For many individuals of our generation, dating apps are commonly used for casual sex, boredom busters, meeting new people, or for getting validation online. It’s easy to swipe through an app looking at the first picture or two of possible candidates and swiping based on their looks or the few words they fit into the text below. But how does this affect how we actually view and think of the person on the other side of the screen? I interviewed a friend, Sara, to get a little more information on what she thought as a user of online dating apps:
“Honestly, I feel like using apps like Tinder and Bumble reduce people down to pictures, similar to the way that social media does. We live in such a fast-paced society and I feel like so many of us are so quick to judge others based on meaningless things like how well they take pictures and can put them in a profile. In reality, this says little to nothing about who they actually are.”
But how does this affect the way we are able to develop an attachment to these individuals who are very real people when we meet them in person? From the conversations and experiences I have had, many of these interactions never take on a “face-to-face” element, and when they do, it’s almost as if you are meeting a stranger regardless of how many times you have talked before. For many, it’s a way they can hide behind a device and avoid the possibility of rejection or gain validation from the number of matches or messages they get and move on. This is especially relevant for individuals with a more anxious attachment style, as these ideas apply more specifically to them, (Chin, et al., 2019).
“Although there are real relationships and positive outcomes that can come from dating apps, for many people it is just a game. There is a real-life fear of meeting strangers from the internet which can made implementing this seems dangerous. So, for a lot of people, it will never impact their real-world experiences.”
Although dating apps can be used for positive outcomes, such as the one I have experienced, for many these outcomes are few and far between. Dating apps can be seen as a game and minimize the idea of someone being a real person who is experiencing real life just as intensely as you are.
1. Chin, et. Al., 2019. Attachment to Dating Apps: Attachment Orientations and preference for dating apps. Mobile Media & Communication, https://doi.org/10.1177%2F2050157918770696
Although I have never personally used an online dating app, a lot of my friends have! I think this has drastically changed how relationships are viewed, and I personally think it negatively affects relationships. When people are easily able to fabricate their looks, stories, life, etc., it makes forming an honest and positive relationship extremely difficult. One of my best friends was catfished on an online dating app and ever since, she has been too scared to form any new online relationships. I do think that real relationships can come out of online dating apps, however I think it rarely does happen. I really liked your friend Sara’s response and I agree with everything she said, you also could have interviewed someone who has experienced a positive situation with a Tinder or Bumble to strengthen your blog post!
ReplyDeleteHi Emily! I really enjoyed reading and reflecting on your blog post. I also found my current partner through a dating app, but I only joined the dating app because I thought it would be a fun way to pass time, and never thought I would ever actually meet someone that I talked to on the dating app. I think many people join dating apps to cure boredom and to validate themselves, which can cause for some confusion when people do meet up in person. Everyone’s intents on dating apps seems to be different, but they can be a great way to meet other people if intentions are clear from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteHello Emily, I can relate to this post a lot! I also met my current partner from a dating app, and was a bit surprised about it as you were. My time spent on dating apps made me feel very depressed, because I was wanting to find a connection so bad, but it felt almost impossible. If I end up single again one day, I do not think I will return to dating apps, only because they brought my self-esteem down and made me depressed. Like you said in your post, it felt more like a game than real life, which I had a hard time with. I don’t believe I made good attachments through online sites.
ReplyDeleteHello Emily,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog. I definitely see how using dating apps especially now during covid has increased. I also feel as though people with certain attachment styles could definitely be scarred by a dating app. It has been seen that a lot of people with anxious and avoidant attachments are more likely to use dating apps. It is understandable to see that for someone with avoidant attachment because they like to “play games” and wants less commitment which is perfect for a dating app. With dating apps it’s hard to determine who’s really being genuine and who just wants to hook up which can definitely play a role in another person’s attachment style.
Hello Emily,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog post on how attachment is formed through online communication. I could see where you were coming from and even though you didn't have any negative outcomes within the use of a dating app to find your partner, I was able to hear from your interview that sometimes these apps do feel like a game, and it is used for validation. I have used a couple dating apps, but none of them worked out okay for me. And for that reason, I do see that sometimes people are too quick to judge or for me if the person may or may not take me seriously through an app as they would in person.
Thank you for sharing!
