Help! How do I heal?
For those of us who struggle with an insecure attachment style, it can be difficult to know what path to take to get ourselves closer to experiencing the world as someone with a secure attachment. Although there is no shame in having an anxious, avoidant, or mixed insecure attachment style, I know that I wanted to feel secure with my long-term partner and try and decrease the anxiety I felt surrounding our relationship. After starting therapy with a therapist who focuses on trauma-focused techniques for healing, I found that I was able to calm my nervous system surrounding my fears of abandonment. I hope to offer a little guidance so that my fellow insecure attachment friends find similar relief.
The techniques that my therapist uses are brainspotting and EFT (emotional freedom technique) and if you are interested in learning more about either of these, I have attached links at the end of this post. However, I will be focusing on another technique today called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). If you are unfamiliar with EMDR, I will give a brief overview and then discuss how this approach can be useful in overcoming the hardships that come with an insecure attachment. Basically, EMDR is an approach that therapists use that involves using sounds that go from ear to ear, taps from hand to hand, or eye movements while assisting the client in processing trauma, shame, fear, and other challenges.
The main focus is to desensitize the client to their original emotional responses to triggers.[ii] Because people who experience insecure attachment styles tend to fear being abandoned, fear intimacy, ruminate over the relationship, and experience other challenges that prevent them from finding safety and security in their intimate relationships, utilizing a technique that can calm these fears can be extremely helpful.[iii]
As I began my research on EMDR, I remembered that my cousin, Mairi, had found success with this technique and she has also shared that she struggled with insecure attachment. When I asked her if she felt like EMDR has helped her overcome negative core beliefs she held about herself and if she felt like her anxiety surrounding relationships has changed sinced starting EMDR she responded,
“Yes, absolutely. It has enabled me to rediscover the relationship I have with myself and not feel like my brain is lying to me constantly. And I have also been able to accept the trauma that I have gone through and not let it hold me back in future relationships. I have developed a really great support system now that I am able to trust myself and trust others.”
Mairi noted that she feels like EMDR has had a great impact on her attachment style. This aligns with research conducted surrounding the impact that EMDR has on helping people gain a secure attachment style even if they started with an insecure attachment style.[iv] This is just one way to begin on your path to healing and attempt to form a secure attachment. If this is something you are interested in, as my cousin Mairi said,
“It’s okay to not go with the first EMDR specialist you meet. You need to find someone you connect with and feel supported by”.
This work is difficult, but it is so worth it.
The EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) can help you find an EMDR practitioner This work is difficult, but it is so worth it.
Link to details about Brainspotting:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/brainspotting-therapy
Link to details about EFT:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6381429/
[1] Wesselmann, D., Davidson, M., Armstrong, S., Schweitzer, C., Bruckner, D., & Potter, A. E. (2012). EMDR as a treatment for improving attachment status in adults and children. European Review of Applied Psychology, 62(4), 223–230. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.erap.2012.08.008
[ii]Wesselmann, D., Davidson, M., Armstrong, S., Schweitzer, C., Bruckner, D., & Potter, A. E. (2012). EMDR as a treatment for improving attachment status in adults and children. European Review of Applied Psychology, 62(4), 223–230. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.erap.2012.08.008
[iii] Harvey, A. (2021). HDFS 402: Infidelity and Affairs[PowerPoint slides]. Retrieved from Colorado State University Canvas site for HDFS 402: https://colostate.instructure.com/courses/120328/pages/module-9-overview?module_item_id=3358190
[iv] Wesselmann, D., Davidson, M., Armstrong, S., Schweitzer, C., Bruckner, D., & Potter, A. E. (2012). EMDR as a treatment for improving attachment status in adults and children. European Review of Applied Psychology, 62(4), 223–230. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.erap.2012.08.008
I think so many people struggle with insecure attachment styles and struggles within their relationships. I know my best friend is a very secure person, however she fears abandonment, cheating and lying in her romantic relationship. I am definitely going to introduce my best friend to EMDR and will also utilize it within my own relationship. I think there is a lot of negative stigma towards therapy and receiving help and this needs to change! We all have our own struggles and issues and there is nothing wrong with finding a professional who can positively impact ypur attachment style! I think your blog post was extremely informative, my only suggestion would be hearing more about EMDR from your cousin and what it involved.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani! I found this post on healing your relationship when you have an insecure attachment style to be very eye opening. I had never heard of EMDR, but it sounds like a very useful technique. I know I struggle with the fear of my partner leaving at any point, even though I know he would never actually leave me out of the blue I still have a problem with feeling as though he might. I tend to have an anxious attachment style, but with that attachment style also comes some similarities to an insecure attachment style. I really enjoyed reading your examples throughout the blog post.
