We are currently in April of 2021, which marks a little over a year since diving into socially distanced and mask-wearing life as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. If you’re like me, it’s been pretty tough. As someone with a more anxious attachment style, I was underprepared for the amount of issues COVID and its isolation and separation would bring for me and my relationship. Being apart from my partner made it difficult for me to have my needs met because I thrive off of close contact and quality time, which was severely cut-down during COVID.
I was curious about how attachment has been impacted
by social isolation. I interviewed my roommate, Jessica, about her experiences
with her partner during COVID-19. When asked about how she saw changes in her
relationship during this time of lockdown, Jessica hinted about how being
socially-distanced for a long period of time caused her to take on more of an
anxious attachment style than she had held previously.
"For a while, we agreed to remain socially distant with our relationship. We got as creative as we could for date ideas, with lots of them happening outside or via Facetime. I don’t usually see myself as a “needey” partner in a relationship, but I found being socially distant was really hard. It was like we were together, but we weren’t.”
External stressors such as a pandemic have large
impacts on mental health and attachment1. It is no wonder that many
of us, all with varying levels of attachment, have been feeling off during this
event. Emotional responses during global stressors are more likely to include
fear and uncertainty, and this can severely impact the degree of security in a
relationship. Instead of going out and seeking other sources of support, many
couples have been forced to seek only one main source of support – each other1.
The concepts of safe haven and separation distress are
useful in understanding this relationship stress. Safe haven consists of
relying on an attachment figure to provide safety and comfort, but isolation
has caused couples to either get not enough of this or too much of it2. Separation distress may
be the biggest component of attachment theory exacerbated by COVID, as many
couples who may have already been feeling fears of disconnectedness have seen
it rise during the increased separation that has come with COVID. For instance,
I noticed myself feeling very anxious when away from my partner, and when we
were able to see each other when it was deemed “safe”, I had a hard time being
separated afterwards as I was fearful that the separation would be long-term
again.
However, it isn’t all bad. COVID also brings many positive
possibilities for couples such as more opportunities for self-development and
exploration and learning how to problem solve with your partner. When asked
about how she has seen her relationship grow during COVID, Jessica discussed
the importance of intentional time with each other.
“We found it almost convenient that we couldn’t hang out with a lot of other people…And with so little that we’re able to do in the outside world, it gave us more opportunity for pure quality time moments between us where all we could do was sit in my room and talk, take a drive and talk, cook dinner and talk, etc. It really required a liking for the other person that wasn’t solely based on environment or exposure.”
COVID has caused many people to reevaluate what is
important in their lives, and relationships are no exception. There have been
many challenges regarding attachment that have arisen as a result of this
stressor, with some relationships surviving, and others not being as lucky.
Putting effort towards developing secure attachment is crucial here, as it
allows you to dive down into your partner’s needs and feelings in a
relationship. Some ways you can work to do this are setting time to
intentionally talk with your partner, going on dates, and making an effort to
pay attention to your partner’s love languages. Couples who have done this
during the pandemic also report more positive relationship satisfaction levels3. With intention and
dedication, we can all get through the hardships that may arise and emerge even
stronger.
1 Williamson, H. C. (2020). Early
effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on relationship satisfaction and
attributions. Psychological Science, 31(12), 1479–1487.
https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1177/0956797620972688
2 Vowels, L. M., & Carnelley, K.
B. (2020). Attachment styles, negotiation of goal conflict, and perceived
partner support during covid-19. Personality and Individual Differences.
https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110505
3 Moccia, L.,
Janiri, D., Pepe, M., Dattoli, L., Molinaro, M., De Martin, V., Chieffo, D.,
Janiri, L., Fiorillo, A., Sani, G., & Di Nicola, M. (2020). Affective temperament, attachment
style, and the psychological impact of the COVID-19 outbreak: An early report
on the Italian general population. Brain, Behavior, and Immunity, 87,
75–79. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1016/j.bbi.2020.04.048
This is my favorite blog post thus far! I think COVID-19 affected every single person’s life in one way or another, and it especially affected people’s attachments and relationships. I know that COVID personally impacted my sister and her boyfriend’s relationship drastically. They were together at college, but when the lockdown occurred, they moved to their home states and we unable to see each other. It was extremely hard on my sister and she experienced depressive symptoms and struggled adapting to the new situation. I totally agree with you that the pandemic made a lot of people realize what is important in their lives! This is a great post; my only recommendation would have been interviewing your roommates boyfriend as well to get his perspective!
