Social media has become a daily part of life for many of us within the United States, and because of the increased use, much research has been done into the effects of social media on our mental and emotional wellbeing. However, did you know that our attachment style also plays a role in how we use social media, and how we present ourselves online?2 Lower relationship satisfaction, which is more common among those of us with insecure attachment, is also likely to lead to social media addiction, demonstrating once again the vast influence of our attachment style on the way we lead our daily lives.1
It is important at this point to remember that we all have the power to change our attachment style and work toward a secure attachment. Those of us that are insecurely attached do not have to be confined to our insecure attachment style for life, and acknowledging our patterns allows us to make conscious changes.
With that said, there are some interesting patterns exhibited by individuals with different attachment styles on social media. Those of us that are insecurely attached are more likely to emphasize certain aspects of our personality online, while downplaying others, and we are more likely to show a different side of ourselves in person versus online. Whereas, those of us that are securely attached are more likely to present the same face both online and in person.2
Those of us that are avoidantly attached are more likely to enjoy blogging and using social media because it gives us the freedom to engage as much as we like and withdraw for a few days, or shut down the interaction entirely, if we begin to feel overly vulnerable.2
Those of us that are anxiously attached are three times more likely than securely attached individuals to reveal more personal information during online interactions.2 It is thought that those of us that are insecurely attached feel more comfortable being vulnerable online about the traits that we perceive to be “less desirable,” whereas we tend to hide these traits during in-person interactions.2 Interestingly, compared with those of us who have secure attachment styles, insecurely attached individuals are much more likely to believe that the people they interact with online would describe them negatively, and they are more likely to believe that the people who know them in-person would have positive opinions of them.1 This might be because those of us with insecure attachment are more open online about the aspects of our personality that we perceive to be less desirable, causing us to believe that the individuals who know the aspects of our personalities that we are insecure about will be more likely to describe us negatively.2
Those of us that are insecurely attached are also more likely to turn to social media for support, rather than our romantic partners. Those of us that are securely attached are comfortable relying primarily on our partners, but individuals that are insecurely attached are more likely to compensate for emotional and social support through social media use.1 I asked one friend about her patterns of social media use in her relationship, and she described some very healthy, secure attachment behaviors for her use of social media sites:
“[I] try not to make it seem like my life is all peaches and cream. However, I do not get on social media to complain and search for compliments and reassurance [about my relationship].”
Being aware of our patterns of social media use allows us to ensure that we are engaging in healthy patterns, and this allows us to consider what changes we might need to make while working toward practicing more secure attachment behaviors. Research on social media use and relationship satisfaction is also important to consider, and it is beneficial to be able to recognize when we are turning to social media for support rather than our partners. All of this can help us to work toward healthier attachment behaviors, more positive social media use, and can help us to build a stronger relationship.
1Jenkins-Guarnieri, M. A., Wright, S. L., & Johnson, B. D. (2013). The interrelationships among attachment style, personality traits, interpersonal competency, and Facebook use. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 2(2), 117–131. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1037/a0030946
2Trub, L. (2017). A portrait of the self in the digital age: Attachment, splitting, and self-concealment in online and offline self-presentation. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 34(1), 78–86. https://doi-org.ezproxy2.library.colostate.edu/10.1037/pap0000123
Social Media is a huge part of our everyday lives and can also be a huge factor in many relationships. I find myself on some form of social media everyday, even if I am not posting anything. Social media can also affect our romantic relationships. Your attachment style can have a factor on how you use social media and how it affects your relationship. I have a friend that is an avid social media user. She has had a boyfriend for over a year now but I know she takes offense or thinks there is something wrong in her relationship if her boyfriend does not post about her. She has an insecure attachment style. This crazy dependance we have to social media now days can put a unnecessary strain on a relationship over simply not posting about your partner.
ReplyDeleteHi Briana! I found it very interesting, as someone who uses social media daily, that lower relationship satisfaction and insecure attachment can lead to social media addiction. When you explained how individuals who are insecurely attached are more likely to emphasize certain aspects of their personalities and downplay others I began to compare this to how I use social media as well as how my friends use social media. I personally would never post on social media about me having a bad day, but I do post on social media all the positives. This goes to show how social media can portray someone as being happy and having it all when in reality everyone is going through their own individual battles. All of the points you made such as how people will turn to social media for support rather than their romantic partners and how people may reveal more personal information online instead of in person exemplifies how social media has had a negative impact on many individuals.
ReplyDeleteSocial media has played a factor in our lives for decades now, however, individuals don’t know that the way we present ourselves online inhabits our attachment style as well. This blog post explains that anxiously attached couples are highly more likely than secured attachment couples to reveal more personal information online. Or if you are an avoidantly attached person, enjoy blogging and using social media as an outlet to be free online. This was a highly interesting read, as many couples I am familiar with, have an anxious avoidant attachment style and love to post online about their relationships, but the ones who know their relationship like I do, know that they are not that happy as they portray themselves online.
ReplyDeleteThis was such an interesting read! I had never thought that attachment style could affect how we use social media. It makes sense that insecure attached people would choose to share only certain aspects of themselves because there are parts they want to keep hidden. I related to the avoidant attachment style being more attached to blogging. I do not know if I have avoidant attachment style, but it makes sense because when I want to avoid the world and people, I turn to social media. I agree with you that know how we use social media can help us ensure we have healthy online habits. I also really like that you brought up the fact that we can change our attachment style, because I feel as though we think we are stuck in the same one forever.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post and finding out about how social media usage correlates with attachment styles. I did not release that people often look to social media for answers in their relationships. I think it is important for people to learn how to set boundaries with social media. Instead of running to social media after a disagreement with a partner, maybe journaling about it, calling someone who supports you and your partner, or allowing yourself to have space away from your partner then coming together to talk. I do agree with the part of your post that people with an insecure attachment style are more likely to turn to social media because I have seen that in my personal life. It is sad but very real. Thank you for writing such a beautiful blog!
This is a great area of emerging research! It is only the beginning of research coming out to depict the impact social media has on us. I appreciate you reminding everyone we can always work towards a secure attachment. I am currently working through the realization that I have had an anxious attachment style thus far in my life. I needed to be reminded that this attachment style is not the end all be all. I can totally see where people can turn to social media for support instead of significant others. I think it is very important for all of us to be aware of our social media patterns to minimize the negative impacts social media can have on us.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think social media usage has a huge impact on our everyday lives in every single way possible. I personally use social media more than I should and it has definitely taken a toll on me. However, I can't seem to stop. I know it does not make me feel my best but I continue to scroll and scroll. I think it can definitely take a toll on relationships and can cause us to compare every aspect of our lives to other people even though we don't even know what their lives are truly like. It is important to evaluate the role social media has in our lives and how we can better this as well as our attachment.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who has an anxious attachment style. She tends to share a lot of personal details on social media, often seeking validation and reassurance from her online interactions. It's clear she uses social media to cope with her insecurities and relationship concerns.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I have another friend who is securely attached and maintains a healthy balance. He uses social media casually and doesn't rely on it for emotional support. He's comfortable with himself and his relationships, which is reflected in how he presents himself online.
Your post highlights the important role our attachment styles play in how we use social media and seek support. It's a reminder that we can make conscious changes to improve our attachment styles and how we engage online, fostering healthier relationships both on and off social media.