ReplyDeleteHello Nalani, I really enjoyed reading your post about how to heal from insecure attachment styles. I also have an insecure attachment style and want to find ways to heal so that I can have a healthier relationship. It is nice to hear that you have been to a therapist, and I believe that is something I should look into. I have not heard of EMDR before, but after reading your post, and reading into it, I think it sounds like a unique form of therapy to try. Thank you for providing the links at the bottom to get a better understanding of Brainspotting and EFT. I am going to do more research on them and try to find what might help me the best. Thank you for your insightful post.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani!
ReplyDeleteI found this post to be very useful and a great way to see what I could incorporate into my life to move toward having more of a secure attachment! A big issue I have struggled with is knowing I need to bring something in conversation with a partner, but instead worrying about their reaction and postponing it or hoping they will bring it up. This problem has created me to stay stagnant in my healing process and definitely a form of self sabotage because I know what I have to do, it is just a matter of putting those words into actions and letting go of the fear of what my partner will say. I am definitely going to look more into EMDR, as there are always ways we can support ourselves and learn new ways to help us on our healing journey.
Nalani, thank you so much for the self-disclosure that you provided in this blog post. I thought the links you provided were really useful and I went ahead and saved them for myself for a later date. I know I have also had issues with an insecure attachment style, and thought the Emotional Freedom Technique was a very interesting way to focus on the things that trigger that. For me, I can name very specific triggers for the attachment style and what makes me anxious, and I think this technique would be really helpful in working on developing a more secure attachment.
ReplyDeleteNalani, I too have an anxious attachment style that often holds me back from my relationship. In the past I have experienced EMDR therapy for something else and it truly was helpful. I was able to disconnect my brain from the trauma that triggered it. I had never thought of using this type of therapy to help me disconnect from the trauma I experienced in the past surrounding relationships. I appreciated that you talked about how your friend also saw improvements with her friend relationships. I think these relationships may look different than intimate ones but are just as important.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani. As someone who has never even heard of EMDR therapy, this blog post was very educating. I think there is so much that can be said for therapy or counseling in general, and I think this specific method sounds very beneficial. As I have noticed the impacts of my attachment style on my relationships, this could be beneficial for me! I had never thought to use a therapy designed to desensitize, to desensitize yourself from the negativity or trauma of a past relationship. I'm curious to look further into the EDMR therapy and the benefits it can hold for secure attachment!
ReplyDeleteHey Nalani, I really enjoyed your post regarding EMDR techniques for those individuals who struggle with insecure attachment styles. I really like how you mention that it is important that no matter what type of attachment we have there should not be any shame in having those attachment nor having shame to seek therapy. I feel like not a lot of people are aware of the different attachment style or how to know your own, since even I only knew about them once I started talking HDFS classes which covered them in depth. Overall, I really enjoyed the topic of EMDR. This has been my first time listening about this technique and will try to use this sometimes. I think it is healthy that individuals want to heal and should be more aware of the different techniques available. It is important because some technique can work better for someone than others.
ReplyDeleteHello again Nalani! Great title, it pulled me into reading this post in specific. In regard to your content, It was interesting to learn about the technique EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). I have genuinely never heard of this before let alone known what it was used for. It is interesting that techniques such as this one can be used to calm people emotional triggers. We are learning about trauma in one of my classes right now so I will make sure to ask the professor weather she’s heard of this technique before or not. Though I do not have insecure attachment to anyone in my life, I personally have a sister who struggles with this, so I will be sending her over to this blog post as we speak, thank you. -Ashley Hildreth
ReplyDeleteNalani,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing information about attachment and the therapy technique EMDR. I have processed past trauma with EMDR and have found it extremely helpful in processing and finding healing and I believe that it is such a great tool. Thank you for adding information that your cousin shared about finding a therapist/counselor that you connect with. I think that there is still a lot of stigma surrounding therapy and counseling and I think posts and conversations like these are so needed to break down the stigma that surrounds topics like healing. I have found EMDR most helpful in desensitizing to the trauma that I lived as a child. In terms of my current romantic relationship I have found the healing and processing in counseling with EMDR helpful in communication and attachment with my partner because I am able to more fully process.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is not a technique I knew about before reading this post.Because this technique has the ability to calmingParticular fears and insecurities that may come with Anxious or avoidant attachment. I think I would definitely recommend this to a friend, as I know That a few of my close friends struggle with this.Because it is not mentioned as often as some other treatments, I feel as though many people do not know about it. I think that many people are seeking a quick fix to help them deal with challenges that come with having this type of attachment.
