had similar experiences on dating apps to the one that your friend, Nicki, described. Although sometimes it can be helpful to know a person's intentions for a relationship from the beginning, it felt degrading to be torn down when my intentions did not align with those of the person I matched with. I think it would be interesting to research which dating apps people choose to use based on the type of relationship they are looking for. For example, to my knowledge people often use Tinder as a place to find hookups, whereas other apps like Hinge and Bumble are used for going on dates and finding a romantic partner. I'm also curious if the people who design these apps know about those different intentions and use that to their advantage when creating or updating the platform. For instance, Tinder profiles place a lot of focus on images, which may cater to people who are only searching for sexual partners, whereas Hinge profiles offer more opportunities for a user to share about their interests through text and voice memos, which may be more applicable for users searching for a dating relationship.
ReplyDelete- As I have not used a dating app, most of my friends and peers have done it or are currently using it. My sister met her husband off a dating website and therefore I have seen success stories and happily every after’s… but also sometimes they crash and burn and don’t turn out so happily. For example, one of my best friends met this guy on a dating app and it was one of the worst experiences for her. Their expectations for the date were very different. Dating apps can sometimes give the impression that someone is there for the purpose of sex or receiving pleasure. Its interesting to me that people view these apps differently and ultimately put in different amounts of efforts.
ReplyDeleteAs the world continues to evolve, technology is taking over. Everything is now somewhat online. With this, the rise of dating apps has become a popular tool for finding romantic or platonic relationships. While there is often success in dating apps, they do come with an assortment of risks. This includes hostile interactions, harassment, and sexual objectification, especially for women. As discussed in the blog post, users like Nicki often encounter people seeking casual hookups, and rejecting advances that can later lead to harassment and derogatory remarks. I have downloaded dating apps and have had a variety of experiences. I often don't even respond when I match with someone, however, the one time I did we did end up dating. The relationship was very good and we were happy at the beginning. However, with time we realized we simply weren't compatible and that on the dating app, we only presented the side of us that we wanted people to see.
ReplyDeleteHey! Through this blog post I found so many similarities between my experience with dating apps and the individual who gave examples. I have found, especially within a college town, that individuals are extremely emotionally immature. There are many individuals on dating apps that just got out of a significant/ serious relationship hence the hook-up culture within dating apps. Many individuals don't want anything serious due to their own personal choices or just because they are not able to participate in something serious. I say this because individuals are either not processing a break up or traumatic event and try to fill the 'void' with sex. This will eventually lead to someone feeling unsatisfied which could be why individuals become anxiously attached hence individuals being rude/ cruel to other individuals who set boundaries.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this blog, I found myself relating to it a lot because of my most recent experiences with dating apps. I was always against dating apps since I found out they were a thing, until about a month ago. I ended up downloading one just to see where it would take me. You were right about how some people can get upset if their intentions are not the same as yours, which is very unfair to me. I ended up deleting the app because of that exact reason, and because of all the small talk I had to participate in which I was not a fan of. I am glad I got out there and it least tried though.
ReplyDeleteHi madi! Thank you for posting this. I know as a college as shit and I have also been around and have used dating apps. They can be a great way of meeting people or just having a little fun. It is cool to see people that you have seen before and maybe would love to talk to more. having dating apps is a common thing in college. It seems. There is tender, bumble, hinge, and grinder. There are some gray people on dating apps, and there are also some people that you may not want to go on dates with. It could be a really great opportunity to meet someone and I know plenty of people that have had a successful relationships on dating apps.
ReplyDeleteThe discussion about the dangers of dating apps resonates with me, as my friend had a similar experience to Nicki's. She joined a dating app hoping to meet someone serious, but instead faced constant harassment when she declined advances. One individual even created a fake profile to insult her anonymously. These instances not only impacted her self-esteem but also made her question the value of online connections altogether. While dating apps can provide opportunities, the risks of objectification and hostility are real and troubling. This blog sheds light on important issues that everyone should consider before using such platforms.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi, this is such an important topic to speak about, thank you. My cousin, who goes to CU Boulder, faced a very scary experience with someone she met on a dating app. Because of this, I have always tried to be extra cautious when it comes to speaking to people online. The most worrisome part of my cousin's experience was that the man she was talking to presented as completely normal. Not a single worry or red flag was raised. I have heard this thought echoed by many people who have had bad experiences with dating apps. It is easy to disguise who we are online, therefore we must be so careful when interacting with people we meet online.
