"They are just a friend with benefits.” “There are no strings attached.” “It was just a one-nightstand.” I have heard it all. Casual sex, at least in my life as a college student, is a very common topic of discussion. Everyone's different perspectives make for fun debates around the coffee table. I can recall making jokes to one of my girlfriends for spending the night at a guy's house or taunting my guy friend for not “just making his move already.
Several studies have been done on attachment styles and their relationships to casual sex. Sprecher (2013) found that individuals with avoidant attachment styles tend to be the most accepting of casual sex and partake in it more often than individuals with other attachment styles. In addition, in another study, it was found that avoidantly attachment individuals tend to be more positive about “loveless and uncommitted” sex overall (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). These individuals are less worried about the feelings attached to sleeping with someone and they are more able to put them aside.
Chase told me, “The thing about casual sex is not about the person you are ‘[H3] doing it with’ but just really about the sex itself. It's just about two people enjoying the moment.” This again was not surprising to hear as Chase's tendency is to go with the flow and steer away from developing feelings. His avoidant style also makes causal sex an easy thing for him to openly talk about.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment and sex (Chapter 12). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed., pp. 372-392). New York: Guilford Press.
Sprecher, S. (2013). Attachment style and sexual permissiveness: The moderating role of gender. Personality and Individual Differences, 55(4), 428–432. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2013.04.005
As a college student, I also have had plenty of experiences discussing casual sex with my friends. Some of them are extremely positive and expressive about their engagement, and others are much more reserved and choose to remain celibate. Whether my friends engage in casual sex or not, we are all very nonjudgmental about the topic. However, I do believe that attachment styles play a very important role in whether or not they choose to have casual sex. For example, I have one female friend who very clearly obtains an avoidant attachment style, much like Chase. She is not the type of person to develop romantic feelings for someone easily, especially through sexual encounters. My other female friend is the complete opposite and often confides to me about how she gets attached way too easily. Her attachment style is definitely very anxious, similar to mine. Strangely enough, in the past I have noticed that I have attracted many individuals with an avoidant attachment, ultimately leading to a lot of miscommunication and anxiety. Though I think that relationships can work where individuals obtain opposing attachment styles, I have found that I have been able to understand and relate to others with anxious attachments much better.
ReplyDeletea. Although I did not know that people with avoidant attachment styles are more accepting of casual sex and partake in it, I wasn’t very surprised to have read this. I have many girl friends that have an avoidant attachment style, though they like to believe they don’t, who act in a similar manner. They hardly worry about themselves, really their feelings, and worry about pleasure. Rather than looking for someone to love them for who they are, they look for a hook-up, someone who will please them without knowing anything about them. And I know that although they think they’re satisfied participating in casual sex, they want someone to connect to.
ReplyDeleteI liked this blog post and learning more about this topic. I agreed with the first statement Chase made about if you’re going to engage in casual sex, make sure everyone’s on the same page. I can relate to this, because this is what I have always told my friends; to just make sure that both of you know what to expect, so feelings are not hurt. I think depending on situations and attachment styles; casual sex can be harmful to varying things such as mental states and sexual health. In the end I think it’s just important to think about why you are engaging in it, what you want from it, and what the potential outcomes are.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my sexual life I always believed that casual sex is good. It seemed like a win-win situation to me for both or multiple sides of the participants to enjoy the fun of sex without the responsibility of a committed relationship. I feel like a lot of people think that you can’t have casual sex without a connection, and I think that’s the beauty of it. Sometimes you have a connection with a friend that you may have other experiences with them as well and that’s not a bad thing. I actually think it’s a good thing for someone to have a special connection without the stress and duties of something rigid.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post very interesting because I also find it very fun to discuss casual sex and peoples' different takes and comfortabilities on it. As someone who enjoys casual sex and does engage in it, I find it interesting to see how others are affected by it. It was interesting but also not surprising to me to learn that avoidant attachment styles are the most likely to engage in casual sex as well as have a positive attitude to it. As someone with an anxious attachment style, I first did struggle with my own self worth and self love when engaging in casual sex. Growing up, I've gained much more love for myself as well as respect and don't place my worth on my sexual encounters.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post very interetsing and helped me understand a different perspective than mine. Throughout myself life, I have never been found of the idea of casual sex, and perfered being in a relationship in order to engage in those activities, showing more of a anxious attachtment style. Listening to chase talk about how it mre about the intention before, rather than the sex itselfs has helped me understand how casual sex could coem more easy for other people. I agree, as long as everyone is on the same page prior to the activity, sex can be whatever you wnat it to be.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post enlightening. As a college student, the topic of casual sex is often talked about. What this post made me think more about is how attachment styles can make people feel differently on the subject. My friends who have an avoidant attachment are more likely to participate in casual sex. Additionally, these friends are usually male. My girlfriends on the other hand need more of a connection before interacting with another person. Most of my girlfriends have a secure attachment and do not feel like the hookup culture is something that they can be a part of. Being all of my community is in college this might look different for everyone after graduation and outside of college.
ReplyDeleteBeing a college student, the notion of causal sex has always been prominent in in the lifestyle I see. I have many friends who partake in hookups and many who feel they need to be in a committed relationship to have sex with someone. Looking at one of my friends, whose attachment style leans avoidant, she tends to want more casual sex than a relationship from men. Looking at another friend, whose attachment style is more secure, she aims to build relationships from men and does not actively involve herself in casual sex. The idea of attachment style relating to how people perceive casual sex is interesting and in many ways does make sense in many areas.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student the idea of causal sex is very prevalent in the lifestyles I see from my peers. Most of my friends partake in casual sex, but some of my friends have come to the conclusion that it's not for them. One of my friends in particular told me she can't do casual sex because after sex she becomes emotionally attached to them. I think this is likely because of her attachment style. Whereas, I have another friend who prefers casual sex because her attachment style is on the avoidant side. Overall, I think that the idea that attachment styles can have an effect on casual sex is really interesting and I have definitely noticed how my peers attachment styles effects their view on casual sex.