Hey Emily, I really enjoyed your post regarding forming attachment in social media. I have never personally used any type of dating apps myself, since I am in a relationship, but you did mention some good points that are related to a friend that I have. He uses dating apps to meet people that he might be interested in dating, however just like anything I feel like it is mostly based on looks. Social media is very toxic in creating standard for people to look a certain way which can influence how people use those dating apps. While another friend is very vocal that he just uses the dating apps for a hook up and nothing serious, he only matches with girls based on their looks. Not everyone has the same intention on those apps. As well as it is easy to fake or be someone you’re not on social media, it is an easier way to maybe be more extraverted. It is easier for me to talk to other girls to try to make friends but in person it is a whole different story. In person, I am a shy person that gets nervous to approach new people.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, while reading your post I felt like I really agreed with everything you were saying. Our lives these days are moving so fast, it makes sense that we would start looking for potential partners by just swiping, scrolling, or looking at a few pictures of a person. I feel like many people who use dating apps are bored or just trying to find a quick hookup. It is very likely that those who end up in a committed relationship with someone they found through a dating app never seriously thought that would happen or that it would work out that way. For example, one of my friends is very active in the online dating world, but she never expects to meet anyone she actually likes. It is almost although she does it for the experience and just to pass the time. It is interesting to consider that our parents and grandparents never had this option; things would be very different now if they had. Another interesting point to make is that because it wasn’t possible for them to meet through technology, they may not be very open to it now. I know that my family would think it were odd, or they would at least look down upon it, if I were to introduce them to a potential long-term partner that I met through an app like Tinder.
ReplyDeleteThis particular post spoke to me, as several of my friends are involved in online dating apps, or had met their partner through them.I think something to note here is thatA number of my friends identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Because of this, they have mentioned to me that they find it more difficult to search for partners. Where I live is a predominantly white area, with most of the couples and families being heterosexual with biological children. With this being the standard here, one may feel like they do not fit in or cannot find their place. I think that getting on a dating app can be helpful in building connections, especially if it may be more difficult to do otherwise.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, I really enjoyed your blog post about attachments in a society online. I agree with you that many people use online dating apps to seek validation or to cure boredom. I have personally never had a dating app, but my friends have, and I would always watch them swipe on them. It almost is a game that goes in circles, there isn’t much true meaning behind any of it in my opinion. I agree that there can be positive outcomes from online dating apps, but there has to be a lot of effort presence to reach that. I think you did a really great job on this post, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI like the modern tone of this post. I think that online dating is a great way to meet new people. I personally have tried it once and met somebody from the app in person. It went really well and if anything, I will make a good friend from it. As long as online dating stays safe and protected then it is a fantastic way to meet people. Especially since the pandemic happened it is so hard to get connected or form a new connection with somebody. Online dating can be a great way to spark that. This was a great post and was written in a very clear and concise way.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily! I think it is interesting that you mentioned that you were on a dating app to cure boredom and help with validation. I find that many college students, including myself, use dating apps when they are bored. It can be easy to sit around with friends or alone and go through various dating profiles swiping left and right. Sometime even my friends who already had boyfriends would utilize my dating apps to swipe for me in order to cure their own boredom. I also liked that Sara also mentioned how we can “quickly judge others based on meaningless things.” I think this can also be seen within bios. Often when creating a Tinder, one of the most challenging parts is what to put in your bio. I think many individuals, including myself, judge individuals very quickly based on what they have stated about themselves in their bio without truly getting to know them. I know when I created my Tinder bio, it was something I thought about and wrote very specifically to ensure that it reflect the type of partner I was interested in and my personal values. Such interesting topics to explore regarding dating apps and forming attachments online. Thanks for exploring many different aspects of this topic and expanding my learning!
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, I really enjoyed reading your blog post! I have seen both outcomes that you described. One of my best friends met her current boyfriend on Bumble and they are talking about getting married. I also have friends who use it just for validation and to cure boredom. One interesting thing that I have been learning more about recently is the male perspective on dating apps. A lot of the men that I know who are on dating apps get way fewer matches and go on less dates than the women I know. They also seem to get less validation on the apps.