ReplyDeleteHey Nalani! I really liked the topic and structure of this blog post. It was incredibly well written and I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. I have never heard of EMDR but it was very interesting to hear about. I think it is really interesting that there are certain techniques that individuals can use to help calm down certain triggers or hardships. I have learned a lot about trauma through different HDFS courses and was very interested in learning about this! Great job and thank you for sharing this information!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very impactful post to me because I feel that basically everybody deserves to go to a therapist or at the very least be able to express their feelings and learn about ways they can cope with their emotions. I personally am not able to talk to a therapist as of right now so what I do is write everything down that I am feeling. It really allows me to see what I am thinking and walk through my emotions in a way I never could if I was left alone with my thoughts. This was such an important post.
ReplyDeleteThis post was another that I was able to closely relate to, as I found a significant amount of similarities between the author’s experiences and my own. For example, I also identify with having an anxious attachment style. In my past relationships, I oftentimes found myself consistently feeling the need to ask my partners at the time for reassurance, and stressing out about whether or not they actually felt the ways that they had expressed to me before. Since I did not create close emotional relationships with my parents during my childhood and adolescence, as well as into my adulthood - I feel as though I am more prone to feel like it's inevitable that I will experience abandonment at some point from friends or romantic partners.
ReplyDeleteThis blog discusses different techniques that therapists can use to help with attachment issues in relationships that can tend to cause anxiety. One that was brought up was EFT which is an emotional freedom technique. The main technique that was discussed was EMDR which is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This technique focuses on insecure attachment. EMDR basically uses sound that moves from ear to ear accessing trauma from the patient. This helps identify the patient's emotional response to triggers they might have. My roommate Claire is in therapy and works with her therapist in similar ways to help identify certain triggers she might have when it comes to OCD behavior.
ReplyDeleteHi there! This post is great because it offers solutions. We always hear about the qualities that contribute to our attachment but never any solutions on how to be more secure. I think your friend makes a great point about not letting old attachment styles hold you back in future relationships. As the saying goes “history repeats itself.” I have noticed this in my own relationships because sometimes I carry over some of the trauma I experienced previously. It is good to learn, let go, and grow, and the therapy you talked about seems to do a great job in doing this. I appreciate you sharing this technique with us.
ReplyDeleteNalani, again this blog post was so interesting and eye opening. I also struggle with anxious attachment style, which often leaves me in a downward spiral when it comes to relationships. I had no idea that EMDR could be used to help with attachment styles! While I have done some work on myself to help move past some of my anxious attachment style tendencies, I am intrigued to give this method a go, in hopes to really solidify a feeling of security within my self that will benefit my future relationships. I really liked how you specified that there is no shame in the attachment style one holds, however that does not mean you should allow that attachment style to dictate your happiness within relationships. Thank you for sharing, I think this will be particularly useful to anyone facing similar struggles. By normalizing the issue, and providing tools and skills that are useful in creating positive change, individuals of all backgrounds may be more likely to engage in successful, long-term relationships that are easier to sustain.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani, I really enjoyed reading your blog! I definitely related to this blog having an insecure attachment style and also having done EMDR multiple times. One thing that I will say is EMDR can be very difficult and bring up a lot of things, so I think it’s really important to prepare and practice self-care. I think it was so helpful for me and I definitely agree with what Mairi said about how EMDR helps you feel like your brain is telling you the truth and not lying. Thank you for sharing about this really awesome treatment approach!