ReplyDeleteI have always viewed casual sexual relations as normal in my eyes, and I think most of my generation would say the same. As long as all participants in the sexual relationship give their full consent for casual sex then it’s not a big deal. From my experience, friends with benefits situations can get complicated and usually one person starts to have feelings for the other. I think that for casual sex and friends with benefits relationships to actually work out well for all participating parties then expectations and ‘rules’ need to be set and followed for the duration of those experiences and or relationships.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student I have been in many casual sex conversations and whether I think they are healthy or not, and personally I think that it isn't harmful as long as it is established what the purpose is beforehand. Similar to how your friend Chase said if things are all said beforehand then there is nothing wrong with something consensual. The issue arises when one of the parties involved begins to set expectations or get mad from things not moving in certain directions.
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI have been told countless casual sex stories from friends throughout my years in college. It is a very popular topic of conversation with close friends. It seems to bring us closer and express thoughts, feelings, and experiences. As long as both parties are comfortable and provide boundaries/expectations beforehand, I see it as an opportunity to grow and learn. It is important for us to have different experiences in order to learn things about ourselves. I have really liked learning about this topic regarding casual sex and attachment styles. Thank you for sharing this post, I enjoyed reading it!
I've had many discussions with friends about casual sex, and al though I agree with Chase if both parties understand its just "casual" I don't see anything wrong with it. Sometimes when it is repeated it can cause damage. I feel that when sex it repeated multiple times, feelings might be created and some sort of secure attachment. I also think this blog was interesting because it is from a male perspective and in lecture we did discuss attachment can be different from women. Typically I would say a women can get attached faster, or some sort of jealousy if the person begins having casual sex with someone else.
ReplyDeleteThis topic is very interesting although I have never personally dealt with casual sex, some of my friends tend to do this. After hearing from their experience it seems to be very common that they also have the same tendencies as “Chase” meaning that they were setting boundaries where there were no strings attached and hoping for there not to be any connections. However, after informing them that they seem to have some sort of attachment style they get a little offended. However, a also believe that the topic of sex should be taken lightly if both participants are ok with the relationship they're in.
ReplyDeleteI think that causal sex is very normalized in college without really understanding how it may be affecting people. If both parties are on the same page then it should be fine. However, I think sometimes people can start to begin to develop deeper feelings than the initial agreement if it is continuous which can be harmful to one or both parties involved. Since sex is an intimate, it can be hard to separate if it is continuous. With that said, I have seen causal sex relationships work so it really does depend on the arrangement and people.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading Help Me I’m Love Sick: Attachment Styles and Casual Sex, I found a lot of similarities between this story and some people I kow. In this story, one similarity I found was that the author of this post said “ These individuals are less worried about the feelings attached to sleeping with someone and they are more able to put them aside.” I know that a couple of my friends would agree with this statement as well! To them sex does not need to involve feelings, and or can be used for other reasons. Some of the reasons I have heard include things such as getting over someone else, wanting to feel close to someone, and just merely wanting attention from a guy.
ReplyDeleteI am also a college student and have heard all the different language surrounding hookups as well. I feel casual sex is extremely present during this stage of life, especially before everyone starts looking for marriage. I love the point Chase made about making sure the intentions were set beforehand. I think this is especially important to make sure everyone is on the same page to ensure they know what they are getting themselves into. I was initially shocked to read avoidant attachment styles tend to be more accepted casual sex, although now it makes sense. Someone who has a secure attachment likely wouldn’t find casual sex fulfilling to their attachment needs.
ReplyDeletei. I have heard this many times before never thinking that I would meet a man just like “Chase” in this story. As todays dating gets pushed more and more towards dating apps, I met a man that I will call “Matt” for his personal privacy. Matt and I started to talk for a couple of days after swiping right on one another. Him and I new from the start that we were only going to hook-up and nothing more. He sent me his address and I came to his new apartment that was still full of moving boxes since he just got back to America after being deployed in the Marines. He was very welcoming, and we both got lost in each other’s eyes and then we had sex. At the time I could say that I was the avoidant while he was getting attached. He wanted to get to know me better and see me more often. While I did not care nor worry about getting attached, we kept seeing each other for casual hookups for over a year. Again, he tried to start a relationship with me, and I kept pushing him away. Casual sex in my eyes now after partaking in it for a while is just people using people to have a sense of feeling and “love”.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student as well, I find myself straying away from casual sex, as a part of me feels as though it would be unhealthy for me mentally or would just be a personal set-back. I'm not totally sure why I feel that way, but it might have something to do with my attachment style, as you proposed. Personally, I would probably consider myself more avoidant and insecure, which would kind of make sense. I do think that, while it might not be for me as a personal decision, that doesn't mean it can't be beneficial and less hard for other people with different experiences.
ReplyDeleteI am a college student and have talked to many people with a variety of opinions on casual sex. Most of my friends have positive views on casual sex, they see it as a way to relieve stress and have fun. Others view it as demeaning and disrespectful towards the woman participating. Personally I have no issues with others engaging in casual sex, but do not participate. This could be due to my attachment style, I view it as anxious-avoidant. The idea of interacting with others in such an intimate yet casual way makes me nervous and insecure. I think that casual sex can be a positive experience as long as the individuals engaging in it have clear expectations and respect for themselves going into it.
