If you’ve been following this blog, you’re well-aware that our attachment style significantly impacts many areas of our lives, from our relationship satisfaction to our stress levels during conflict, but did you know that our attachment style can even influence our drinking habits? Drinking habits affect our lifestyle choices, and they are often a big topic of discussion among those of us that are college-aged. Perhaps unsurprisingly, those of us that are insecurely attached tend to more negative habits, and we are far more likely to drink in excess and to experience alcohol dependency.
At this time, I feel that it is necessary to remind you all again that we have the ability to change our attachment style and to earn secure attachment. We are not stuck in our current attachment style for life, so if anything that you read sounds like you, don’t be scared, because the first step toward changing our attachment style is to recognize our own negative patterns, and consciously work toward more beneficial behaviors. There is hope, and a recent study found that nearly 1 in 4 individuals are able to earn secure attachment, and that number increases when individuals are aware of their attachment style and consciously work toward building secure attachment.2
Anxious attachment is associated with alcohol use and alcohol use disorders and dependency.1 Those of us that have high attachment anxiety are far more likely as well to consume alcohol as a means of coping with negative emotions.1 The pattern of using alcohol to cope with our own anxieties is not particularly healthy in the long run, as we can run a higher risk of developing alcohol problems. Increased alcohol consumption is more pronounced among those of us who are insecurely attached and in romantic relationships, as compared to single people.1 This means that those of us who are anxiously attached and in relationships might be more likely to drink as a means of coping with wanting to feel closer to our partners, while simultaneously coping with fears of rejection.1
Avoidant attachment has a less significant association with alcohol and alcohol use disorders, however those of us that are avoidantly attached are still more likely to have increased alcohol consumption when compared to those of us that are securely attached. For those of us that are avoidantly attached, alcohol is often used to distance ourselves from our partners, and we use alcohol to help us cope with our feelings of discomfort about intimacy and emotional closeness.1
I asked one anxiously-attached friend to recall if he ever used alcohol to cope with relationship troubles and he recounted this experience:
“In my last relationship, I relied heavily on alcohol as a coping method when troubles arose between my partner and me. I found it nearly impossible to confront her and be open about the way I felt, especially when it involved her or her behavior. On top of this, the smallest issues would eat away at me for days, as long as I was awake to think about them. I turned to alcohol to combat this, as I usually loosened up and relaxed rather than needing to face my relationship issues.”
Alcohol is used in this way as a crutch for insecurely attached individuals to handle the challenges that we experience with emotional intimacy.1 A large characteristic of insecure attachment is struggling to form close bonds to romantic partners, and alcohol and other drugs are often used to help us to deal with these challenges when the emotional closeness seems too much to bear.1 If you’re wondering about marijuana use and attachment styles, stay tuned for an upcoming blog post where we’ll explore it in detail.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, using alcohol and other substances is not an ideal approach to coping with emotional difficulties, but luckily, we all have the ability to build secure attachment. Understanding that we are practicing negative patterns and then working to establish better patterns of communication with our partners can help us to achieve healthy levels of intimacy and closeness. These are scary steps to take, but they are extremely beneficial for those of us with insecure attachment styles, as they allow us to work toward earning secure attachment and all of the perks associated with a secure attachment style.
1 Hocking, E. C., Simons, R. M., Simons, J. S., & Freeman, H. (2018). Adult attachment and drinking context as predictors of alcohol problems and relationship satisfaction in college students. The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, 44(3), 339–347. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1080/00952990.2017.1344682
2Dansby Olufowote, R. A., Fife, S. T., Schleiden, C., & Whiting, J. B. (2019). How can I become more secure?: A grounded theory of earning secure attachment. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1111/jmft.12409
Hi Briana! I really liked how you included that we can earn a secure attachment and that if anything in the blog relates to us as readers that we should not be afraid but instead recognize negative behavioral patterns. In college I have found myself many more times than one wanting to have a drink after experiencing stressors. I can recognize that there are healthier ways to cope with adversities and daily stressors but sometimes it is just what helped in the temporary moment. In relation to your friend’s response on if he ever used alcohol to cope with relationship troubles, I can compare my experience of drinking more often after me and my boyfriend broke up. Alcohol use has been something that I have taken part of in college and I am aware that alcohol is okay in moderation and that in order to form a more secure attachment that looking towards alcohol in a way to cope with issues is not something I should do.
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ReplyDeleteI thought this post was super interesting and honestly had no idea that attachment style can influence drinking habits. I really like that you put a disclaimer at the beginning reminding readers that your attachment style can change and that nearly 1 in 4 people can earn a secure attachment. It doesn't surprise me that people with an anxious attachment rely more on alcohol because I have been one of those people and alcohol can help you forget about what's making you anxious but then the next day, you wake up and are hit with the same problems again so it's only a temporary solution. Thanks for sharing!
