What kind of people use dating apps?
The reason I’ve never downloaded Tinder or another dating app is because I know I would feel extremely self-conscious about other people deciding if they liked me based on my appearance alone. I also know I have some anxious attachment tendencies, and asking someone I met online to constantly reassure me may not be the best thing for either of us. I recognize that perhaps my personality is not suited for online dating, and I think a bit of self-exploration might be helpful for anyone contemplating online dating apps. My close friend told me about why she has personally enjoyed in-person interactions more:
“... there is already an expectation when you meet someone who is using a dating app, whereas the suspense of not knowing if another person reciprocates feelings is more exciting for me”.
But, some people have no qualms about online dating, and may not be bothered by interactions that can sometimes feel a tad shallow; they may even be looking for the simplicity of casual, appearance-based relationships. One study found that people who are high in relationship anxiety and low in sexual permissiveness (ie, how open they are to having sex with others) were less likely to use dating apps (Sumter & Vandenbosch, 2019). The authors also point out that someone’s identity and motivations will contribute to their use of dating apps. If someone expects to have low commitment in their experiences and wants to only meet up with others who find them mutually attractive, they will probably find a lot more success! Having realistic expectations about the results of dating apps, just like in any other aspect of life, will be beneficial for us.
What are the outcomes of using dating apps?
Rosenfield (2018) ultimately found that online dating apps were only having a modest effect on their users’ lives, contrary to many researchers who claim shallow and unstable relationships form through online dating. It turns out that there are two sides to every story, and there are some positive outcomes as well. Good news: people who start dating through online apps are no more likely to break up than people who meet in person! (Rosenfield, 2018). Couples are actually likely to get married faster if they started their relationship using dating apps. This is likely because people have a greater selection online than in person, and are possibly better matched. My close friend agrees:
“Dating apps provide an unprecedented reach to other individuals who are searching for a partner which is a major difference between finding a date in person versus dating apps”.
So if you turn forty someday and are unmarried but desperately want to be, there may be some forty-somethings out there online who are perfect for you!
At the end of the day, it seems to me that the success or end result of any dating interaction, online or in person, is up to us. My close friend points out that,
“People are judged on their appearance and snippets of their personality in a couple pictures and sentences...However, that being said, many in-person interactions are shallow as well. We can judge others in person with those same principles”.
It’s up to us to decide what kind of interactions we want, and to be honest with ourselves and with the people we date!
Sources
Rosenfeld, M. (2018). Are Tinder and dating apps changing dating and mating in the USA? In J. Van
Hook, S. M. McHale, & V. King (Eds.), Families and technology. (Vol. 9, pp. 103–117). Springer Nature Switzerland AG. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1007/978-3-319-95540-7_6
Sumter, S. R., & Vandenbosch, L. (2019). Dating gone mobile: Demographic and personality-based
correlates of using smartphone-based dating applications among emerging adults. New Media & Society, 21(3), 655–673. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1177/1461444818804773
Thank you for sharing this. Being a junior in college I have noticed the increase of hook up culture possibly due to the easy access dating apps, particularly Tinder, at my University. I remember creating Tinder my sophomore year of highschool because I wanted to date someone who had a car, as I did not have my own. Looking back at my decision to do this, I never once considered how dangerous putting a fake age on a dating website could be. I had no understanding that putting myself on this app showed my general location anytime I used the app, and connected people (whether I liked or disliked them) to my social media like instagram. I have a unique name, and people easily found me on other websites like Facebook and Instagram, regardless if I had shown any interest in them on Tinder.Thank you for sharing this. Being a junior in college I have noticed the increase of hook up culture possibly due to the easy access dating apps, particularly Tinder, at my University. I remember creating Tinder my sophomore year of highschool because I wanted to date someone who had a car, as I did not have my own. Looking back at my decision to do this, I never once considered how dangerous putting a fake age on a dating website could be. I had no understanding that putting myself on this app showed my general location anytime I used the app, and connected people (whether I liked or disliked them) to my social media like instagram. I have a unique name, and people easily found me on other websites like Facebook and Instagram, regardless if I had shown any interest in them on Tinder. It is a really good idea to check in with what different dating apps can show other people, and the possible dangers that meeting someone online can entail.
ReplyDeleteAli i like how you mentioned how those who were high in relationship anxiety and low in sexual permissiveness were less likely to be on or use dating apps which I think is interesting because some of these apps have features where you can say you want a relationship but there are no apps, that I know of that help those who are low in permissiveness meet people. I also thought it is so interesting that so many people think that they can find long-lasting and fulfilling relationships online and mostly only find shallow relationships unless they start actually dating. From personal experience, i know that dating apps and meeting people from those apps might have perceived notations of what and how the date will end and i do not like those expectations and that's why i personally have stopped using those types of apps. If those couples who met online actually start dating then there are no negative effects from meeting online. I really also liked how you stated at the end of the day how anyone meets people is okay if it's online or in-person it just matters how they build off of those relationships.