ReplyDeleteBeing a college student in 2022, I have noticed a similar thing. I have seen many people around me engage in consistent casual sex as a way to have fun without feeling obligated to stick around. I was interested to read from your blog post that your friend chase has an avoidant attachment style and engages in casual sex. I feel like this may be a common attachment style for those who engage in casual sex. Often, I hear that people do not want to be connected with this person any further than just hooking up. Maybe this is because they are avoiding the possibility of a relationship. This is a pretty interesting concept.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student, I have had experiences with casual sex and have heard of my friends’ experiences. I myself have more of an anxious attachment style; therefore, I always found it somewhat hard to have casual sex. However, my friends with more of an avoidant attachment style thrive in this environment. I spoke to my friend, who has an avoidant attachment style, about a guy she was hooking up with. She told me that she was starting to like the guy she was hooking up with and told me how she might stop talking to him altogether; the following weekend, she came back home and told me that the guy told her he was catching feelings for her and she freaked out and left. She then blocked him on everything and pretended like she did not know him when she saw him again. This is an extreme, but I have seen the same situation with many of my friends where they will freak out and shut down, mostly when they have an avoidant attachment style. However, being the person that the freaking out and leaving gets done to, I can see how casual sex in college can start a toxic cycle and further the feelings that come with an anxious attachment style, and perpetuate the idea of a “self-fulfilling prophecy” that professor Harvey touched on during lecture in HDFS 402.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my college experience so far I have noticed how casual sex has affected a lot of my friends. Some of them, like mentioned in this blog, seem to have an avoidant attachment style. Others however, seem to get very attached and often get their feelings hurt when they don’t express their attachment to their sexual partner. I noticed this with some of my close friends, and it made me want to pay attention to my attachment style as well. I came to the conclusion that I have an avoidant attachment style, since casual sex is not too much of a big deal to me and it really is only about the sex sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student, I have had my fair share of nights which were explained to my friends the next morning as a “one-nightstand”, or on the other side, have heard that from many of my friends about their sexual experiences. After reading this blog post, I was surprised to find out that casual sex is typically linked to having an avoidant attachment style because they are able to put aside feelings of emotions while having casual sexual relations with other individuals. I think that there is some truth to this because I like to think that I have an Anxious-Avoidant attachment style, and sometimes casual sex is easier for me to do than in other situations. For me, it all depends on who the person is and if I feel comfortable enough with them to let them into my life in that way.
ReplyDeleteI believe that attachment style is extremely important for casual sex. Based on your blog, it is evident that Chase’s avoidant attachment style is the reason he doesn’t think casual sex ever really means anything. However, imagine someone who has an anxious attachment style. Casual sex can be a huge deal to them because of the overthinking, the poor communication skills, and nervousness that can come with this attachment style. If someone with anxious attachment style had casual sex, and then the partner didn’t speak with them after, it might cause an out lash from this person. They may feel angry or unimportant. However, an avoidant attachment style might mean the opposite and that you would not care if the person reached out after the casual sex encounter.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post brings up a common topic of conversation that is causal sex. I agree that avoidant attachment styles would think casual sex is acceptable and I think many people have this perspective. I also think masculinity has a large effect in the acceptance of and partaking in casual sex. This is because from a young age, many males are sexualized saying things like “he is gonna be a ladies man when he grows up,” and influencing males to not talk about their feelings because it is not considered to be masculine. My friends often have these kinds of masculinity influenced conversations together about casual sex.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed hearing this perspective on casual sex. As a college student, I agree that casual sex is a hot topic of conversation and most parties revolve around who is going to hook up with who. Personally, I do not partake in casual sex, nor do I think it is beneficial. I understand the reasons as to why people partake in it, but I think there is a lot of hurt that can come from a casual hook up. Women tend to be labeled worse names and experience more loneliness and unhappiness. It was interesting to read about the relationship between casual sex and avoidant attachment. I think that there are a lot more downsides to engaging in casual sex than waiting to be in a committed loving marriage.
I found your blog post to be really interesting! Casual sex is a very important topic and is especially important within the college community. Casual sex for some, is how Chase described it, and for others it can be hurtful or harmful for them. Usually, for women, casual sex is more hurtful than beneficial according to some studies. Personally, I think that casual sex is both beneficial and harmful. I think depending on your mental health and relationship attachment style, it can change throughout your college years and the future. Sometimes people who have a positive relationship with themselves and do not have a poor attachment style, can benefit from casual sex more than others who do not.
ReplyDeleteHi! I recently did a project on whether causal sex is harmful or not and so I really enjoyed reading your blog! In many ways, I would have to agree with Chase. I think that Casual Sex can be healthy and fun when the intentions are clearly made before anything begins. I do also agree that it can be purely on pleasure rather than the person. I feel, however, that the intentions and discussions need to be addressed before the sex begins just so there is no miscommunication and there is a clear understanding of what both parties want. In my project, I debated that Casual Sex is not harmful simply because it can be healthy and pleasurable when done correctly. So based on your blog and the opinions of Chase, I agree with and still would argue that causal sex is not harmful and there can be boundaries made that benefit both parties.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your post. I think that it is really relevant to today’s’ culture as a lot of people are participating in hookup culture. I never thought about how different attachment styles could impact a person’s likelihood to have no strings attached sex but it makes complete sense. Most of my friends are in committed relationships and therefore don’t really have recent interactions with hookup culture. However, one of my friends was on Tinder for a while before she got together with her boyfriend, and she went out with a lot of guys and tends to be very apprehensive about being in a relationship. My friend, much like Chase, has a very apparent avoidant attachment style, so I can see where hookup culture and avoidant attachment styles align!
Hi Madi! I found this blog very interesting because it is such an apparent thing to me, being in a college setting, that mindsets around casual sex change. After recently doing research on if casual sex is harmful, I ended up debating that it was, based off of research and stories I have heard. Similar to your story, I have found that often times people are more comfortable with the idea if it is already understood what the hopes are from "hooking up". You made a good point that not just one attachment style can have these opinions on casual sex, but I definitely think your tendencies play a role in how casual sex might affect you or your partner.
ReplyDeleteHi Madi,
ReplyDeleteI found your topic and beliefs within this blog intriguing, I think that casual sex within a college campus is a topic of conversation often. I think that the statements that you made were very understandable and quite accurate. I do think attachment styles play a part of it. Now after reading this and thinking of people who I know that participate in casual sex often do seem to be more avoidant in their attachment style. I think that your friend has a point though in the sense that as long as everyone is comfortable and understands it is a casual thing then it is an easy thing to talk about and be open about.