ReplyDeleteThis post was very interesting to me, and I liked hearing about your perspective on dating apps. I do have to say, I agree fully and think that dating apps can make someone more insecure of themselves and they degrade people to the way they look. Making a profile on a dating app, I personally believe, is like setting yourself up to be criticized, sexualized, and picked apart by complete strangers who may not even have the right intentions. It is sad to know that these dating apps are growing too, but hopefully these issues are minimized or solved. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi there! I have, personally, not had any experience or interaction with dating apps/online dating. However, my roommate and some of my close friends have been on dating apps. They have expressed that they always feel "gross" about downloading them or re-downloading them after having previously deleted them. I never understood why but I think the answer is in what you expressed in this blog post. I think they feel vain or superficial for being on them. They judge others based on their pictures and they put forward the best pictures they have of themselves in order to meet a certain standard that they believe others have. I think of it as "we're young, have fun, do what you want" but I can understand that it isn't as fulfilling as that simple motto. It doesn't often feel like "being young, having fun, and doing what you want". Maybe they're constantly chasing validation from strangers in hopes they will gain confidence for when it really matters. However, the confidence that "matters" and that sticks around is not the kind you get from other people only judging you based on your photos. It is hard to say if online dating is helpful/convenient or if it is ultimately toxic and destructive for us to engage in. Thank you for sparking this discussion! I really enjoyed reading about your thoughts and experiences!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this post, as I believe it is extremely pertinent to the current state of society and how the pandemic has affected the functionality of social interactions in the context of technology and social media. My friends tend to have an easy time forming attachments and relationships online, specifically by talking to strangers on dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble. Occasionally these interactions lead to meeting up in person and continuing to build a relationship outside of social media. However, for me, I have never found it easy to connect with others over social media in a relationship manner. Additionally, I do not believe that I would be able to meet up with someone I had only met online, as I find it very difficult to transition from one platform to another.
ReplyDeleteI think this post does an excellent job at revealing the deep issues with online dating apps. I really liked Sara's discussion on the issue suggesting that dating apps reduce people down to pictures, and can lead us all to judge people to quickly or too harshly when they are just a face on a screen. I have personally utilized dating apps exclusively for validation and know a ton of people who do the same. I too think this is detrimental to our generation as it makes 'hiding behind a screen' much easier to do and interpersonal relationships are no longer necessary when we can do everything (even date) over our phones.
ReplyDeleteHello Emily,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I have always thought that both online platforms and dating apps were mainly used for distraction. Most people hide behind their screen, especially when it comes to online dating we judge based on appearance and never get to meet the person. Which contradicts the reason why they are online, if you don't get to meet people, then how are you going to find a partner. I understand that not everyone is on there to find a partner. Maybe it's just a hookup, but the odds of people using dating apps for bad things is still a possibility. You don't know the person that you are meeting, yet you trust that they look like their profile.
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If you really think about it, yes, apps like tinder and Bumble are just another app on our phone for us to open and swipe like a game whenever we feel. In this day and age of fast-paced dating, we do really judge people based off their photos and their ability to piece them together in a profile that is appealing to others. I feel like especially with the pandemic, it has been really hard to meet and interact with new people, hence why online dating has become so popular. I have definitely used online dating platforms like Hinge, Tinder or Bumble for casual sex, to relieve boredom, to meet new people, and/or for gaining validation.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, I think your blood post is especially relevant in todays society where more and more people meet “the one” online. Me and my friends have all tried the dating app things, but this post reminded me most of my friend Tulip, who never thought she would meet her man online. Tulip is an avid gamer and met her boyfriend on discord. At first I was skeptical of their relationship because I had never seen him before and all I knew about him was that he was 21, lived in Florida, and liked League of Legends. I did not even trust the pictures she showed me because those could have been fake. Thankfully, he came to visit Tulip and he was everything he said he was. They have been dating for two years. I hold many of the same worries that you talk about in your post, but Tulip and her partner give me hope for online dating as a whole.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, when reading your blog about online dating apps, I agree with you about how many people use these to cure their boredom or go for casual sex that could mean nothing to people. I met my partner now on a dating app, which I was not expecting to happen. I used to also go there for personal validation or to cure my boredom throughout my day. However, I am grateful I met this person because I believe that we both, as a couple, have grown in different aspects. As for online dating apps, I do agree with you about how these apps can be a game for some people or how they could minimize the natural person behind the pictures on their account. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Emily.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI agree that our current society is beginning to revolve around online dating and meeting people through social media. Most of the people I have spoken to who use apps such as Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble use these apps for fun and do not take the relationships serious when they match with someone. I would think it is hard for the people who want to genuinely find a romantic partner due to the skewness of the general intentions. I have never made a profile of my own, but I have looked at friend’s profiles and sometimes there is not much information to go off of besides looks and small facts they want to share on the profile. There is so much about a person that you cannot get from a few pictures and short bio description. Thank you for sharing your story.
