We’ve all been there.
The relationship you swear is going to last forever comes to a tragic
end. The one you just knew was the one doesn’t end up being
your happily ever after. Break-ups
happen, and when they do, we are often left feeling empty, angry, lost, and a
myriad of other mixed emotions. I can
speak from personal experience when I say that experiencing long-term
relationship break-up was one of the hardest challenges I have faced in my
twenty-one years of life. When my
relationship of almost two and a half years ended, I found myself feeling lost
and broken, and slipped into a slight period of depression. This series of emotions is what I like to
call the break-up blues.
If you have gone through a serious breakup, whether it was
recently or years ago, and these break-up blues sound all too familiar, know
that you are not alone. The end of a love relationship happens to be
one of the two most reported losses among young adults (ages 18-25)1. In fact, roughly 74% of young adults have
reported feeling depressed after their break up. The break-up blues are real, people!
These break-up blues are so real that I decided to reach out
to a good friend of mine and ask her about her most recent break up. When asked about the feelings she experienced
after her break-up, she noted very similar feelings:
“After we broke up, I felt like my life was in a downward
spiral. I didn’t know who I was without him,
and when I didn’t have them, I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. It felt like an integral part of who I was
went missing all of a sudden. Lost is
the perfect way to put it.”
Young adulthood is a time of incredible self-exploration and
personal growth. Feeling lost and
uncertain of who you are anymore after a break-up is an incredibly scary
feeling, especially when it feels like this is the time of life to figure that
out. This frequently leads us to feeling
depressed after our break ups!
According to the research, romantic relationship break-ups
in young adulthood are often followed by incredible grief responses1. Sure, nobody actually died, but the loss of that relationship tends to leave us grieving. In fact, the experience of grieving a death
and the experience of grieving the end of a romantic relationship are similar,
to a certain extent. When grieving the
loss of a partner, us young adults tend to recognize our guilt and feel angry about
the loss.
Break-ups are hard.
They can even feel impossible. It
is OK to grieve the end of your relationships, in fact its normal. Over the next couple
of months, this blog is going to focus on helping you through the ups and downs
and questions revolving around break ups.
Whether you have questions about how to handle complicated break ups,
whether or not to get back together, or how to gain closure, this upcoming
series of blog posts will provide you with research and insight to help you get
over the break up blues!
I really love this post. This is something we all can relate to considering we all have gone through a rough break up at some point in our lives. I can recall one of my tough breakups. We were dating throughout most of high school, and as we got ready to head to college we started to part ways. I came to Fort Collins and she stayed home. We didn't have a secure form of attachment for each other. We never had to be apart like we did when I came to college. We both went to the same high school, our families got along, so we spent a lot of time together. Coming to college when I couldn't see her for weeks or months at a time started to take a toll on us and we began to have our issues. And eventually, the relationship crumbled. And after I was confused and empty. But of course I got over it and now I know I can get over anything. And like you say its ok to grieve, it's normal!
ReplyDeleteI think this is a very relatable blog post. I myself have gone through a couple of breakups in my life. I remember being a senior in high school breaking up with this guy who was my crush and I was his. I fell so deeply in love I never thought I was going to recover. I remember feeling so many emotions that I have never felt before, I was so depressed and hopeless. I remember grieving all day every day for a long time. I even swore I would never love again. I am glad and excited to follow your blog and the techniques for getting over a breakup. What I did not consider as a high schooler is a journey I would soon take into young adulthood and discover part of myself I never knew. I am glad I left my hometown independently and made new friends and relationships. I think any breakup is difficult but I find hope in the unknown I now know that there will always be light at the end of the tunnel Allowing myself to feel every tough emotion makes me a different stronger person and I am grateful for the experience to become a new version of myself.
ReplyDelete: I currently have a case of the break-up blues. I love the idea of calling it the break-up blues instead of depression. This is my first real breakup, so I am new at navigating what it is like to lose someone you care so deeply about. As much as this break-up has hurt, I am proud of the personal growth I have made. I have spent my time in the break-up blues exploring what I want in a future partner, how my attachment style impacts my relationships, where I could improve (ex: communication), and relearning how to be alone. I can look back now and realize how I let myself rely on him far more than I should have. Thank you for making me not feel alone in the break-up blues and reminding me it is a common experience.
ReplyDeleteI was in the breakup blues for a good amount of time following my breakup (the first time). But now, a year later, when I ended things the breakup blues look different. I feel like I am okay 70% of the time, angry 15% of the time for dumb reasons and not wanting anything to do with my ex. and 15% of the time grieving. It's a weird position to be in. I want to be able to move on, but hate the idea of starting over with someone new. I want him in my life, but he annoys me so much sometimes I don't want anything to do with him. I am so busy this semester that I feel like I am not properly working through my breakup, by myself or with him. We want to stay in each other's lives, but don't know how to after being more than friends for so long. I know the breakup blues, but how do you get out of them?
ReplyDeleteThis blog is extremely relatable because it is something every person can deal with when it comes to a romantic attachment with a partner. I can relate to this blog because I have gone through the break up blues where I was angry, depressed because it an extremely hard challenge, people sometimes don’t understand how you can sad after a breakup in my experience and its tough because they don’t relate when it’s definitely been proven by this blog post. The point that was made about “I didn’t know who I was without him” was really powerful and I related to it because especially after spending so much time with them in the relationship that have been a consistent point throughout a life, and since we are so young its hard cause we are still exploring because it’s a normal point of our life.
ReplyDelete