Culturally, I grew up with a negative perception regarding casual sex. As children, we were always thought that engaging in such acts was not very lady like as women we were expected to always hold certain standards that for some reason always left our male partner in control. However, I always felt that I did not align with those beliefs but rather considered that as long as the act is consensual and there is always communication at to setting up expectations for everyone that is involved, then I truly do not see a problem with it. I felt that as long as I was being respected, engaging in casual sex always made me feel in control. I do have to agree that your attachment style may determine how much a person can find enjoyment in these practices, otherwise it may damaging to their self-esteem and feelings.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student, a lot of my friends, and even I, have engaged in casual sex and conversations on the topic. Casual sex can be tricky as a lot of people do connect sexual relations to emotions and for those who easily get attached, it can make casual hookups hard. Even some of my friends disagree with me on the topic of casual sex. For people who have an avoidant attachment style, it makes sense that casual sex is a more acceptable topic. Of the people I know who have an avoidant attachment style, they often seem pretty open about letting people know they don’t want any emotions involved and letting the other person know that this is just going to be a fun experience and not really anything more. I think everyone is allowed to have their own views on casual sex and communication is key when talking to someone new on this level of interaction.
ReplyDeleteI found the blog post "Are You More Likely to Cheat Based on Attachment Styles?" very interesting and had never really though about it in that way. We have all heard that if they cheat on you it because they are insecure like the blog said, but it has more behind it. Attachment styles commonly come from how people were treated when they were raised so if people watched their parents separate or those who did not receive love, they never learned how to be loved which is why they don't understand what love is and will seek it from others when they don't feel it from the ones they are with.
ReplyDeleteI guess I’m not surprised for there to be some sort of correlation to those who enjoy casual sex having n avoidant attachment style. I’m sure there are many people who are securely or anxiously attached that have their run at casual sex. However for me, as more anxiously attached, it’s been hard to try to maintain a “sex for sex sake” mentality. I’ve engaged in the casualness, and while it is fun, I am always feeling left with unanswered questions, and feeling seriously anxious about what they thought about it, if I will see them again, and how weird it will make us seeing each other in person.
ReplyDeleteMy friends and I frequently discuss sex and what it means to us individually. We are all very different when it comes to doing the deed. And most of the time, we are all very respectful or agree with one another when we share our views on it. I have been in a relationship for quite some time, so I do not indulge in casual sex with multiple people. But I have friends who participate in casual hookups here and there. I have one friend named Grace who engages in this more frequently than my other friends; she's a total hoot. She has explained that when she engages in these acts, it is much easier for her to avoid feelings of attachment and the need for an emotional connection with another person to have sex. After reading this post, I now think she has an avoidant attachment style. Which I think is more common at this age of being young and in college. Although, she has talked to me about wanting a good emotional connection with a guy and being in a strong and solid relationship. Which I think is more common for us females. I find this topic interesting as it differs for everybody and their feelings towards it. I also believe it is necessary to talk about and know where you stand on this matter as your own person.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting example of what avoidant attachments look like within friends who have the traits of this type of attachment. Another example of your friend chase, my first ever love interest told me he didn’t want a relationship, withdrew from me when I needed support, and didn’t want to talk about his feelings about the status of what we were. Casual Sex is a concept that both parties can enjoy, but can become one sided If there are different attachments forming within one another. This concept would also benefit avoidant attachment styles rather than anxiety because avoidants withdraw and close their emotions off. Anxious attachments, such as myself, have a harder time needing to be close and have that reassurance.
ReplyDeleteBeing a college student, this is brought up a lot when hanging out with friends and talking about past weekend plans. The character Chase reminds me of my friends who have casual sex often, but the idea of a relationship makes them anxious. I agree that both parties involved should be on the same page, but this can be hard if one side wants to pursue a relationship after meeting someone and the other not which ends with someone getting hurt emotionally. I think this an interesting concept and how differently people feel about casual sex as well where there is a spectrum of acceptance of causal sex ranging from fully accepting to not accepting and anywhere in the middle.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post very interesting because while being in college, I have noticed that casual sex is very prominent and common. I have never been one to engage in casual intimacy because I consider my attachment style to be anxious attachment. Hence, I enjoy being in stable long term relationships and I have always been in relationships. I agree that when engaging in casual sex, both parties should be on the same page. Problems arise if one person just wants to hookup and the other wants to date after casual sex. This makes the concept of casual sex difficult for many people especially because honest communication between people is rare.
ReplyDeleteMadi, I too am a college student and find this topic of conversation extremely intriguing. It is extremely interesting how our attachment styles can alter and shape the way we think about things like casual sex. Your friend “Chase” with an avoidant attachment style contributes to his behaviors of not wanting confrontation or to fight which was reflected through his answer of setting boundaries before engaging in casual sex. With an anxious attachment style, I wonder if that individual would respond different simply because of the anxiety that forms around creating labels and confrontation about casual sex. Great job with this post.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was very interesting, and I can relate to it a lot. This is a common topic that is brought up a lot when it comes to adolescents. Many of the guys I have talked to in college that have casual sex or have cheated on a significant other bring up how it isn’t about the person they are doing it with it’s the act. I haven't heard of many people talking about if they prefer causal sex or not though. I’m also interested in what different ages think about this topic. For example, is it more expectable to have casual sex in your early 20s rather than 30s?
ReplyDeleteI thought that this blog post was very interesting because as a female college student I have had many conversations and thoughts about the role of casual sex in my and my peers lives. While it does make sense that people with avoidant attachment styles to be more opened to casual sex I found it interesting when reflecting on my own experiences. Before I was with my partner I felt like casual sex was something that felt easy to participate in without feelings being involved but I would never describe my personality style as avoidant. the post does mention that other attachment styles obviously participate in casual sex as well, it just feels like an interesting subject that I would like to explore more.
ReplyDeleteIntention has a huge part to do with positive or negative feelings after casual sex. This makes sense that someone with an avoidant attachment style who engages in casual sex is more likely to have positive feeling about it. I had a best friend in high school who would start to have feelings about a guy but never make anything official and then would hookup with them after parties. This cycle kept happening and every time after she would be upset that the relationship never went further and would regret ever hooking up with them. That's why I think intention and clear boundaries both play a major role in feelings following casual sex.
ReplyDeleteIn college casual sex is such a normal topic and act. You see it at every party and every night at the bars. Throughout college I was involved in thinking like Chase. I didn't mind who or when I had sex but i knew it always left me feeling defeated and empty, especially when I was hooking up with friends I knew pretty well. I always wanted more from them and could never let go of my feelings from that night. I personally think this goes for more girls than boys. And it makes sense based on the connection is brings chemically.