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani, first thank you for sharing your own experiences with your attachment style and what worked for you to help. I know that one of my friends has an anxious attachment and it has affected some of her relationships. This is very helpful to know that EMDR has such a positive effect that works for people. To be able to talk about things with a safe person and unpack a person's feelings instead of ignoring them and only making matters worse. I agree with you when you stated to not be ashamed by an attachment style, because when a person accepts themselves and learn how to put their own happiness first and see it's importance can make a change in a person's life.
ReplyDeleteHi there! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with EMDR and your attachment styles. I haven't had any personal experience with EMDR but my roommate has and I noticed a big change in her when she started it and she did too. Unfortunately, she had to stop for insurance reasons but it was very beneficial for her and her mental health. I would love to try EMDR one day because I have been working on my attachment styles on my own for a long time and I would love to further that with a little extra help and support. Thank you so much for sharing, it was great to read!
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani. I enjoyed reading your blog about EMDR and your attachment style. I had never heard about what EMDR was, and this blog was very educating, and now I can understand how EMDR is a helpful technique for insecure attachment style. I liked how you told us that EMDR had helped the relationship with others and with herself. I would consider myself an anxious attachment style similar to an insecure one. I have learned many times about what trauma is and how EMDR can treat it, but hearing you and your cousin Mari’s allowed me to understand it better. I will look into EMDR for potentially myself. I have been through times where there has been trauma in my life, and I know that I need to support myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog post, I was not previously aware of these tactics used to go from insecure attachment styles and turning them into securely attached relationships. Thank you for sharing your experiences and opening up about your own experiences as well as your friend's, and I think spreading the word about EMDR could be really helpful to a lot of people. I think it would be cool to try this one day for myself, because I feel as though I can always make improvements on my attachment style. Thank you so much for sharing this post with us!
ReplyDeleteHello, I found your post to be very interesting and eye opening. I think many relationships struggle with insecure attachment, especially, when the other partner has the opposite attachment. I never knew there were therapeutic techniques that help individuals with an insecure attachment style overcome their fears and worries. This not only is beneficial to the romantic relationship but to the individual themselves. I've never heard of the Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) technique before. It sounds like it's really effective. I wonder if this technique has the same effect across all ages. Thank you so much for sharing your insights!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this blog post! I have not heard much about EDMR, so it was interesting to learn more about it. It seems like EDMR is very effective at helping insecure attachment styles. I appreciate the interview you shared and their story about how much EDMR has helped them through their anxious attachment style. It is so interesting how EDMR can desensitize someone's triggers. I would love to learn more about how EDMR is able to do this. Personally, I have experienced an anxious attachment style. However, I have never heard of ways such as EDMR to work towards a secure attachment style. It seems like something I might want to look into more.
ReplyDeleteHi, I found this post interesting as I never knew about the terms like brain spotting, EFT, and also how EMDR works in the clinic and couple therapy. With being ignorant of these tactics and seeing others who felt strong traumas in their lives, I used to think getting traumatized due to being obsessed with insecure feelings and attachments can only be partially solved after a long period of time. However, now I would like to recommend my people EMDR as it can help their traumas deeply with accessing different perceptions like eyes, ears, and hands. Thank you for sharing and I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani! Your post happens to be the first time I have ever heard about EMDR. I would classify myself as having a secure attachment style due to my childhood experiences. Even though EDMR is used for insecure attachments I think that I might even apply to my daily activities because often I feel as though my brain may lie to me about certain stressors in my life. EMDR kind of reminded me of practicing mindfulness! I really enjoyed reading your post!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this blog post. I think there are many people who struggle with an insecure attachment style in a relationship. I struggled with an insecure attachment style when I was in a relationship as well. I think I have an anxiety attachment style and an avoidant attachment style simultaneously. For example, I wanted to be with my ex-boyfriend all the time, but I would instinctively avoid him when he suggested doing something together. I just wanted to be with him and do nothing, but he wanted to do something, such as play video games together, so we all struggled. I knew that I was a bored person, so I tried to change myself but failed. I think EMDR can help me a lot, and I will definitely read it carefully and do more research about it. Thank you for your posting.