I was pleased to learn some new information about how different habits can directly influence our attachment styles, as I was not aware of this before. I have experienced it firsthand, and through encounters with family members that drinking habits can seriously alter our daily mobility and productivity. I loved that the author spoke life into the reader based on whether or not they had doubts about developing a more secure attachment style. I thought that it was a really nice way to show compassion when speaking about a habit that not all individuals are adamant to share their experiences with.
ReplyDeleteHi Briana!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post. I especially like how you discussed that you can earn secure attachment and if we do any of these behaviors, it is not set in stone. I found it interest how anxiously attached people use alcohol to feel closer to their partner. I found this interesting because I often felt like drinking if I was anxious to hangout with a boy or go on a date. I also found in interesting that avoidant attachment utilizes alcohol less than anxious. I figured it would be more as people tend to use alcohol to avoid their day to day troubles.
This blog post was super interesting! I think it was a good reminder that you can change your attachment type. It was cool learning more about each attachment type and how a person’s relationship with alcohol can be so affected by it. I definitely think I used to cope with anything and everything by drinking, but I think that I may have become on of those 1 in 4 people who have been able to transition to a secure attachment type. I have not gotten drunk in over a year and my outlook on alcohol use has really changed.
ReplyDeleteIn Drinking Habits I know a couple people that have struggled with drinking and managing it throughout their life. Some of my friends' parents are recovering alcoholics and or have had problems with alcohol in the past. The author had mentioned that using alcohol to help cope with anxiety issues is not healthy in the long run. With this, I know that some of my friends' parents have tried to use alcohol to help cope with their anxiety. From them sharing with me about their parents' alcohol struggles, I figured out using alcohol is not always beneficial when trying to manage anxiety, and can often make it worse in the long run.
ReplyDeleteHi Briana, thank you for sharing your findings on this topic! I have never thought about attachment styles and drinking habits as being correlated in any way but it makes a lot of sense. I personally don't drink and have an anxious attachment style, so the fact that people with the same attachment style as me turn to alcohol to cope makes perfect sense to me. I overthink so much and am constantly anxious about something and alcohol for some people can get them out of this headspace and can be a good escape. Great job with this post!
ReplyDeleteI have been able to identify myself as having avoidant attachment styles, but sometimes I also have found myself to have anxious attachment styles. Whenever I am experiencing a difficult period I tend to rely on alcohol for validation within myself as my self esteem levels drop all at once. It helps me cope with my feelings in which I am not receiving from someone else. The time period in which I rely on alcohol for this satisfaction is always a short period, when my natural avoidant styles kick in and my self confidence grows. Substances are not the best coping mechanisms, alcohol many times consumes those who can’t ever leave the anxious attachment, which always leads them to further needing to seek help depending on severity of use.
ReplyDeleteI love that this post sheds light on a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of how attachment styles can influence our drinking habits. The link between attachment anxiety and increased alcohol use as a coping mechanism is particularly concerning, as it highlights a cycle where individuals struggling with emotional closeness may turn to alcohol for temporary relief. Personally, I’ve observed similar behaviors in friends and acquaintances. For example, one of my friends who struggled with attachment anxiety often used alcohol as a way to escape or numb the pain of relationship conflicts. It’s alarming to see how this reliance on alcohol can exacerbate problems rather than resolve them, creating a dangerous cycle of dependency. Which is why it is so important for us to understand that attachment styles are not fixed.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who has an anxious attachment style and often uses marijuana to cope with his relationship anxiety. When he feels disconnected from his partner, he turns to marijuana to calm his mind and manage his fears of abandonment.
ReplyDeleteI also have another friend with an avoidant attachment style who uses alcohol rather than marijuana to handle her emotional stress. It’s interesting to see how different attachment styles influence these coping mechanisms.
Substances might offer temporary relief, but by developing healthier coping mechanisms and seeking support, we can break free from negative patterns and build more secure, fulfilling relationships.
I never would have thought to compare our drinking habits to an HDFS concept such as attachment styles. Now that you say it, I entirely agree that those of us who are insecurely attached likely struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with alcohol. I have a friend who whenever he is dealing with issues with his girlfriend, his immediate reaction is to get drunk in order to avoid confrontation and feelings. I think this concept is probably more familiar than most people think – lots of us probably know someone like my friend. This can definitely be seen as avoidant, because my friend is leaning towards the easiest short-term option to fix his feelings about another person, rather than fixing it with her directly. This was a really interesting perspective to consider, and I appreciated the way you highlighted that these habits and attachments do not have to be permanent.
ReplyDeleteI found this post very relatable as a college senior still navigating the social scene, especially now that bars are involved since all of my friends and I are of age. I have observed multiple of my friends who have anxious attachment styles that go out on weekends while in a relationship to heavily drink and party as a coping mechanism for issues they’re having in their relationship. Rather than facing the problem as a couple, I have noticed people with anxious attachment styles tend to turn toward unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, this is very common in the college setting.
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