ReplyDeleteWhile coming to an end to my college career I think about how my view has drastically shifted on many topics including casual sex. Similar to Chase, when I was younger I thought nothing more about casual sex then it just being that being on the same page. As I have continue to grow up my idea on casual sex has changed. I no longer want casual sex meaning and personal connections seem to be more relatable. I believe many people start to think this way too as we continue to move on to different chapters in our lives. Casual sex can be both harmful and beneficial. Although there are benefits such as helping one feel more confident and have a space to explore their sexuality. However, it can also expose you to unplanned pregnancies, STIs and so forth. So at the end of the day what is the real scope on casual sex?
ReplyDeleteI believe that although casual sex is still more common there is still some consequences despite having no attachment. For women, casual sex can have negative associations. For example, women who have higher body counts and seek more casual sex are seen as desperate or less worthy. However, men with high sex drives and more body counts are celebrated and seen as cool and capable. Personally, I don’t partake in casual sex because I am insecure and see sex as a very intimate thing, but for those who do have casual sex I think they should be aware of attachment and how casual sex affects them.
ReplyDeleteWhile this a more nuanced topic that is discussed in the younger generations it also was something that has always been a situation people may have found themselves in. Personally, I don't partake in hookup culture or really any sexual interaction at all that doesn't go to say I haven't thought about the idea of casual sex. I do see Chase's perspective that as long as both parties are aware of the intentions of what the relationship is then I think it could be fine. But long term wise if there is an inevitable possibility that attachments and feelings will be created when you are interacting in such an intimate interaction with another. Therefore, I think for me this is something I could never engage with because of my attachment style but I don't go to say it could work for others.
ReplyDeleteThe discussion of each individuals personal attachment style and intentions in a romantic interaction is important before engaging in casual sex. Chase highlights that there are times hookup culture can be a positive experience, if both people participating know the intentions of the other person. However, hookup culture is often detrimental to interpersonal relationships if one of the participating individuals develop a secure attachment to their partner, and their partner doesn't reciprocate the feeling. This has personally happened to a friend of mine, they became active in college hookup culture and became attached, but had their heart broken when the other individual decided to move on. Therefore I believe it is important to be aware of your attachment style before hooking up.
ReplyDeleteI think that attachment styles determining if a person can have casual sex is really interesting. It makes me think about how this applies to my life. I consider my attachment style to be secure. Because of this, every time I engage in sexual activity of any kind, I always seek emotional attachment. I also feel as though another thing that would influence how comfortable a person would be having casual sex, would be how much they are exposed to the hookup culture. I strongly believe that a persons environment influences their behavior. A person that, during their more vital social developmental years, is in an environment where casual sex is condoned by their peers, will feel more comfortable being able participate in the hookup culture.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was extremely informative, it is interesting to learn first hand how different attachment styles come into play when participating in casual sex. I think that a great point was made, it can be deemed "ok" when both parties that are involved know what the intentions are on both sides. It is important to knowledge that hookups are not always a negative thing. I know first hand that I could not participate in casual sex because I have a secure attachment style, this means no matter the situation I would seek an emotional connection with the other individual. For those who have not been in a long term relationship, it is commonly easier for them to participate in casual sex but after being in a long term relationship with a significant other is is harder to participate.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this blog post and found it very interesting. It was very true with a lot of what it says about casual sex. In college it is a lot more of hookup culture than relationships. This can be negative and positive depending on how both people feel about it. I have a friend that was hooking up with a guy and thought that it would potentially lead to something more. However, the guy was not thinking that at all so they were not on the same page which left my friend getting hurt. This is an example of what was said in the blog about how casual hookups work as long as both people are completely on board and okay with it.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student I feel like this is very relatable in life and in my surroundings right now. It was very relatable to hear from "Chase" as in my opinion he nailed the answer to the question and it was very relatable to hear his response to causal sex and what that means. In college more than ever I feel as though this is especially relatable as it is a stage in life where people are experimenting and trying new things which is where that sence of casual sex with no atattchment is a big thing because so many people are just looking for a good time or to try something new.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this, it made me understand avoidant attachment style a little better. I understand how that makes this guy she talked about feel more casual about it. I think many young guys and even girls, but especially guys can tend to lean toward this view possibly for that reason and how they get attached. I also think that many young guys think if you're sleeping around, that it is fun because it can be looked at as a positive thing in males eyes. Society has led young men to have this perception that having Casual Sex is cool and that it makes you cool, just because they are able to. I think it can boost self esteem, and some guys with this attachment style, like that there are little to no strings attached. Even some guys I know in college are like this and talk about it like its so awesome for them, when really there isn't much to be gained out of hooking up a lot. Honestly I would agree with the "do whatever you want" as long as its safe and consensual, however I personally don't think in the end that having lots of Casual Sex is a very fulfilling way to go in terms of sexual experiences and relationships.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the perspectives this blog post brings to light. It is easy to feel used by the person who you casually hook up with and this causes resentment and anger. One point that especially stood out to me was that people who are comfortable with casual sex are more likely to have an avoidant attachment style. Now, this is no excuse fo the person to "use" you but this can give some sense of an answer to why a person can easily recover emotionally from a hook up. Personally, I do not participate in hookup culture but it was very informational to read the perspective from someone who does.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student myself, I don't partake in casual sex, because it really has no meaning to me and I don't really see a purpose in it. I see myself as avoidant when trying to confront my emotions and feelings towards others while being in a relationship. On the other hand, I often see my friends getting caught up in the "hookup culture." Many of my friends never talk about their feelings, they only mention how they are just "going with the flow" and "trying to have fun." After learning about attachment styles and reading this article, I can see how they are very avoidant.
ReplyDeleteI find it very interesting to learn about the different perspectives on casual sex. As someone in college who chooses not to participate, I certainly have friends who talk about their experiences, and every time I hear them discuss their experiences, I ask myself “How do they do this?” I know everyone thinks about it differently but I don’t think I would be capable without forming an attachment to the other person. After reading this article and hearing that it can connect to attachment styles of whether someone is able to participate in “hookup culture” is very enlightening. I had not thought that it directly correlates to someone's attachment style. As someone with a more anxious attachment style with romantic partners, I now understand how that would make it more difficult for me to participate in hookup culture.