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani! I enjoyed reading your post on how attachment styles have been impacted by COVID-19. I know that I have been affect by COVID-19 in my relationship because I have an anxious attachment style. I found it very difficult to be separated from my partner for months (we live across the country from one another). It made it so that I became very clingy when we were finally back together again, and it did ultimately hurt our relationship for a while. I think the pandemic has either strengthened relationships or made them much worse, and I think attachment styles have a lot to do with how the relationship was affected.
ReplyDeleteHi Nalani!
ReplyDeleteYou captured in this blog post what I have been feeling so well! As someone who has an anxious attachment style, the pandemic has definitely taken a toll on my mental health as it has been a struggle to feel a sense of closeness with those who we care about. Besides feeling close with friends and family, many of us have also explored the dating scene during these unprecedented times as a way to feel more connected to people. Last semester, I dated someone and it was difficult to say the least to find ways to not be anxious about the situation. I was at home taking the semester off of school and just working and it was challenging because I met someone who I had really connected with, but I had to go back to school. Overall, this experience taught me so much and I learned so many important lessons from it that I will take with me in future relationships. Dating right now is not easy, so it is important to remember that communication is key, especially right now when a lot of it is virtual. There is always going to be a sense of fear in a relationship, but it is how you deal with it which makes the difference.
Hi, Nalani. I think the concept of attachment and the COVID-19 pandemic is really intriguing. I think we have all had struggles with being able to maintain our relationships and connections with others during the pandemic. I know it was really hard for my extroverted friends in particular, because we all thrive off of the social contact from others. We were able to have a few small get togethers, but with proper COVID precautions and social distancing in place. We are now all vaccinated and finally able to see each other once again! Hopefully things start to change soon.
ReplyDeleteHello Sophie,
ReplyDeleteIt is so unfortunate how Covid-19 has taken a huge toll on everyone mentally and how it can truly affect someone’s attachment style. I liked the fact that you added in how it has personally affected you. It made me truly think about my own attachment style which is avoidant attachment and I see how covid has taken a role in affecting it. I see that now since people have been staying inside due to the pandemic it has made social contact suffer. Personally it really affected me while going to school because it was already hard enough meeting people while school was in person but when it had switched to online it made it ten times harder. After being online for school for so long many people don’t even participate in things like break out rooms and discussions. Although it is a rough time it is important to see how this pandemic has impacted you and how or if you want to change it.
Sophie,
ReplyDeleteI thought your post was very well written and it discussed a topic that has been affecting the world for over a year now, and seeing the different attachment during the pandemic was interesting and I was able to relate to it as well. Through the beginning of the pandemic I was too in a relationship and from this my partner and I struggled many times where we felt like we were we felt like it was a force separation. However, as time went by we were able to get through it and find time for each other after the pandemic died down a little. Today, I am no longer in a relationship, but I do hope that if I do, my attachment style won't be affected as much from this.
Hi Sophie,
ReplyDeleteI really related to this post and it made me feel like I wasn't alone with my struggles due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I also thrive off quality time and close contact in my relationship so it was not easy being apart and my relationship definitely had its ups and downs. Being apart made me feel like something was wrong when it wasn't so pointless arguments would happen and this made me feel insecure and need more reassurance from my partner because we were apart. While this was a challenge, we overcame it and now the time we do spend together, we don't take for granted and I think the pandemic helped me realize that I can't take anything for granted in my life which I do appreciate. Thanks for sharing!
Hello Sophie,
ReplyDeleteThis was an excellent post. I appreciated how relevant it is (COVID times) and you expressed so many feelings that I felt haven't been discussed throughout the pandemic. As someone who has anxious attachment and thrives on physical touch, I have had serious difficulties during this time. That being said, I appreciated your acknowledgment of some of the more positive aspects. I do feel like it has become clear what matters to me and have already made plans of who all I'm going to visit and hug when I get the chance. Overall, I value your effort into looking into something so new and still difficult to navigate. Great work!
Hey Sophie, I really enjoyed your post regarding you on how attachment styles are currently being affected with the pandemic of COVID-19. I feel like no one was really prepared to see how our lives do a full 360, especially with having to social distance and major changes in our environments and on top of that being in a relationship. Since I used to live in the dorms, I would constantly be able to visit my boyfriend all the time but with the pandemic I had to move back home. It honestly did affect our relationship because we went from spending most of our time together to not being able to see each other during the lockdown. I feel like the pandemic did have some positive impact in our relationship since it did help us be more vocal about our needs and improved our communication. Since at first when we would text, we would both just not text for days, or would give short responses. However, it did help me step out of my comfort zone to express how I felt since I am the type of person to withdraw from the situation and overthink.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who is in a relationship, the covid-19 pandemic was an extremely difficult time. Because social-distancing was being stressed so much and going to the homes of other people was risky, I found myself not seeing my partner as much as I was used to. Agreeing with this post, although it was a challenge, it allowed us to better problem solve and get creative. One specific way that we would manage to keep contact was by using FaceTime on the iPhone. Although nowhere near as good as seeing each other in person, we learned to be flexible, even when we ran into problems. Although it seemed straightforward, things like internet connection and device problems were very common.