ReplyDeleteHello Nalani! Thank you for giving insight about your experiences with EMDR. I have never heard of it before but after reading your post, I am really intrigued by the logistics of it. I think giving peaceful coping strategies to people who struggle with insecure attachments and anxiety surrounding their relationship could help people immensely. I spoke to a friend of mine, who I know has been struggling with her partner with an insecure attachment, and told her about EMDR and she seemed very interested in the topic. This type of technique that focuses on calming fears and anxieties in an intimate relationship through desensitization and emotional responses sounds like something that could really benefit people. I thought this topic was very interesting and would love to learn more about it, thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think how wonderful it would be for individuals at a young age to learn these skills and techniques in a non-turbulent time of their lives. If everyone was given early access to simple techniques of redirection, could we maintain healthier relationships from the beginning and perhaps even struggle less mentally and with attachment? I don’t know the answer, this strategy however seems like it was helpful to you and others in your immediate life. How many more people could it help if taught on a larger skill? Are the skills in this methodology as easy and simple to pick up as they seem? It seems like there is value in this strategy, I do not experience this attachment style and could still imagine these tools helping me through challenging times.
ReplyDeleteI never knew this was exactly what I needed to hear/read! My last relationship was my first real one and it lasted for about 4 years. We have both dealt with trauma in our past and I think that’s why we got along so well. I have also had problems with fear of abandonment and insecure attachment. After I too, went to therapy, my therapist told me what trauma bonding was and also introduced me to EMDR and I still use the butterfly tapping method (tapping from hand to hand or shoulder to shoulder in my case) to calm myself to this day! Although I haven’t done much with EMDR this was a very insightful read and I will definitely ask my therapist if we can focus more on EMDR therapy! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani, I have heard about EMDR before but was not aware that it could help with your attachment style and overall healing process. Your post was easy to read, yet informative. When I have heard of EMDR is when I was searching for a therapist in hopes of breaking toxic cycles. I noticed only some therapists had this qualification and read the small description, I decided it was something I was interested in trying. Unfortunately, I never went through with returning to therapy, but your post makes me consider it. EDMR sounds intriguing especially based on your cousin’s response to the treatment. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHello Nalani! Thank you for sharing this post as well as your personal experiences. I understand how difficult that may have been. I have personally never heard of EMDR but can see myself using it in the future. Though I don't believe I have an insecure attachment style I think it can still be beneficial in the future. EMDR kind of reminds me of being self aware and mindful of not only the situation but me, my reaction, and my outcome from the reaction. I think you shared very helpful and powerful information. This is something I will look deeper into but also spread the word on. Again, Thank you!
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I had a very insecure attachment style and I had the hardest time getting more to a secure attachment style. I had no idea what to do to get to a secure attachment style. I kind of went at it on my own and did not exactly use the technique that is being talked about in this blog. However, I had the main focus of this technique, which was to desensitize myself to my original emotional responses. I always believed that I always needed someone else in my life at all times to make my life normal and calm. However, I learned I am perfectly capable of doing this on my own. After coming to this realization, I started forming more of a secure attachment style because I was more certain and confident in myself. Many of my previous emotional responses were altered and desensitize.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani, I thought it was interesting to read about the EMDR technique. I never knew that this was used to help those with insecure attachment styles. That could be very useful for anyone who experiences such anxiety from past trauma or for those who have an insecure attachment style. I also didn't know that therapists use different techniques to help their patients go through or accept this trauma. After seeing that your cousin went through this same treatment, I found it interesting to know that it was helpful for her to create such a robust support system and find trust within herself and others. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI clicked on this blog because I thought it was going to be about healing in a more philosophical way, but this is even cooler! I want to try EMDR therapy. It would be useful in helping me navigate my past friendship hiccups and improve my future emotional availability. I currently have a secure attachment style with my significant other but have problems with platonic relationships. I have a more avoidant attachment style when trying to make friends. I pull away and remove myself because of how my past relationships have ended. I would be interested to experience the therapy and see how it works.
ReplyDeleteHealing from trauma can be hard and it can definitely impact how you are in your relationships. I think that EMDR therapy sounds really cool and I would even consider seeking out some EMDR therapy for myself. I have a more insecure attachment style and I am in counseling right now to try to work through some of the things that may be making me feel insecure in relationships. Before this post I had never heard of EMDR and from what you researched and wrote about it seems like for the most part it could be very effective. Thank you for bringing a new idea to our minds that could assist us in any healing we are all working through!