ReplyDeleteI think casual sex is considered a norm on most college campuses. In my short time here at college, I have seen how casual sex is very much normalized and there is a "hookup culture". I don't see anything wrong with this normalization of casual sex as long as the participants are safe and there is a clear intention set where both parties are respecting one another. I do believe there can be negative effects of casual sex like drama and gossip. I also think there can be more serious effects like sexual assault. I think when alcohol plays a role in casual sex boundaries and comfortability can be blurred and pushed. I definitely have friends who have had drunk casual sex and have regretted it the day after when they have a sober mind.
ReplyDeleteI found this post very intriguing about the different perspectives on casual sex. Since being in college this has become a bigger topic especially coming from a small town, where everyone knows each other. The most interesting part about this post was how avoidant attachment styles benefit from casual hooks best. It does make sense that people with avoidant attachment styles are able to have casual sex without peoples feeling getting hurt. I think the idea of causal sex in college can be more appealing to individuals since they aren’t wanting full commitments. Overall I found the attachment style that tends to be connected with casual sex the most interesting.
ReplyDeleteThis blog was very interesting to read as someone in college where "hookup culture" is very prevalent. I had not thought about the correlation between ones attachment style and whether or not they take part in hookup culture. I can see how someone who has an avoidant attachment style would like the idea of "hookup culture" more because this means they are not committing to anything they are just hooking up. But I can also see how "hookup culture" could be harmful to someone with an anxious attachment style or someone who develops feelings to someone they hookup with. There are pros and cons to "hookup culture" but personally I am not able to just hookup with someone without developing some sort of connection first.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog to be very interesting because from my personal experience people with anxious attachment styles are also very casual sex positive and more interested in partaking in one night stands. As a person with an anxious attachment style myself, I am a big fan of hook up culture because I hate the way I am with people when I get attached and hooking up provides intimacy without the neediness and fear of rejection due to preset intentions of not getting attached. When both parties consent to a one night stand and discuss the intent of not catching feelings for one another at the end of the night, they can just relax and have fun in a safe and casual environment. As someone with an anxious attachment style, I love being able to connect with someone without the overwhelming distress that comes with attaching to them as being in a relationship can be emotionally taxing.
ReplyDeleteI agree much with this blog. Not only because of some of the points made but due to the fact that casual sex can be at times a controversial topic. Many deem causal sex as bad and “why do it” manner and hook up culture while others tend to relate it as completely normal and “why not” mentality. In my personal experience, I have a more secure attachment style which in my opinion allows me to feel that sense of secureness whether that be in casual sex or long term relationships. While for many others casual sex can be a way for them to engage in the activity while having no strings attached, people with anxious attachment style are more less to act on these behaviors as attachment can be formed or in some cases not.
ReplyDeleteBefore starting college, I had heard some about this and how it was pretty commonplace, but I was sort of shocked to see just how often and normalized it is now that I'm here. Like you said, it really is such a common and honestly fun topic of conversation to have with others. I know a lot of people that participate, and even people becoming less monogamous once entering college in order to have casual sex, sometimes even with their partner.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, I very much agree with your assessment of the correlation with avoidant attachment styles and relationship with casual sex. Even as I was reading, my reaction became more and more, "Oh dang, that's just me".
But in the end, what's by far the most important is safety and consent. As long as all no one is going to be harmed and all want to participate, then there's nothing wrong or taboo about it.
I resonate with your connection to avoid attachment style and casual sex in your blog post. I also believe that avoidants often are the ones who seek out casual sex rather than anxious or secure attachments. I personally lean more toward an anxious and secure attachment style. I will never engage in casual sex as I prefer close connection over time rather than a meaningless quick hookup. But I do see the importance of setting clear boundaries in casual relationships, to make sure both parties involved are okay with the dynamic of their relationship. If boundaries aren't communicated and agreed upon, conflict can arise. When one person seeks a deeper connection than just a casual sexual relationship, they might feel used or unhappy. Meanwhile, the other person who likes the casual aspect might feel pressured or guilty that they can't give the other person what they want. Your post prompts reflection on the diverse attitudes toward casual sex and how attachment styles play a significant role in shaping these perspectives.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a thought provoking perspective to have to take into account the different attachment styles and how they play into casual sex and hookups. For me personally, I have been in a committed relationship for years now so this type of culture has never really been my thing. However, it is interesting to see how the attachment styles my friends have and how their take on casual sex plays into it. For example, my best friend has more of an avoidant attachment style and doesn’t ever really like to commit. This could also play into how one-night stands or less committed relationships would bode well for her and they have. On the other hand, I have an anxious attachment style which might be why I’ve never really been a part of the hookup culture personally. Overall, this was such an interesting blog to read and think about my friends, their relationships, and their attachment styles.
ReplyDeleteI think the connection between avoidant attachment and casual sex stated in this blog post makes a lot of sense. I know that in some of my friendships, they have a more anxious attachment style so they stay away from casual sex because they know they will get attached. However, I have one friend in particular who labels himself as a "free spirit" and doesn't want to commit to anyone and only looks for casual sex. I think this topic can raise questions about how your relationships can change as your attachment style changes, or if that is even possible.
ReplyDeleteAs a college student, casual sex is so normalized and expected. Personally, almost everyone in my peer/friend group either continuously participates in casual sex or has in the past. I do agree that attachment styles definitely influence how people handle their relationships with casual sex. I have a friend who tends to express an insecure or anxious attachment style and casual sex tends to threaten her self-esteem, and she usually ends up either regretting it or overthinking it. On the other hand, I have a friend who partakes in casual sex and one night stands frequently with no second thoughts. His avoidant attachment allows him to ignore any feelings and just “go for it”. I think the tricky part about attachment styles and casual sex is when the two engaging each have different attachment styles; this can lead to a messy situation and that is why it is important to make sure both partners are on the same page.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post so interesting and very relatable, and the discussion about attachment styles and casual sex is incredibly insightful. I have a cousin who I have always thought to have somewhat of an avoidant attachment style when it comes to romantic and intimate relationships. She will often tell me about her preference for a more casual relationship. She said she finds them less stressful and more liberating, similar to Chase’s views. With that being said she has mentioned how people in particular my aunt who she has a very open relationship have made comments to her about how her “way with men isn’t very lady like”. This plays into how there is a negative stigma around women with higher body counts or women who don’t “settle down” or pick one man.