ReplyDeleteHi Sophie I really liked reading your blog post! You developed really great ideas in relation to attachment during the pandemic. It posed thoughts that I did not previously have before reading this. I agree that covid has made people reevaluate what is important to their lives and that challenges have arose in relation to attachment. Covid posed a trial on many relationships and personal I had friendships fizzle out due to not being able to see them in person. I think that in romantic relationships people had to be very strong and communicative to keep the relationship alive! You did a great job, thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really great also really well-written post. I think the author of this post did a great job going through the negatives of the pandemic as well as the few positives that came from the pandemic. For me personally, I think that personally the pandemic did change me as a person in many ways and I think it allowed me to grow. Although, If I could back, I still never would have wished for the pandemic and I do believe I would have gotten to this same point just maybe not as quickly. This was a very great post!
ReplyDeleteHello Sophie,
ReplyDeleteI found this blog post to be intriguing to read related to attachment and COVID-19. I appreciated how you mentioned both the positive affects COVID has had on relationships as well as the negatives. I related to your post when you mentioned how some relationships grew with the pandemic. With my personal relationship I think we grew closer and established a more secure attachment. The pandemic required my relationship to be creative and find new hobbies we would never have done if it was not for the pandemic. It allowed us to slow down and get to bond more with each other. I like how you also incorporated how attachment and relationships during COVID were also affected by outside stressors which I could agree with because of the fear I had with getting loved ones sick and not wanting to be around anyone. Thanks for sharing!
At the start of COVID, it was very difficult for me because I had an insecure and anxious attachment style during this time. The isolation made it very hard on me and I did not realize how much I truly relied on others during this time in my life. I was always searching for comfort from someone else. This is when I made it a goal of mine to try to get more to a secure attachment style. I wanted to change this aspect of my life for the better. I greatly appreciate this time in isolation because I learned a lot about myself and how I wanted to improve myself.
ReplyDeleteHi Sophia, your post about attachment in covid I could relate to. When covid hit, all our worlds were turned upside down. For my relationship, when covid hit, my boyfriend at the time moved into my apartment with me. While it was fun for the most part when the lockdown happened, we realized, or I did at least, that we were spending too much time together. Even though he still had work, he would come home to me. I think that the lockdown changed our attachment styles. When the lockdown was slowly lifted, I started to notice that my ex would start to go out more often and not come back till the morning. He wouldn't text or call me on these nights to inform me that this was ok. For me, that's when I noticed my attachment style changing for the bad. Overall I thought covid ruined my relationship, but it's ok because I have found a better relationship where I don't have to question anything—thank you for your post-Sophie.
ReplyDeleteThis post resonated with me and my attachment style during the peak of the pandemic. During August of 2020, I made a connection with someone I had not seen since high school, and wouldn’t have typically formed a relationship with, especially considering he lived in California while I was in Colorado. Our relationship was solely virtual, which for someone like me is difficult considering my love languages are touch and quality time - which we had neither of. I quickly realized that this was a COVID relationship, and not someone I would see a future with. I enjoyed your friends interview response “It was like we were together, but we weren’t,” because that is exactly how I felt in my short lived relationship with this person. I think I sought out this relationship because I feared being alone, and the period of uncertainty we were living in. This pandemic and this relationship both helped me to realize the things I value most in life and the characteristics I value in a partnership.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this blog and relating it towards my own life. I think that the COVID-19 pandemic presented many challenges for relationships during long periods of isolation. I related this to my friend's relationship during quarantine because of how she expressed new changes or moments of uncertainty during that time. I think it presented a sudden shift in how we connect and socialize with one another that allowed for a lot of new unwanted feelings. I think that how individuals in a relationship communicate influences the outcome and extent to which it will last and be successful. I also think that in this case COVID-19 tested a lot of couples to see how they could manage their relationship when in isolation. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteSophie, now that the pandemic is wrapping up (hopefully) I found it super interesting to go back and read this post. I can relate a lot to you and your roommate Jessica. I, like you, have an anxious attachment style, and like Jessica, the pandemic caused me to be even more anxious than I was before. I do really appreciate you mentioning the positive effect COVID has had since all we ever seem to hear about is bad. I think it is super cool how Jessica used lockdown as a way to strengthen her relationship instead of letting it ruin it. Well done.