I loved this post because I think everything about it is so true. I personally stopped using dating apps a few years ago, because I personally think they are a waste of time. Seeing one picture along with a short caption does not fully encapsulate a person and who they are, and like your friend said, people are so quick to judge. There have been people who have had success on dating apps, which is great, but I have not, so I stray away. I think personal connections and meeting people face-to-face is a much better way of getting to know someone and can form a relationship that the internet cannot. Face-to-face does not always work either, which is okay, but I have personally found much more success that way. I also like how you pointed out that online dating can be dangerous. I know people who have experienced stalking and excessive messaging from people on dating apps, which is yet another reason I do not use them.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog post. I thought it had a lot of interesting things about online dating apps in our generation today. I strongly agree that dating apps are just down to pictures and seeing a physical attraction rather than an emotional connection. Our generation depends on our social interactions to connect with people more than anything, and I believe that your friends brought up great points about dating apps. I know people that somewhat use dating apps as a source of validation for those that do just look at pictures. It is a very different way than going out and meeting someone face to face (which is how it used to be pre covid), but I would hope that we would be back to that. Overall I think that you and your friend pointed out how it is actually using dating apps, I believe that it can have many pros, but it can also come with many cons.
In Forming Attachment in a Society Online I enjoyed reading this one and was curious by it as well! I feel that this relates to some friends of mine that I know use online dating sites frequently. In this age group, it is hard to find people who are committed and want a relationship rather than just casual hook-ups. In online “dating” apps today, there are many people looking for just that. I know one of my friends has probably around five different “dating” apps on her phone. For her, it is different because she says she is looking for a relationship but will hangout with basically any guy that wants to talk to her. This is concerning and worrisome for me because I want what is best for her and do not want her to get hurt.
ReplyDeleteOnline dating is the new thing these days. You can ask almost anyone about them because lets admit it we all have used them before, even as a joke, or even boredom. I can say that I have used my fair share of them but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with the man I love and will be marrying soon today. Online dating always comes down to small talk for most people to then sharing some of your personal information to then potentially meeting them in person. For myself, I hate small talk and I told my almost partner that I want to skip the small talk and asked him to palay a videogame with me and chat with me while we play so that I could get to know him better. After a month of chatting online he decided to meet me in person since the two of us lived in two different states. And on the second day of spending time with me he asked me out. I know this may not happen with many people but there are some people out there that want to form an attachment.
ReplyDeleteHello! With social media being at an all-time high and online dating increasing, I found this post very interesting. During the pandemic, most people experienced isolation and loneliness. I think being able to go onto dating apps and receive validation was one way many individuals coped. I personally have never had success with online dating, however one of my friends has been dating her tinder date for 6 months now. Although I agree with Sara that online dating reduces people down to pictures and can be a judgmental space, it can create successful relationships. I also resonated with your statement about dating apps feeling like a game. For me, I find myself on dating apps when I am bored, and I never plan on actually meeting these people. Like you stated, meeting up with strangers on the internet can feel dangerous.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
I have tried dating apps a handful of times and I have tried about three different types of dating apps. Me personally I have never really had any form of relationship come from them. I have tried to make genuine connections on dating apps however when it got to the point where they wanted to meet I was not comfortable meeting in person Because the concept of meeting someone online it seemed a little dangerous to me. However I have a close friend who has met her boyfriend of three years on a dating app. For her it was an extremely positive experience she was able to really get to know this person before ever meeting them in person. She explained that typically when she would day things would always move too fast physically so she felt that talking online took that aspect out of it and it allowed them to really get to know each other before they moved to the next step. So I can see where in some cases online dating can be beneficial depending on your attachment style and depending on what the other person is looking for as well.