ReplyDeleteCasual sex is definitely a big topic of debate amongst our generation and in a lot of classes recently. I think that technology and apps and Tinder and Hinge make casual sex and hook-ups a lot more normalized for our generation. I agree to a certain extent with Chase's perspective that casual sex is fine as long as it's safe, consensual, and doesn't mess with anyone's head. I have two friends that have been hooking up for the past two years that have declared to everyone that they're just friends but hook up from time to time but only after one of them was heart broken because the other didn't want a relationship. Yet, even still they continue to hook up. I think in this case is where things get tricky because now emotions and people's feelings are involved that everyone is aware of are there. So, while I think casual sex is more than okay, there's a line that can be crossed that can mess with someone's emotional well-being.
ReplyDeleteCasual sex is a frequent topic of conversation among my college friends. We often joke around, like teasing a friend for spending the night at someone's place or urging another to "make a move already." I asked my friend Chase about his thoughts on casual sex. He said, "There's nothing wrong with it as long as everyone's on the same page." Chase is very avoidant in his attachment style; he avoids conflict and doesn't like talking about his feelings, so his attitude toward casual sex didn't surprise me. Chase explained, "Casual sex isn't about the person you're with, but about enjoying the moment." He prefers to avoid developing deep feelings and prefers going with the flow. This doesn't mean that people with other attachment styles are against casual sex. As Chase says, "You do you, as long as it's consensual and safe."
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ReplyDeleteHi Madi! Thank you for sharing this gave my friends and I a lot to discuss. Often my friends and I share about casual sexual experiences. I do think that some of my friends and maybe even myself have avoidant attachment styles but even my friends in secure relationships talk about their sex lives often with me. Maybe it is just my friends and I but I think that casual sex is very normal and something that should be talked about. My friends and I always talk about getting tested regularly. My friends and I completely agree with Chase that as long as you are being safe there are no issues with having casual sex as long as it is positively affecting your well-being that is what is most important.
I had no idea that casual sex was more accepted by those with avoidant attachment. It does make sense because no commitment is needed for casual sex. However, I consider myself more avoidant but I am currently not into casual sex because I personally view it as an open door for emotions that I’m not prepared to feel. However, I am accepting of it regarding what other people want to do. I don’t think anything is wrong with people having casual sex as long it’s consensual! If my friends or anyone for that matter are into safe casual sex, I support it.
ReplyDeleteCasual sex seems like such a controversial subject. It’s hard to say who gravitates more toward hookups solely based on their attachment style… I’d argue that it’s far more complicated than that. I think that this has more to do with the people you’re surrounded by, your culture, values, and personal beliefs. I also could see someone’s self-esteem and confidence playing a significant role in this as well. I will say that the people I know who have secure attachments rarely engage in casual sex, as far as I know. Maybe that is because they have less of a need to seek validation from others through physical affection. I am no expert but I think this conversation is interesting and worth thinking and talking more about. It could be really helpful for self-reflection and self understating.
ReplyDeleteThis was such an interesting read. I've never really been one for casual sex, which makes sense with my attachment style, which tends to be secure. Although I've had a boyfriend for almost 2 years, there was a period where I was single before I met him, and had the opportunity to have casual sex. I never could, though, as I was concerned about feelings that may arise on my end that may not be reciprocated. I'm a very emotional person, and I don't think that casual sex would be something that would ever work for me. I also simply don't really prefer it, I've always been a relationships person over anything casual. It was interesting to hear how your friend Chase felt towards casual sex, then hearing about his attachment style. I have plenty of friends who remind me of him, and I could totally see their attachment styles correlating with their opinions on casual sex.
ReplyDeleteEver since attending college, this was a topic I had to become really familiar with. I always tell my friends how interesting it is to me how normal causal sex and situationships are these days, and how it never used to be that way. I find myself leaning more towards being an avoidant attachment style and do prefer causal things, so it is interesting how you mentioned that. I do agree with what Chase said, about just enjoying the moment. It is very important to make sure you're finding someone with the same intentions as you or else problems may come up, in which they previously have for me before.
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ReplyDeleteIn my opinion a person’s thoughts on casual sex and their attachment style must go hand in hand. I think for those who are avoidant and don’t like sharing their feelings or trusting others with their emotions, casual sex is the best of both worlds. Anxious attachment individuals however like to be around others and have that fear of abandonment or rejection, so casual sex comes a bit harder since they tend to hold onto those emotional connections with people. And while I don’t think it’s the healthiest, casual sex is an easy way of enabling the behaviors that come with an avoidant attachment style.
ReplyDeleteI have always found casual sex to be such a bizarre subject. I have always craved that “old love” that used to exist when our parents were growing up, and sometimes I fear that our generation might entirely throw this out the window. I have had a lot of friends growing up who engage in casual sex and think of it the same way Chase does. You’re right, his avoidant attachment style definitely shines straight through just as many other people’s do. I have always craved a secure attachment and know that casual sex probably would not be good for me mentally. But like you said, if two people are on the same page, I guess it is okay. I just hope that casual sex is something that most people are willing and able to grow out of long term when they are ready to mature and engage in a loving relationship outside of the lust.
ReplyDeleteCasual sex, and hook ups are a very common thing in college. I know a lot of relationships that have blossoms from casual hook ups to being an a loving relationship. I also know if casual hook ups that one person started to develop romantic feelings towards the other and caused, more complexity in the casual hook up. It is all about intentions as Chase said. With the intention of just casual hook ups and enjoying the moment and having fun it can be a great thing. As long as both of the parties are agreeing upon this and cannot hold it, it can be a great experience. It’s a great time to explore yourself and have new experiences in college. It’s a great opportunity to , get to know yourself more and how you are in the situation. It can be a wonderful experience. It is fine, easy, and enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteThis blog really hit home because before I was in a healthy relationship, I feel like I had an avoidant attachment style, much like Chase. I used to think, “If both people agree and are on the same page, then that’s all there is to it.” I believed casual relationships could stay simple and free of emotional complications. I didn’t see anything wrong with focusing on the moment and steering away from deeper connections. But now, being in a more secure and healthy relationship, I’ve come to realize how much emotions, trust, and communication play a role in any type of relationships casual or serious. It’s not just about setting intentions; there’s often a deeper emotional layer that can’t always be ignored.