ReplyDeleteI thought this post was so interesting! I definitely relate to the skeptics of Tinder and other dating apps; to me this also seems like an artificial and shallow way to meet people. How could you know enough about a person through a few sentences of a bio? But then, is in-person that much more different? Many of my past partners have approached me because they thought I was cute, not necessarily because of my hobbies, interests, or personality (although those were factors obviously later in the relationship). I think Tinder and dating apps get a bad rap because it seems dehumanizing, but the reality is that it can be effective for people who are looking for something more casual. Or even for those who aren't, as long as they can find someone on the same page! I think more than anything, online or not, dating is about finding someone who wants the same level of commitment as you do. It's equally possible (speaking from experience) to meet someone thinking they want a long-term relationship, but they wanted only a casual relationship. It makes sense that people high in relationship anxiety and low in sexual permissiveness are less likely to use dating apps - that description definitely fits me and I've never used an online dating app.
ReplyDeleteI thought this post was so relatable and honest. I completely agree that using dating apps can be a bit daunting for people with concerns about outward appearance and those for need of words of affirmation, myself included. Although I have used apps like Tinder and Bumble before, and I have these reservations, I have decided to use it more as a confidence booster, behind knowing my standards and what I look for in a romantic partner. I think in this way, as long as you are honest with yourself and others about your intentions of being on the app, it can actually help in waiting during a season of singleness.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog really interesting and applicable to my own life. I have enjoyed using apps such as Tinder and Bumble, but this blog brings up some points I have never thought about. For one, I liked that this author brought up individuality, such as one's attachment style and insecurity issues. While this author said that dating apps can make one feel insecure because people are judging you off your looks, I have had a different experience. Sometimes dating apps can make me feel better about myself because I see how many people find me attractive, which is shallow but true. I was very surprised to hear that couples who met on dating apps are more likely to get married faster than couples who met in person. Overall, I this blog shined a light on how important individual preference is and encourages people to give dating apps a try if they are looking for a relationship.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I personally found this post very relatable. As a 21-year-old in college almost all my friends and myself have used an app like tinder or bumble and we all have mixed emotions about it. Some of my friends just use it because it is "entertaining". However, I do know a couple people who have met their significant other off these apps. Nevertheless, I agree with you on the how these apps can be really degrading on someone’s self-confidence and it really depends on the individual and what they are looking for. Furthermore, I enjoyed the comparison to meeting someone online to meeting someone in person. Many individuals do not like dating apps because they feel as though they are being judged off their looks. However, your friend made a good point about how meeting someone can be similar which is something I have never thought about. I feel as though, the main thing that attracts them is looks whether that is in person or online.
ReplyDeleteI loved your post about dating apps. These apps among college aged students is very popular and when I came to my current university, I went straight to my major classes and they were all girls. I felt scared like you did as well because the people seeing my profile didn’t know who I was and they were deciding if I was good enough for them based on my appearance and a short bio. I felt like I needed to meet more people but my expectations were too high since I had only known people who had found their current partners on dating apps. I went through terrible dates and meeting some sketchy people but eventually with time I found someone who I’ve been with for a year now and I think stepping out of my comfort zone to get on this dating app I found myself happier.
ReplyDeleteHello! I related whole heartily to the beginning with your own thoughts on dating apps. As someone who is extremely self conscious as well as having an anxious attachment and used dating apps it can be overwhelming. I found myself wanting more from those dates I went on than those I was dating. Of course there were the handfuls of men who wanted the same but the connection was not there. I met my Fiancé in High School but we reconnected on Tinder, still to this day with my anxious dating tendencies I question why he swiped right as of course we decide solely based on appearances. Tinder also brought my personal view of self worth down drastically, as I was becoming someone I didn’t want to and that was someone who would date anyone and everyone who paid me any attention. I think it can be beneficial to those who are more sure of not wanting exclusivity than people like me who want to be exclusive and not focus on the casual. I really enjoyed your out look and this was a well put together blog post!
ReplyDeleteHi Alli! I enjoyed reading your blog post about how dating apps can affect some differently than others, as well as how those who use dating apps may have different relationship expectations than those who do not partake in them. Personally I am a college student and I, amongst nearly all of my friends have used dating apps such as Tinder. I never would have guessed it but I actually did have success using Tinder and dated a guy that I met on it for 8 months. It was interesting to learn about how those who meet their partner on a dating app are not more likely to break up than those who met their partner in person, I would have thought that those who met online would have a higher risk of breaking up sooner. I enjoyed how you included both the negative outlooks on online dating as well as the positives.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I do not think that I could go on a dating app. I have talked about this a lot with my friends, especially those who are on these dating apps. There are multiple people that are in the dating app world to find relationships, and then there are those who are on it just for fun. I am someone who does not date unless I see a future with them, therefore I feel as it would be difficult for me to take someone seriously over the phone. I am also someone who prefers to have an in-person conversation rather than over the phone.