ReplyDeleteHealing from trauma looks different for everyone, but in terms of EDMR therapy, I think this form of therapy could be an adequate fit for those healing from emotional trauma like a relationship. Healing can be so hard, but with help from professionals and certified techniques, these methods can really help an individual. Your blog post was very well-written and allowed me to recognize how healing is a journey, and a destination may not be at stake, yet a continuous journey of resilience. Great work on this, prior to reading this I had very little knowledge of this form of therapy and now I really want to expand my understanding of these forms of therapy.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani! I first want to thank you for talking about something that I feel not many people discuss - healing. I believe that I have more of an anxious attachment however, I definitely identify with some of these struggles in an attempt to reach a secure attachment style. Although I have not used EMDR therapy, I have been going to a therapist that is a bit more traditional in the sense that it is just her and I have conversations. My therapy sessions are more patient ran and I often lead the discussion in ways that I can help myself feel more secure in my relationship and understand my past relationships.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani,
ReplyDeleteThis blog post is very helpful and it’s exciting to hear that I have a chance to change my attachment style. I have mentioned this earlier in the blog, but I would be so disheartened if we were stuck with the same attachment style that we learned when we were babies. This has also inspired me to introduce this to my current therapist and see what she thinks about the emotional freedom technique as well as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). I would love to learn more about EMDR and how that type of therapy can benefit my anxious and insecure attachment style.
Hi Nalani,
ReplyDeleteThis was a very supportive and beneficial blog post. I am intrigued by the skill sets your therapist gave you for your insecure attachment style. I myself can fall into an insecure attachment style myself. The EMDR was a great idea as I have used this without knowing really what it was. I have found it beneficial when my attachment style starts to compromise my day-to-day relationships and have found it very beneficial. I am interested in learning more about these types of interventions or therapies as for you they have shown improvement. I usually have patient run sessions with my therapist so I am looking forward to bringing these up.
Hi Nalani,
ReplyDeleteIt was a pleasure to read your blog because it was very interesting and eye-opening.Insecure attachments can hinder many relationships, especially when one of the partners has the opposite attachment.The Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) technique helped individuals with an insecure attachment style overcome their fears and worries, which is something I never knew existed.EMDR is said to be very difficult and may bring up a lot of memories, which is why preparing and practicing self-care is so vital. It would be interesting to know if this technique is the same for everyone. Thanks so much for sharing this amazing treatment approach!
Hi Nalani! I really enjoyed reading your blog and found this really interesting. I agree completely that it can be really hard with having an insecure attachment and wanting to move forward and not always be so anxious or avoidant in a relationship. I found it really interesting the different techniques that you worked on with your therapist and different techniques that people use to also help them. The EMDR is something that I want to explore more and find out more about because I found this really interesting and help explain to more people as well.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post was super interesting, this is the first time I have learned about EMRD and think it could be so useful when overcoming anxious tendencies. I struggle with an anxious attachment and fear abandonment no matter what the circumstance is like with my partner. I thought it was cool how this technique is used to desensitize those initial emotions in order to calm these fears and anxious tendencies. I am currently in a relationship with someone who is more secure so it is hard to come to a compromise when it comes to topics like how much time we spend together. I want to implement these practices and rework some of those negative beliefs in order to create healthier communication styles and a more secure attachment.
ReplyDeleteHello Nalani, my best friend struggles with an insecure attachment style and has been working with professionals to build his confidence and work on his attachment style. I have never heard of EMDR as a technique practice for someone. I am going to share this information with him and see where it takes him with the addition of his professional help. We often talk about achieving an earned secure attachment style as we gain more confidence and self-esteem. I think as a young adult in college our development is something that we constantly seek to work on. My friend and I with different attachment styles understand that although we might not be perfect there are techniques that we can use like EMDR to help us in moments of stress or anxious feelings. I am glad I came across your blog today, thank you for sharing this useful information.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautifully written blog. As I am sure many of us feel, I also feel insecure about my attachment style. I feel like those who don’t completely dive in and learn about attachment styles may see my attachment style as problematic or dramatic. It feels good to know that I am not alone and know there are ways I can work with myself to feel better and find a way to have an attachment that won’t potentially ruin my relationships. Knowing that someone tried EDMR and had good results makes me feel safe and heard since there is research done on it. It is definitely something I want to look into doing.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post to be really insightful. I am someone who struggles with the fear of rejection and abandonment. Therefore, the technique of EMDR sounds really appealing and something I'll have to discuss with my therapist. Reading this post also made me feel less alone and made me realize that my fears aren't as abnormal as I thought they were. As well, it is nice to know that there are techniques out there that can help me overcome or manage my fears. Overall, I think the information in this post is incredibly important for others like me to read.