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense that different attachment styles are correlated with different opinions on casual sex. While everyone’s sexuality and preferences are unique, attachment styles do play a role in these views. As someone with an avoidant attachment style, I can understand where Chase is coming from. Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may enjoy the idea of being in a relationship, but they struggle to fully commit. Instead, they often overcompensate or cope by engaging in certain aspects of a relationship, which is why they might seek out "one-night stands" or "friends with benefits." I believe that those who choose to engage in casual sex should not be shamed, as long as both parties are careful, respectful, and consenting.
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense to me that those with avoidant attachment styles are more likely to value casual sex, as they are typically less expressive and appreciate emotional distance. More men seem to have avoidant attachment styles than women, and I wonder if gender socialization plays a role in their views of casual sex as well. I would agree that casual sex is not harmful if both parties are clear on the expectations and intentions before engaging. I've had many friends with anxious attachment styles who have engaged in such behaviors and typically experience increased anxiety afterward or struggle with the finality of it all, mostly because they had different intentions and wanted to pursue an ongoing relationship with the other individual. I think this post can be really useful in encouraging people to consider how their attachment style influences their relationships and how they may navigate emotional connections.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow college student navigating the complexities of relationships. I agree with Chase's point about intentions and communication being a crucial part of casual sex. It's true that casual sex can work if everyone is on the same page. However, in my experience, it often gets a lot messier than people anticipate, especially when emotions start creeping in. I am currently in a situation that started off as "no-strings-attached" type thing, but after a couple months of just casual "hook ups" you start getting attached to this person weather you want to or not. Sure, casual sex feels exciting and liberating, as you get to enjoy the moment with no pressure. But as time went on, I found myself catching feelings. I started wondering if they felt the same way or if I was just another fling to them. It left me with this heavy thought of not knowing whether to speak up about my feelings or just play it cool to keep things casual. The emotional back-and-forth is kinda exhausting, and it made me realize how tricky casual relationships can be for people who tend to form attachments. What I’ve learned is that understanding your own attachment style is so important. If you’re someone who gets attached easily like me it’s crucial to set boundaries or know when to step back before things get complicated. So I think I'm going to cut things off. Chase’s avoidant style might make casual sex simpler for him emotionally, but for those of us who are more prone to connection, it's not always as straightforward.
ReplyDeleteChases opinion on casual sex is something that I think is becoming really common in college now. More individuals are having avoidant attachment styles, and don’t look at sex as having an emotional connection. I think that as long as you have this attachment style, it isn’t harmful, but you have to make sure the other person is aware of what is happening, and that there isn’t going to be a relationship coming out of it. Casual sex isn’t a bad thing in my opinion, but I think it’s really important to have communication so that both people are on the same page, which will avoid hurt feelings. I think that if you consistently have casual sex with one person, someone may gain feelings for them and get hurt, so it’s especially important to have comméra communication with that.
ReplyDeleteI am a lot like Chase. Throughout my past relationships, I have often felt awkward when my partner mentions talking about who we are, what we want, etc. I am very avoidant when it comes to intimacy. I find it easier to just have causal interactions and never have to bring them up. However, I wish I was able to talk about my feelings more but I have been this way ever since I was young. I remember crying to my mom because I couldn't tell her what I wanted or needed. I totally can get on board with casual sex when both partners wish to do that. I am not the type to get attached fast, either, so I think this is why it works.
ReplyDeleteI think Chase's thoughts on casual sex are very similar to what many college students think nowadays. I agree with him though, on the part that it is alright as long as everyone is on the same page and it has been communicated. As an anxiously attached person, casual sex is personally not something I am keen on. Unfortunately, I tend to become attached easily, making the idea of "no-strings-attached" to be nearly impossible. It makes sense that those with avoidant attachment styles tend to be more favorable towards casual sex. I think our attachment styles have a lot to say in regards to how we proceed with our relationships, casual or not.
ReplyDeleteI would say although I have an avoidant attachment style, I am not like chase. However, I can see how my attachment styles are towards casual sex. Personally, I would not partake in it but I can see how someone with an avoidant attachment style would. I think as long as it is consensual and people have boundaries in places, casual sex is casual. I have seen my friends partake in casual sex with anxious and avoidant. I have friends who are avoidant and love it while my anxious friends usually start to feel something more.
ReplyDeleteReading about burnout and how attachment styles play a role in it really hit home for me. I’ve noticed how my friends and I get overwhelmed with school, and I can only imagine how much harder it will be when we enter the workforce. My mom, for example, has been working in a demanding job for years, and I’ve seen how much of a difference it makes for her to have a strong support system at home. Like your dad mentioned, when there’s someone who understands and supports you, it can make a huge difference in managing stress. It’s comforting to know that a secure attachment style might make it easier to handle burnout, especially when you have someone by your side to help. I’ll definitely keep that in mind as I enter this next phase of life!
ReplyDeleteCasual sex is something my friend and I have discussed several times throughout college and I have noticed more cons than pros on the topic. As you had mentioned, people with anxious attachment styles tend to get attached very easy and I think this reflects in the conversation I had with my friends surrounding this topic. My friends with anxious attachment styles are either self aware and know casual sex wouldn’t work for them, or the other side is some go into casual sex and leave feeling hurt because of the emotional attachment they develop on the other person.
ReplyDeleteThis post really reminded me of a dear friend. He’s always been super laid-back about casual sex and often says things like, “It’s just for fun, no big deal.” I used to think he was just being carefree, but now I realize his approach might come from an avoidant attachment style. He never likes to talk about emotions and tends to keep things surface-level in relationships. Meanwhile, I’ve had a harder time separating feelings from physical intimacy. Reading this made me reflect on how our different attachment styles influence our choices—and how important it is to be clear about intentions.
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