ReplyDeleteAlli, I think your blog really relates to this specific generation today. There is extreme pressure for people today to be as good looking on social media apps, than I am sure ever before. Although conversations may happen, on social media sites, the main and first impression is, appearance. I find it crazy how to this day, "love at first sight" is based on which one of the guys or girls will you message that you swiped right on. Although I fully support dating apps and those who use it, I cannot say so myself that I ever see myself using them. I tried it once, but it was for a few hours and it made me feel unmotivated right after.
ReplyDeleteHi Alli!
ReplyDeleteGreat work on this post. It caught my attention because my boyfriend and I met on Tinder and are approaching our 2 year anniversary. I think the idea of how there are 2 sides to every story with online dating is spot on, so many people have vastly different experiences and it's crucial to keep that in mind. As an anxious person, I think I originally downloaded those apps in hopes to gain some validation or distraction. However, I can see why that might be a nightmare for someone who is also anxious– it really is up to each person (as you said). I never would have pictured a simple swipe to result in a long-term relationship, but I'm grateful I took the chance of online dating and met the person I'm with now. Great work and great research, I love that you took both viewpoints into account and I really enjoyed reading what you had to say!
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post. I often go back and forth with using dating apps. I liked the point your friend made about the thrill of not knowing if someone likes you back. However, the thing I enjoy about dating apps is you know they find you attractive. I struggle with insecurity so I feel like I can never trust if someone I meet in person does, so it is nice to have the confirmation in the swipe. My cousin actually met her long term boyfriend on Hinge, so it was not surprise by the research you discussed. All in all, this post was great!
Although I agree with feeling more conscious about my appearance through the use of dating apps, I can attest that despite those who are shallow and focus more on one’s appearance, I have witnessed some beautiful partnerships come from strangers who happened to swipe right on each other. I can also agree, though, that I feel as if I am not suited for online dating as well, since in our day and age as well as throughout history - safety may always be compromised. I recently created an argument based on the affects of casual dating and sex, in which I was able to connect to the notion mentioned about the oppenness of indiviudals to meet up with others based on their overall intentions of the interactions.
ReplyDeleteHi Alli!
ReplyDeleteI found this to be an extremely interesting read as in today's society dating apps are becoming the new normal. I also matched with my partner on a dating app and never thought that was how I was going to meet my soulmate. When I was on dating apps, I never really felt self-conscious as there are so many interesting and new people to talk to and get to know. I think it was very fascinating that individuals are more likely to get married faster than those who met in person. I find that understanding this information is good for everyone in today's society to know!
I find this topic very interesting because from my personal experience I never wanted to my a “profile” for a dating app due to how my friends would mention how toxic it could be at times. It may have also been because I never really wanted to be placed in a situation where it would just be a hookup. However, a close friend of mine found her current boyfriend through a dating app and their relationship seems to be like they met each other in class or somewhere on campus. So I believe the connections you make through text will be how the relationship (if there is one) will turn out in the long run.
ReplyDeleteThis may upset some people, but I have personally only met up with one or two people that I talked with on Tinder or other dating apps. As a college aged woman I feel as though meeting with strangers from the internet isn’t a great idea, so I only did it a few times. I more used tinder as a tool to help gain confidence in myself and in a weird way see what league of people (or men) found me attractive. I think most people use Tinder and Grindr for hookups, but honestly it just depends on what people feel most comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this! It gave me some really good insight for mine own personal experiences because I am an anxious attachment style, and I do have more realistic approaches to dating apps in finding a meeting someone in person and naturally is more of an authentic way that would match my own attachment style. I believe that this blog relates to my life because I have been a dating app users who have used it for both methods of finding a potential partner where it gave me a wide range of prospective partners, and used it as a reassurance as well with my partners.
ReplyDeleteI've never had any dating apps but I have had many friends that have. There are so many positives and some negatives. I do feel like it is a little super fetial to only swipe right based on the way they look. Many of my friends use dating apps and are very disappointed because they are looking for a long-term boyfriend and most of the people using these apps use them for casual sex or hookups. I think dating apps made a whole new version of hookup culture. All you must do is go on your phone and swipe. I have never met anyone that is with someone they met through a dating app. I wonder what the percentage would be for couples in college that met through an app.
ReplyDeleteI have only used dating apps a few times, and did not enjoy them at all. However, I have friends who are lower in relationship anxiety and higher in sexual permissiveness that love using dating apps and swear by them. These are also my friends who do not have a lot of high expectations for these dating apps and have a more realistic idea of online dating. I found it shocking that couples who used an online dating app are not more likely to break up than those who did not use online dating, because I have never met someone my age who has formed a successful or long term relationship from an online dating app.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Dating apps for me are always hit or miss. I think that sometimes they boost your confidence if someone you find attractive also swipes right or sends a “like” but other times they can feel so pointless and I often find myself thinking that none of these people would actually like in real life. I liked that you mentioned that the success of a dating app depends on the user because I think that is really true. Maybe if I had more confidence about my own personality and looks then dating apps would be more beneficial but for now I would rather meet my partner in real life.
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