ReplyDeleteI found this article interesting, just from seeing the title alone, because online dating has started to become more popular within the generation that I was born into, Gen Z. There are more dating apps available for people to use, and many of my friends have started to utilize them to make new connections. I agree with what the author said, that dating apps have both positives and negatives on one’s self-esteem. Personally, I have felt both effects of these because it has made me feel more confident when someone shows an interest in me, but I also do not see it as real. Face-to-face interactions are way more personable and meaningful, and it actually allows me to get to know this new person without any preconceived notions about who they are. Dating apps allow individuals to put themselves out there however they would like to be perceived, rather than how they actually are. I think that this is one of the trickiest parts about making new connections online, that not everyone is who they say they are through online apps.
ReplyDeleteI feel like i’ve heard a lot that dating apps are so fake. I have never dabbled in dating apps but I know a lot of people who have. Social media has been a tool to show off the best pictures of ourselves. However, this should not lead over into dating apps. I think that if someone was not “matching” with people or was having tons of bad experiences on dating apps that it would increase their insecure attachment style which would have negative impacts on their future relationships. They may feel that they aren’t good enough because no one from the dating app is noticing them, when in the real world they would be based on so much more than looks and a few pictures on their account.
ReplyDeleteI think dating apps are Avery interesting concept to start with. To think about meeting a stranger on the internet who can completely fake their profile and everything about themselves scares me greatly. I used dating apps a lot when I first moved to college and it did everything the blog states, Cure boredom, get validation, casual hookups, meeting new people. It can be super exciting and for some of my friends, they have even found love and great relationships. One of my friends even met her now fiancé on tinder. I think for college kids it’s a great way to explore options and meet new people especially if moving from out of town or out of state. I think they come with a number of positive and negative ideas and it is very important to be careful when using dating apps.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily!
ReplyDeleteWhile I have not personally been on dating apps, most of my friends have and in general, I have been able to see the influence it has had on our society and especially this generation. While I also have other social media, I can agree that an online presence makes real-life a lot harder! Personally, I have not been on dating apps because I think that it is so easy for someone to be somebody that they aren’t. While this can be an exciting thing, it personally is something that scares me as online is so different from real life. I like what Sara said about how using these apps can reduce people down to pictures, just like social media does. I can agree with this, and I enjoyed reading your post!
I enjoyed reading this blog, it feels really relevant to time and my generation. I agree with the mentioning of how dating apps are used within my generation, but I do think that sometimes that is taken advantage of and the idea of meeting someone in person is becoming far and distant. I tend to find myself with an anxious attachment style when it comes to meeting someone online, it feels as if the expectations and reality of what could come are already low and aren't to be pursued further. The attachment worry for me is the fact that face to face can be scary and anxious like.
ReplyDeleteAt one point I was an avid user of dating apps, and I can attest, most of the appeal for me did come from its game like quality, I found it almost addictive. It was such a weird revelation I had when I realized that these people actually wanted to meet up, and I didnt actually want to see any of these guys. I rarely ever actually had conversations with people and spent most of my time in a swiping transe. Purely for entertainment and validation, and any time there was an actual connection I felt whiplashed, it was so unexpected, but wasnt that supposed to be the whole point in the first place?
ReplyDeleteAloha! I think this is a really interesting and relevant topic to explore. A lot of my family are neurodivergent, insecurely attached people with sexual minority identities, and for us, online spaces can be safer spaces to show authenticity and vulnerability that might be difficult or unsafe to present in a face-to-face environment. I think you make a really good point about dating apps being used for boredom and validation. I love that you found a positive relationship from a dating app contact! I think for some people, dating apps can make room to practice social skills that life today, especially post-COVID, doesn’t often leave a lot of space for, but you’re absolutely right when you point out different uses and outcomes based at least in part on attachment styles.
ReplyDeleteOnline dating has become a popular way to meet new people. My friend Katie shared her thoughts on using dating apps like Tinder. She said, “Honestly, I feel like using these apps reduces people to just their pictures.” Katie noted that the online approach can make it hard to develop a real connection with someone when you finally meet in person.
ReplyDeleteShe also mentioned that while some people do find real connections through dating apps, for many, these apps are more of a game.
She believes that while dating apps can lead to positive outcomes, they often reduce people to images and brief descriptions, making it challenging to build authentic connections.