During adolescence and young adulthood, people are psychologically developing at a fast rate. One of the biggest things this age group prioritizes is autonomy. Freedom from caregivers, experiencing life on their own, and being able to do whatever they please are typical desires in and around this time in life. With this sense of autonomy often comes risk-taking behaviors. Risk-taking is thought of to be a basic psychological developmental need associated with gaining autonomy (Morsünbül, 2009).
Not only are we looking to gain autonomy and take risks during this time period, but we are also starting to form close relationships with those around us. We are learning how to be in a relationship with other people, what kinds of people we want to be with, and also the ways in which we function best in relationships. This is often when we start to realize what kind of attachment style we have. Are we securely attached and find ourselves being confident and having healthy emotional regulation with our partners? Are we anxious attached and clingy and self-doubting? Are we avoidant attached and find ourselves withdrawing from relationships and hiding our feelings? Or are we fearful attached and really struggling with anxiety, self-esteem, and trying to avoid being in relationships? Out of these 4 attachment styles comes a lot of variation in the ways that people act both in and outside of their relationship.
So, what do risk-taking and attachment styles have to do with one another? Well, according to Ümit Morsünbül (2009), there is a strong correlation between types of attachment styles and risky behavior. People with secure attachment styles are less likely to engage in risk-taking behaviors than those in anxious or fearful attachments. Avoidant styles show less risky behavior than anxious and fearful attachment, but more than secure attachment. This is because individuals with positive attachments like secure attachments feel more comfortable and confident in their relationships and therefore do not feel the need to lash out and engage in risky activities. Individuals who have less positive self-view in their relationships, like anxious and fearful, are often uncomfortable in their relationships and have poor coping strategies.
With a curiosity about wanting to see how this correlation between risk-taking and attachment styles held true in my life, I talked with one of my close friends, who we will call “Nate” for confidentiality reasons. Nate is the kind of guy that everyone knows as the “guy who gets around”. Nate never commits to a single relationship and would rather just bounce all around our friend group. He is also the one in our group that is always doing ridiculous things. From backflipping off tables at the bar to jumping in the fountains in Old Town, Nate is not one to shy away from danger. Knowing this I thought it would be interesting to talk to him about his attachment style. According to Nate, he doesn't like the idea of being in a serious relationship.
I don’t want to have to rely on anyone to make me happy. I also don't want to have the pressures of being that for someone else. I wish I was the kind of person that would take it [dating] a little more seriously but it just seems like too big of a commitment for where I am right now.
From listening to him talk, I would say that Nate has a fearful-avoidant type attachment style. He avoids commitment to serious relationships and seems to have a ton of anxiety about that commitment as well, and although his self-esteem might not seem too low when he is with our big group of friends, Nate tells me that he is worried that he wouldn't make a good partner.
I feel like I am not good in 1-on-1 relationships. I think I’m better in a group setting which is why I think that I am always doing silly things to make everyone happy.
Just like Morsünbül’s study found, Nate and his attachment style seem to maybe be a reason why he is okay with engaging in risky behaviors. His self-esteem in relationships is not very high and he has a tendency to want to avoid any form of real commitment.
Being a little risky every now and then can be fun and exciting, but there comes a point when we cross a line over into dangerous behavior. So next time you find yourself taking one risk or many, think about the “why” behind it. Why are you doing it? What is fueling this behavior? Is it our fears? Do we have a person who we trust to talk about this kind of stuff? Whatever the reason is, more likely than not, your attachment style is related.
Reference
Morsünbül, Ü. (2009). Attachment and Risk Taking: Are They Interrelated? World Academy of Science, Engineering, and Technology, 3, 630–634.
I personally would say that I relate to this but to an extent because of the way I was raised and the type of relationship I have with my friends and family. Growing up, me and my family never really said, "I love you" or really showed any feelings to each other. This is probably why I have never been in a relationship because of how afraid I am of commitment. I feel that because of this it really prevents me from getting into a relationship like Nate I have a fearful-avoidant attachment. I believe that in order to overcome these afraid feelings I have to be more open and willing to talk about my feelings. In order to have a good healthy stable relationship you have to be emotionally available. To really want to do better or fix this I believe that therapy would really help out with this.
ReplyDeleteAs far as I can remember I have always been the boy obsessed friend that was constantly praying for a partner in life, but could never seem to hold someone down for longer then a year. I constantly fall in love with the idea of love and can see a future with pretty much anyone who looks my way. Anxious Attachment seems to fit me the most as I am always looking to please others in my life to fit my desire of being wanted and am constantly seeking reassurance throughout my relationships. I feel at times my insecurity can be overwhelming for my partners leading to me losing the love I fought so hard for.
ReplyDeleteI am very grateful that I identify with a secure attachment style. I have very positive relationships, and I always seem to choose very kind and supportive people to share my time with. I never choose people like the one in this post who feels that he doesn’t take dating seriously and does not want to have the responsibility of caring for a partner deeply. Often, I have been in awe of this pattern of choosing positive partners. People have asked me how I am able to find healthy relationships, and I have never known how to answer. After taking a course on human development, I finally understand: I have a secure attachment style. My parents faced many struggles in their lives, but they were and continue to be incredibly supportive, loyal and constant. I am so grateful for them.