ReplyDeleteThis post was so insightful and I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts. I personally really enjoyed the way you opened your blog with the words “Get ourselves closer to experiencing the world as someone with a secure attachment style”. I never have recognized the fact that I may experience life in a completely different lens than others. I personally have used EMDR in my life to get through some extreme traumatic events and I will always recommend people to this type of treatment. I have never really talked about my experiences with it but overcoming some extreme anxiety was definitely one of my most beneficial takeaways. Thank you again!
ReplyDeleteThis post was very useful in the ways it laid out steps to take in order to grow a secure attachment type. I have friends that have used the Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing trauma focused technique and they have all been able to find freedom through it. I think that this technique could help myself as well as lots of friends and family who I know have gone through trauma like situations. I think that the amount of techniques therapists have created and used is mind-blowing. Especially just thinking about how much they actually do help. Psychology is so cool!!
ReplyDeleteThis blog really caught my attention because I struggled with healing for a really long time. I went through a break up right before the pandemic and my relationship was six years long. About two months later, he had a new girlfriend and had a bay on the way. I was really REALLY hurt and it took a lot of healing to get over. I definitely think healing has to do with a lot of self love and loving yourself and appreciating those around me. I like to think my soulmate isn't a romantic partner but friendships that help you through difficult times, during this time one of my closest friends just let me talk to her all the time about my feelings even though it was repeated feelings all the time, but she understood. Taking the time to understand your feelings and know that not feeling okay is okay.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this article as someone who has an insecure attachment style. I can agree that I frequently struggle with issues that keep me from feeling safe and secure in my personal relationships, such as fear of intimacy, fear of abandonment, and ruminating over the connection, so I appreciate reading about techniques that can ease some of my anxieties and be extremely beneficial. I actually want to try some of these healing techniques now so that I will hopefully be able to embrace the trauma I've experienced and not let it prevent me from dating in the future.
ReplyDeleteTrauma can show up in so many forms and especially relationships. I think Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is a really cool technique to help you move past the insecure attachment style in relationships. For me, I suffered through something very traumatic a few months before getting into a relationship. I was going to therapy, but not for anything revolving my attachment style. However, during my relationship, I could tell I was feeling anxious and nervous just because of my past. I talked about it with my therapist and it really helped me in so many ways personally and in my relationship. These processing techniques can really get you through things that will benefit your relationship and make you more confident and comfortable in your relationship.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani. I found your research on EMDR super helpful in processing major events within your life. I have experienced an anxious attachment style, although I would not say it is my main attachment style. Because of this, I found it interesting to learn more about what resources there are to help process these anxious thoughts when (or before) they arrive. Knowing that this resource helps people to process traumatic events while shifting their focus to something else is incredibly interesting because I think that a lot of people I know with this attachment style would benefit from this sort of practice. Thank you for explaining your experiences!
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani, I find your post on this very intriguing! I think you have allowed help and guidance in a great way. This was just so interesting, the way that trauma can follow us throughout life and affect other relationships is very accurate. I think this process is so cool and allows for people to release this negative stuff that has occurred and like your cousin stated, find a strong support group. My good friend has an insecure attachment and they had a lot of trauma from past relationships and was able to find guidance with a therapist and release it with the methods they used. Thank you for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteReading through posts such as this is important for people who struggle with some mental health hang ups because it gives options to treatments that go beyond talk therapy. I think when people who are resistant to therapy often think that it is limited to talking, and don’t feel like they can get the support that they need through that alone. We are luck enough to live in an age where mental health treatments are being more regularly talked about. Treatments such as EMDR, Brain spotting, or EFT are some of the many methods of treatment that prove to help people process and inevitably heal through their emotional wounds.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this blog! I think EMDR is such an interesting technique used in therapy. I really liked how in-depth you went into the specific way that EMDR is used. I have a friend who has used EMDR in therapy and found great success with it. I always loved hearing her talk about it because I found it so interesting. I think that this is such a great way to find healing in a safe location with a strong support system. I do not have any personal experience with EMDR, but I know that therapy is so beneficial and would love to get back to it. I think this is such an amazing way to help people heal and I am so happy that so many people have found success with it. Great blog!