ReplyDeleteDuring covid-19 i felt my anxious thoughts racing constantly, especially when it came to my relationship at the time. I am a person who thrives off of quality time and being together in person. The covid lock down was especially hard because I was not able to see my partner for a very long period of time. This drove me crazy and made me overthink every situation and their outcomes. We would facetime every night but the in person connection was still missing. I decided since I had so much free time on my hands, i should start engaging in activities that are going to help me find more meaning in my day and help sooth some of these thoughts, I began going on walks and doing home workouts and saw such an improvement in my mental health and my relationship, I was consuming myself with these thoughts 24/7, instead I was finding something to distract me from these thoughts and not feel so tense and negative toward my partner.
ReplyDeletePersonally, the pandemic has seriously impacted my social skills and confidence levels. After reading this post, I think the reason for this is because the pandemic really brought out my anxious attachment style. Being in isolation with little contact to my friends definitely made me more insecure because I thrive off of quality time. As well, when I am alone my mind wanders and I begin to overthink a lot more. Therefore, when I was finally able to see my friends again I noticed that these issues started to go away. It will be interesting to see the other effects of Covid-19 after more research comes out.
ReplyDeleteHi Sophie,
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe that my anxiety grew during the COVID-19 quarantine. Thinking back, I was decently outgoing and wasn't hung up on previous interactions. Since I was with my partner throughout quarantine, I was only used to interacting with him and my family. I was so nervous to be in social settings because I hadn't been in one in such a long time. I felt like I didn't know how to interact with people anymore. I have learned a lot about my attachment style since then which I think has helped me understand my feelings and anxiety. I enjoyed reading your post and learned a lot from it, so thank you for sharing!
Hi Sophie! I can totally understand how the pandemic has affected people's social needs. It has definitely affected mine and I think that I am much more interested in meeting people in person and texting or FaceTiming or calling is not cutting it anymore. I found this to be true iwht my friends as well, when I wasn't able to see them I was less interested in calling them because it wasn't the same and something about the connection you get when you are in person with someone is so different than when you are chatting with a screen. This is something I'm sure most people would agree with, but it was very easy to isolate during the pandemic and be very cagey after the fact because of how much we were deprived of it.
ReplyDeleteDuring the COVID-19 pandemic I was single so I did not personally experience the impacts that the pandemic had on romantic relationships. However, I saw The impacts the pandemic had on my parents relationship. My dad was a military contractor since my parents were married. Because of this this caused him to be gone most of the time and that’s how my parents experienced their relationship for 30+ years. However, because of the pandemic my dad was no longer traveling and was only working 9 to 5. So him and my mom we’re spending a lot more time together and it causes stress on their relationship because they had never had to spend as much time as they were having spent together because of the pandemic.
ReplyDeleteThis article was really enlightening. I did not really think about how attachment could be affected during the pandemic. I like that both the negative and positive were evaluated and asked about. The distance was something I'm sure many couples struggled with as they were unable to see each other and were not able to get the same kind of physical comfort they were able to before. However, the distance also gave them a chance to just talk more, and also, gave them an opportunity to develop their own self. I was in a relationship during the pandemic, with a man, that context is only needed because I am in fact lesbian, but was not out at the time. I lived with my partner at the time, and I found the constant contact really overwhelming. I enjoyed the time when I got to go to work or be in my own space away from him. This is interesting because quality time is something I love, but with him, I really enjoyed the time where I got to develop more of myself. That doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy some of the time together, because even though our relationship was always doomed to end, I did enjoy him as a person. I think a big point when I realized I no longer wanted to be with him was when I went to college and he stayed in my hometown. The freedom I felt from being away from him was unmatched, and I think that was when I realized that being with him probably wasn't a good idea. All this to say, I completely understand why some couples would be really affected by distance, especially if one has an anxious attachment style. Similarly, as a couple who didn't distance, I often found myself really overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I can relate to having an anxious attachment style, however I can relate to not being prepared for isolation and the effects it would have on not only romantic relationships but others as well. I can also relate to the roommate and her answer about how during covid I felt more needy or in a way desperate for attention or quality time with others. It makes sense and is interesting that couples who had fears of disconnectedness before COVID in their relationship struggled even more during the pandemic. However I feel that even if this pandemic had negative effects, at the end of the day it also has taught people about themselves and attachment styles too.