ReplyDeleteI do find it interesting that risk-taking is not normally correlated with a secure attachment style. Ümit Morsünbül (2009). While I never take risks in my partnerships, I do take many risks with my academic and career pursuits: I feel confident to keep changing course until I find the subject-matter and career that suits me best and is the best use of my skills. And now that I understand attachment styles, I am beginning to see the capacity I have for risk-taking as a result of a secure attachment, which has made me feel I can venture out into the world and explore, explore, explore.
I loved reading this article and found it to be very interesting. Growing up I felt like I was a very boy crazy girl and would go crazy and think a boy loved me if they looked my way. It was very important for me to realize not to expect just the bare minimum due to this I think I'd have anxious attachment style. I was always looking to please anyone in a relationship and throughout my relationships I always wanted to make sure I was not doing anything wrong and that I felt wanted. By learning throughout multiple relationships I realized it was not me in general and that I wanted a partner who could accept me for who I was and I have finally found that and I am very happy.
ReplyDeleteAllie M
This was a very informative read. The question that always sticks out in my mind is how much of an adolescents ACE’s determine the severity of the risks they take? Socially, there is so much pressure to do the next challenge, the next “ I dare you”, so how severely or not is a person with multiples childhood traumas going to respond to this behavior? I also think ACE’s tie closely into attachment style as well. I think it is some important to ask yourself “Why”? It could mean a healthier understanding of one’s own self, and who couldn’t benefit from that?
ReplyDelete-Lacey
This post was very interesting to read especially in regards to the friend, Nate and his attachment style. As I was reading Nate's response about his attachment style and being in a committed relationship, my first thought was, "Oh he really knows where he stands and has good reasoning for not wanting to be in a relationship." I think it's fair to not want the pressure or responsibility of being in a committed relationship in your early twenties and I don't necessarily think it means that people who feel that way have an avoidant attachment style. For example, I have friends that are genuinely just not interested in dating people right now because they don't have the time or simply because they just don't want to be in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteMadi thank you for this post it was very eye-opening and thought-provoking. Often after or when reflecting on past times I have engaged in risk behavior I ask myself the "why" behind it. I completely agree with you that attachment styles play a major role in engaging in risk behaviors. I find typically not feeling worthy enough fueling the risk behavior I engage in. Similarly to Nate I find myself wishing I could take looking for romantic partners more seriously but am often stopped by fear of not being enough. Most things I am comfortable sharing with my closest confidants but often I do not want to burden them with talk of my insecurities. This post gave made me do a lot of self-reflecting. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThe theme of risk taking and attachment methods has come about in my life via my cousin Jenny's experiences after her divorce. She came from a supportive family but had issues with avoiding serious relationships because of a constant fear of rejection. Instead of pursuing healthy options, she would seek our reckless activities like late night driving, random trips, and lots of partying. Jenny's avoidant attachment style led her to think that by having freedom from any emotional connections that she could avoid any potential for lasting bonds. This desire for independence took priority over her emotional security. Jenny eventually realized that while her independence was important, forming authentic relationships could help her feel better about herself and reduce the desire for risky actions. By facing her fears and finding a supportive environment, she eventually began to embrace healthier goals.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi, thank you for sharing about this topic! I agree with almost everything you said. College is such an instrumental time for people. Not only have we moved away from home and started almost a new life, but we are also having to juggle all new challenges. One of these is very likely to be relationships and love. Which to many, you are right, could feel like a risk. A lot of it depends on attachment styles, which tend to present stronger in college when students are away from their parents and on their own path. I feel that while in college I have learned so many new things about myself, which can be easily applicable to relationships and love.
ReplyDelete- I really liked this blog post as the first sentence leaves you on a cliff hanger. The concept that adolescents and young adults prioritize autonomy is so true. As a young adult myself, I crave my autonomy and independence. One of the reasons I went out of state for college was to find myself and push myself out of my comfort zone as I gain my independence and autonomy. Leaving my home state has been one of the best decisions I’ve made as I have found who I am meant to be and love the place and people that I am surrounded by. It is cool to think that my life in Colorado was solely built by me as none of my hometown family or friends were here.
ReplyDeleteReflecting on my past behaviors and attachment, I see some shocking parallels with Nate’s story, especially during times of emotional insecurity. My anxious tendencies sometimes pushed me toward impulsive actions, seeking validation or an adrenaline rush to distract from deeper fears of inadequacy. While I didn't engage in extreme behaviors, the connection between self-esteem and risk-taking feels spot on. Nate’s fear of commitment mirrors moments I’ve felt unsure of my own relationship capacity, though I’ve also craved closeness. Understanding how attachment drives these tendencies is eye-opening and reminds me to pause and reflect before acting impulsively, striving instead for healthier coping mechanisms.
ReplyDeleteThis made me reflect on friends I know who make more risky decisions than others and how that might be connected back to their specific attachment style. This blog showed and talked about those with an anxious or fearful attachment. Might likely engage in risky behaviors. My friend Ben is now in our group for cons, putting himself in danger, whether it’s physically or emotionally. He tends not to be in serious romantic relationships or friendships with people. He says he’s just not ready for that kind of commitment in a relationship. Reading this made me more open to how Ben might have an attachment-avoidant style, where he engages in more risky behavior than staying connected socially. This post was eye-opening because it helped to reframe risk behavior as not immaturity or impulsivity, but might have more of a deeper emotional pattern written and attached.
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