Therapy techniques prove it can help our brains process events in the environment that may have altered negative manifestations about ourselves. I also have an anxious attachment so hearing about these tools to use if I ever need these resources is good to read. An example of healing the mind from EMDR is after a romantic or friendship break up where the brain is foggy and does not realize what a loss feels like. A technique such as this would give an individual more room to support their loss and protect an attachment style from becoming avoidant or withdrawing from others.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your post and think that these techniques sound really good. I am thinking that these could help my friends who have just gotten out of long term relationships. Being able to be supported by your specialist is so important as well where it is hard to make progress if you are not comfortable with the person who is trying to help you. I had not heard about this method before, but I am interested in it for myself as well. Thank you for sharing this post, I can tell that it has helped a lot of people.
ReplyDeleteThis post is so interesting to me and I’ve never heard any of these terms before. I really like that you used personal experience with a therapist. Ive always struggled with being anxious and insecure in my relationships, all stemming from my first serious relationship trauma. This has hurt may relationships after that and has affected my hope in breaking the cycle. I fear all the things you listed in the past especially fear of being abandoned. I relate that it constantly feels like my brain is lying to me and wish to do the same as Mairi. I will be looking more into EMDR.
ReplyDeleteThis blog topic is very interesting. I am someone with an anxious attachment and I always think of ways that I can slowly start to form a secure attachment. My last relationship really allowed me to see how much my attachment style really impacted my relationship and the way that I felt. Now that I am out of that relationship my main focus is on healing, processing my unresolved trauma and making sure that I better the relationship I have with my parents. I am also in therapy and have tried several different techniques that have created a lot of progress in my personal life. However, EMDR is something I have never heard of. I think it is amazing what connecting senses to processing trauma can do. It is something I am now really interested in and I will definitley be looking more into it.
ReplyDeleteI have recently been dealing with insecure attachment and this was mostly due to having to deal with the future after college. Then with also just my personal figure which now has an impact on how I am seeing my relationship. However, I do always voice these concerns with my boyfriend and I talk about how I am feeling. With his help, I am able to stop overthinking and he also communicates concerns that he is having with himself. We have never used the EMDR however I do believe that this could be very helpful in the future and could help strength my relationship.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your journey and insights about overcoming insecure attachment styles through therapy. I can relate to your experience, as I’ve been in EMDR therapy myself and have seen leaps and bounds in my progress toward developing a more secure attachment with my partner.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you on the importance of finding the right therapist. It’s a lot like dating—you really need to explore a few options before you find someone who truly understands and supports you. The right connection can make all the difference in your healing journey.
Your emphasis on EMDR and its positive impact is encouraging. It’s inspiring to hear how it has helped others, like Mairi, regain trust in themselves and their relationships. Thank you for offering this guidance; it’s invaluable for anyone looking to improve their attachment style and relationship health!
Your exploration of EMDR as a tool for healing insecure attachment is inspiring and resonates with me. While I haven’t tried EMDR specifically, I’ve seen how therapy, particularly techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, can reframe the negative beliefs tied to my anxious attachment style. Much like Mairi, I’ve found that understanding and trusting myself plays a huge role in fostering healthier relationships. Healing isn’t linear, but learning to calm the nervous system and challenge ingrained fears of abandonment has been transformative. Your reminder that finding the right therapist is key is so encouraging—it’s okay to prioritize feeling supported in the process. Growth takes time, but as you say, it’s so worth it.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this post and learning about the EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. As someone who aligns with more of an anxious-avoidant attachment style it was very nice to learn about the different options that can help my type of attachment style. Especially, once we are aware of our attachment style and how it impacts our relationships, I think we want to improve and find ways to better ourselves. I think Mairi giving her personal experience with EMDR really shows how there are ways that help change unwanted habits that have to do with our attachment style.
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