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun read because almost everyone I know has used a dating app at least once. I have even made an account a few times just to see what it was about and I found that I felt more insecure the more I was using it. Interestingly though, my friend met her partner on Hinge and they are about to celebrate their one year together, and they might be one of the happiest and healthiest couples I have ever encountered. I believe the success of dating apps does not just depend on the person and their attachment style but is also based on chance. It was the right person at the right time and it just happened to have worked out for them.
ReplyDeleteWhile I have not personally used dating apps, your blog post really captured my attention. It is difficult to hear stories like Nicki's. The fact that those with anxious and avoidant attachment styles are more likely to be on dating apps is very interesting. There is a good chance that this contributes to the situations like Nicki's. It is certainly true that these dating apps can have both good and bad results. I have had friends from school feel more insecure after spending time on dating apps, but I have also heard many stories where people marry their match. One of my friends even developed good friendships from some of his matches. I love that you noted its ability to do both!
ReplyDeleteHI Madi,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you bringing awareness to the potential risks of dating apps, especially since this is something that many women can relate to. Even outside dating apps, many women fear retaliation after rejecting someone's advances, which can be intimidating. However, I think one benefit of dating apps is that they can act as somewhat of a buffer and provide a certain level of space, potentially making it easier for one to express their needs. I've been married for quite some time, and while this isn't something I've had to face recently, I've had similar experiences to your co-worker when I was dating. At the time, I would say that I had more of an anxious attachment, and while I never tolerated disrespectful behavior, I definitely put up with more than I would now because I was more focused on seeking connection. It's interesting that those with anxious attachment styles are also more likely to utilize dating apps, and I wonder if it has to do with their increased need for validation and connection. Those with avoidant attachment styles are said to be less expressive and value independence, which makes sense as to why they might not make up the majority of individuals who utilize dating apps, since these platforms require some level of vulnerability.
While I personally have never used dating apps, I can completely see why a nicki was frustrated about them. I am not a fan of them just from hearing negative stories about them. They may be a convient and easy way to meet people since you do not have to go somewhere to meet with someone, but I think that lots of people on dating apps don’t have the right intentions, especially with todays hookup culture. I see posts of screenshots from dating apps, and many people can be very rude when they are rejected. It is understandable that people that have an anxious attachment style act differently than other attachment style. Even though I have heard most stories about dating apps to be negative, I know some people that have been dating for years after meeting their partner in dating apps.
ReplyDeleteAs technology advances, dating apps advance alongside it. I have heard a lot of negative stories about dating apps and how they never seem to work out. I think the user's experience is greatly influenced by the age of the user and who they will be matching with. The younger adults on these apps may come across more people looking for quick hookups rather than deeper connections; however, older people on these apps may have a different experience and motive for being on them. Recently, one of my mom's friends in her 50s joined a dating app. She had been divorced for a couple of years and was ready to get back out there and find some people to connect to. She was definitely not looking for a quick hookup but also was not looking for marriage and just wanted someone she could hang out with and do fun things with. As she continued on this app she was met with many younger men finding her attractive but wasn't seeming to find anyone her age that she liked making the experience not very successful. I know a lot of people enjoy dating apps, but there is a huge downside to them that makes finding the connection you are looking for very difficult.
ReplyDeleteHello! I really liked this blog post about dating apps and how dangerous they can be, especially emotionally. I have had very similar experiences on dating apps, but I feel somewhat stuck on them. As someone who is a part of the LGBTQ+ community, I find that it's easier to meet people of the preferred gender for myself. It's so much easier to see "LGBTQ+" on a profile and know for sure that I won't be crossing a line when I express my interest, rather than going up to someone and saying something like "Hey, I am attracted to you, are you gay by any chance?" and risking the face-to-face rejection and potential homophobia.