ReplyDeleteThis concept was not highly discussed even though it should’ve been. Attachments during this time of isolation could really affect a person and their ability to adapt to this difficult time. For someone who’s love language is quality time, I really struggled. Not being able to see anyone, my friends and family during this time was really hard for me, however I would consider myself someone with a more secure attachment style. For those who don’t, I couldn’t imagine the toughness of this insecurity. Especially having a partner or being in a relationship during this time could be really hard in not seeing the person you are with.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience to your friend Jessica. When the pandemic began, my partner and I were close and spent almost daily together. Also, with nothing to do but talk and watch movies, because my attachment style was already anxious, spending so much time with him made me more dependent on him. However, the dependency that was formed created a drift in our relationship that we did not notice until after the pandemic. I went off to college and was sad that he was not around every day but also so happy that I did not have to see him every day as I did not want to be as dependent as I was. The pandemic created a false sense of happiness since he was the only person I saw outside my family.
ReplyDeleteHi! Considering Covid-19, and social distancing as possible effects on relationships and attachment style was an interesting and important consideration. Personally, I experienced an increased sense of anxiety, loneliness, and overall depression during the pandemic. A lack of social contact negatively impacted my mental health, and consequently my attachment styles. Attachment styles result from social connection and relationships which was severely diminished during the height of Covid-19. I wonder how this has impacted our current attachment styles and relationships as we find a new sense of normality? This could also relate to things such as long distance relationships which I also have personal experience with and noticed a more anxious attachment style in myself.
ReplyDeleteThis blog brings me back to pre covid and the situation I was in and how I dealt with the pandemic. I broke off my relationship of 6 years in January before everything shut down. Mentally and emotionally the pandemic was the hardest for me. Walking away from someone who means so much was very hard and the pandemic made it worse. I wasn’t hanging out with friends or going out to distract myself and it really took a toll on me. It felt in a way I was depressed and very lonely. During this time I was craving human interactions so much due to the heartbreak. Going through this makes me think I am a stronger person and value human interactions and attachments more. I reflect on it and take it into consideration in my current relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhen covid began I was in utter shock that this was something I was rather experiencing and no longer just reading a worldwide issue through a textbook in history class. With the isolation that came with covid I found myself to feel lonely, not just in needing a partner but being around friends and supervisors. Finding my own sort of safe haven at the time for me was not an option I was with my family, so I felt that safety and comfort but personally being around friends is my safe haven and that being taken away felt even more isolating. The pandemic effects were not brought out to light until after the pandemic happened now many individuals deal with attachment issues, and anxiety which Covid 19 caused.
ReplyDeleteI thought this blog was very interesting and brought to light how the pandemic affected everyone's daily life and how it affected our relationships with our partners. Fortunately, I was not in a relationship during COVID but I can agree that it even affected my relationship with my family and friends. It seemed like at this time everyone was stressed and mostly worried about not getting sick rather than being nice to others. I think if I was in a relationship during the pandemic it would be very stressful but like the first post said, it would allow ourselves to grow a lot.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that COVID-19 affected many aspects of peoples lives especially relationships. As a person who really values quality time I saw this affecting my relationship at that time as well. It was hard to have that quality time while isolating because there was not as many options of things to do from inside your own house. I am also a anxious person especially when the pandemic was going on so I had added stress that was put on my relationship during this time that only made it harder. Having this attachment style was difficult to learn to manage, but taught me more about myself and how to handle situations like this in the future.
ReplyDeleteIt’s so crazy how COVID changed the way many of us experienced attachment in our relationships. The challenges you and Jessica faced—like needing to creatively adapt to being apart or feeling more “needy” than usual—are definitely things many people went through. I agree that this constant isolation and limited social interaction put a lot of extra pressure on relationships to be everything for us at once. But it’s cool how Jessica turned this into an opportunity for deeper, intentional time together. The shift to just being present with each other without outside distractions probably created an environment where communication and connection became even more meaningful. It’s amazing how, even through hardship, these challenges can push us to find new ways to strengthen bonds.
ReplyDeleteThis post offers a thoughtful reflection on how attachment styles have been affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. As someone with an anxious attachment style, I can really relate to the challenges you faced during the isolation period. The inability to have physical contact or spend quality time with your partner during lockdown must have been especially tough. It’s interesting how Jessica noticed herself becoming more anxious, despite not typically seeing herself as "needy." This highlights how external stressors like the pandemic can trigger attachment insecurities. I also appreciate how you pointed out the positive outcomes for couples, like the opportunity for intentional time together. Many couples who prioritized communication and quality time found that their relationships deepened as a result. This really shows how attachment styles and relationship dynamics can evolve, even in difficult times, with effort and intention. Thanks for sharing such a personal and relatable perspective!
ReplyDelete