ReplyDeleteI think that this blog truly helped shed light on the pros and cons of dating apps! Though I personally have never downloaded or used a dating app, I believe that the author made great point regarding the dangers that can come from meeting people online. Although I don't have any dating apps I believe that Madi's argument applies to many social media platforms. I have had multiple experiences on snapchat and instagram where I have been objectified and commented on based on my looks. I believe that this is dangerous because it is teaching people that the way a person looks is more important than who they are as a person/ their personality.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a really important topic with a lot of valuable information. Dating apps are growing in popularity, which means that the dangers they pose is becoming more prevalent. The author mentions that people on dating apps are more likely to engage in risky behaviors and I couldn't agree more. As a younger teen, my friend would use dating apps and find herself in some unsafe situations. Examples include getting in cars with people she has never met before, going to unpopulated places with strangers, and more. None of these poor decisions involved sex, but put her at risk of harm. In one memorable event she was actually held against her will for over 18 hours before some friends and I stepped in. There are many dangers to dating apps and risky behaviors, not just through casual sex but stranger danger as well. You never truly know who is behind the screen of the person messaging you.
ReplyDeleteI have personally never used dating apps so reading this was super interesting. I have definitely heard horror stories about dating apps from friends and roommates which make me really upset. I believe that dating apps are a great way for people to connect, but like many, I wish that people who are on there would be genuine and use the platforms for their main intention. I find it disheartening that people become mean when rejected, but learning about the research you mentioned, the background of attachment styles makes sense. Additionally, I also think that people who emphasize that they want to hook-up or have casual sex is a great way for people who do want intimacy and relationships to detect the people to avoid.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate you sharing Nicki’s experience with dating apps, and I can relate to the challenges she faces. My friend had a similar experience with online dating, where she was initially excited but quickly became frustrated by the negativity and harassment that sometimes comes with it. She also found that many people were only interested in casual encounters, which didn’t align with her goals. It’s upsetting that people can be so disrespectful, especially when others just want to connect in a meaningful way. Like you said, dating apps can be great for making connections, but it's important for users to approach them with respect and understanding. Thanks for bringing attention to these issues!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Nicki’s experiences and the importance of looking into the real-life challenges people face when using dating apps. I found it really interesting how you talked about both negative and positive aspects of dating apps and talked about how attachment styles affect outcomes of dating apps. It never crossed my mind that anxious attachment might affect the backlash one may face when setting boundaries. I have had good and bad experiences when it has come to dating apps, but I have never experienced what Nicki described. It has always been shocking to me how showing respect and kindness disappears when you can hide behind a screen.
ReplyDeleteI rea the blog post from March of 2023 called "Dangers of Dating apps" and it says that dating apps are gaining popularity in today's day and age an are becoming more a place for people to meet an hookup, sexualizing their bodies and amplifying the dangers of being used and abused. At the end of the blog post it does say that those with secure attachments are more likely to use dating apps than those with avoidant attachments. I think that his is very true, for example my room mate has an extremely secure attachment style and as long as I have known her she has always been on dating apps and meeting up with boys in order to have some sort of validation. Me, on the other hand, with a very avoidant attachment would never dream of getting on a dating app. I can see the benefits of it, however, and do see how one can meet someone that they are very compatible with and could be their partner for life.
ReplyDeleteAs a current student at CSU, many of my friends and peers around me have dating apps. One of my friends originally had one just to meet new friends, but now she is seeking out romantic interests on them. It seems like every week she is meeting up with another guy she met on a dating app. She hasn't had any dangerous experiences, but she has had some weird ones. My friend definitely has a secure attachment style, so the information in this blog makes sense. I have been in a long term relationship, but I have thought about how I would react to being on dating apps. I do not think I would enjoy it as I am a very cautious person and I often do not open up to people very easily. I will answer any question someone asks me, but I will not discuss my very personal aspects of my life with just anyone.
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